Tag: Baseball

2016 Cy Young Winner and Current 14-Game Loser Rick Porcello Threw an Immaculate Inning Last Night

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After winning the Cy Young last year Rick Porcello has struggled mightily in 2017 with 14 L’s to his name currently. He is gunning for the rare distinction of not only winning 20 games, but also losing 20 games in a season. This guy is a fucking enigma. He undoubtedly is better than his record as he has had the worst run support of any Red Sox starter this year so its definitely not all on him. But, the closer you inch to 20 losses with an ERA approaching 5, the less people really care about the details.

So last night he throws 5 dominant innings before getting knocked around in the 6th. In the bottom of the 5th though Porcello had the uber rare Immaculate Inning, which is getting 9 strikes on 9 pitches to record 3 outs. Do you realize how rare that is? There have been 89 Immaculate Innings pitched all-time compared to 296 no-hitters. Its less common than a NO-HITTER!

So hopefully this Immaculate Porcello shows up in the playoffs and not the 14 (and counting) game loser or the freshly minted Cy Young winner who got lit up in the playoffs last year. An enigma indeed. The Many Faced Pitcher.

 

 

Yoan Moncada Nearly Decapitates Teammate and Almost Blows Out His Knee Making a Play

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Everyone remembers Yoan Moncada, the top prospect in all of baseball, who was the centerpiece of the Red Sox trade for Chris Sale. With the White Sox coming to town this weekend, its a bit of a bummer if he’ll miss any time, but he avoided any serious injury. Holy hell this looked bad though.

Speaking of Moncada though, I spotted this moron walking around Fenway last night. A Moncada Red Sox t-shirt jersey. Seriously. The guy played 8 games for the Red Sox. Reminds me of the time I saw a guy on Landsdowne Street rocking a stitched Craig Hansen jersey before his first appearance. Come on guys, we’re better than this.

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Steve Bartman Gets a Cubs World Series Ring. He HAS to Throw it in the Ocean like the Old Lady at the End of the Titanic Right?

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WGN -“On behalf of the entire Chicago Cubs organization, we are honored to present a 2016 World Series Championship Ring to Mr. Steve Bartman,” the Cubs told WGN in a statement. “We hope this provides closure on an unfortunate chapter of the story that has perpetuated throughout our quest to win a long-awaited World Series. While no gesture can fully lift the public burden he has endured for more than a decade, we felt it was important Steve knows he has been and continues to be fully embraced by this organization. After all he has sacrificed, we are proud to recognize Steve Bartman with this gift today.”

What an absolutely hollow gesture from the Cubs. You can’t pay off your guilt like a goddamn credit card guys. Hey sorry we totally fucked up your life, here’s a big shiny ring that you can never wear anywhere because you’re Steve Fucking Bartman. This guy got hosed plain and simple. If Steve Bartman got excommunicated from the city of Chicago, then everyone sitting in his section should have been forced to walk the ice on the Chicago River like they did in The Dark Knight Rises.

They all reached for the ball guys. Bartman just got blamed for it. So Bartman became a notorious recluse, never did any interviews, declined to be in any documentaries, basically just wanted to be left the hell alone.

Bartman did issue a statement though saying how grateful he was for the ring and bringing him some closure:

“Although I do not consider myself worthy of such an honor, I am deeply moved and sincerely grateful to receive an official Chicago Cubs 2016 World Series Championship ring. I am fully aware of the historical significance and appreciate the symbolism the ring represents on multiple levels. My family and I will cherish it for generations.”

So maybe it does help? I don’t know, but I think if you’re Steve Bartman you have to just throw this thing in the ocean like the old lady at the end of the Titanic right? If there’s one thing I can respect in a man, its a long standing grudge. Keep the grudge alive, Steve.

George Costanza Protege Danny Tartabull Calls Cops, Forgetting That He Himself Is On The Run

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Yahoo –  Danny Tartabull was finally arrested by police Wednesday after more than five years on the run. The former New York Yankees and Kansas City Royals outfielder was caught after he called the cops, according to TMZ.

Tartabull wasn’t calling police to turn himself in, though. He was calling them to report that someone broke into his car. Cops ran his name when they arrived at the scene and realized there was a warrant out for Tartabull’s arrest.

This is just incredible. Not just because of the basics of the story itself, which are indeed awesome – a non-pro athlete nobody calling the cops when he himself is wanted is still an absolute hoot – but a pro athlete from the 90’s who guested on “Seinfeld” getting caught in a self-devised sting – a scenario that very well could serve as a “Seinfeld” episode? Now we are in the “GOLD BLOG CONTENT” category.

Really though, I feel for my man Danny Tartabull, and not just because I had his card growing up and I thought he looked like a badass with that face full of chew. I feel for him because I too lose all sense of reality and rationality when my car situation gets fucked up. Tickets, towed, fender benders, the one time I thought it was stolen (had taken a cab home drunk, was looking for it on the wrong street). Any and all the above happens and I lose my fucking mind. It sucks. It just brings your day to a screeching halt. Us city dwellers don’t always need our cars, but when we need them, we absolutely need them. If I can Lyft or T-it I will rather than drive 100000% percent of the time. But if I have to be somewhere not applicable to other means of transport, I fully need and expect access to my car. That said I’m sure Danny Tartabull was fucking pissed his carefully planned day was washed by someone swiping his car and called the authorities, with the 2% chance they’d find his car with enough daylight left to accomplish even half his day’s to-do list, in mind. It just so happened he himself was wanted by said authorities and they locked him up. The real shame is that George gave Tartabull tips on his at bats instead of tips on how to get out of an unavoidable arrest. The Summer of Danny it is not.

P.S: This episode would be the called “The Warrant(s)”.

 

Its Official, David Price has Poisoned the Well for the Red Sox

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So in whats become one of the most lengthy Red Sox dramas that I can remember in a long time, David Price and the boys are morphing into a group of unlikeable assholes right before our eyes. It started of course with Shaugnessy’s story detailing how Price was berating Hall of Famer and NESN analyst Dennis Eckersley on the team plane in front of everyone, supposedly because of Eck’s “Yuck” comment about a recent E-Rod rehab start. Not because Eck was criticizing Price, not because Price also recently flipped the fuck out on Evan Drellich (also in front of a crowd of reporters), but because he’s a good teammate. If you think thats a pretty convenient excuse for Price to rip into a member of the media merely to defend a teammate, then you’re right – its bullshit.

Price is actually pitching well, but he seems to be falling apart mentally, lashing out at anyone and everyone for various reasons.

While you’re still an asshole for the way you went about it, you can rip into Evan Drellich and no one will care. But when you start talking shit to a national treasure like Eck and do it on the plane surrounded by your teammates like a schoolyard bully? Then thats where the problem starts. If there’s one thing fans in Boston do not like its entitlement. Now obviously thats a sliding scale with all professional athletes because they’re all entitled to some degree, but when the $30M per year pitcher starts grandstanding and bitching about every little slight because he can’t handle his Twitter notifications, then its a BIG problem.

To make matters worse, rather than suspend, fine or ya know TALK to Price about the incident and ask him “uhh you good big guy?” Instead of doing any of those things, the Red Sox ignored the problem and literally changed the plane boarding procedure. Rather than address the issue, lets just bury our heads in the sand and separate the kids like its recess.

Now we hear that other Red Sox players and even Pedroia (Bradfo disagrees) were cheering Price on while he was berating Eck? Like a bunch of assholes. Thats a goddamn shame. Talk about poisoning the fucking well.

If this galvanizes the team and they f-bomb everyone around them all the way to a World Series title then thats one thing. That’ll be their thing. 2013 was Boston Strong, 2004 was the Idiots, 2017 can be the miserable assholes who rail against the world. But if they don’t? If they stumble down the stretch and get bounced in the first round or somehow miss the playoffs? I wouldn’t put it past John Henry to say FUCK THIS and send a drastically different looking team to Fort Myers in 2018.

Now after weeks of this incident lingering, sports radio eviscerating the players, and just general fan backlash, the Red Sox return home from a long west coast road trip and send none other than David Price to the mound Friday night. This guy better take the hill and strike out the side right out of the gate because if he doesn’t he very well may get his balls booed off. There’s a lot of pressure on Price tonight, about as much as there can be for a game in the dead of July, but holy shit, if this guy comes out and takes a beating tonight? Forget it, the Fenway faithful might literally break this guy’s psyche. And I for one am excited as all hell to see this unfold.

Want to vocalize your distaste for all this bullshit going on with the Red Sox? Maybe get in David Price’s brain from the stands to rattle his cage a little bit? Buy a Yuck shirt.

The 300s Reviews: Camden Yards

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Camden Yards. The mecca of the retro ballpark. This was my 12th stop on the quest for all 30 stadiums and I have to say it did not disappoint.

When I visit new stadiums, there are several factors I try to take into account: the design, the food, the crowd, and the neighborhood. It would be nearly impossible to rank anything based on one of these alone so let’s break it down.

The Design:

Fairly unique. The warehouse in right field is obviously what most people would recognize immediately. The bowels of Camden are very reminiscent to the fields of yesteryear as there is no visible sightline of the field from the inside. The brick work also made me feel like I was at an actual baseball field. In other words, it was modern without being too polished (looking at you Yankee Stadium). I also noticed it felt very clean. Who would have thought something in Baltimore would give me that vibe! Seating was pretty good as well. I took a few laps of the stadium and it didn’t really seem like there was a bad seat in the house, so kudos to the design team.

The Food:

Two words: Old. Bay. They put this shit on everything, huh? Somehow in my near 30 years of existence Old Bay seasoning has alluded me until now. Let me tell you though, it is DELICIOUS. I totally get it. I would put it on my ice cream if it didn’t make me look like a psycho. It really may be the perfect spice. I doused an italian sausage in it as well as my french fries and I’m not sure if I can ever go back. It’s that good. Seasoning aside though, there wasn’t much at this ballpark that you couldn’t find anywhere else. I saw thick strips of bacon on a strip, but alas, my curiosity gravitated towards Old Bay related eats.

Bonus Points – Their own Dippin Dots flavor!

The crowd:

Tough to judge as the Orioles aren’t exactly good this year, but I was kind of expecting more out of a day game on the weekend. It was mostly a family crowd which I kind of understand on a Sunday, but still, I was hoping to see at least one drunk fan escorted out by security. Hands down the funniest thing I saw from the crowd was after the Orioles hit a home run one of the rogue Astros fans in attendance ripped the ball away from a kid trying to snag it in the seats and he threw it back onto the field. The onslaught of boos followed by the man’s gracious bow to his audience absolutely killed me. Kind of a dick move, but still hilarious.

The Neighborhood:

Camden is located right downtown near the inner harbor of Baltimore. I tend to prefer ballparks that are right in the action as opposed to say something like Dodger Stadium or Citi Field that are just so far removed from the downtown areas that even the best of tailgates don’t really help. There are a few bars around that seem like a good time, although I’m not exactly sure how rowdy they get when your team sits in 4th place in your division. Could be better, could be worse.

Overall, I’d probably put this stadium somewhere in my top 5. It was unique enough without being too over the top. I’m actually pretty surprised it took me this long to get there even though it’s only a four hour jaunt from the NY area where I grew up. Glad I got a chance to visit and can’t wait for stop 13 in Washington DC later this summer.

Score: 8/10

Tim Tebow, You Have Got To Be Kidding Me

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Yahoo -After a tough start to his baseball career, New York Mets outfielder Tim Tebow is starting to knock the rust off. The 29-year-old added to his impressive stat line with the St. Lucie Mets on Sunday, belting a monstrous home run..Tebow has been putting up some strong numbers since his promotion. In 25 games, he’s hitting .317/.398/.549, with four home runs. He’s even managed to cut down on his strikeout rate. At Columbia, Tebow struck out in 28.2 percent of his plate appearances. That’s down to 19.3 percent now. His walk rate has remained stable despite the increase in competition.

Editors Note: I am fully on Team Tim Tebow. I have a Tim Tebow No. 5 Patriots t-shirt so Joey Ballgame is on his own here. #GoTebowGo

This is officially re-Goddam-diculous. From personal punt protector to AA Star. From a guy who was told to “shut the fuck up” when he tried to get his team to pray before the senior bowl to a .317/.398/.549 slash line after hitting .220 BEFORE he was called up.

My feelings for Tebow at this point make an apt contrast to my feelings for a one Conor McGregor, in case you don’t hear about him enough. I’ve stopped doubting Conor Mac and I love it. Anything he says he is going to do now I just sort of shrug and say “probably”, then laugh and smirk as people get themselves all worked up telling him he can’t. It’s a riot and a lot of fun. I’ve also stopped doubting Tim Tebow and I hate it. GTFO with suddenly being good at professional baseball you strange Jesus freak boy band lookin ass motherfucker. Do you not remember this spring training, mere months ago, when Max Scherzer made you look like a child? I hope you do. I hope you sit on top of toilet with a bat having a mental breakdown like Pyle in “Full Metal Jacket” just reliving that moment. Because I am getting sick and tired of this whole Tebow narrative. Fuckin evangelical Roy Hobbs.

So Blue Jays Manager John Gibbons IS Austin Powers Villain No. 2 Right??

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So with the Toronto Blue Jays in town, naturally NESN kept showing the Blow Jays manager John Gibbons on TV and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. It finally dawned on me. John Gibbons is Dr. Evil’s henchman from Austin Powers, No. 2. This is the same goddamn guy, no doubt.

Finally had enough of trying to take over the world so he settled for Toronto.

Wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t also post the “Who does No. 2 work for?” scene, right?

Who Was the Worst Red Sox Contract of All Time? I’ve Made It Easy for You

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Update: It was pointed out to me the compiled Batting Averages were calculated wrong, so those numbers and the graphic have been updated in the post below.

So as everyone knows by now, the Red Sox designated Pablo Sandoval for assignment today. Look the Red Sox have given out a lot of shitty contracts over the years. Thats what big market teams do. You throw money at problems that other teams can’t afford to do. Except the problem with that is by definition free agents are most often older players who rarely live up to the pay day. You’re usually paying for past performance and almost always are eating money towards the end of the contract when the player is a shell of what he once was. Which is fine. I accept that.

BUT, when you have guys that are a disaster from Day 1 and can’t even make it through an entire 162 games then you have a huge problem.

So who was the worst Red Sox contract of all time? Well looking back over the years the two names that standout as the frontrunners are soft-ass Carl Crawford (who STILL complains about his 2 seasons in Boston) and the recently departed Sandoval. While a lot of people want to say Crawford is the worse deal because of how toxic his attitude was and how bad his play was, its got to be the Panda. Look, I made a spreadsheet to make it easy for you.

Although Sandoval was here for parts of 3 seasons and Crawford only two, due to DL stints by both, their total number of games played for the Red Sox is the EXACT SAME at 161. Which makes this the perfect sample size.

Compared to Sandoval, Crawford had more:

  • Runs Scored
  • Hits
  • Doubles
  • Triples (shocking)
  • RBIs
  • Stolen Bases (Panda with the elusive 0 in that category).

Now want to compare their slash lines as members of the Red Sox?

  • Pablo .236/.303/.360
  • Crawford .260/.296/.418

Both completely SUCKED for guys who had signed gargantuan contracts. Granted Crawford’s deal was for $142 million to Pablo’s measly $95 million, but Pablo has been so bad that they’re gonna have to eat the last 2+ years of it. At least the Red Sox were able to dump Crawford onto the Dodgers. So while Crawford signed a much larger deal, he wasn’t so far gone that another team thought “Hey Boston is a bitch to play in, we can turn this around.” Barring an even more stunning deal than the Crawford/Gonzalez/Beckett Dodgers heist, there’s no getting out of this one.

So yea, the Kung Fu fucking Panda is by far the worst contract in Red Sox history.

Yankees Aaron Judge Just Previewed a Decade of Pain for Red Sox Fans Last Night

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Yankees rookie Aaron Judge put on a goddamn show last night to win the Home Run Derby and it’s time for Red Sox fans to start being afraid. It’s hard to have missed what Judge has been doing this season unless you’re literally refusing to watch baseball until the leaves turn. The Yankees rookie hit 30 home runs in the first half, which already broke Joe DiMaggio’s rookie team record. And he’s well on his way to besting Mark McGwire’s MLB record of 49 home runs as a rookie.

Mac was obviously on the juice for a long time, but Judge is a genetic freak. The guy is bigger than Gronk for christ’s sake. He’s 6/7″ 282 lbs so its not like he’s just peeling the skin off his chicken. He’s built to smash things.

But its hard to really get the fear of god in you just by reading boxscores. Its only when you see that goddamn horse hitting 519 ft home runs do you realize that as a Red Sox fan we are fucked. This guy is going to be hitting moonshots onto the Pike for the next decade. So settle in guys, this guy is going to be the next great Red Sox killer. And the worst part is, Judge hasn’t really done anything yet to earn my ire. As much as I want to, I don’t hate him. Yet. He’s gonna need to legitimately kill a Red Sox fan sitting on the Monster for me to get some hate flowing.