Tag: Boston Dynamics

Boston Dynamics Releases New Footage of Robot Jumping Over Things, and We Should All Be Scared Shitless

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Image result for atlas boston dynamics

Yesterday, Boston Dynamics released a new video of its “darling” robot Atlas jumping over/on to different objects in their lab, basically looking like Barry Sanders in his prime, for legitimately no other reason than the fact they think it’s cool.

For those who don’t know who or what Boston Dynamics is, here’s a solid two-liner from Wikipedia that sums them up: Boston Dynamics is an American engineering and robotics design company founded in 1992 as a spin-off from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Headquartered in Waltham, Massachusetts, Boston Dynamics is a wholly owned subsidiary of the Japanese conglomerate SoftBank Group.

And if you’d like to watch the terrifying video I referred to above, here it is:

Why? No but really, though: WHY???!!

Have we learned NOTHING from Sarah and John Connor??!! It’s all fun and games until Skynet launches and we’re overtaken by machines because someone just HAD to teach a piece of metal how to do parkour.

Here’s another video featuring more of their frightening and entirely unnecessary creations:

https://youtu.be/3OKZ_n8QW4w

“Spot” and “Big Dog” are the stuff of nightmares. And how about the fucking Roomba that can JUMP OVER A GODDAMN BUILDING??!!

OH, and did you know that Boston Dynamics actually developed “Big Dog” as a weapon for the U.S. military? But don’t worry, guys! They’re absolutely HARMLESS.

Also, if you’ve seen Kingsman: The Golden Circle (awesome movie, by the way), you can’t tell me this isn’t immediately where your mind went after watching that horror show:

Apparently, the company has been in existence since 1992, and we’re still standing, so maybe some might think I’m overreacting a bit. But back then most people thought the idea of sending a text message was impossible, and let’s just say technology has made quite a leap over the last quarter-century.

Nothing about this is cool. Stop glorifying it. And seriously, somebody go get John Connor!

Amazon Alexa is Scaring the Hell Out of People by Laughing Randomly

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Amazon – Amazon said they are working to fix Alexa devices’ laughter problem, after social media exploded Wednesday with users freaking out over what they described as random electronic laughter. “In rare circumstances, Alexa can mistakenly hear the phrase ‘Alexa, laugh,'” Amazon told ABC News in a statement. “We are changing that phrase to be ‘Alexa, can you laugh?’ which is less likely to have false positives, and we are disabling the short utterance ‘Alexa, laugh.'”

NOPE! If my Alexa or Google Home just randomly started fucking LAUGHING in the middle of the night I would rip it out of the wall and throw it in a fire so fast it would make your head spin.

I’m generally of the opinion that the government is watching all of us all the time anyways. So if they want to watch me watch The Office for the 7th episode in a row? Go ahead. They know my pornhub habits? I’ll survive. If I can trade a little bit of privacy for a whole lot of convenience then I will make that trade every day. BUT, I draw the line at robots becoming self aware. This laughing Alexa can go straight to hell along with the entire factory of Boston Dynamics, who will be responsible for Skynet. Guaranteed.

And how about Amazon’s explanation for why this might be happening?

“In rare circumstances, Alexa can mistakenly hear the phrase ‘Alexa, laugh,'” Amazon told ABC News in a statement. “We are changing that phrase to be ‘Alexa, can you laugh?’ which is less likely to have false positives, and we are disabling the short utterance ‘Alexa, laugh.’

Get the FUCK out of here. That thing is laughing because it can’t believe how stupid we are for having willingly allowed them into our homes. Its like inviting a vampire into your house. We’re all screwed and Alexa knows it.