Boston Dynamics Releases New Footage of Robot Jumping Over Things, and We Should All Be Scared Shitless

Image result for atlas boston dynamics

Yesterday, Boston Dynamics released a new video of its “darling” robot Atlas jumping over/on to different objects in their lab, basically looking like Barry Sanders in his prime, for legitimately no other reason than the fact they think it’s cool.

For those who don’t know who or what Boston Dynamics is, here’s a solid two-liner from Wikipedia that sums them up: Boston Dynamics is an American engineering and robotics design company founded in 1992 as a spin-off from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Headquartered in Waltham, Massachusetts, Boston Dynamics is a wholly owned subsidiary of the Japanese conglomerate SoftBank Group.

And if you’d like to watch the terrifying video I referred to above, here it is:

Why? No but really, though: WHY???!!

Have we learned NOTHING from Sarah and John Connor??!! It’s all fun and games until Skynet launches and we’re overtaken by machines because someone just HAD to teach a piece of metal how to do parkour.

Here’s another video featuring more of their frightening and entirely unnecessary creations:

“Spot” and “Big Dog” are the stuff of nightmares. And how about the fucking Roomba that can JUMP OVER A GODDAMN BUILDING??!!

OH, and did you know that Boston Dynamics actually developed “Big Dog” as a weapon for the U.S. military? But don’t worry, guys! They’re absolutely HARMLESS.

Also, if you’ve seen Kingsman: The Golden Circle (awesome movie, by the way), you can’t tell me this isn’t immediately where your mind went after watching that horror show:

Apparently, the company has been in existence since 1992, and we’re still standing, so maybe some might think I’m overreacting a bit. But back then most people thought the idea of sending a text message was impossible, and let’s just say technology has made quite a leap over the last quarter-century.

Nothing about this is cool. Stop glorifying it. And seriously, somebody go get John Connor!

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About Mattes

Pronounced like the general. I'm all about the Celtics, Pats, Sox, and fantasy football...and dogs. Former editor who's back on that writing flow, chiming in on all of the above, with perhaps some comic book news and conspiracy-fueled personal manifestos along the way.
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