Obvious Spoiler Alert: If you haven’t caught up on Season 8 of Thrones yet come back later.
Oh man that episode was a doozie and the meme makers of the internet did NOT disappoint. So lets get right into the best of the best. The 300s Game of Thrones Meme of the Week Award goes to the one below because it was my exact reaction when watching the same scene.
And while I think some of the criticism has been more than fair, the internet is reallyyy dumping on Benioff and Weiss so here are a few aimed at the showrunners in particular.
Obvious Spoiler Alert: If you haven’t caught up on Season 8 of Thrones yet come back later.
With only four episodes remaining in Game of Thrones I’m already starting to feel a twinge of sadness. This is my favorite show of all time, which I’ve invested hundreds of hours of my life into and in a month it’ll all be over. After that I don’t think TV will ever be the same. So with that being said, enjoy the final month of Westeros because when it’s over you’ll miss it. Now I’ll get into full on fanboy mode in a minute, but just so I don’t get accused of being a blindly loyal fan I want to touch on a couple of negatives. The biggest complaint I’ve heard about Game of Thrones’ final season thus far is that the first two episodes have been dull set up and full of fan service that rely on scenes of characters learning info that viewers already knew in some cases for years.
I’ve enjoyed the first two episodes, but I am a bit uneasy with 1/3 of the final season being devoted to setting the table and catching up with friends. I’m sure we’ll all look back and miss these moments when the final 4 episodes are just pure carnage leaving me an emotional wreck.
The one complaint I’ve had since the showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss diverged from George R.R. Martin’s books (because he can’t finish the damn things) is that the writing has become a bit more predictable. Maybe it’s because I’ve watched the entire show through 7 or 8 times, but I feel like I am hyper aware of the foreshadowing the writers drop in dialogue. Rarely does a line slip by in conversation like it would have in earlier seasons. After the Red Wedding we were all shocked, but rewatching the episodes prior to that you see little bread crumbs that Martin was dropping the entire time and you can’t believe you missed it. In seasons 7 and 8 when anything major happens I find myself immediately thinking well yea that makes sense because so and so directly alluded to that a couple of episodes ago.
Khaleesi is bordering on annoying in season 8 and I feel like its been so blatant that the showrunners are doing it intentionally. Similar to what I just wrote in the paragraph above, it sticks out to me a bit more when a character is really leaning into a plot line heavier than usual because it usually means the writers are trying to throw you off the scent (redemption, betrayal, upcoming death). Khaleesi has acted like an uninformed power hungry ruler at best and a catty new girlfriend bickering with her boyfriend’s sister at worse. Its completely understandable for a normal person to be irritated with how things have played out for Dany with the North giving her whole team the cold shoulder. But that would be for a normal person, Dany is not normal. She has been bought and sold, raped, imprisoned, abused and underestimated at every turn. She’s one of the most cunning, ruthless, yet caring characters in the entire show. So for the showrunners to have her fuming because Jon’s sister didn’t initially like her, the North didn’t initially thank her, and to blame Tyrion for trusting Cersei (as did she) comes off hollow. Khaleesi would have expected all of these things so to have her lashing out at Tyrion and Sansa and Jon just seems odd, which is why I expect a total 180 out of her in the next 4 episodes. Just smoking wights with her dragon, saving lives, and being the leader that she’s been built up as for the last 7 seasons.
Now lets break down some of the biggest plot lines from S8E2. LETS GO
Jaime returns to Winterfell
It’s the first time he’s been back since he kicked Bran out of a window in the pilot all those years ago starting this whole series of events. Another one liner from Bran reminds us that nobody in that room knows how Bran fell except for him and Jaime: “The things I do for love.” Thats what Jaime said right before he tossed Bran from the empty tower. Catlyn and Robb Stark knew, or at least suspected, but nobody else in that room was there for those conversations. Theon might actually know as well from his time on King Robb’s war council in Season 2, but he doesn’t arrive until later.
Again Khaleesi acts out of character seeming like she cannot wait to behead the man that killed her father, despite knowing the horrible things her father had done and planned to do to the thousands of innocent lives at Kings Landing. She shuts down Tyrion’s defense because of a clear conflict of interest, so it takes some serious character witness testimony from Brienne of Tarth to convince Sansa and save Jaime’s life. Moral of the story is we’ve all done some shit, but we need to band together if we’re to survive the night.
Jon reveals his true identity to Khaleesi
This probablyyyy could have been handled with a little more tact, but as the showrunners said in the Ep 1 Inside the Episode, Jon’s not the fastest on the uptake. Never one to really play politics Jon just basically blurts out the biggest secret in the history of Westeros and Khaleesi is understandably a little skeptical. The past couple of seasons have also given us a bit more humor as well, or maybe it’s just my dry sense of humor, but Khaleesi’s response to the bombshell news made me laugh out loud: “Oh your brother and your best friend told you that you’re the real king? Thats convenient.”
Bran finally provides some sort of motivation for the Night King
It’s been 7+ seasons and we still hadn’t received any real motivation for the Night King or the White Walkers. We know how the White Walkers were created, we know why they were created, but aside from the war with the First Men and the Children of the Forest thousands of years ago we don’t really know why the Night King is coming back or what he wants. Faceless and motivation-less villains are fine to a certain extent, but when you’re this close to the end and we still don’t know what the big baddy wants? Not ideal. Well Bran finally provided a glimmer of info in between his fragment sentences and hints of clues like he’s the goddamn Riddler. The Night King is coming for Bran because he is the Three Eye Raven. If he can kill Bran then he can erase all of mankind’s memories and history and create a Long Night. As Sam opines, without memories to look back on, mankind never really existed at all did they?
Bran also threw some cold water on the Dragons>Night King expectations
It may have just been a throwaway line, but Thrones so rarely wastes words that this stuck out to me. Someone says “well won’t a dragon kill the Night King?” Bran aka the Three Eyed Raven says “I don’t know. No one’s ever tried.”
Lyanna Mormont still takes no shit
Sneaky one of my favorite characters in the show as a girl who might be all of 12 just spitting venom in the faces of the most powerful and well respected leaders in all the world. Also when Jorah tells her to hang out in the crypt away from the upcoming battle, the little lady from House Mormont basically tells Jorah to go piss up a rope. As Lyanna once said, every man or woman on Bear Island is worth 10 men from the mainland when it comes to fighting. We’re about to see.
The drinking circle and the knighting of Brienne
A very emotional and potentially foreboding scene. We see some of our favorite characters all together for the first time. As the showrunners said on the Ep 1 Inside the Episode, it’s easy to forget how much these scenes really mean because we as fans have been with these characters all the time for years, but these characters haven’t seen each other since season 1 in some cases. A fair criticism has been that his is all pure fan service and does nothing to further the plot. While I understand the criticism, I thought it was a great episode and was probably a goodbye for a lot of characters.
Sansa and Theon reunion
Not gonna lie, this one got me. It was a bit dusty in The 300s HQ watching Theon ask to fight for Winterfell and Sansa running over to hug him. Theon has done some terrible shit and he has paid some horrific consequences so to see him climbing up the redemption ranks was pretty emotional.
The Arya-Gendry sex scene
Look, I know its on everyone’s minds so lets just get on with it. This was probably the one moment that set twitter on fire more than anything else that happened in Episode 2. I get it, it’s weird because we basically watched this girl grow up over the past 7+ seasons. But we’re going to be cool with incest and slavery and whore houses, but we draw the line at this? Grow up Count Chocula.
Also, Arya is going to WRECK some wights with that dragonglass spear.
Tormund remains the MVP of GoT
Last week he stole the episode when he ran into the Night’s Watch in Last Hearth and Edd shouts out “Look out he’s got blue eyes” to which Tormund hilariously replies “I’ve always had blue eyes!” Well he remained the MVP of the show with another A+ quip about the love of his life, Brienne. As I sit here writing this though I start to worry about Tormund’s longevity. Despite the lack of returned affection from Brienne I could see Tormund sacrificing himself to try and save the big woman’s life. I might cry next Sunday.
Episode 3 is going to wreck me I can just feel it.
We spend most of Episode 2 preparing for the Battle of Winterfell as everyone is training, setting up defenses and traps, drinking, and even singing. It is the calm before the storm in the most literal sense. I wouldn’t be shocked to see Brienne, Grey Worm, and Jorah all bite the bullet next week. Brienne has finally become a knight, the thing she has wanted more than anything, so it would not be unlike Thrones to now axe her. Grey Worm’s talk of a future life with Messandei all but guarantees that will never come to fruition. Before the episode Jorah was my pick to be the emotional first killing, but then Sam gives him a vaunted Valyrian Steel sword and I figured that may buy him some more time. However, looking back on that conversation with his cousin Lyana about the future of their house, I feel a heroic sacrifice coming from Jorah to save the fiery young lady’s life.
I can feel a real sense of dread in the air with Thrones fans. We’ve all been yelling for more action and more Dragon on Ice Dragon crime, but we’re going to lose some beloved characters next Sunday and I don’t know if I’m emotionally equipped to deal with that. We’re in the homestretch now as Episode 3 will be “the biggest battle in the history of TV and film.”
As everyone except those living a Ted Kaczynski-esque existence in the northern frontier of our nation knows, “Game Of Thrones” returns this Sunday for its 8th season. As most of those people understand, this will also be the final season and, indeed, the end of an era. The $50 million dollar gamble (which sounds cheap compared to later seasons) almost immediately cemented itself in the upper echelons of pop culture, becoming as well know for driving plot lines with not exactly relatable subjects such as incest, witchcraft, and castration as it has for weaving one of the most magnetic stories television has ever seen over the course of almost a decade.
While the dragons soared, the battles fought, and the bastards brooded, the latest classic delivered by the Home Box Office (“The Wire,” “The Sopranos,” GOT this is getting ridiculous) produced, as their shows tend to do, some absolutely classic characters. Ones you can quote. Ones you want to have a beer with. Ones you want to beat the ever loving shit out of. Characters that just evoke intense, human reactions and emotions from the millions upon millions of people that have watched the show.
So I’ve decided to give you a Top 5. The top 5 best characters. Now, you are not getting a surface-level “most screen time,” “who drives the story the most?” list here. No, while things like how much they are are actually on the show were accounted for, I really wanted to dive deep into these characters’ Id. Of the endless faces and names (for sure not the same count, after all) we have seen since 2011, I wanted to deduce who really reeled us in to their mind, body, and soul the most. Who made us sit up whenever they went to give a monologue? Who did we realize in our borderline-insane attempt at a six week re-watch was as indispensable as the Wall?
With the help of a few of my fellow bloggers I set out to answer those questions and more. Enjoy.
Honorable Mentions Tormund Gianstsbane Blogger Note: I hate to not rank Tormund, both because I love the character and Dom helped me out with the blog. But I just couldn’t justify a top 5 spot. Every man has a code. Dom: “Gotta love Tormund Giantsbane. In addition to being a brute and a warrior, he’s also one of those guys who can actually tell the difference between good and evil. On top of that, he’s fucking hilarious. From creepy side eyes at Brienne to life advice for Jon Snow to this amazing conversation with the Hound, he’s pure gold all the time.”
Missandei and Greyworm The realms true “couple goals” culminated in what I can only imagine was some voracious foreplay, judging by Khaleesi and Missandei’s giggling fit. Either way, the bond these two have coming from broken backgrounds and ending up at the side of the most powerful woman in their world is pretty special. Every time they interact they seem like they aren’t expecting to see each other ever again and it is both heartbreaking and endearing.
Quote:
Greyworm: Wounded in war, there is no shame for this. I am ashamed because when the knife go in and I fall to the ground, I am afraid.
Missandei: All men fear death
Greyworm: No, not death. I fear I never again see Missandei from the Isle of Naath.
The Top 5
5.) Ser Davos Seaworth
I know, I know, I spurn Tormund then rank Ser Davos. What the fuck, right? But bear with me. Davos from day one represented the purest intentions with the strongest of convictions in the 7 kingdoms. He began as the fiercely loyal right hand to a man he knew to be as flawed as he was great and has continued on as an older foil to Jon Snow’s Starkian code of only the most undiluted honor. When he speaks you listen, because it is nothing but blue collar, honest truth he is spitting.
Quote:
(With the mutineers breaking down the door) “I’m not much of a fighter…Apologies for what you’re about to see.”
4.) Bronn (Ser Bronn of the Blackwater)
Red: “I gotta go with Bronn. He’s what every man wants to be; careless, reckless, and often legless. Bronn is also sneaky one of the most dangerous men in the 7 kingdoms. Throw in some killer one liners and Bronn is the clear choice as the best character in Game of Thrones.”
Quote: Bronn: There’s this knight, uh, Leygood. Got thunderbolts on his shield? Jaime: Uh-huh. Bronn: Right here is where I fuck his wife. She’s a screamer, that one. If they don’t hear her, they won’t hear us.
3.) Robb Stark
Yup, that’s right, a guy who died years ago. I don’t care. During my re-watch I was reminded just how good Robb Stark was. Above all else, he was intense. That is such an overused, cliched word but everything King Robb said was layered in desperation, frustration, urgency, and at the same time deep contemplation. He wasn’t just fighting a war, he was trying to mentally and emotionally will his way to victory. There was just something so human about how badly he wanted what he wanted because he thought it was right and made sense. Damn.
Quote:
Rob Stark: “I asked him, How can a man be brave if he’s afraid? That is the only time a man can be brave, he told me.”
2.) Tyrion Lannister
You just can’t leave him off this no matter which way you spin it. The Imp. The Half-man. The Dwarf. He is a half-pint of vice yet a barrel of ethical vigor. He uses sarcasm and condescension as a weapon to mask that deep down he is the only one among his family members who is kind, loving, and even tender and gentle. He likewise has an inner fury that he’ll aim at those who strike down upon the lowly, as he has been struck down on so much in his life. He also fucks a lot which is cool.
Quote:
Missandei: How do you know this?
Tyrion: That’s what I do. I drink, and I know things.
1.) Lord Tywin Lannister
BOMBSHELL. BSHHHHHHH. Ya I know. Me too. I texted Red this the other day and I’m sticking to it. Tywin is the best character on the show. He is the Vince McMahon of the realm. He leaves for a few scenes and then his music hits and you’re like ooo shit. Either with his army or his tongue he is going to carve someone the fuck in half. O and if he just doesn’t feel like he needs to use either he has a smirk or otherwise deadly facial expression to rip you to pieces with. He was a motherfucker, yes. An absolute piece of shit at times. He did it for his family in the end though. He never lost sight of his one rule. Kind of have to respect that.
Quote: Tywin Lannister: “Any man who must say, ‘I am the king’ is no true king.”
So I hope you enjoyed that. Maybe you love or hate me for the picks. Either way we like to have fun around here. Enjoy Season 8. Winter is here.
IGN – The wording there is interesting. EW says the episode will “be” the longest battle sequence, not “include” it, which implies the battle will take up the entirety of its runtime. With some episodes this season expected to run up to 90 minutes long, that could be very considerable.
Besides being the greatest TV show of all time, Game of Thrones features the most technically complex battles scene that have a bigger scale than anything we’ve ever seen in the history of entertainment. Last season ended with the White Walkers waltzing through the Wall with a brand new ice dragon marching south. Meanwhile Khaleesi is on her way up to Winterfell so I would not be surprised if we see some massive action in the first episode. Things are going to get real messy real fast and I don’t know if I’m ready for it emotionally.
In the meantime lets take a look back at some of the biggest battles we’ve seen so far.
The Battle of Blackwater Bay
S2E9 is when we were introduced to just how intelligent Tyrion really is and we also learn that Wildfire isn’t just some garbage potion that wannabe wizards used to play with.
Battle of the Bastards
S6E9 is where Jon Snow became the GOAT and we witnessed the largest live action battle scene of all time. Suffocating, tense, and heartbreaking; the Battle of the Bastards always gets my blood flowing. Plus that sonofabitch Ramsay finally gets what he’s had coming to him for 4 seasons.
Hardhome
S5E8 is a truly terrifying episode where we finally fully realize the scope of what the White Walkers can do and how screwed Jon Snow and company all really are.
The Loot Train
S7E4 is where Dany shows everyone why the Targaryen’s ruled the world with nothing but a few dragons.
The Battle of Castle Black
S4E9 is just another beautifully coreographed sequence of events. Multiple fights at once, arrows flying all around, fires burning, and Olly…that sonofabitch Olly.
We’re just a little over a month away from the Season 8 premiere, so if you’re like me and woefully behind on your Thrones rewatch it’s time to get in gear.
Episode 012 of The 300s Podcast is up and we’re talking Game of Thrones. You can download and listen to it on iTunes right here. We dive into this week’s episode “Eastwatch.” Khaleesi is burning entire Houses up, Cersei has a new addition to the crazy family, and Jon Snow is going north of the Wall with the ’92 Dream Team. SUBSCRIBE!
We’re back for another breakdown of this week’s Game of Thrones episode, House by House. “The Queen’s Justice” is the third episode in Game of Thrones Season 7. Lots to break down so LETS GET IT.
House Targaryen
We FINALLY get Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen on screen together at the same time. After 6+ seasons of build up Fire and Ice share the screen together. And its a bit testy. You had Dany introduced with her bakers dozen titles (Mother of Dragons, the unburnt etc. etc) meanwhile Davos deadpans “This is Jon Snow….He’s the King in the North.” Now this whole scene is a fascinating power play as Khaleesi expects Jon to throw his support behind her immediately, but he’s a bit skeptical. He basically says we need each other, but you just got here why should I fight for you? What ensues is a pretty heated debate on where the Starks allegiance should lay. She mistakenly thinks Ned Stark plotted to assassinate here along with King Robert, which she’s pretty pissed about.
Khaleesi also reminds Jon of how the Starks swore an oath to the Targaryen “in perpetuity” buttt ya know Khaleesi’s dad did murder Jon’s uncle and grandfather soo that oath is probably off the table.
Like I had hinted at last week, Jon Snow did not bend the knee upon meeting Khaleesi at Dragonstone. Had a feeling he’d refuse as its something thats been foreshadowed by the stubbornness of his own family, his uncle Brandon Stark, his father Ned and even his brother Rob.
Jon doesn’t want anyone else to know he died? Why? Is he concerned people will think he’s insane? I guess one tall tale is enough for a first meeting. An army of the dead lead by White Walkers is hard enough to believe, why add to it and tell everyone he’s been brought back from the grave?
We also have Khaleesi trying to forge an alliance with Jon by giving him something; dragonglass. She agrees to let him mine Dragonstone for the glass that he wants so bad. She still doesn’t believe his story about the army of the dead, which I don’t understand. You have three goddamn dragons and you took a nap in a raging fire to bring them to life from stone eggs. How are YOU a sceptic of all people? Either way, the dragonglass is a sign of good faith as she looks to forge an alliance with the North.
The Unsullied took the Lannister home base Casterly Rock, invading through the sewer system that Tyrion so cleverly designed. EXCEPT, Euron and the Iron Fleet were there to sneak attack them and burn the entire fleet of ships the Unsullied came in on (again another parallel as the Greyjoys did this exact move to the Lannisters years ago, burning their entire fleet in the bays of Casterly Rock). So now Khaleesi’s largest army is stuck in Casterly Rock and would basically have to march across Westeros and abandon the fortress they just secured if they want to get back to the rest of Team Targaryen.
I think something that will be interesting to watch will be how this affects Tyrion, who prides himself on being the smartest man in the room. He was bested by his own brother, falling right into a trap and really hurting Khaleesi’s position. Does this make him a little less confident or hesitant in his role as Hand of the Queen? Does no longer being the smartest man in the room rattle his cage?
House Stark
Bran returns to Winterfell and sees Sansa for the first time since Season 1 and the homecoming is not quite what she expected. Gone is the happy little boy and in his place is an emotionless guy thats calling himself the Three Eyed Raven. To which Sansa hilariously replies, “I don’t know what that means.” Its a hard thing to explain as Bran does his best to make her realize he has the sight. Either way Sansa seems pretty put off by everything thats transpired with her brother since they last saw each other. But now there are two Starks in Winterfell. Is Arya next?
House Lannister
Cersei is getting revenge on everyone like an absolute gangster, killing people the same way they killed her kids. She throws on some new lipstick and gives Tyene Sand the kiss of death using the Long Farewell poison, the same poison that the Sands used on Myrcella. Only to make Ellaria sit and watch her daughter slowly die.
Then she wastes no time in taking over High Garden and making sure Olenna is killed. Although it seems like Jaime gave her a much better fate than Cersei would have preferred, which he may regret after hearing Olenna describe how she was the one that poisoned Joffrey. Olenna, what a badass old bitch to the very last minute, dropping a truth bomb right in Jaimes face as she’s about to die.
The real question is whether or not Jaime tells Cersei the truth about Joffrey? Maybe he keeps that card in his back pocket until a later confrontation with Sansa? Because remember Cersei still wants Sansa dead because she thinks her and Tyrion posioned Joff.
Ya gotta respect how nuts Cersei is at this point. No kids, no family aside from Jaime, not a ton of allies, no real legacy to leave. “A dynasty for us!” she proclaims to Jaime in Ep 2 this season. So theres nothing really left to fight for, except power and ensuring every last one of her enemies dies. Whether it kills her in the end Cersei does not care, as long as she takes everyone down with her.
Which brings me to my theory on how her arc may end. She’s definitely spiraling out of control and Jaime knows it. It would not surprise me at all if down the line everything is crashing down around her and she just says fuck it, burn them all, a la the Mad King. The parallels between Cersei and the Mad King are striking. And who would be the only one that could potentially stand in the way of Cersei? That would be Jaime Lannister, the Kingslayer. Does he see Cersei reach a point thats too far gone and decide, shit I have to end this myself, just as he did to Aerys Targaryen?
The Iron Bank came back to collect on the Lannister debts they so love to proclaim that they always pay. They’re understandably a little unsure of the Lannisters grasp on the 7 Kingdoms as Khaleesi looks like a pretty damn good bet to take over. Cersei, channeling her inner Taiwyn, convinces the Iron Bank to double down on her rather than back the Targaryen. Lannisters ran outta gold? No problem, let us take over High Garden real quick and you can have all the golden roses you’ll ever need.
House Greyjoy
Euron is back in Kings Landing, this time parading through the streets on his badass Kraken horse dragging Yara and the sand snakes on leashes, which is a startling sight as the crowds wildly cheers for him. Thats his present to Cersei, the woman that murdered her daughter. So she agrees to marry Euron…when the war is over.
It looks like Theon is back to square one with the iron born. One of the few Greyjoy ships that survived Euron’s attack pulls Theon out of the water and the first thing they do is ask where Yara is, how Theon knows, and why he’s still alive if he truly tried to save her. These people have no love for Theon so this is gonna be a steep uphill battle for some Reek redemption.
Additional notes from around the realm:
Randyll Tarly turned on the Tyrells pretty quick despite his beautiful speech last week about the oath he swore.
The Red Woman is headed to Volantis, which is where the Temple of the Lord of Light is, but she did say she would be back because she needs to die in Westeros…just like Varys.
What does that even mean? That is going to be a line we all look back at and our heads will explode, count on it.
But seriously what is she up to? Maybe she makes a trip to Myr too because ya know THOROS OF MYR IS FROM MYR! Is Myr the place to be for red priests? Obviously she brought Jon Snow back to life, but if you remember when she first meets Thoros and hears of how he brought back Beric Dondarrion after he fell to the Hound in trial by combat, she is speechless.
Here is this old drunk red priest that has an incredible ability. “You should not have this power” she says to Thoros. So maybe this is like the Athletes Performance Institute for Lord of Light followers.
I think she may also be heading out to recruit all the other red priests and priestesses to bring back an army of them to fight the dead. Why else would the show make it a point to showcase all the different red priests in various parts of the world over the seasons?
Theres of course the Red Woman, theres Thoros of Myr, the asian red priestess that Tyrion sees in Volantis, the red priest preaching to the crowd in Meereen when Tyrion and Varys are running the show in Khaleesi’s absence, and the red priestess Kinvara who really rattled Varys in Meereen last season:
Thats a lot of world building for an entire fanatical religion and random references that aren’t really necessary unless it serves a larger purpose. Who better to compliment Khaleesi and Jon Snow than theLord of Light? How about red priests to forge the Targaryen fire and ya know bring Jon back to life if he gets axed somewhere along the line.
Now I have to sit here like a sap until Episode 4 airs this weekend. Sunday night can’t come soon enough.
So Game of Thrones aired its second episode of Season 7 Sunday night titled “Stormborn” which is an obvious nod to Khaleesi AKA Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen,First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea,Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons. So yea, Stormborn was an easier title for an episode. Anyways lots to break down so LETS GET IT.
House Greyjoy
Lets not beat around the bush, how about that absolute hellacious Pirate Invasion by Euron on the open seas? This guy really is a psycho huh? Starting to see hints of what the actor who plays him said in interviews before the season about how Euron would make Ramsay Bolton look like a little kid. Yikes.
The Greyjoy fleet of Theon and Yara is basically toast. Its like any fleet that leaves Dragonstone is destined to be burned to the fucking ground a la Stannis at Blackwater Bay. We got Theon falling back into bad habits too. It seems like the crazy violent and torturous way of Euron (i.e. ripping out dudes tongues) and his Iron born gave Theon a hard reset back to his Reek days, which sucks. Silver lining though he is alive soo maybe he redeems himself again? Running out of episodes here Theon, lets pick it up.
Half of the Targaryen alliance just burned up on the open seas as the Dornish leader Ellaria and her daughters the sand snakes were all either killed or taken captive. This really screws up Khaleesi’s plan of taking Kings Landing using the Dornish army so she’ll probably be looking for more Houses to partner up with. Lucky for her the King of the North is on his way down to Dragonstone.
House Stark
Jon knows he needs Khaleesi, her army, and her dragons if the North has any chance against the White Walkers, but the last thing the northerners want to do is put their faith in the daughter of the goddamn Mad King. Jon’s point is that they need the mountain of Dragonglass that is under Dragonstone, not to mention the three large dragons that Khaleesi has, if they are to stand any chance against the Night King. But Sansa makes a pretty damn good point saying “Do you not remember what happened to our grandfather?” Long story short – the Mad King once called Jon Snow’s grandfather, Rickard Stark, to come down to King’s Landing and “bend the knee” except when he got there the Mad King burned the guy alive. The Mad King also later killed Jon’s uncle Brandon Stark too. So you’ll forgive Sansa for not being overly excited to send the freshly minted King of the North down south to meet another Targaryen to once again bend the knee.
I think Jon has learned a lot in a very short period of time, taking counsel from those around him and internalizing a lot of what people are saying to him, whether the others realize it or not. One thing Sansa said to Jon recently was that he needs to not be stupid like their father and Rob or he’ll be killed just like them. Pride, honor and really stubbornness to their ways are what ultimately got Rob and Ned killed. So while going to Dragonstone is definitely a risk, holding up shop in the North because of stubbornness is a sure fire way to die.
Something I am stoked to see though is if Khaleesi truly needs Jon Snow to bend the knee. While it doesn’t seem like he has any real aspirations to sit on the Iron Throne, if you remember his days with the wildlings, Jon grew to respect and idolize, really, Mance Rayder the King beyond the wall.
Mance awakened Jon to a lot of things beyond the blinders the Night’s Watch had put on him, among them the fact that some traditions of the 7 kingdoms are arbitrary and ridiculous.
As we all saw, Jon loved a wildling woman, saved the wildlings from Hardhome, literally got MURDERED by his peers for letting the wildlings through the Wall. Is it that crazy to assume a central ideology of one of his mentors sticks with him? We do not kneel. Or is this the Stark stubbornness I just mentioned that derails Jon Snow?
With Jon heading south, Sansa is now in charge of the North and that sound you just heard was Littlefinger’s erection smashing into the table. And Jon Snow knows it and does NOT like it, despite Littlefinger saving his ass with the Knights of the Vale. Jon Snow is WOKE on Baelish.
I’ve been waiting for this moment for 5.5 seasons and I am a fucking nerd for typing that sentence I know. This is a pivotal moment for Arya as we’re starting to witness her blind determination starting to waiver. When she first landed in Westeros she axed the entire Frey clan and was single-mindedly riding towards Kings Landing to kill the queen. Now she sees her direwolf for the first time in years, the same one she had to chase off in season 1 to save her after Nymeria bit that sonofabitch Joffrey. It really is quite impressive they recognize each other after all this time. Doesn’t seem like Nymeria is ready to be anyone’s pet as she’s currently running the goddamn jungle as a wolfpack leader, but I doubt we’ve seen the last of her. I keep telling people this, but Thrones does not waste a second of dialogue and very rarely leaves loose ends (looking at you Gendry).
Oh and Hotpie’s alive too.
BTW, Anyone else notice Arya’s mannerisms now? When talking to Hotpie she is eating, speaking and acting JUST like the Hound. Real short. No niceties. — “Got any ale?”
House Targaryen
Moving on, props to Varys for the most badass speech in his character’s history to convince Khaleesi he’s here to help. I don’t think she necessarily trusts him, but she understands his motives. All she asks is if you think I’m doing a shit job, tell me, don’t sail to Essos and plot a coup.
Olenna Tyrell is still a badass old lady who gives no fucks, asking the Mother of Dragons “Your grand plan was to march down here and use our armies?” The lady is fearless, have to give her that. And I think Khaleesi realizes she can learn a lot in the ways of Westerosi politics from Olenna. “You’re a dragon. Be a dragon.”
House Lannister
Cersei is calling in her bannermen and spin zoning the SHIT out of Khaleesi’s history (murdering the noblemen AKA the slave masters and feeding them to her dragons). She needs everyone to get her back to help fight off Khaleesi and the only way to do that is to play to people’s fears of the Mad King and the Targaryens in general. Without that, people will just flop to whoever they think will win. But Tyrion makes a GREAT point back on Dragonstone, saying they only way to RULE the 7 kingdoms vs just simply conquering them is with help from the Westerosi people themselves. By working with the Houses that already live there they can truly overthrow the regime, not just smash everything to ashes.
Also, laughed out loud at Jamie trying to get House Tarly to be his No. 1 general and Tarly basically tells Jamie to fuck himself. Welp, back to the drawing board Kingslayer.
WRAP IT UP BOX
I’ve noticed a LOT of loooong scenes this season like the Sam bedpan scene in last week’s episode and this week’s scene of Sam removing Jorah’s gray scale, slowly and painfully, not to mention the overly long Grey Worm sex scene. I don’t know if its due to new directors on Season 7, but the pacing feels out of place. Maybe they’re trying to lull us into a false sense of security because with the long, quiet, drawn out Grey Worm scene I was fully expecting someone to get knifed.
Did anyone notice in the GoT opening credits that at the end of the Wall the water is actually frozen?
No need to climb the Wall when you can walk right around it. Not to mention, if Benjen was right, maybe the White Walkers can’t pass through the wall since it was forged with ice and magic, so going around it seems to be a pretty good solution. Who knows though. When Bran was messing around and got touched by the Night King it allowed him to come into the One Eyed Raven’s cave (and murder him) which he could not do before. This also got Hodor, a bunch of the children of the forest and not to mention Bran’s direwolf killed. So good job Bran.
Also in case anyone already forgot Season 7 only has SEVEN episodes and we’ve already burned through two. So theres only just over a month of Thrones left in our lives before another cold, dark winter. Goddamnit, enjoy the ride.
Season 7 premiered this week with “Dragonstone” and after 6 seasons filled with dozens of story lines and hundreds of characters we’re starting to see the wrap it up box in full effect.
Time to start tying up some loose ends. That may have been the shortest GOT opening credits ever as we’ve finally got all the characters on one continent with only a few key players really left. Now lets sort through them, House by House.
House Stark
Arya with one of the most satisfying moments in the show’s history just straight up erasing House Fray in one shot. You knew something was up when the show skipped the traditional into to get started without delay. GOT only does that when a bombshell is about to be dropped.
And boy did they deliver. We’ve seen Arya going down a dark path for a while now as she’s crossing names off her list one by one, but this was her coming out moment. This was where we all sat back and said oh shit Arya is in play, this isn’t a neat little trick any more, she can seemingly take out anyone at anytime. So now she’s on to kill the queen in Kings Landing. At this point does anyone doubt she actually can? The real question is whats her plan? Its not enough to just kill the people on her list, Arya has a flair for the dramatics as we’re now seeing. Does she ultimately take the face of Joffrey/Tommen/Myrcella/King Robert to really drive the dagger home? Or maybe she borrows the face of good old Ned Stark to fully enact her revenge. The North remembers indeed.
Jon Snow kicked off Season 7 by nearly getting cucked by his sister in front of all the North bannermen. Sansa openly questions his decision to not root out the Houses in the North that didn’t support the Starks against the Boltons. You can see the simmering tension in the power struggle as Jon has been proclaimed King in the North, but Sansa is still technically the heir to Winterfell as a trueborn child of Ned and Catelyn. Sansa tells her brother she just wants a seat at the table and that he’s actually quite good at leading, but if they continue to butt heads does this create a bigger problem for House Stark?
House Clegane/Brotherhood Without Banners
The Hound is the first character shown enduring the face that Winter has come, alongside the Brotherhood without Banners. If you remember the father and daughter that the Hound and Arya met last season, ate with and then robbed, it was a green field in a pretty moderate climate.
So Winter is not fucking around and it is creeping south pretty dramatically. The Hound also seems to have bought into the Lord of Light after looking into the flames with Thoros of Myr and seeing the dead marching. After all thats been made of his fear of fire, it will be interesting to see how this plays out, worshipping a fire god and all.
Speaking of Cleganes, the Mountain got himself some fancy new black armor huh? It looks like Cersei has done away with the gold cloaks and donned the Kingsguard (technically Queensguard now) in all black. All black everything just like Cersei’s outfit, is it because she’s in mourning for her children or is she just a black hole of a walking disaster thats about to suck everyone down with her?
House Mormont
Lyana Mormont is still a goddamn G. The fierce little girl from Bear Island legitimately undressing the grown men with decades of experience on her and reducing them to humbled nods.
Jorah Mormont has a meaaaan case of greyscale that has gotten significantly worse. Last season it was like a little bit of eczema on his wrist and now his whole entire arm looks like one of the stone men. Seems like he’s banking on the old maesters, who seemingly don’t do much, to save his ass. Probably ill advised. Can’t be a coincidence that Sam discovered the mountain of dragonglass hiding under Dragonstone though. Maybe thats the ticket to his cure, along with being a White Walker killer.
House Targaryen
Khaleesi FINALLY lands in Westeros after 6 seasons of build up and she gets a pretty baller ass castle with ZERO resistance on Dragonstone thanks to Stannis. The mother of dragons is now firmly within striking distance of Kings Landing so I’m curious how long GOT will play this out. Stannis got from Dragonstone to Blackwater Bay in like 2 episodes, please don’t make this a chore guys. Its also the first time we get a real good look at Dragonstone, its throne room and the overall Targaryen design (chalk full of dragons!) to it aside from the Westeros table map we’ve seen Stannis hover over for years.
Brienne of Tarth
Brienne is still drilling and training Podrick how to fight, who is actually starting to look like a pretty legit swordsman. Tormund is still trying to get it in with Brienne too, telling Podrick he’s “a lucky man” when he sees them fighting. These two will be fascinating to watch this year. Can’t let Jon Snow have the only wildling romance in this whole series right?
House Baelish/House Arryn
Whats Littlefinger’s plan? As Sansa points out, “I know exactly what he wants.” Did Sansa promise her own hand in marriage to Baelish in exchange for the Knights of the Veil? Without his help, Jon Snow would have been toast at the Battle of the Bastards with the Boltons. We all know Littlefinger’s ultimate goal is to climb the ladder of chaos and sit atop the Iron Throne. If he could lock down Sansa, he’d have the Veil and all of the North behind him, but Jon Snow really threw a wrench into that plan in last year’s season finale with the whole King in the North shit.
House Lannister
Jaime seems incredibly weary of Cersei, and rightfully so, because she’s gone off the deep end. “‘Enemies to the east, enemies to the west, enemies to the south, enemies to the north.” Now these two must plan for WTF to do next because legitimately the entire world is coming down on them and soon. Jaime attempting to explain to Cersei the amount of danger their in:
Doesn’t seem like theres going to be a happy reunion between these two and Tyrion either who’s back in town with his new friends.
House Greyjoy
We see Theon and Yara with Khaleesi as they have devoted their ships to the Mother of Dragons, but I think it would be shortsighted not to mention Euron Greyjoy for rocking the first leather biker jacket in Westeros history. Seriously the guy looks like he fell into Bam Margera’s closet. Euron is trying to play everyone and Cersei is not having it. You don’t get verbally abused by Tywinn Lannister for 40 years without picking up some cunning. He mentions he’s looking to marry the most beautiful woman in the world; a queen. BUT, he doesn’t say which one. Keep your eye on this one, he’s officially your Season 7 wild card.
Get Ed Sheeran the fuck off my tv screen. One of the most out of place celebrity cameos ever. It was unecessary, but worst of all it did something Thrones has never done; it made me realize I was watching a TV show. It took everyone out of the show for a few minutes as they asked, why the fuck is Ed Sheeran a Lannister soldier. God that was bad.
Did we really need a 5 minute montage of Sam cleaning up bed pans and dry heaving? Sam and Gilly continue to be the worst story line in the entire show. At least Bran’s storyline got the wrap it up box treatment. Bran legit wasn’t even in Season 5 and then last year he’s traveling through time, talking to Ned Stark at the Tower of Joy 20 years in the past, going face to face with a White Walker and ya know getting Hodor killed. RIP. What has Sam done? Got into a fight with his dad, stole his Valyrian sword (definitely something to remember) went to Oldtown with Gilly and the baby and now is stocking a library and working as a janitor. Riveting. He better come back to Jon with the goddamn secret sauce on how to defeat the Night King.
If thats not enough Game of Thrones talk for you, then stay tuned because we’ve got a brand new segment coming your way real soon…
As I sit here writing this though I start to worry about Tormund’s longevity. Despite the lack of returned affection from Brienne I could see Tormund sacrificing himself to try and save the big woman’s life. I might cry next Sunday.
Yup, that’s right, a guy who died years ago. I don’t care. During my re-watch I was reminded just how good Robb Stark was. Above all else, he was intense. That is such an overused, cliched word but everything King Robb said was layered in desperation, frustration, urgency, and at the same time deep contemplation. He wasn’t just fighting a war, he was trying to mentally and emotionally will his way to victory. There was just something so human about how badly he wanted what he wanted because he thought it was right and made sense. Damn.
BOMBSHELL. BSHHHHHHH. Ya I know. Me too. I texted Red this the other day and I’m sticking to it. Tywin is the best character on the show. He is the Vince McMahon of the realm. He leaves for a few scenes and then his music hits and you’re like ooo shit. Either with his army or his tongue he is going to carve someone the fuck in half. O and if he just doesn’t feel like he needs to use either he has a smirk or otherwise deadly facial expression to rip you to pieces with. He was a motherfucker, yes. An absolute piece of shit at times. He did it for his family in the end though. He never lost sight of his one rule. Kind of have to respect that.
The 300s 