As everyone except those living a Ted Kaczynski-esque existence in the northern frontier of our nation knows, “Game Of Thrones” returns this Sunday for its 8th season. As most of those people understand, this will also be the final season and, indeed, the end of an era. The $50 million dollar gamble (which sounds cheap compared to later seasons) almost immediately cemented itself in the upper echelons of pop culture, becoming as well know for driving plot lines with not exactly relatable subjects such as incest, witchcraft, and castration as it has for weaving one of the most magnetic stories television has ever seen over the course of almost a decade.
While the dragons soared, the battles fought, and the bastards brooded, the latest classic delivered by the Home Box Office (“The Wire,” “The Sopranos,” GOT this is getting ridiculous) produced, as their shows tend to do, some absolutely classic characters. Ones you can quote. Ones you want to have a beer with. Ones you want to beat the ever loving shit out of. Characters that just evoke intense, human reactions and emotions from the millions upon millions of people that have watched the show.
So I’ve decided to give you a Top 5. The top 5 best characters. Now, you are not getting a surface-level “most screen time,” “who drives the story the most?” list here. No, while things like how much they are are actually on the show were accounted for, I really wanted to dive deep into these characters’ Id. Of the endless faces and names (for sure not the same count, after all) we have seen since 2011, I wanted to deduce who really reeled us in to their mind, body, and soul the most. Who made us sit up whenever they went to give a monologue? Who did we realize in our borderline-insane attempt at a six week re-watch was as indispensable as the Wall?
With the help of a few of my fellow bloggers I set out to answer those questions and more. Enjoy.
Blogger Note: I hate to not rank Tormund, both because I love the character and Dom helped me out with the blog. But I just couldn’t justify a top 5 spot. Every man has a code.
Dom: “Gotta love Tormund Giantsbane. In addition to being a brute and a warrior, he’s also one of those guys who can actually tell the difference between good and evil. On top of that, he’s fucking hilarious. From creepy side eyes at Brienne to life advice for Jon Snow to this amazing conversation with the Hound, he’s pure gold all the time.”
Missandei and Greyworm
The realms true “couple goals” culminated in what I can only imagine was some voracious foreplay, judging by Khaleesi and Missandei’s giggling fit. Either way, the bond these two have coming from broken backgrounds and ending up at the side of the most powerful woman in their world is pretty special. Every time they interact they seem like they aren’t expecting to see each other ever again and it is both heartbreaking and endearing.
Greyworm: Wounded in war, there is no shame for this. I am ashamed because when the knife go in and I fall to the ground, I am afraid.
Missandei: All men fear death
Greyworm: No, not death. I fear I never again see Missandei from the Isle of Naath.
The Top 5
5.) Ser Davos Seaworth
I know, I know, I spurn Tormund then rank Ser Davos. What the fuck, right? But bear with me. Davos from day one represented the purest intentions with the strongest of convictions in the 7 kingdoms. He began as the fiercely loyal right hand to a man he knew to be as flawed as he was great and has continued on as an older foil to Jon Snow’s Starkian code of only the most undiluted honor. When he speaks you listen, because it is nothing but blue collar, honest truth he is spitting.
(With the mutineers breaking down the door) “I’m not much of a fighter…Apologies for what you’re about to see.”
4.) Bronn (Ser Bronn of the Blackwater)
Red: “I gotta go with Bronn. He’s what every man wants to be; careless, reckless, and often legless. Bronn is also sneaky one of the most dangerous men in the 7 kingdoms. Throw in some killer one liners and Bronn is the clear choice as the best character in Game of Thrones.”
Bronn: There’s this knight, uh, Leygood. Got thunderbolts on his shield?
Bronn: Right here is where I fuck his wife. She’s a screamer, that one. If they don’t hear her, they won’t hear us.
3.) Robb Stark
Yup, that’s right, a guy who died years ago. I don’t care. During my re-watch I was reminded just how good Robb Stark was. Above all else, he was intense. That is such an overused, cliched word but everything King Robb said was layered in desperation, frustration, urgency, and at the same time deep contemplation. He wasn’t just fighting a war, he was trying to mentally and emotionally will his way to victory. There was just something so human about how badly he wanted what he wanted because he thought it was right and made sense. Damn.
Rob Stark: “I asked him, How can a man be brave if he’s afraid? That is the only time a man can be brave, he told me.”
2.) Tyrion Lannister
You just can’t leave him off this no matter which way you spin it. The Imp. The Half-man. The Dwarf. He is a half-pint of vice yet a barrel of ethical vigor. He uses sarcasm and condescension as a weapon to mask that deep down he is the only one among his family members who is kind, loving, and even tender and gentle. He likewise has an inner fury that he’ll aim at those who strike down upon the lowly, as he has been struck down on so much in his life. He also fucks a lot which is cool.
Missandei: How do you know this?
Tyrion: That’s what I do. I drink, and I know things.
1.) Lord Tywin Lannister
BOMBSHELL. BSHHHHHHH. Ya I know. Me too. I texted Red this the other day and I’m sticking to it. Tywin is the best character on the show. He is the Vince McMahon of the realm. He leaves for a few scenes and then his music hits and you’re like ooo shit. Either with his army or his tongue he is going to carve someone the fuck in half. O and if he just doesn’t feel like he needs to use either he has a smirk or otherwise deadly facial expression to rip you to pieces with. He was a motherfucker, yes. An absolute piece of shit at times. He did it for his family in the end though. He never lost sight of his one rule. Kind of have to respect that.
Tywin Lannister: “Any man who must say, ‘I am the king’ is no true king.”
So I hope you enjoyed that. Maybe you love or hate me for the picks. Either way we like to have fun around here. Enjoy Season 8. Winter is here.