Tag: ESPN

LiAngelo Ball is Already Fighting Off Female Fans in Lithuania

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USA Today – LiAngelo Ball didn’t say much during his introductory press conference with Prienu Vytautas on Friday. He did, however, manage to make news while sandwiched between LaMelo and LaVar Ball. At the end of the presser, a Lithuanian reporter asked Gelo if he had a girlfriend and if he’d like to go out with her. “I just came here to play,” LiAngelo said sheepishly. When pressed for a “yes” or “no” answer on her offer, Gelo replied simply, “No comment.”

GET IT, Gelo! Barely in Lithuania a week and you already got local female reporters risking it all to take a shot. I suppose being a public access sports reporter in Lithuania probably ain’t paying Katie Nolan money, but still impressive nonetheless.

LiAngelo may end up meeting a nice Lithuanian girl and settling down in Kiev to start a family. Just can that whole NBA dream after he averages 4 points a game for Prienu Vytautas. Who knows?

PS – I know a hot topic recently has been NBA coaches saying how “disgusted” they are with ESPN reporting everything LaVar Ball says, but the guy is popular and gets clicks. Thems the rules. How about USA Today though? They created a goddamnit subdomain called “Lonzo Wire.”

Rick Carlisle literally just puked seeing that. Get them clicks, USA Today. As the wise Missy Elliott once said:

The Raiders Just Gave Jon Gruden a 10 Year $100 Million Contract to Become Their New Head Coach

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ESPN.com – The Oakland Raiders will sign Jon Gruden to the longest coaching deal in NFL history — a 10-year contract likely approaching $100 million — when it is made official Tuesday, sources told ESPN’s Adam Schefter on Friday.

10 years and $100 MILLION DOLLARS for Jon Gruden to become the new coach of the Oakland Raiders!

I love Gruden, he is awesome in the booth and I look forward to seeing him back on the sidelines, but $100 Million for a guy that hasn’t coached since 2008? That is insane. I forget who tweeted it so I can’t give the proper credit, but I saw someone on Twitter mention that by the end of this deal Raiders team owner Mark Davis will have paid Gruden 1/5th of Mark Davis’ net worth. Because as far as NFL team owners go, Mark Davis is a broke bitch. He’s worth only $500 Million.

So unless there is some sneaky ownership stake in the team included (which Gruden has denied), then Davis is betting BIG on the move to Las Vegas being a rousing success. He has every reason to believe it will be too, especially since he snaked a deal that had him put up almost none of his own money.

Is anyone better suited to bring this team to Las Vegas than Jon Gruden? Well, maybe The Rock.

But this guy is going to be electric as the Raiders move to Sin City, both on the sidelines and in his press conferences. Now is being out of coaching for 10 years going to hurt? I would say probably, but all the ESPN (lackeys) are saying its actually good for him as he’s had a chance to study the evolution of offense in the NFL. Not to mention he’s been in practices and production meetings with just about every other team in the league over the past few years so that can’t hurt.

But it is always surprising to see a guy come back after being away from the game for so long. Just look at Bill Cowher.

He was another guy everyone thought would take a couple of years off and return to coaching, but after a few years of making beaucoup bucks to work 1/100th of the hours in a cushy TV job, its easy to understand why so many don’t go back to the grind of being an NFL head coach.

Good for Gruden, but goddamnit am I gonna miss his crazy ass in the booth. The guy was legit must watch TV in a spot where the league and the networks typically lean towards the mundane. Remember Jaws and Tony Kornheiser? Woof. For a guy that made football jargon like Spider 2 Y Banana a national catchphrase and starred in Hooters and Corona commercials in his off time, it will be hard to replace him.

No matter how much fame or money a person acquires though, we’re all the same at the end of the day and Jon Gruden reminded me of that on Saturday’s playoff broadcast. The guy has absolutely. checked. out.

You earned it my man.

All Of This Brady/Belichick/Kraft Bullshit Has Me Questioning Who I’ve Been Loyal To All These Years

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So unless your New Years resolution for 2018 was to turn off all devices, ignore the internet, and in general avoid humanity you know that ESPN published a nuclear bomb (topical metaphor) of an article regarding the three-headed relationship between Belichick, Brady, and Mr. Kraft. The TL:DR of it is that “sources” say Brady is calling a lot more shots and Kraft made Belichick trade Saint Jimmy, among other uncomfortable decisions made and actions taken by various parties involved, and now Belichick is generally unhappy with his situation in New England, as is Brady with Belichick.

Honestly there is probably a lot of truth in the whole thing. I’m sure Brady and Belichick butt heads. I’m sure Belichick is never truly satisfied with his position. I’m sure they’ve never been best buds. I’m sure the Coach, whether on the surface or deep down, didn’t want to trade Jimmy G, but had to, under orders or by virtue of winning football games/good football strategy. With all that said, the writer Seth Wickersham, has been churning out attack pieces on the Pats since GodKnowsWhen and definitely put as ominous of a slant on it as possible. If nothing else, the Big 3 of the Patriots are completely dedicated to winning, and to some end I’m sure all 3 know New England is the best place to do it.

It did get me thinking though. I actually kind of had an existential moment and, in a way, I suppose this is a bit of a confession. As I read sentences that openly pondered whether or not Brady or Belichick, or both, were on their way out, I actually asked myself if I would still give as much of a shit about the Patriots without them. DO NOT GET ME WRONG I did not become a Pats fan upon the team’s success or the arrival of the two  aforementioned current pillars. Patriot fans around my age are always getting shit for being too young to be able to appreciate their success but they won their first title when I was about to turn 12. Over a decade without a sniff of success is a good chunk of time. I got my start pretty early in sports so I remember some putrid Bledsoe years. I remember no name running backs. I remember going to the Super Bowl in 1997 knowing we were going to get smoooooked by Brett Favre. So ya, I’ve been a fan for awhile.

This dynasty though, man. Belichick, Brady, Mr. Kraft becoming “Mr. Kraft”. This has been special. This has been a contingent of people, personalities, and philosophies all of its own, existing inside the history of a ~60 year old football franchise. And there have been other players we’ve gotten attached to that have come and gone as well. Mike Vrabel. College wrestler Stephen Neal. Ben Watson. Tully Banta-Cain. Would we have the fond memories and continued affection for those players if they didn’t come to us during these 18 years? Do I give as much of a shit about Vrabel, for instance, if he caught those 8 TDs as a goal line tight end from 5 other quarterbacks who aren’t Tom Brady while being coached by a coach who isn’t Bill Belichick? Probably not.

So let’s say Belichick thinks he has outstayed his welcome and bounces after this year. Next season we have someone else underneath the headset. Brady, Kraft’s guy, jogs out onto the field. Devin McCourty stretches on the sidelines. They score and on the ensuing kick Matt Slater pins the opposing team at their own 2. Does it feel as special? Are we still living the same dream? Do I really give as much of a fuck? Or is it The Office without Michael Scott? I’m a huge fan of those episodes. You have a dump in your pants if you say they weren’t funny. But a certain spark was missing. A special element. No one could deny that.

So I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ve become the obsessive, psychotic, my-girlfriend-doesn’t-watch-football-with-me-anymore guy because of a growing love of football and the Pats or because of the characters involved. It’s almost an impossible question to answer. The chicken or the egg, the coach and QB or adolescence. I’ll watch the Pats until I die because there isn’t anything else to do on Sundays, I love football, and my happiness is in their hands whether I like it or not. But whether wins and losses, picks and touchdowns, sacks and missed opportunities keep me up at night or not without Belichick, or Brady, is a huge question. One that so far has taken 18 years and three of the best football minds to answer. I just hope they still haven’t come to their conclusion.

LeBron James Snuck in the Most Absurd Quote of of the Year Just Before New Years Eve

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ESPN – “LeBron James will spend his 33rd birthday on Saturday playing on the road against the Utah Jazz — a place where his teams have lost their past six games. “I need a win here. I suck here,” James said before the Cleveland Cavaliers’ morning shootaround Saturday. “I personally don’t suck, but my team sucks when we come here. We cannot win a game. So hopefully we can change that.”

Sigh. I really want to like LeBron, I really do. He’s one of, if not the best player, of our generation and will probably finish his career behind only Michael Jordan in terms of GOAT status. But then he says just the most cringeworthy shit. Like even if you’re the biggest LeBron fan in the world, how do you defend a quote like that? Its just a microcosm of his entire career. The guy is completely and utterly tone deaf. Whether its The Decision or the blatant subtweeting or the Arthur memes or the constant throwing of teammates under the bus, he is just always saying things that make it impossible to like him. Which is a goddamn shame because aside from that he seems like a genuinely good guy. He donates to charity, he builds schools, he speaks out on issues he’s passionate about, he’s never been involved in ANY type of scandal or been arrested, and he is amazing to watch play. But then he drops a quote like that and I just feel like Sweet Dee.

Kind Of A Slow Day/Week, So Let’s Talk About a Semi Crashing Into Evan Turner’s Backyard

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ESPN – A semi-truck hauling a large trash bin crashed and plunged into the swimming pool of the home owned by Portland Trail Blazers guard Evan Turner….Authorities say the truck’s driver lost control on a hairpin curve and wound up down a hill and submerged in the pool.

There really is not a whole lot going on, especially if you’re Dave Dombrowski (got em’) so let’s just gloss over this really quickly while trying not to think about how one of your fellow bloggers said something positive about Harry whatshisface from that boy band.

You all remember Evan Turner right? The former Ohio State star and lottery pick who just plain doesn’t have the athleticism or ball-handling skills to be an elite player but has had a tough time coming to grips with that? Who more specifically is completely oblivious to the fact that he really isn’t on the Melo/Paul George/Kawhi level? Well apparently his house, and more specifically his backyard and the pool that lies therein, is nestled just below a fucking deadman’s curve kind of road. Anddd that’s where things get interesting.

The story goes that and as you can see from above there aren’t a lot of details out there so I could be a little off, a trucker lost control of his rig on this treacherous strip above Evan Turner’s abode and careened down the hill right into his pool. CANON BALL! AMIRITE?!

Anyway, really the only intriguing thing about this other than, you know, that fact that Evan Turner bought a house below a stretch of road the Toretto gang would have a hard time navigating, is picturing Evan Tuner’s reaction. He’s just such a fucking weirdo. I like to picture Evan Turner at home, having just woken up. He’s in a robe and putting on a pot of coffee when he hears quite the chaotic, motorized hullabaloo coming from his backyard. I like to think Evan Turner glided over to the glass sliding door that leads to said backyard to find a 16 wheeler jutting out of his pool, the driver nowhere to be seen. His face expressionless, he sips his coffee and stares for another moment. And then he turns back to his kitchen and continues on with his day.

LaVar Ball Starting His Own Basketball League to Compete With the NCAA

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ESPN – LaVar Ball said Wednesday that he’s launching a basketball league for nationally-ranked players who have graduated from high school but don’t want to go to college. Ball’s Junior Basketball Association, which he says is fully funded by his Big Baller Brand, plans to pay the lowest-ranked player a salary of $3,000 a month and the best player $10,000 a month, Ball said. Ball is looking for 80 players to fill 10 teams that will seek to play at NBA arenas in Los Angeles, Dallas, Brooklyn and Atlanta.“Getting these players is going to be easy,” Ball told ESPN. “This is giving guys a chance to get a jump start on their career, to be seen by pro scouts, and we’re going to pay them because someone has to pay these kids.”

The modern day Vince McMahon just continues to roll along with his idea du jour; an alternative basketball league to compete with the NCAA. It’s geared at top players who don’t want to go to college, or ya know shit holes like Lithuania. Ya think LaMelo and LiAngelo might prefer playing in this league rather than taking trains and ferrys to Baltic League games in Kiev?

I gotta admit, this guy is COCKY, and it is contagious. Because on its face, its not a bad idea. If the NBA is so stuck on its “One and Done” rule (which it may actually get rid of sooner than later) then whats the point of a guy going to Duke for 8 months and showing up to a handful of classes posing as a college student like he’s in Never Been Kissed?

The NCAA is more corrupt than a North Korean election so a little competition to maybe keep them on their toes can’t hurt. Having a league that follows pro-style rules makes a ton of sense too.

“Ball said the rules of his league will follow those of the NBA instead of college — 12-minute quarters and a pro 3-point line.”

Having wildly different rules for college and the pros has never made any sense to me. Especially when leagues like the NBA and the NFL use the NCAA as a de facto minor league system. Why make the 3 point line deeper after turning pro instead of just having players get used to it in college and judge them all accordingly? Why do college football players only need to get one foot down for a catch, but in the NFL you need two?

Quotes like this though don’t really help the perception that this is just all a marketing scheme to further LaVar’s own brand.

“Ball said since Big Baller Brand is promoting the league, all players must agree to wear only Big Baller Brand products, including BBB shoes on the court. “We’ll give it to them all,” Ball said. “They’ll be wearing our uniform, our shoes, our T-shirts and our hoodies.”

Don’t get me wrong, nobody thinks LaVar Ball is here to save the manatees. The honesty and transparency is refreshing when compared to the toxic hypocrisy that is the NCAA, but in order to succeed this will need to be more than the latest example of LaVar Ball hawking garbage at an exorbitant price.

So if you’re a high school grad that doesn’t wanna play overseas and risk going to Chinese prison for swiping some sweet shades, then the Big Baller Brand league is for you. Ya know until the NBA inevitably gets rid of the “One and Done” rule, then this league will collapse faster than an IKEA kitchen table.

The 300s Top 5 List of Who Should Replace John Skipper At ESPN

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As I am sure you have heard ESPN President John Skipper has stepped down due to all his male employees being perverts, declining ratings a substance addiction he wants to address. To that end, best of luck to him. Dougie is going to dive into the details of exactly what down at some point (it could be before or after this is posted, I don’t know, that’s our je ne sais quoi) but until then I figured I would take on the intriguing task of surmising who will be appointed to the helm of the Worldwide Leader In Sports. There is an endless list of viable candidates out there from the pedigree-perfect to the outside-the-box darkhorse types, so let’s check out a few of both, in no particular order.

1.) Drew Bledsoe

Wow, out of the gate a name no one expected. I know right now you think I’m pandering to the New England audience, those who giggle with nostalgia when they hear the name of the beloved 90’s Patriots QB1, but just stay with me here for a second. The fact of the matter is that both times Bledsoe was playing in a stable situation and got hurt and replaced, that back up became a star – in one case a franchise QB and in the other the GOAT. So the play here is to put Bledsoe in the driver’s seat but to promote, probably internally, a young gun into an EVP role so that when #11 becomes embroiled in scandal or has a lung collapse while he is walking from his office door to his desk chair, they’ll be ready to go and primed to become the greatest sports media exec of all time. Or Tony Romo

2.)Marissa Mayer

ESPN has been absolutely demonized lately as one of the worst places on earth for women to work. Just a horrifically misogynistic, sexist place. What better way to start rehabbing that image then to hire a female boss, and a well-known one at that. Now I know what you’re thinking, “But Joey B, Marissa Mayer drove Yahoo into the ground.” True, true she did, yes. But maybe if you surround her with a solid team of top flight subordinates to do things like “budgets” and “business strategy” the Engineer and Product Manager in Mayer could possibly create ESPN a future. Or maybe she’ll just tell everyone they can’t work from home anymore. Idk.

3.) Dana White

One of ESPN’s issues in terms of their declining ratings is that they are just completely out of touch with the newer generations. You know, my generation and the ones just younger than us. We mostly fall into two categories: those enraged with the student-loan soaked world our forefathers have left us with or those so fucking timid they need legit separate rooms at their college to hide in when they feel upset. Well, Dana White would solve the ESPN problem for the former. Instead of well thought out PR announcements and Capital-J Journalism strategies to address large and sometimes sensitive stories, DW would just yell, swear, and belittle Bristol back into the force of nature it once was.

4.) David Benioff and DB Weiss

Thissssss ones a stretch. These guys obviously have no executive experience. They actually don’t have any business experience as far I know. I mean if we’re going into “as far as I know” land they may not have any business acumen. These are the kind of naiveties we end up with when HBO gives two relative unknowns $50,000,000 and says “be cool if we got that back.” However we do know they have one thing: vision. They can depict battles. They can give us twists and turns. They can make incest seem romantic. Not only could they possibly give ESPN some future direction, but I’ve now talked myself into them being able to spin zone themselves out of any kind of quagmire they will undoubtedly be faced with. They might move a little slow though.

5.) The Mooch

This might seem to be low-hanging fruit but that just goes to show you how some bad press and a few satirical portrayals can cloud the other half of the story. Anthony Scaramucci has a BA from Tufts and his JD from Harvard (a lot of high-level folks in business get their JD, it’s just a good degree to have if you’re going to be on the exec level). He had a very successful career in investment banking and therefore is worth a fuck ton. He also is from the Met-NY/Tri-state area so would mesh well with the culture in Connecticut. There has been enough scandal in the Mooch’s life lately that he’d probably at least try to not do so much blow  lie low. There’s also sports fandom in his background, as he bought the jersey Piazza was wearing when he hit that national post-9/11 dinger and had it displayed in a couple of different spots including the Hall of Fame.

So there it is. A few candidates for the top job at ESPN which will inevitably go to someone from inside Disney. If that indeed becomes the case I vote for the guy who wrote and sang “You Got A Friend In Me” and all those other songs. At least shit will be happier over there.

 

ESPN President John Skipper Resigns Citing Substance Addiction Issues

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ESPN – John Skipper resigned as president of ESPN and co-chairman of the Disney Media Networks on Monday. George Bodenheimer, ESPN’s president from 1998 to 2011 and its executive chairman until May 2014, will take over as the acting chairman of the company for the next 90 days to help Disney chairman and chief executive officer Bob Iger find Skipper’s replacement. “Today I have resigned from my duties as President of ESPN,” Skipper said in a statement. “I have had a wonderful career at the Walt Disney Company and am grateful for the many opportunities and friendships. I owe a debt to many, but most profoundly Michael Lynton, George Bodenheimer and Bob Iger. “I have struggled for many years with a substance addiction. I have decided that the most important thing I can do right now is to take care of my problem.

So John Skipper, the president of ESPN, resigned from his lofty position yesterday citing substance addiction issues. The guy with one of the most powerful positions in all of sports and media stepped down after literally signing a contract extension through 2021 last month. That is not normal.  I don’t mean to break out the jump to conclusions mat..

..but this all just seems to be coming at an odd time. More and more sexual abuse and harassment allegations continue to pile in every day and now we’re starting to see the movement entering the world of sports. Christ, theres an 800 page book I read about all the wild shit that went on at ESPN over the years.

Just this week we heard that Panthers owner Jerry Richardson was coming under fire for allegations of workplace misconduct against him, then the NFL took over the investigation, then the creepy details came out, and now he’s selling the team. That shit happened QUICK.

Think about that for a second. This is the NFL; the definition of the old boys club. There’s no young tech billionaire owner in the NFL like the NBA has in Mark Cuban. Its all old, rich, white guys who probably think they’re beyond reproach. Welp, its 2017 boys and its become real apparent, real quick to a lot of entitled rich guys like Richardson that ain’t the case anymore. Now we have P. Diddy coming out saying he wants to buy the Panthers.

This NEEDS to happen. Besides the fact that I could just post Chappelle’s Show clips of Making the Band all day, he would bring some much needed diversity into the club that is NFL owners. Diddy would bring a new voice as both a black man and a much younger perspective on everything from the racial issues of the league to the promotion of the product.

Back to Skipper though, it seems like this guy has been underwater for some time. That scathing Boston Globe piece came out last week slamming the Worldwide Leader for its workplace environment that was toxic to many women. Buccigross was the main fall guy in that piece as he was outed for sending overly flirty text messages and unsolicited shirt pics. Not on the level of some shit we’ve heard from Weinstein, but obviously wicked inappropriate. I don’t understand what these guys don’t get. When I’m at work I pretend everything I say and do will be recorded and used against me in the future. So just don’t try and fuck all your coworkers or be a weirdo in the office and you’ll be good. We’ve all got skeletons in our closet, but keep that shit in the closet at home.

We all of course remember the short lived Barstool Sports show with the Pardon My Take guys PFT and Big Cat that lasted all of one episode before ESPN cancelled it.

ESPN was taking heat from Sam Ponder and other female employees about the network associating with Barstool, which they were pissed about. What I don’t get is, you know what Barstool is about, you know what their audience is, you know there may be controversy, but you green light the show anyways. Then you pull the plug after one episode and some blowback from disgruntled parties? Either stick with your decision and give the show a chance to make it through some growing pains or just don’t do it at all. If Skipper and ESPN were so concerned with the negative reaction AND they were knowingly embroiled in behind the scenes legal battles with former employees regarding sexual harassment, then why not kick the can down the road and try the show later on? Its just poor management.

Hopefully Skipper gets whatever help he needs for his substance issue, but with the timeline of everything and more allegations making their way into the sports world I would not be surprised if we start hearing some less than flattering details leaking out sooner than later.

LiAngelo Ball and LaMelo Ball Both Turning Pro to Play Together in Lithuania

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ESPN – LiAngelo and LaMelo Ball have reached an agreement to sign professional basketball deals with Lithuanian club Prienu Vytautas, the team’s coach/GM Virginijus Seskus and Ball family agent Harrison Gaines told ESPN’s Jeff Goodman. After ESPN reported on the seriousness of the talks between the Ball brothers and the European team on Monday afternoon, the two sides finalized the agreement hours later.

This week in LaVar Ball’s continued efforts to ruin his kids lives, dad is sending his kids off to go play professionally in LITHUANIA! Ball in the Family season 3 is going to be fucking must watch TV. You got LiAngelo going to Chinese prison for shoplifting only to be saved by Donald Trump, LaVar pulling LaMelo out of high school and then pulling LiAngelo out of UCLA, and now both of Lonzo’s brothers with questionable basketball talent will be going pro and playing together in Lithuania.

Real talk though, I understand LaVar’s want to turn all three of his sons into NBA players, but at what cost?

This is not UCLA. To quote a morbid scene from the movie 300, this will not be over quickly, you will not enjoy this.

“Prienu Vytautas, or BC Prienai as it’s often called, is a low-level club from a small, non-English speaking village of roughly 10,000 people in southern Lithuania. The team has been grappling with financial issues and started the season losing eight of its first 12 games in the Lithuanian league…The club plays in a 1,700-seat arena; 500 of those seats are reserved for team sponsors and their friends. Tickets cost around 5 euros. The team has no general manager and doesn’t practice regularly due to the poor financial situation.”

Oh this should go swimmingly.

By all the reports I’ve read from the heavy hitters like Woj, LiAngelo is not considered an NBA prospect. Dan Wetzel said scouts told him LiAngelo’s best bet was to transfer to a mid-major and stay for four years, not burn every bridge and go play in a third world country. LaMelo may have a shot at the NBA, but he’s 16. Going from high school to playing against grown ass men in Lithuania does not seem like the smart route.

As Dan Wetzel put it on Yahoo:

“[LaMelo] will be eligible for the 2019 NBA draft and there is plenty to lose playing against grown men in the Lithuanian and Baltic leagues. LaMelo is 16. The two point guards currently on the Vytautas roster are 28 and 32. This isn’t the Nike AAU Peach Jam tournament…LiAngelo is not considered an NBA prospect at this time, no matter what LaVar says.

These kids grew up rich and pampered in sunny California with every advantage, raised by an overbearing father who controlled everything for them. Now these two are going overseas to a country where they don’t speak English to play for a team where they’re not even guaranteed playing time, let alone success. These two kids quit high school and quit UCLA after things didn’t go their way. Quitting this time would probably be a death knell to any serious NBA aspirations. Its sink or swim time boys.

Patriots Drop an Ugly Game to the Dolphins with Steelers Looming

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Last night the Patriots lost 27-20 to the Dolphins in a shitshow of a game. They didn’t have Gronkowski who was out due to suspension from the people’s elbow he dropped on a guy last week, but Miami hit em hard, shut down their receivers and even pretended to deflate the football (I guess?) after a TD.

It was ugly. For all the people saying this loss doesn’t matter, it’ll sure as shit matter if the Pats lose a tight one to the Steelers next week. Then the Patriots are facing the prospect of opening the playoffs on the road in fucking Jacksonville. Not like the Jacksonville is this powerhouse that you should fear, but the Patriots could very easily slip from the No. 1 seed with home field advantage to having to hike down to Florida for a playoff game in front of those diehard fans watching from goddamn swimming pools.

If we learned anything from this game its that the Patriots can lose one of Edelman or Gronk and still manage, but they absolutely cannot lose both. They won the Super Bowl last year without Gronk, but Edelman balled out all year and made all-time catches in the SB.

This year the Pats have been surprisingly fine on offense without Edelman because Gronkowski, Amendola, Cooks, Hogan, and the stable of runningbacks have shared the load. But without both Edelman and Gronkowski? Well without both the Patriots went 0-11 on third down last night. An absolutely absurd stat for a team that routinely moves the chains on offense. Without that horse of a man to draw double coverage and make big plays when you need em most, the Pats offense looked strikingly like their defense last night; a bunch of JAGs.

This was a game I worried about going into for the sole reason that dirtbag Ndamukong Suh gets off on hitting Brady late, low, and hard. And the delusional Dolphins fans that defend him.

The Dolphins have a legit defensive line with him and Cameron Wake, and Jordan Phillips, which we all know is the one thing that seems to disrupt the Pats. Throw in the fact that they ALWAYS seem to struggle when playing down in Miami late in the year and this had all the makings of a trap game with Pittsburgh looming next week.

So the Pats get down early for the first time in about a month of football and now facing a 17 point deficit, Suh and the boys are able to just pin their ears back and tee off on Brady. Not ideal.

Granted they almost came back and they probably would have if not for a ton of uncharacteristically sloppy plays. Not converting late in the 4th on 1st and goal from the 1-inch line is unexcusable. The Patriots did not look themselves at all with James White drawing an illegal motion penalty, Solder taking a holding penalty, and a couple of busted plays later the Pats are kicking a 35 yard FG. Granted they still would have had to recover an onside kick either way to have a chance, this series was a microcosm of the entire game. Bad execution, some poor throws by Brady, not enough time to throw, and just overall sloppy football.

Its for those exact reasons that I fully expect the Patriots to blow doors in Pittsburgh next week. Those guys are marshmallow soft and are feeling themselves just a bit too much for a team that has had to squeak out wins over dog shit teams. Over the past month the Steelers have beat the Colts by 3 points, smoked the Titans by 23, barely beat a Brett Hundley led Packers team by 3 points, beat the Bengals by 3 points, and the Ravens by 1 point. Not exactly the class of the AFC there. Sure, the Pats haven’t played the hardest schedule either, but before last night they weren’t just squeaking by like Pittsburgh. They were fucking demolishing teams, or tomato cans as Shanks likes to put it. Over the same period of time New England has blown out the Broncos by 25 points, the Raiders by 25 points, the Dolphins by 18 points, and the Bills by 20 points.

Don’t be surprised when they take the Steelers to the woodshed on Sunday.