Kind Of A Slow Day/Week, So Let’s Talk About a Semi Crashing Into Evan Turner’s Backyard

ESPNA semi-truck hauling a large trash bin crashed and plunged into the swimming pool of the home owned by Portland Trail Blazers guard Evan Turner….Authorities say the truck’s driver lost control on a hairpin curve and wound up down a hill and submerged in the pool.

There really is not a whole lot going on, especially if you’re Dave Dombrowski (got em’) so let’s just gloss over this really quickly while trying not to think about how one of your fellow bloggers said something positive about Harry whatshisface from that boy band.

You all remember Evan Turner right? The former Ohio State star and lottery pick who just plain doesn’t have the athleticism or ball-handling skills to be an elite player but has had a tough time coming to grips with that? Who more specifically is completely oblivious to the fact that he really isn’t on the Melo/Paul George/Kawhi level? Well apparently his house, and more specifically his backyard and the pool that lies therein, is nestled just below a fucking deadman’s curve kind of road. Anddd that’s where things get interesting.

The story goes that and as you can see from above there aren’t a lot of details out there so I could be a little off, a trucker lost control of his rig on this treacherous strip above Evan Turner’s abode and careened down the hill right into his pool. CANON BALL! AMIRITE?!

Anyway, really the only intriguing thing about this other than, you know, that fact that Evan Turner bought a house below a stretch of road the Toretto gang would have a hard time navigating, is picturing Evan Tuner’s reaction. He’s just such a fucking weirdo. I like to picture Evan Turner at home, having just woken up. He’s in a robe and putting on a pot of coffee when he hears quite the chaotic, motorized hullabaloo coming from his backyard. I like to think Evan Turner glided over to the glass sliding door that leads to said backyard to find a 16 wheeler jutting out of his pool, the driver nowhere to be seen. His face expressionless, he sips his coffee and stares for another moment. And then he turns back to his kitchen and continues on with his day.


About Joey Ballgame

I'd like to take this chance to apologize to absolutely nobody. Views from the 617. Primarily MMA and pop culture takes from down in the rabbit hole. Sports straight out of left field.
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