Tag: ESPN

Coming Soon – A Football Life: Wes Welker LETS GOOO

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ESPN – NFL Network announced its lineup for the popular “A Football Life” series in 2017, and the name that jumps off the page from a Patriots perspective is receiver Wes Welker. His story is scheduled to air Oct. 6. When the Patriots traded for him in 2007, giving up a second- and seventh-round pick, the initial reaction of some was that it was a lot to give up for a slot receiver. All Welker did was go on to catch 672 passes for 7,459 yards and 37 touchdowns from 2007 to 2012.

As a Patriots fan I am JACKED UP, but even as a casual football fan you have got to be excited for this. One of the best stories of the past decade in the NFL. An undrafted free agent in 2004 that played sparingly for the Chargers and Dolphins before landing with the Patriots. He also has the most receptions by any undrafted player in NFL history.

I think because of how great Julian Edelman has been and how much success the Patriots have had post-Welker (2 Super Bowl titles) people forget just how great Welker was for the Pats. He led the league in catches in 2007, 2009 and 2011. He’s also the Patriots all-time leader in receptions. The guy came out of nowhere in another example of a classic Bill Belichick diamond in the rough, highway robbery trade.

Basically a special teams player for most of his career, Belichick picked up Wes Welker before the 2007 season for a 2nd and 7th round draft pick. And let me tell you, I was fucking fired up for that trade. Belichick is notorious for trading for guys that roast him head to head. Wes Welker did that in spades. In Week 5 of 2006 as a little known receiver for the Dolphins, Welker had 9 catches for 77 yards against the Pats. Nothing thats going to have a plaque in Canton, but he also returned 4 kickoffs (25 yards avg per return) and also fielded 2 punts (avg 9 yards per return). This guy could do it all, which as we all know Belichick lives for guys like that. It was the same with Troy Brown and then later on with Edelman (who even played cornerback). So Bill plucked the guy out of Miami and all he did was catch 672 balls for 7,459 yards with 37 TD from 2007 to 2012. Not to mention 112 catches for 1,100+ yards and 8 TDs in his first year with the Pats in 07 as part of the greatest offense the NFL has ever seen.

So get excited for another great A Football Life and pull your 83 jerseys out.

PS – If you still blame Welker for that “drop” in the second Giants Super Bowl you’re an asshole. I love Tom Brady, but that was an overthrown ball. And yes, having two more SB wins since then (5 total if you’re counting) helps make that clear analysis easier.

Smokin Jay Cutler is Back!

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You thought this guy was going to go quietly into the night? I don’t think so. Not if there’s a $10 million offer on the table from the Miami Dolphins. I think Jay Cutler is a better QB than he’s ever gotten credit for, but I also think his biggest problem has always been perception. He looks like a guy that does not give a shit and doesn’t really want to play. Whether thats actually true or not nobody except maybe Kristin Cavallari knows, but hey perception is reality.

Which is why Cutler signing with the Dolphins is very interesting. Its the best team he’s been on, at least offensively, in years plus its in the warm and comfortable city of Miami. Maybe he puts the Menthols down for a few months and has a mini career resurgence a la Kurt Warner in Arizona. Or maybe he collects $10 Million to half-ass a season before going into the FOX booth.

Cutler started his career off as a promising young QB, then became salty as fuck when new Denver coach Josh McDaniels tried to trade him for Matt Cassel, forced a trade, landed with the Bears, played pretty well there for a couple of years with Brandon Marshall, then the team started to get worse before bottoming out last year and becoming a complete dumpster fire. Add all that to the fact that Chicago is a miserably cold city during the football season and I can see how Smokin Jay Cutler was born.

BUT, Cutler’s also only thrown for 4,000+ yards once in a season, and thrown 25+ TDs 3 times in 10 years. For a quick AFC East comparison, Tom Brady has thrown for 4,000+ yards 8 different times and has thrown 25+ TDs 12 times in his career. So Tom Brady he is not.

But the Dolphins don’t really need him to be. They just need him to be similar, if not better, than the level of production they were getting out of Ryan Tannehill. I think its a pretty safe bet to assume most Dolphins fans are pretty lukewarm on Tannehill. He’s been good, not great. He hasn’t made the jump to a top tier QB like most hoped he would. Again for comparisons sake, Tannehill has thrown for 4,000+ yards twice in five years and thrown 25+ TDs just once in his career. His career completion percentage of 62.7 is just a tick higher than Cutler’s 61.9. Tannehill is more mobile, but the difference is not as much as you would think. The last four years Tannehill has rushed for 164, 141, 311, 238 and 211 yards (4.9 Yards per Attempt for his career) with 6 TDs. In that same timespan Cutler has rushed for 24 (limited to 5 games by injury), 201, 191, 118, and 233 (4.5 Yards per Attempt for his career) with 3 TDs. So not a huge difference.

My point is the Dolphins aren’t completely and totally fucked. Cutler is not Tom Brady, but he’s better than most people think.

Okay, okay, you want to see how he stacks up against the most famous free agent QB ever in Colin Kaepernick too? Despite his gazelle like speed, Kaepernick “only” averages 6.1 Yards per Rushing Attempt. People remember those who huge runs in the playoffs a few years back and it skews perception. In the 2012 playoffs he rushed for 264 yards and in the 2013 playoffs he rushed for 243 yards and 4 total TDs, which is 9.9 Yards per Attempt). Overall though? Not that much better. Not so much better you want to deal with bitchy questions from everyone holding a microphone for the next 6 months. His passing stats? Career completion percentage of 59.8 (lower than both Cutler and Tannehill). He’s never thrown for 4,000+ yards. He’s never thrown for 3,500+ yards. Never threw 25+ TDs, he’s only topped 20 once. Kaepernick obviously has a much smaller sample size of games started than Cutler, but those are the numbers guys.

So if anything the Dolphins will be interesting to watch, assuming Jay Cutler wants to do more than just collect a paycheck. But if he truly just wanted to snake another check, Cutler could have signed with the Jets months ago. Maybe he sees a legit opportunity here with Miami. The Patriots have had the AFC East on lock for a while now so its not like they will suddenly contend for the division. But similar to the Vikings getting Sam Bradford last year, except much better because Miami didn’t have to give up a FIRST round draft pick to get Cutler, brining in a solid, veteran QB probably keeps them in contention for a Wild Card spot. Smokin Jay Cutler is back indeed.

ESPNU Re-branding as The Ocho in a Hilarious and Timely Joke

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ESPN – Drawing inspiration from the 2004 hit movie “Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story” featuring Vince Vaughn, Christine Taylor and Ben Stiller, ESPNU will become ESPN8: “The Ocho” on Tuesday, Aug. 8, or more appropriately, 8/8. For one day only, the faux network will feature a line-up of unconventional sporting events ranging from Disc Golf to Ultimate Trampoline Dodgeball and Firefighters World Challenge playing off the mantra highlighted in the movie: “Bringing you the Finest in Seldom Seen Sports”.

They say the key to comedy is timing. Well nothing more relevant and timely than a joke from a movie that came out THIRTEEN years ago. ESPN execs are probably sitting at their big desks up in their ivory towers thinking, “Yup, NAILED it.” Take the weekend off boys, our work here is done.

As bad as this joke thats almost old enough to drive is, I have to cover both sides of the story because I’m a former Big-J journalist and thats what the great ones do. So as stale as this idea is, something that will never not be funny are the This is SportsCenter commercials. I nearly flunked a final in college because I blew off studying to watch a best of This is SportsCenter Top 50 2-hour special. So you get credit for that ESPN, but not too much since Wieden+Kennedy created this idea. Only the most famous ad agency in the world. But hey, take the small victories where you can. CUE THE HIGHLIGHTS.

Time is a Flat Circle: Tom Brady Has Five Goats

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So apparently the Patriots are celebrating Tom Brady’s 40th birthday today by trotting out a mini heard of goats rocking TB12 jerseys. Because what else do you get the man that has everything?

But more importantly, if you’re anything like me and my friends, you’ve obsessively watched every single Tom Brady documentary there is, but most of all The Brady 6. One of the funniest lines of that entire documentary is the gigantic FUCK YOU that ESPN gives to that scrub Giovanni Carmazzi, who the 49ers took over Brady. “……he has five goats.”

And now years later, on his 40th birthday, after his 5th Super Bowl championship, Tom Brady also has 5 goats.

What’s Funnier – Stephen A. Smith Saying Lebron Wants To Beat Up Kyrie Or The Notion Of Lebron Being In A Physical Altercation, In General, Ever?

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Image result for lebron goofy

You’ve by now no doubt seen this little story regarding Stephen A. reporting that Lebron wants to beat up Kyrie. Now add to that Lebron angrily denying it and their ensuing cat-fight. I think Smith actually threatened Lebron today a la the same way he did Kevin Durant awhile back. whatever.

Now, I hate Lebron James with every fiber of my being and I admit that. I think he is an overrated, pretentious, narcissistic asshole. However, I will pay him a compliment. I think he probably does the best “hold me back” in recorded human history. He is a solid actor, as evidenced by all the flopping he does and shocked faces he makes. I can absolutely picture him, standing 6’8, seeing Kyrie Irving from across the nail salon and shouting for his bodyguards, standing 6’9, as a 6’8 man tends to need, to hold him back, or else.

Let’s call it like it is people. Lebron James has been coddled, insulated, and treated like a princess since he was in High School. He, as a product of a single mother, single income household, famously rolled up to St. Francis-St. Mary in a Hummer. At 32 years old, caring more about your #brand than anything else on earth, when your knuckles are part of your livelihood, you don’t decide to take up solving your problems in a physical manner, at least not personally. It would do too much damage to both his d-bag image and possibly his career if he hurt his hand.

Now I’ll say this is also a another one of a growing number huge losses for Stephen A. . He is more and more being called out for the lack of substance in what he says and since Brian Windhorst has the Lebron lapdog market cornered, Stephen A. is grasping at straws when it comes to breaking stories about Queen James.

Overall though this is still a bigger Lebron loss, as he looks like he’s playing Tommy Toughguy. You could tie Kyrie’s hands behind his back and I doubt LBJ would swing. WEST ORANGE, NJ STAND UP.

Adrian Beltre Gets Ejected for Being a Hilarious Dickhead

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I respect the shit out of anyone who can really dial up the sarcasm and Adrian Beltre had that here in spades. The former Red Sox third baseman got ejected for essentially not warming up in the on-deck circle. “Oh you want me to move over there? Let me just drag this plastic fucking rug over here if its such a big deal.”

SEE YA LATER.

Beltre is such an enigma I love it. He only played here for one year, but the guy was loved by fans, unlike half the assholes we trot out there now. Don’t touch his head, crushing dingers over the monster from one knee, and now he’s out there rearranging the field just to tweak the umpires. Love it. Never change, Adrian.

In Ultimate F-U to Fans, Warriors Will Sell 30-Year-Long “Seat Licenses” Just for the Right to Buy Season Tickets

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ESPN – The Golden State Warriors are bringing the personal seat license to the NBA. Officials with the defending NBA champions acknowledged Wednesday that to get season tickets at the team’s new privately financed $1 billion Chase Center, which is slated to open in 2019, fans will have to pay a fee for the right to buy those tickets…The Warriors would return the money the fan paid for the right to buy tickets after 30 years. That essentially means the personal seat license, which will be called a “membership,” is acting as an interest-free, tax-free loan to the team for three decades. Fans can transfer or give back the license before the 30 years are up, so they aren’t required to commit to the full term, but they won’t get their money back until Year 30.

What. A. Scam. A Personal Seat License? Look as a business this is brilliant. Especially if people are dumb enough (and they are) to pay for this. Oh you want the right to buy tickets in this stadium we just built? Well thats gonna cost you. You need to pay me money for the right to pay me money. Genius.

But as a fan? Fuckkkk that. Again, Im sure the Golden State Warriors will have zero problem selling these in Silicon Valley, but I’m still pissed if I’m a fan. I essentially have to write you a check that you hold onto for 30 YEARS just so I can pay you thousands more per year for season tickets. This is like Ticketmaster on steroids. I despise Ticketmaster for this very reason. They’ve charged bullshit “convenience fees” and “maintenance fees” for years. $15 so I can print out one ticket at home? Kick rocks, Ticketmaster. I’ve been calling shenanigans on them for a decade. And now an NBA franchise is going to take this model and just RUN with it.

But, this is what happens when you have a $400M bill looming. The Warriors, by the grace of tax cap god, were able to fit Kevin Durant under the cap along with Steph Curry, Draymond Green and Klay Thompson, plus ya know the other 10 guys to fill a roster. Except what comes with massive amounts of payroll and multiple max contracts? Luxury taxes. What happens when you consistently go over the luxury tax? The League RAPES you on more taxes.

I saw a graphic on ESPN where Brian Windhorst and the crew were talking about how in 3 or so years, with all of the luxury taxes, if the Warriors keep their team together as currently constructed, their overall payroll would be $400 MILLION DOLLARS. Even for billionaire professional sports franchise owners, thats a tough pill to swallow.

So, as usual, might as well pass the buck along to the fan so he’s the one holding the bag. For 30 fucking years.

Ezekiel Elliott is Doing His Best to Destroy My Fantasy Football Season and its Not Even August

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ESPN – Cowboys running back Ezekiel Elliott was involved in a late-night incident at a Dallas bar Sunday, a source confirmed to ESPN’s Adam Schefter. According to the Dallas Police Department, officers were dispatched to the bar around 9:40 p.m. A 30-year-old man said he was physically assaulted but could not identify who assaulted him. The man was taken to the hospital with non-life-threatening injuries. A Dallas Police spokesperson said no arrests or suspects have been reported in connection with the incident, which was first reported by 105.3 FM The Fan in Dallas. The investigation is ongoing, according to police.

Before I get into this blog about Ezekiel Elliott yet again getting into trouble off the field, I have to get something off my chest.

Ok, I feel a little better. Part of me wants to write this latest incident off as a young guy getting into a scuffle at a bar like we’ve all done, but then I read this.

“According to the Dallas Police Department, officers were dispatched to the bar around 9:40 p.m.”

If you’re getting into brawls before its even fucking 10 pm, then you are the problem. It means you’ve either been boozing all day long and are legless by sundown or you’re just looking to pick fights like an asshole.

This concerns me not as a citizen of the world, but as a fantasy football owner that needs to have a bounce back season. After getting stuck in the mud with bad keepers the past few years; Marshawn Lynch in his final year before his *first* retirement and then his replacement Thomas Rawls who, despite every report otherwise, missed the first half of the season coming back from an injury. So Elliott’s my first great Keeper option in years.

As for his recent legal problems though. He’s already had a potential suspension hanging over his head for a 2016 domestic abuse allegation that the NFL still has yet to finish its investigation on. Not good. Then last August before his first preseason game he was spotted walking into a marijuana dispensary in Seattle. Before his first fucking game. My man, have a little self awareness. I do not care if you wanna smoke up, just send one of your guys out to get it. Don’t walk into a place where they sell a substance that is banned by the NFL. Especially don’t do this if you were a recent Top 5 pick in the NFL Draft.

Not to mention another run-in with cops at a bar in February (no charges or accusations) and of course the infamous pulling a titty out at a St. Patricks Day parade earlier this year. For the sake of my fantasy title aspirations, get your shit together man.

This is why I hate Keeper Leagues. The rest of my team last year was garbage, so I’m basically banking on Elliott, who was lights out last year. But now I may have to burn a first round pick on a guy who could miss a handful of games. Welp, I guess I’ll be turning on my Google Alerts for every Ezekiel Elliott update as I nervously await bad news.

God damnit.

Celtics Sign the Viking Known as Aron Baynes

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Tormund Motherfucking Giantsbane! I am all in on this move. A big man with an undercut and a massive red beard? Sign me up.

In case anyone was unclear, I just want to repeat that the Celtics now have a goddamn viking on the team.

Okay now that we’re clear on that, lets get down to the details. Baynes is a 6’10” center and the Celtics are a team in desperate need of someone who can bang the boards. ESPN compiled these stats in their story on the signing. Baynes isn’t much of a scorer, as he only averaged 4.9 points last year, but he did grab 4.4 rebounds in only 15.5 minutes per game last year. Not to mention the guy “grabbed 21.6 percent of all defensive caroms when he was on the floor last season.” I don’t know about you, but that sounds pretty damn good to me.

Detroit averaged a defensive rating of 105.3 last season, which dropped to 98.5 with Baynes on the court, which is huuge. And according to ESPN his overall rebound rate last year was 15.8. The best the Celtics had last year was 13.1 from Kelly Olynyk. And for anyone who watched even a handful of Celtics games last year you know that Olynyk SUCKS on the boards. If Kelly Olynyk can get Pat Riley to pay him $50 fucking million dollars then I can be president. So any upgrade there is money in the bank.

While it may be a bit of a ragtag crew, the Celtics now have Aron the viking, second year big man Ante Zizic and the Daniel Wall himself, Daniel Theis signed out of Germany. Not to mention the Dancing Bear, second year Guerschon Yabusele if the C’s can fit him under the cap and squeeze him on the roster.

Not a ton of star power there, but when you consider who they are replacing (Olynyk and Amir Johnson) there’s nowhere to go but up.

 

Gordon Hayward Joins the Celtics and #WycFireworks are ON!

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Holy hell what a start to Free Agency. Blake Griffin as a potential Celtics target was already off the table before I even had a buzz on Friday night. And then the Pacers flipped out and dealt Paul George to the Thunder for peanuts. So before I went to bed on Friday night I was already rattled and blogging in a panic as the Celtics had firmly placed all of their eggs in the Gordon Hayward basket. If Danny didn’t land Hayward then the Celtics were basically smoked.

Then comes the 4th of July and its reported that Hayward is a Celtic! Wait, nope actually Hayward hadn’t signed with anyone yet!

Was he having second thoughts about leaving Utah? Was he pissed off the news leaked before he could talk with the Jazz? Did that fucking snake Pat Riley swoop in and steal Hayward at the 11th hour? Nah, turns out he was just checking his Players Tribune article for AP style and hadn’t hit publish yet.

Burn those #20 jerseys Jazz fans because ya boy is officially shipping up to Boston.

Isaiah Thomas. Al Horford. Gordon Hayward. Avery Bradley/Marcus Smart. Ante Zizic (?)
Is that a team that can beat the Golden State Warriors? Probably not. Is that a team that can beat LeBron and his suddenly on the verge of imploding Cavs? Definitely. And thats all you can ask for. Lets get to the fucking Finals and cross that Warriors bridge when we get there. The fact that Danny has landed two legitimate All-Star max contract players in back to back offseasons without having to trade any of our top picks is a fucking feat and he should be commended for it.

BUT, as the Wolf once famously put it:


As Felger likes to say, this team may very well be the Bridgies, the team that gets you to the team that wins a title when all your young guys grow up. And that may be true, but I’d much rather have a Bridgies team thats going to the Finals and competing for titles WHILE YOU’RE STILL GETTING BETTER AND STILL BUILDING. The future is bright in Boston. The future is bright and it is green. #WycFireworks for everyone.

PS – All of this excitement was dampened a bit because we had to say goodbye to the one and only Kelly “Maple Jordan” Olynyk. C’s had to renounce his rights to make cap space. Don’t cry because its over, smile because it happened.