I take the fast food beat at The 300s seriously. Very Seriously. I was planning on heading over to my local Taco Bell yesterday to get my hands on the new Naked Chicken Chalupa that I wrote about earlier this month. That plan was placed on hold, though, when I heard McDonald’s was planning to give away 10,000 bottles of Big Mac Sauce.

[Nice job stealing the spotlight away from Taco Bell yesterday, McDonald’s! I didn’t see Taco Bell on the NBC Nightly News!]

Unfortunately for my Boston colleagues, Boston was not selected as one of the locations for this giveaway. Thankfully, a McDonald’s not too far from my undisclosed location was selected.

Here’s the part where I’d love to tell you about what a zoo it was. But it wasn’t. I got there 20 minutes early,  was 21st in line, and they gave out approximately 100 bottles. The line was cordial, respectful and honestly painless. The line got going at 1 pm, and I walked out with my bottle at 1:02. Good work McDonald’s!

When I got home, I fought the urge to put this puppy on eBay. Curiosity got the best of me, though, and all of the hassle to mail a bottle of salad dressing didn’t seem worth the fifty-odd bucks I’d probably pocket after fees and shipping.

The verdict? Pretty good. It’s impossible to recreate the Big Mac in your kitchen, but this sauce makes a homemade version a little more believable than Thousand Island dressing does. You won’t make many, though. At 11.4 ounces, I feel like my bottle is almost half gone after one night.

Of course this giveaway is also meant to highlight the new Grand Mac and Mac Jr. that McDonald’s recently introduced.

The Grand Mac (aka McKinley Mac) has been a secret menu item for years, but now I won’t need to speak in code to order one. Seems like a no brainer; it’s basically a Double Quarter Pounder with Big Mac Sauce swapped in for ketchup. The original Big Mac is a bit skimpy, to be honest. I probably won’t be trying the Mac Jr. any time soon for that reason, but the Mac Jr. could be a solid late-night menu option for some.

Like any new fast food menu offering, it’s for a limited time only. We’ll see how long that is, but it’s a moot point. McDonald’s won the day, again. Sorry, Taco Bell. You gotta beat the champ to be the champ. But you’re a competitor, and I look forward to your next crazy concoction. It’s a great time to be in the fast food game.

Cook County Record – A Des Plaines man has brought a consumer fraud class action against a suburban Chicago McDonald’s franchisee, alleging the restaurant group should be made to pay for allegedly false advertising on its menu, as the group’s pricing of its two cheeseburger “Extra Value Meal” causes customers to pay 41 cents more than they would if they just ordered their two burgers, fries and drink separately.

I like to consider myself a fast-food connoisseur. I make In-N-Out my first stop every time I travel to the West Coast. I wait in line for my free taco (and nothing else) during every Taco Bell “Steal a Taco” promotion. I savor every McRib like it’s my last. Five Guys and Qdoba are a little too rich for my blood. So I blog today to commend this Des Plaines man for doing God’s work.

We’ve all been squeezed by the cumbersome regulations associated with the McDonald’s “value” menus. Who among us hasn’t wandered into a McDonald’s after dark only to find the once-familiar Dollar Menu replaced with the infamous late-night menu? At the McDonald’s on my college campus, McNuggets could only be purchased in multiples of 10 after 11 PM. No wonder the freshman 15 also comes in packages of 25. They must have to put away the four-piece McNugget boxes after dinner.

Occasionally, these regulations could be avoided. I was known to order three four-piece McNuggets off the Dollar Menu to get 12 McNuggets for $3 instead of the standard 10-piece McNugget for $3.69. But the Dollar Menu could be wildly inconsistent. Years ago, you could find the Big N’ Tasty on the Dollar Menu in Weymouth, but only ketchup packets on the Dollar Menu at North Station.

Enough is enough. McDonald’s has long been lauded for its consistency. A Big Mac in Boston tastes the same as a Big Mac in Bismarck. Isn’t it time the menu replicate that same consistency? Isn’t it time the consumer be rewarded for simplifying the ordering process by ordering one meal? Rather than five individual items in one transaction that would almost certainly be fouled up?

I hate to say it, but it’s not about the money. It’s a moral issue at this point. Do better, Ronald and friends. Do better.