Tag: Gronk

Tim Tebow’s Fantasy Camp of a Life Continues as Jaguars Sign Him as a Tight End

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ESPN – The Jacksonville Jaguars are expected to sign Tebow, 33, to a one-year contract later this week or next week to play tight end, a position he never played in high school, college or his previous three-year NFL career, a source confirmed to ESPN. A deal has not been agreed upon at this time. Once he signs, he will be reunited with Jaguars coach Urban Meyer, who coached Tebow at Florida and won a pair of national championships with the Gators.

Tim Tebow is approaching Cosmo Kramer levels of winning at life with this latest endeavor. Tebow has lived a life of unimaginable success in all facets of life, the ultimate jack of all trades master of none.

He was a five star QB recruit coming out of high school, won two national championships and a Heisman trophy at Florida, was a 1st round draft pick in the NFL, won a playoff game, moved on to broadcasting where he became a consistent face on ESPN covering college football, then tried his hand at professional baseball and made it to Triple-A, then married a legitimate Miss Universe, and now he will join the Jaguars 5+ years after the last time he strapped on a helmet, oh and he’ll be doing it as a tight end.

Truly a fantasy camp of a life.

Despite all that I love Tim Tebow, but I can understand anyone who might gag at the Captain America resume and truly absurd life this guy has lived. With that being said Tebow switching to tight end is something he should have done nearly a decade ago when the Patriots cut him after the pre-season in 2013. I admire a guy sticking to his guns and saying fuck that I’m a quarterback, but at some point we all have to realize our strengths and acknowledge our weaknesses and play the hand we’re dealt. Tebow looks to be in pretty good shape, but pretty good shape is not exactly NFL tight end shape and he’ll be 34 before the season starts, which is ancient in the NFL. So we might see some flashes but ultimately wonder bitterly what could have been if Tebow had been less stubborn back in the day. Maybe he could have been a reliable weapon for Tom Brady and the Patriots behind Gronk in two tight end sets. Who knows?

Either way it’s a smart move by the Jaguars though because they aren’t signing Tebow to be a backup tight end (they have 5 TE’s on the roster already), no they’re signing him to be a player-coach and to help install Urban Meyer’s team culture for his former University of Florida coach. Meyer is taking a huge gamble (mitigated mightily by having a once in a generation QB prospect in Trevor Lawrence) by jumping from the comfy confines of his college football success to the NFL. Just ask Nick Saban, arguably the greatest college coach of all time, how the NFL worked out for him. So Meyer is looking around for any advantage he can find and familiarity is one of the biggest advantages there is. If his former protege in Tebow can act as another coach on the field and help get other players to buy into Meyer’s system, then it’s absolutely worth the roster spot.

Plus as a guy who has dealt with an absolutely absurd level of attention and scrutiny in his career (hell, people went to Double-A baseball games just to watch him strike out), Tebow can help take some of the spotlight off of and help mentor Trevor Lawrence. Not to mention Tebow is originally from Jacksonville where he is a living legend so with that and Meyer in charge, it’s the perfect situation for him. If Tebow is effective in his role it would not surprise me at all to see him transition into a full-time coaching role as early as next season since this is only a one year deal.

But as a guy who purchased a Tim Tebow No. 5 Patriots t-shirt at the Allston Star Market in 2013, I’m just excited to see my guy back in the league.

Just a Little Avocado Tequila Shirt On Sale Now!

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Nothing to see here, just a little Avocado Tequila. Buy Now!

Tom Brady getting day drunk on the river, tossing the Lombardi Trophy from boat to boat is giving me all sorts of FOMO while I sit at my desk with a space heater freezing my ass off wishing the Patriots could find players like that. Either way, the must have t-shirt of 2021 has arrived. Buy Now!

Julian Edelman is NOT Retiring. Here’s the Top 3 Key Factors

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There has been rampant speculation the last week or so that Julian Edelman may be calling it a career after a rather innocuous tweet, but hey the Patriots aren’t playing in January for the first time in forever so people are bored and reading more into things than they normally would. Despite missing the last 10 games of the season due to knee surgery, Edelman came out today and squashed any rumors of him retiring just yet. If you’ve been paying attention over the last decade or so, it’s hard to imagine him going out on Injured Reserve. With that being said, that time is coming sooner than later, so let’s take a look at some of the key factors that led to his return.

1.) Edelman has 1 year left on his contract

Despite being beat to all hell over the years, the guy just loves to ball. So with at least one year left where a team wants him to play football for them, I can’t see Edelman saying no to that. Whether he probably should retire or not with his long term health in mind is a different question. I know he’s pretty far behind Stanley Morgan in terms of Touchdowns and Receiving Yards (and games played), but with his 3 Super Bowl rings, his reliability on the field, his Jerry Rice-esque playoff stats, and his laundry list of clutch plays, Edelman is already the greatest receiver in Patriots history if you ask me. He’s also only 52 receptions behind Wes Welker for the all-time Patriots record so that could factor into him playing another season or two.

2.) Does Edelman want to retire a Patriot or rejoin Tom Brady?

In what seems to be a popular move these days a lot of former Patriots are finding their way down to Tampa. Whether thats through a pseudo-retirement like Gronk, which still doesn’t sit well with me, or even guys who only had a cup of coffee, albeit a wildly successful cup, with the Pats like Antonio Brown. There’s also speculation that more could join him like impending free agent James White, who would be an oh so perfect fit in Tampa. So with Edelman announcing he’ll be back that would seem to confirm he’s not going to try and force his way out of town to rejoin Tom in Florida. Now if he’s healthy and Tom is still playing, he could link up with him after *next* season, but those are two big ifs. Mostly because Edelman’s health is never a certainty, but also because Brady only signed a 2-year contract so he could actually, finally, be retired at that point.

But I think this is missing the entire point.

While Julian Edelman clearly reveres Tom Brady, people seem to forget how much he genuinely loves playing for Bill Belichick. If you’ve seen Edelman’s documentary or read any of his life story then you know Edelman’s dad was a Hall of Fame hard ass who worked Jules’ to the bone growing up and helped mold him into the guy he is today. And I genuinely believe that is something that Edelman not only appreciates, but he craves it. Not to mention Belichick is the only guy that gave Edelman a shot coming out of college and again putting him in a position to succeed in the NFL.

Plus few people have embraced living in Boston more than Edelman has. The guy still lives in the Back Bay, rides his skateboard around town, and is known to pop into random spots like Hojoko in Fenway for a burger. So yes the Pats were a dumpster fire last year while the Bucs are still playing for a Super Bowl berth, but with everything I just rattled off I truly think Edelman wants to retire as a Patriot.

3.) Slot Receiver History

Edelman will be 35 before the start of training camp with 11 seasons already under his belt and a litany of injuries over the years, but I can’t imagine a guy with a self produced documentary called “100%” and a biography called “Relentless” wanting to go out this way. Keep in mind, statistically he had literally his best game EVER in Week 2 against Seattle going off for 8 catches and 179 yards before nagging injuries caught up to him and the wheels fell off the Cam Newton experiment. So as of just a few months ago he still had elite production. However he is already past the expiration date we see on just about every slot receiver, who all take an inhumane level of abuse throughout their careers. Wes Welker retired at the age of 34, but had his last 50+ reception season at 32. The Jets’ all-time slot guy Wayne Chrebet retired at the age of 32. Troy Brown is probably the best Edelman comparison at this point as he caught his last pass at the age of 35 when he had 43 receptions for 384 yards and 4 Touchdowns. Obviously the talent devoid Patriots will need more from a 35-year-old Edelman than 43/384/4 if they’re going to be successful, but thats the measuring stick for 35-year-old slot receivers. Clearly it’s not fair to expect 100 receptions from a guy going into his 12 season, but that just goes to show you the situation the Pats have put themselves in with poor personnel moves (trading a 2nd for Mohamed Sanu) and even worst drafting (1st round WR N’Keal Harry).

While I have no idea if Belichick will do what I hope he does and execute Order 66 this offseason to get the Patriots back to where they need to be, I am glad we get to watch at least one more year of Julian Edelman.

Tom Brady Went From Belichick Criticizing Him Privately to Bruce Arians Dumping All Over Him Publicly

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Bruce Arians came out of the gates FIRING on Sunday after losing the first game of the Tom Brady era and if I were Brady I would be bullshit for getting thrown under the bus in Week ONE. I’m half expecting Brady and Gronk to drop a Hit Em Up remix dissing Arians before next weekend.

Its been widely reported that one of the reasons Tom Brady left New England, other than it was just time for a change of scenery, is that his relationship with Belichick had started to grate on him. Belichick treated Brady like a first year player (or Fucking Johnny Foxboro according to Giselle) and gave him just as much criticism as the next guy in the locker room. Except Belichick did it privately. You never heard a word about this in press conferences even if Brady played like garbage, which he rarely did. Welp, if getting criticized privately bothered Brady he must love whats going on in Tampa Bay right now.

Arians went out of his way to very publicly blame both interceptions on Brady. Now I’m no film geek so I’m not sitting here watching the All-22, but I would bet my non-existent house on the fact that Tom Brady is reading coverages better than Mike Evans.

To paraphrase the great Katt Williams “…maybe we should stop beating our kids……publicly.”

Even if it was TB12’s fault, you just overhauled your entire team and moved heaven and earth to bring the greatest player of all time to a city known for nothing but strip clubs and you immediately rip the guy the first chance you get? Now that he has a real QB in the room, Arians is like Kelly Kapoor in a blazer.

Granted, Brady isn’t going to just go into the tank and pout because his coach criticized him on TV, but uhhh this ain’t exactly helpful. I had this discussion with Big Z the other day, but this is literally the worst offseason ever for a 43-year-old QB to change teams. As Big Z put it, meetings were outlawed and preseason games cancelled.

Some people thought it came off as Arians yet again throwing his QB under the bus, most notably Emmanuel Acho was chirping the Bucs coach.

The problems went far beyond the QB for Tampa though as they were an undisciplined mess on Sunday with tons of penalties, miscommunications, and ugly plays like the muffed kickoff return that two Bucs had to legit work together to somehow pull off.

If, and this is a gigantic if, the Bucs can get their shit together they are obviously a very talented team and can do some damage in the NFC. I have never doubted Tom Brady once in my life, so I’m certainly not going to start now, but they better get organized.

(Retired) Rob Gronkowski Traded to Tampa Bay to Reunite With Tom Brady

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Somebody needs to do a wellness check on Julian Edelman and take away his shoelaces. But seriously, you have got to be shitting me Gronk. I’m seriously going to have to watch two of my favorite athletes of all time play together for another team this season? Holy shit did the devil collect quickly on the deal for my soul after Super Bowl No. 6.

This all came out of thin air after RapSheet tweeted Gronk was interested in coming back and was a done deal in a matter of about 30 minutes, which made it all the more jarring.

I didn’t even have time to craft a witty tweet before the next breaking news siren sounded. Now we’re just reacting to the cold hard news that is in fact a done deal.

If we’re being honest I was hoping for more than a 4th for Gronk and a 7th, but I guess objectively speaking it makes sense as he has just one year left on his deal and hasn’t played football in more than a year. When Marshawn Lynch decided he wanted to come out of retirement to play for the Raiders, the Seahawks were only able to swap a 6th for a 5th and thats probably the closest comparison.

But in the span of 32 days to lose the greatest quarterback of all time for nothing and now arguably the greatest tight end of all time for a 4th stings a bit.

Karen Guregian also reported that this wasn’t just a sudden urge from Gronk to play football again.

I can’t say that surprises me all that much since Gronk confirmed rumors of a nixed trade to the Lions before the 2018 season, saying he’d retired before playing for another QB.

After a year doing TV, selling CBD, hosting music festivals, and winning WWE belts Gronk will be back catching balls in 2020 from none other than Tompa Brady. His off the field stuff was hit or miss, but let us never forget his Hall of Fame meathead moment on New Years Eve.

Well if sports ever do come back I’ll be drunk and crying in the stands watching Tom Brady throw TDs to Rob Gronkowski in motherfucking Tampa Bay.

Rob Gronkowski Launches a CBD Company

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WBZ – Rob Gronkowski’s “next chapter” involves a campaign to get professional sports leagues to loosen their restrictions on CBD products.

The retired former Patriots tight end announced at a press conference in New York City on Tuesday that he has partnered with Abacus Health to launch a line of CBD products, after Gronkowski said the products changed his life.

“I immediately made CBDMedic part of my recovery,” Gronkowski said of his post-retirement treatment. “And now for the first time in more than a decade, I am pain-free. And that is a big deal.”

Citing his countless injuries and his nine surgeries during his playing career, Gronkowski said he had no choice but to retire.

CBD is a tricky thing because it only became federally legalized in 2018 after the passing of the Farm Bill. Theres not a whole lot of government funded research to analyze and back up (or dispute) all of the claims of CBD benefits, which at this point in time are mostly anecdotal. Gronk is all in on CBD though and wants to make you a believer.

Right now there are two types of people in this country; CBD fanatics and people who think CBD is snake oil.

I wouldn’t blame people for thinking CBD is a bunch of bullshit because there are claims that it can help for everything from reducing pain and inflammation to improving sleep, reducing stress and anxiety etc. etc. Without a ton of studies available on CBD its easy to disbelieve if you aren’t a fan of it. However anyone that I’ve talked to who takes CBD swears by it. I’m personally a huge proponent of it. Could we all look back in 5 years and see it was basically a giant placebo effect? Sure, but if people at least believe its helping them then why not embrace it?

So we have a product that helps athletes with pain and recovery, is non-habit forming, and doesn’t get you high, yet its still banned by the NFL. Gronk is looking to change that.

CBD comes from cannabis which is derived from hemp, just without the THC, so its easy for people to circulate the “reefer madness” party line as to why you shouldn’t mess with it. But with more and more recreational marijuana shops opening up every day (seriously theres one right around the corner from my house that I didn’t even know about), its quickly becoming the norm.

Research and studies are coming and its not out of the goodness of their heart that the government will start funding it. No, its once they realize how much money there is to be made regulating it. CBD is in just about everything right now: oil, vapes, gummie bears, cookies, soda, coffee etc. So with regulation will come restrictions, but it will also weed out the people selling actual snake oil.

If you think this is just an athlete cashing an endorsement check then you need to watch the video below. Gronk nearly breaks down into tears discussing the pain he was in and how this product helped him get right.

Gronk did leave open the possibility for a return to football, but it sounds like he was so beat up that he couldn’t even enjoy winning the goddamn Super Bowl so I think a comeback is unlikely.

“I was in tears in my bed after a Super Bowl victory. … It didn’t make much sense to me,” Gronkowski said. “I couldn’t sleep for more than 20 minutes a night, after a Super Bowl win. And I was like damn, this sucks. It didn’t feel right.”

So heres to Gronk and the next chapter in his life. You gave us 9 seasons, 115 games, 79 touchdowns, 2 Super Bowls, and became arguably the greatest Tight End the NFL has ever seen all while beating the hell out of your body. Build a CBD empire, push for the NFL to legalize it, partner with Brady down the line on a TB12 CBD brand that will put GNC out of business. Sky’s the limit.

Doug Gottlieb Blames Millennials for Andrew Luck Retiring, Torrey Smith Dunks on Him

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So as you are probably aware, Andrew Luck has indeed retired at the age of 29. The guy has dealt with a ton of injuries over the years and Luck himself inferred that he just couldn’t live his life the way he wanted to with the constant injuries, pain, and subsequent rehab so he decided to call it a career. No shame in that at all. Unless you’re Doug Gouttlieb and oh what a glorious dickhead Gottlieb is here.

You don’t even want to know how many stolen credit card jokes people were able to shoehorn into Gottlieb’s mentions, but Torrey Smith one shot KO’d him here.

The Twitter equivalent of the Conor McGregor Jose Aldo fight; over in 10 seconds.

Then Troy Aikman came in to straight up eviscerate Dougie.

Its bad enough to rag on a clearly broken down and conflicted Andrew Luck for retiring from the only thing he’s ever done because of things beyond his control. But then to lay it at the feet of millennials because its another thing we ruined? What a moron. Thats what Gottlieb does though, stirs the pot and just drops outlandish takes to generate some buzz. Rob Parker, Gottlieb, Max Kellerman, and Chris Simms must all get together once a month to drink wine coolers and drunk dial Skip Bayless asking for guidance.

The tweet is in bad taste, but its also just ill informed as more players retire younger and younger rather than continue to give themselves brain damage. Luck was been sacked 174 times in his career and has suffered injuries ranging from a concussion to lacerated kidney, partially torn abdominal muscle, torn rib cartilage, not to mention all the shoulder injuries that had him unable to THROW. Andrew Luck isn’t a dummy, the guy graduated from Stanford. So he knows how many NFL athletes play until their body gives out on them and deal with the consequences for the rest of their lives. Just like I said when Gronk retired, if you want to retire early with your health in tact then good for you.

Take a seat, Gottlieb.

Gronk Dented the Lombardi Trophy After BUNTING With It Before the Red Sox Ring Ceremony

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I knew I spotted a dent in this thing during the Red Sox ring ceremony! I was snapping screenshots left and right while secretly watching and live tweeting the World Series celebration from work so I completely forgot to tweet out the above pic. Like how the hell could this have happened already? Well the story has literally just come out courtesy of the Patriots Twitter feed. Apparently Gronk dented the Lombardi Trophy by BUNTING with it.

Legit can’t make this up. If you wrote a screenplay about the 2018 Patriots and ended it with Rob Gronkowski denting the Lombardi Trophy at Fenway by bunting with it they’d say it sounded too fake.

Oh that? That was already there.

Goddamn I’m gonna miss this guy.

In a Post Gronk World, Patriots Sign 285 Pound German Tight End Jakob Johnson

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Yahoo – The New England Patriots have a new tight end from Germany. The Patriots have added Jakob Johnson to their organization as part of the NFL’s International Pathway Program. According to Mark Daniels of the Providence Journal, “if Johnson doesn’t make the Patriots 53-man roster, he’ll be granted an extra 11th spot on the team’s practice squad, but not eligible to be promoted.”

Johnson played tight end for the Stuttgart Scorpions in Germany last season. He tallied 43 receptions for 474 yards and four touchdowns, in addition to 12 tackles for the Scorpions in 2018. He’s listed at 6-foot-5 and 285 pounds.

Johnson played college football at the University of Tennessee from 2014 to 2017. He showed some impressive versatility with the Volunteers, playing tight end, defensive line and offensive line. We know Patriots head coach Bill Belichick values players who can fill multiple roles/positions.

Herzlichen Glückwunsch, indeed.

In what I will from here on out refer to as a Post Gronk world, the Patriots are suddenly thin as a triscuit at tight end. Maybe they saw the success the Celtics have had importing Daniel Theis AKA The Daniel Wall from the Deutschland. The Patriots have had some success dipping into Germany before though, most notably when they signed Sebastian Vollmer completely out of nowhere and the guy went on to become a stud. Unrelated, but should be noted, Seabass is now dabbling as sports commentator and is also chiseled from marble.

Rough life for Sebastian these days.

So a closer look at Jakob Johnson, who is the prime hybrid prototype that Belichick loves so much, having played TE, DL, and OL at Tennessee. He is definitely not Gronk though. In fact he’s more like an extra lineman because he only caught 3 passes for 23 yards in 17 games over parts of 4 seasons at Tennessee. He also recorded 14 tackles in that same time. So not a lot of catches, but he did make the SEC Academic Honor Roll three times!

Last season he went over to Germany to play for his hometown Stuttgart Scorpions where he Balled. Out. Johnson had 43 receptions for 474 yards and four touchdowns so its not like the kid can’t catch, it seems like they just didn’t utilize him much as a receiver in college. Hey, Belichick turned a college wrestler into a 3x Super Bowl champ offensive lineman in Stephen Neal so I have faith Bill can make something of this kid too.

This has been your NFL Euro Offseason Report.