Tag: Kelly Olynyk

Celtics Sign the Viking Known as Aron Baynes

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Tormund Motherfucking Giantsbane! I am all in on this move. A big man with an undercut and a massive red beard? Sign me up.

In case anyone was unclear, I just want to repeat that the Celtics now have a goddamn viking on the team.

Okay now that we’re clear on that, lets get down to the details. Baynes is a 6’10” center and the Celtics are a team in desperate need of someone who can bang the boards. ESPN compiled these stats in their story on the signing. Baynes isn’t much of a scorer, as he only averaged 4.9 points last year, but he did grab 4.4 rebounds in only 15.5 minutes per game last year. Not to mention the guy “grabbed 21.6 percent of all defensive caroms when he was on the floor last season.” I don’t know about you, but that sounds pretty damn good to me.

Detroit averaged a defensive rating of 105.3 last season, which dropped to 98.5 with Baynes on the court, which is huuge. And according to ESPN his overall rebound rate last year was 15.8. The best the Celtics had last year was 13.1 from Kelly Olynyk. And for anyone who watched even a handful of Celtics games last year you know that Olynyk SUCKS on the boards. If Kelly Olynyk can get Pat Riley to pay him $50 fucking million dollars then I can be president. So any upgrade there is money in the bank.

While it may be a bit of a ragtag crew, the Celtics now have Aron the viking, second year big man Ante Zizic and the Daniel Wall himself, Daniel Theis signed out of Germany. Not to mention the Dancing Bear, second year Guerschon Yabusele if the C’s can fit him under the cap and squeeze him on the roster.

Not a ton of star power there, but when you consider who they are replacing (Olynyk and Amir Johnson) there’s nowhere to go but up.

 

Gordon Hayward Joins the Celtics and #WycFireworks are ON!

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Holy hell what a start to Free Agency. Blake Griffin as a potential Celtics target was already off the table before I even had a buzz on Friday night. And then the Pacers flipped out and dealt Paul George to the Thunder for peanuts. So before I went to bed on Friday night I was already rattled and blogging in a panic as the Celtics had firmly placed all of their eggs in the Gordon Hayward basket. If Danny didn’t land Hayward then the Celtics were basically smoked.

Then comes the 4th of July and its reported that Hayward is a Celtic! Wait, nope actually Hayward hadn’t signed with anyone yet!

Was he having second thoughts about leaving Utah? Was he pissed off the news leaked before he could talk with the Jazz? Did that fucking snake Pat Riley swoop in and steal Hayward at the 11th hour? Nah, turns out he was just checking his Players Tribune article for AP style and hadn’t hit publish yet.

Burn those #20 jerseys Jazz fans because ya boy is officially shipping up to Boston.

Isaiah Thomas. Al Horford. Gordon Hayward. Avery Bradley/Marcus Smart. Ante Zizic (?)
Is that a team that can beat the Golden State Warriors? Probably not. Is that a team that can beat LeBron and his suddenly on the verge of imploding Cavs? Definitely. And thats all you can ask for. Lets get to the fucking Finals and cross that Warriors bridge when we get there. The fact that Danny has landed two legitimate All-Star max contract players in back to back offseasons without having to trade any of our top picks is a fucking feat and he should be commended for it.

BUT, as the Wolf once famously put it:


As Felger likes to say, this team may very well be the Bridgies, the team that gets you to the team that wins a title when all your young guys grow up. And that may be true, but I’d much rather have a Bridgies team thats going to the Finals and competing for titles WHILE YOU’RE STILL GETTING BETTER AND STILL BUILDING. The future is bright in Boston. The future is bright and it is green. #WycFireworks for everyone.

PS – All of this excitement was dampened a bit because we had to say goodbye to the one and only Kelly “Maple Jordan” Olynyk. C’s had to renounce his rights to make cap space. Don’t cry because its over, smile because it happened.

Now THAT Was a Game 7

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What. A. Game.

Now that was a goddamn Game 7. That my friends is what we in the business call an emotional roller coaster. Isaiah doing Isaiah things, Marcus Smart coming back from the dead to hit a couple 3’s and play his usual ferocious defense, and of course Kelly “Maple Jordan” Olynyk.

Seriously, holy shit, the awkward Canadian 7 footer just carried the Celtics to the Eastern Conference Finals with 26 points off the bench in Game 7. The guy was all awkward euro steps and scoop shots while consistently draining the 3 ball all night.

I have to admit I have given Olynyk my fair share of shit this season so I did not see this coming. I don’t think anyone did. Danny Ainge hoped for it, if only to get a 1-day reprieve of people reminding him he drafted Oynyk over this guy:

Giannis Antetokounmpo. The Greek Freak. But I digress.

Celtics were up, they were down, leading by double digits late in the fourth, only to see the Wizards claw back on the shoulders of Bradley Beal. Seriously Beal is an absolute baller who was putting the fear of God in me down the stretch. That guy can hit from just about anywhere. No thanks to John Wall, who seemingly used up all his turbo power in Game 6 because he ate a dick down the stretch shooting 0-11 over the final 19 minutes.

I laughed.

I cried

I nearly smashed my TV.

But thats what great teams do, they fall down and then they pick themselves back up.

And not to mention WE GET THE NBA DRAFT LOTTERY TONIGHT (Thank you Brooklyn). I feel like a kid with one Jewish parent and one Catholic parent and I get to celebrate BOTH Hanukkah AND Christmas. The best of both worlds. On back to back nights. Unless the Celtics get fisted by the ping pong balls again. Hell, even Markelle Fultz wants it to happen.

See you Wednesday night, Bron Bron.

Is Kelly Olynyk a Dirty Player? Lets Break It Down.

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Had to address this whole “Kelly Olynyk is a dirty player” storyline thats been gaining steam over the last few days. Look has Olynyk been involved in some scuffles the past couple of years? Sure, but most of them are pretty innocuous. It’s not like he’s going out there socking dudes. For Draymond Green of all people to call Olynyk dirty though is just absurd.

The guy who literally goes around kicking dudes in the DICK is calling our very own Maple Jordan a dirty player.

 

Pot meet kettle. Sit the fuck down Draymond. Even Isaiah said as much when asked about it.

And then Draymond, being the dickhead that he is, clapped back on Isaiah.

Hopefully the C’s pull this Wizard series out and LeBron gets mono or something because I would LOVE to see this matchup in the Finals.

But, back to the point at hand. Is Olynyk a great player? No. Is he an awful player? No. Is he wildly frustrating at times? Yup. But do I think of him as a dirty player? Trying to be as objective as possible even as a Celtics fan, but I just don’t see it. Lets go through some of the more memorable incidents from the past couple of years.

The time Olynyk blew out Kevin Love’s shoulder in the playoffs:

I still think this is just a case of two gangly white guys getting tangled up and one of their noodle arms getting stuck. Love definitely didn’t see it that way though as he went on to rip Olynyk as a dirty player, thus starting the movement. My ruling? Not dirty. Drink more milk, Kevin.

Kelly Olynyk setting a pick on Kelly Oubre in Game 3

This play is literally a pick, probably more like one of the illegal moving screens that Kevin Garnett made famous, but a pick nonetheless. One that knocks Oubre on his ass. There’s nothing malicious or dirty here. Looks like a young guy in Oubre overreacting to a physical play before going up and tossing Olynyk, getting himself ejected. My ruling? Not dirty. Toughen up, Oubre.

I do have to give props to the Wizards owner Ted Leonsis though, definition of a ride or die boss.

 

Either way, here’s a FOUR MINUTE highlight video of Draymond Green dirty plays.

 

PS – Dirty or not dirty, this did make me laugh though.

NBA Agent Accidentally Tweets Out Orlando Magic’s Offseason Plans

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Yahoo Sports – The Orlando Magic signed Argentine wing Patricio Garino for the remainder of the season on Monday …Only, by doing so, the Magic inadvertently gave the rest of the NBA a window into their offseason plans. GP Sports agent Carlos Prunes tweeted a congratulatory photo of his client putting pen to paper on a contract…except that Garino signed his deal in front of a dry-erase board that features Orlando’s free-agent and trade options for both hybrid forwards and stretch bigs this coming summer.

What an absolute moron this guy is. Hey look its my client signing a contract with Orlando and making me some money anddd whoops I just tweeted out the Magic’s offseason to-do list!

I imagine the next time the Magic do business with this guy he’ll get the rap star after party treatment; leave your phone at the door.

But how about the Magic GM and front office? Just leaving that shit up on a white board for this dummy to take a picture of? Have some tact for me one time. I mean thats just asking for problems. I have a white board in my office and I erase that shit every time the delivery guy comes in. Not because I’m hiding KFC’s 11 secret herbs and spices, but because I don’t want anyone seeing some notes they’re not privy to. Seems like common sense, but hey thats why the Magic have been an absolute dumpster fire since Shaq left and then yet again after Dwight Howard left.

PS – Kelly Olynyk is a target of the Magic? Really? You guys can just have him for a couple of season passes to Orlando Studios. In the words of Michael Bluth: