Tag: Madden

Las Vegas Boldly Predicts the 2007 Patriots Would Beat the 2017 Patriots Head to Head

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ESPN – The 2017 New England Patriots are the overwhelming favorites across Las Vegas to repeat as Super Bowl champions, but are they better in bookmakers’ eyes than the 2007 team? ESPN spoke with seven Vegas bookmakers and asked them to make a line in a hypothetical matchup between the two teams. Six of the seven had the ’07 team favored, with lines ranging from “a small favorite” (William Hill US) to 11 points (Frank Kunovic at Caesars).

Well, no shit. The 2007 Patriots went 16-0…and then I don’t really remember the rest…but they legit didn’t lose a single game in the regular season, routinely BLOWING teams out, all while setting multiple offensive records along the way. That squad vs the 2017 team that hasn’t even played a single game together? I mean who would you take? Not to mention we have players dropping like flies and our front-7 is starting to resemble swiss cheese.

But this is exactly why video games exist. Just putting old school juggernauts against the latest and greatest. NBA2K is awesome for that exact reason. Putting Larry Bird and the Celtics against Steph Curry and the 2018 Warriors. Or playing the Shaq and Kobe Lakers against Bill Russell. I don’t know if this year’s Madden has Classic Teams like it used to, but if it does, this 2007 Pats vs 2017 Pats matchup *needs* to happen. Not only that, it needs to be played out in traditional, painstakingly full 15-minute quarters. If thats still an option then that will be my cross to bear.

Imagine Malcom Butler trying to shut down 2007 Randy Moss who had 23 touchdowns that year? Or 2017 Tom Brady trying to rifle in some slants through that forest of Tedy Bruschi, Junior Seau, Vince Wilfork et al? Now that would be a goddamn game and that is why Twitch is a billion dollar business.

Lets Officially Clear Up What Makes a Super Team in the NBA

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I am tired of everyone pointing out the other Super Teams around the NBA just to make LeBron feel better. They had multiple great players, see they’re a Super Team too. LeBron “I’ve never been on a Super Team” James can cut the shit.

People pointing to the 2008 Celtics as an example of one is what really drives me nuts. Listen, in my mind a Super Team is a team created when the AAU super friends get together, whether its at the Olympics, offseason events, or riding banana boats together with your besties, and decide hey lets all work together to put ourselves on the same team. Which is exactly what LeBron, D Wade and Bosh did with the Heat. They constructed that shit themselves intentionally.

You ever play Madden with a Fantasy Draft team and just ROLL through the league? Yea while it sounds fun going 19-0 with some fake team, you don’t really feel the same accomplishment than when you scrap by as a Wild Card team and win the SB on All-Madden with your auto-generated backup QB because Tom Brady broke his fucking wrist in Week 4.

The 08 Celtics were a team put together by the GM through trades. Danny was shaking hands and kissing babies to put together that team.

Sure they had 3 Hall of Famers on the same team, but one of them didn’t even want to come here in KG. Thats a great, championship winning team built through trades and the draft (who do you think Danny traded to get Ray and KG?).

Rather than 3 assholes sitting on a boat saying you know what forget this team and this city, lets all join up and play together! And as much as I’ll always be like a disappointed parent in Durant going to the Warriors, even that team was built primarily through the draft. Super Team is the new buzzword of the NBA, but however you define it LeBron you sure as shit were on a few of them. End rant.

Tom Brady to Grace the Cover of Madden 2018 at 40 Years Old

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Alright now…how to react to this news?

A younger version of myself would freak out at the prospect of my franchise quarterback appearing on the cover of Madden because dudes used to routinely get injured after landing the cover. But TB12 put that to rest real quick with a few simple demonstrations.

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Smashed mirror? No problem? Walk under a ladder? Get that shit out of my face.

Lets get scientific about it though and break it down year by year, going back an arbitrary number of years because Madden 03 was the first Madden I actually had. On the PC no less. You ever try running go routes on a 12 inch computer screen? Holy hell, but I digress. Onto the list, with some help from Digital Trends.

  • 2003: Marshall Faulk has one of his worst years ever and its the beginning of the end of his career.
    • CURSE: In full effect
  • 2004: Michael Vick fractures his fibula and misses the first 11 games of the season
    • CURSE: 100%
  • 2005: Ray Lewis has a down year, but nothing curse worthy…he did tear his hamstring the following year though.
    • CURSE: Meh
  • 2006: Donovan McNabb was plagued by a groin injury before tearing his ACL later in the year.
    • CURSE: You bet
  • 2007: Shaun Alexander broke his foot in Week 3 that season.
    • CURSE: Prevails once again
  • 2008: Vince Young was plagued by quad injuries all year before being replaced by KERRY COLLINS.
    • CURSE: Continues to cruise
  • 2009: Brett Favre played pretty well actually before injuring his shoulder down the stretch and tanking his (and the Jets) effectiveness.
    • CURSE: Yea, not even including Brett’s cell phone pic troubles
  • 2010: Larry Fitzgerald/Troy Polamalu – Fitz actually had a career year, but Polamalu injured his MCL, missed a month and then eventually injured his PCL as well.
    • CURSE: 50/50 split but still yes
  • 2011: Drew Brees stayed healthy but threw twice as many picks as the year prior and the Saints lost to the first team to ever make the playoffs with a losing record in Seattle that year.
    • CURSE: Not reallyyy
  • 2012: Peyton Hillis came out of nowhere to have a huge year to land the cover of Madden only to battle illness and hamstring issues all season. Rushed for under 600 yards, the Browns let him walk after the season and that was a wrap on Hillis’ career.
    • CURSE: Yup, you sunk my battleship
  • 2013: Calvin Johnson set the single season record for receiving yards soo he did alright.
    • CURSE: Nope, Megatron shatters it
  • 2014: Adrian Peterson battled through a foot injury all year long and the Vikings only won 10 games.
    • CURSE: Yessir
  • 2015: Richard Sherman had a great season and stayed healthy…but they did lose to the Patriots in the Super Bowl.
    • CURSE: Nah, but we did get this legendary GIF out of Sherman’s season 

  • 2016: Odell Beckham Jr. has 1,400+ receiving yards and 13 TDs and is named to this second consecutive Pro Bowl.
    • CURSE: No shot
  • 2017: Rob Gronkowski played only 8 games last season as missed the first game of the year with a hamstring injury, then got on a roll, but ultimately hurt his back in Week 7 against Seattle and missed the rest of the season.
    • CURSE: Put the smackdown on Gronk

So by my scientific count, that makes 10 instances of the Madden Curse wrecking a guy’s season since Madden 2003.

But, hey this is Tom Brady we’re talking about. The 5 time Super Bowl champ who continues to get better like a goddamn fine wine. As long as he’s go his avocado ice cream and his shady health guru Alex Guerrero and his TB12 voodoo magic, I think Brady will continue to roll. You think the Madden Curse and mother nature can stop this specimen?

I think not.

PS – If something does happen to Tom this year I am going to go full Brian Mills on everyone that has ever worked at EA Sports.

Adrian Gonzalez Flips Out on the WBC and I Cannot Blame Him

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Yahoo – “A few days later, Adrian Gonzalez obviously has not gotten over his anger at the way Mexico was eliminated from the World Baseball Classic — via a tiebreaker scenario based on runs allowed per defensive inning.”

Adrian Gonzalez is historically a top notch whiner, but I cannot get on him for this. The World Baseball Classic is a fake ass tournament contrived to try and replicate the World Cup. Hell even basketball’s FIBA cup is more exciting than this. And to get knocked out on a fucking COIN FLIP? What is this the Friday Night Lights playoff tie breaker between Midland High, Lee and Permian? Holy shit what a screw job. Vent away Adrian, vent away. Still doesn’t really matter though because its the WBC.

But getting screwed, regardless of how minor, is what develops life long grudges. You ever get hosed on a call from the refs in Madden? My God, I still have memories of those incidents in college. The amount of $50 clickers we went through as broke college kids is truly amazing. Saved just enough money to buy a 30 of Busch Light and replace the clicker my roommate Gronk spiked into a million pieces after I took a pick 6 back to the house to beat him in OT. So get your grudge on Adrian, rip that shit tournament to shreds.

Chargers Moving to Los Angeles; Are You Happy Now NFL?

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la-chargers

Hilarious. The market that the NFL held over owner’s heads for two decades as the white whale. The market that subsequently drew middling interest and awful TV ratings with just one team last year, now has TWO goddamn teams. As a friend of mine so eloquently put it, this is like Atlanta having two hockey teams. There’s just no need for it.

But as you all know, I love unnecessary shit. Add in the fact that the Chargers will be playing in an MLS stadium for the next two years (which seats 27,000 people) and its even better. I mean, if nothing else, this means I need to buy Madden again this year right? I’ve never played a professional football game in the house that Landon Donovan built.

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Granted the Rams were a god awful team last year, but the people of LA were not exactly clamoring for ANOTHER NFL team. One of these teams better get real good real quick, or its going to be a lot of empty seats and a lot of Stephen A Smith rants on why the NFL needs to abandon Los Angeles, again.

stephena

Now for the coup de gras….the Raiders to Vegas. We got teams moving left and right, shit hole stadiums falling apart all while the Raiders are still playing on a BASEBALL field. Seriously they share a stadium with Billy Beane. Thats just not the 70s Raiders everyone talks about. No, they need to be in a city of debauchery and Sin City has that in…wait for it…spades. I’ll see myself out.

vegasbabyvegas

BREAKING NEWS: Patriots Sign Griff Whalen, the Guy Involved in the Worst Trick Play in the History of the NFL

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What a move! The Patriots just signed Griff Whalen, who if you don’t remember, was one of the architects of the worst trick play in the history of the NFL. This genius:

griffwhalen

Probably the hardest I’ve ever laughed at a failed play. I remember seeing them line up and thinking, well I must be missing something because this is some bullshit you couldn’t even get away with in Madden. But nope, just as dumb as it looked. Snapped the ball and somehow Griff wasn’t able to block two guys by himself for a loss.

So yes, the Patriots signed this guy to help fill in at WR since the team is falling apart at the seams and is now down Gronk and Amendola. Even the go-to emergency Go Route specialist Matthew Slater is out with an injury so the Pats needed to fill the depth chart with some security.

New England also bypassed former Patriots Kembrell Thompkins and Aaron Dobson (Drop-son) to sign Griff, so goes to show how highly Belichick thinks of his former draft picks.

We now turn to the man of 47 career receptions in our time of need.

Troy Smith’s DUI Arrest Makes Me Sad for His Madden Glory Days

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troysmith_madden
I’ve always had a fondness for mobile QB’s who enter the league and wind up as journeymen backups and I think that probably goes back to my Madden Glory Days. Pick a team with a fast backup QB and then wreck havoc on everyone. Now keep in mind this was before the Russell Wilson/Cam Newton/Colin Kaepernick wave of QB’s entered the league. This was back when the only starting QB that could really move was Vick, which obviously got worse over time. But take the Ravens, bench Flacco’s bum ass and insert Troy Smith. Go five wide and wait until you find the edge or just destroy people with screens and slants, basically just run the Ray “Voodoo” Tatum spread offense. I had roommates firing clickers off the wall because these terrible real life QB’s just dominated in Madden. Smith, Vince Young, Tebow, even going back to Doug Flutie’s Chargers days. Overall rating of 68? As long as your Speed and Acceleration are over 75, don’t give a shit, I will take you to victory. Poor Troy Smith, we’ll always have Madden even if that NFL career didn’t pan out like I had hoped.