Tag: Max Kellerman

These Are the Stakes the Patriots are Playing for in Super Bowl LII

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Its almost here. Its the last day of cube life before Super Bowl LII. We’ve had boots on the ground to bring you into the Super Bowl Experience, we’ve provided you with Patriots porn, we’ve got you ready to run through a wall for this team, now its time to really analyze this. What are the stakes? What are the Patriots really playing for here?

I for one will be leaving the office at 5:00 pm on the dot like one of the iron mill workers in the Simpsons.

Its officially Super Bowl weekend. Here are the stakes.

Tom Brady, Bill Belichick, and Robert Kraft are going for their 6th ring together.

Tom Brady is already the all-time winningest QB, he’s already stuffed Joe Montana in a locker. Now he’s looking to take the all-time GOAT title from Michael Jordan. And despite what that walking hot take Doug Gotleib says,

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A win on Sunday makes Tom Brady hands down the greatest athlete of all-time. Big Z already laid out the perfect rebuttal.

Bill Belichick is playing for a fresh paint job on his boat.

Historic radio calls. If the Patriots win Sunday, they HAVE to play the Gil Santos audio right? Like Bob Socci and Zolak have to just turn off their mics and play Gil’s call don’t they? “BACK TO BACK, THREE OUT OF FOUR!”

Tom vs Time will win a goddamn Emmy if it ends with 40 year old Tom Brady winning the league MVP and his 6th Super Bowl ring.

Similar to 2004, the Pats are expected to lose both their offensive and defensive coordinators this offseason, so winning back to back Super Bowls would be a hell of a way to go out for Patricia and McDaniels a la Romeo Crennel and Charlie Weis before them.

Do people realize that if the Patriots win it sets up an opportunity to conquer yet another NFL legendary record? No team in the history of the league has ever won 3 Super Bowls in a row? 19-0 will likely never happen and that absolutely breaks my heart, but winning back-to-back-to-back Super Bowls would likely never be matched.

The mental well being of the annual asshole who got the Super Bowl champions tattoo before the team actually plays the game:

Brady, Belichick and RKK getting up on that podium, accepting the Vince Lombardi Trophy and telling Seth Wickersham, Max Kellerman, Bart Scott, Dan Shaugnessy, and every other click-baiting miserable hater 4 beautiful words:

Dan Le Batard Takes a Shot at the Crown, Implies Tom Brady is On Steroids

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NESN – What Tom Brady is doing at age 40 defies all logic. The New England Patriots quarterback has a very real chance of finishing his age-40 season with an NFL MVP award, a Super Bowl MVP award and yet another Super Bowl championship. Most people attribute Brady’s incredible longevity to a combination of alternative wellness, all-time great coaching and, of course, skill. Some, like ESPN’s Dan Le Batard, wonder if there’s a more cynical theory, however. During Monday’s episode of “The Dan Le Batard Show,” the popular radio host essentially asked whether Brady is using performance-enhancing drugs. Le Batard tip-toed around the topic, and never specifically said “steroids” or PEDs,” but it was abundantly clear what he was talking about.

So Dan Le Batard took some time off from ugly crying on his own show to take a shot at the crown and insinuate Tom Brady is popping PEDs.

“And this is what I want to ask you: … When faced with a quarterback who is aging in a way that has no precedent in the history of aging, is there any particular reason that people aren’t questioning that?” Le Batard asked co-host Stugotz. “Man, we climbed into Peyton Manning … Peyton Manning doesn’t look the part on pharmaceuticals, and Al Jazeera was climbing around in his wife’s stuff, trying to get at the hormones. “And so what I’m asking you is, is it an unfair question to wonder whether, when facing something that has literally no precedent in the history of football or aging, to be like, ‘how?’“

What is Dan Le Batard even talking about here? We climbed into Peyton Manning? NO YOU DID NOT. This is exactly why people around here hate Peyton Manning. Guy got a total free pass from the media. The Peyton Manning comparison makes absolutely no sense. It was an absolute NON-STORY on ESPN, ya know Le Batard’s network, because the Manning Mafia hit the wrap it up box on that whole story real quick.

ESPN barely mentioned it and when they did they basically said, no you see Peyton wasn’t taking anything, his wife was just getting HGH shipments to a since-closed facility in a fucking strip mall in Indianapolis, even though they live in Denver.

And for the record, I don’t care if Peyton was taking horse tranquilizers from the Eastern Bloc. Do what you gotta do, especially if said remedies have you tossing 50+ TDs a year after a debilitating neck surgery.

I just know Brady would be on the cover of the New York Times and every other media outlet in the world would be screaming some nonsense about cheating if it came out he was having boxes of HGH shipped to Giselle.

Its times like these I need to remind myself and everyone around me to not do exactly what I’m doing right now and get all riled up. Tom Brady has 5 Super Bowl rings and people want to poke holes anywhere and everywhere they can. So Dan Le Batard, Rob Parker, and Max Kellerman can all go take a fat hike.