Tag: Millennials Are Killing

Millennials Are Now Blamed for Ruining the U.S. Economy and I Say “Good”

Yahoo – It’s that time of year, when students prepare to head back to the classroom. For many taking the next step in higher education, the question is increasingly, “Is it worth it?” Millions of millennials have already put off settling down because of the rising costs of servicing college debts to the detriment of economic growth. Student loans are now the second-largest category of household debt in America, topping $1.4 trillion and trailing only mortgages at $9 trillion..“You do stand to see longer-term negative effects on people who can’t pay off their student loans. It hurts their credit rating, it impacts the entire half of their economic life,” Powell said in March. “As this goes on and as student loans continue to grow and become larger and larger, then it absolutely could hold back growth.”

I’m like a junkie getting his fix when the latest “millennials ruined ___” story pops up. I need it like I need air. Baby boomers take every opportunity they can get to label millennials as lazy, entitled, poor tippers, unhealthy, delusional, they blame them for killing Applebees, Office Parks, as well as ruining fine institutions like Sears. In some sick twist of irony, we’re also apparently ruining college enrollment rates.

And now millennials are tasked with ruining the United States Economy.

Good.

Millennials get blamed for everything and when we respond with “we’re broke” we get slapped with articles saying the reason we can’t afford to buy a house is because we lack discipline and eat too much avocado toast.

So now the hens have come home to roost. Hey I’m not asking for a handout. My dumbass 17-year-old self signed that life altering contract filled with soul sucking student loan debts. Thats on me. Whether that should be allowed as an option for a teenager who just got their drivers license, yet still can’t buy a pack of smokes is a different question altogether.

But when millennials complain about anything we get told we need to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, ignoring the fact that the generation before us literally killed social security and luxuries like “retirement” for their kids. Millennials basically just get the speech from The Departed.

Which is all fine, but when all of us 20 somethings with college degrees that aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on, just refuse to spend money on things like houses and cars and weddings because we literally cannot afford it; then the economy takes a hit. Then I laugh. Not because it solves anything, but because I’m a spiteful prick.

You want to see what corruption looks like? Look no further:

“From 2007 through 2017, the CPI rose by 21 percent. Over that same period, college tuition costs jumped 63 percent, school housing surged 51 percent and the price of textbooks by 88 percent.”

Textbook prices increased 88 PERCENT. How the fuck is that even possible? Ask anyone who ever went to college for anything other than law or medicine how many times they used their textbook. Almost never. Buying textbooks was the biggest scam going and I graduated years ago and now I’m learning that prices have only continued to rise?? Do yourself a favor kids;

  1. Go to state school and save your money, or better yet just punt on college and work a $30,000/year job and live like a debt-free king.
  2. If you insist on going to college and buying textbooks, don’t be a sheep. Just get the previous year’s edition on Amazon for probably 75% less than what the university is trying to sell you.

Other tidbits from this story;

“Korn Ferry puts the average starting salary for a 2018 college graduate at $50,390”

$50K out of the gates? Maybe the title of all these articles should just be focused on Communications and Journalism majors bringing down the economy because I can tell you I did not touch that salary level in my first job. Not even close.

“[Average starting salaries] up 2.8 percent from 2017, the just-released July Consumer Price Index report shows the inflation rate rose 2.9 percent over the last 12 months. Does the phrase “treading water” come to mind?”

So the minimal increases in salary that millennials are starting to earn immediately gets dwarfed by rising housing costs and inflation rates? Its definitely the avocado toast thats holding kids back goddamnit.

 

Today in the Latest Episode of “Millennials Are Killing ____”

YahooThe millennial generation, those ages 18 to 37, are cheap when it comes to tipping restaurant servers, according to a new surveyed released by CreditCards.com of 1,000 participants. When dining out, 10% of millennials said they typically leave no tip for their server, compared to just 3% of respondents who are older.

In today’s episode of “Millennials Are Killing ___” my generation is now accused of killing gratuity and being the worst tippers at restaurants. To that I must swiftly and decisively reply:

While I’m sure the CreditCards.com survey team is very reputable, I gotta call bullshit on this study. 10% of millennials tip *nothing* when eating at a restaurant? If anyone tips its millennials because despite often complaining about low pay, exorbitant rent prices, impossibly high cost of buying a home, and a devalued college degree — if anyone tips its these guys. You know why? BECAUSE WE ALL HAVE WORKED THESE JOBS INTO OUR LATE 20s.

Ask anyone thats ever worked in the service industry what they tip and its always above and beyond because they understand how hard of a job it is. So don’t try and portray us all as Mr. Pink.

I have worked as a dishwasher, as a Gap denim folding specialist, and as a bouncer just to name a few of the service industry jobs and its because of that I don’t stiff the 19-year-old waitress because the guy in the back burnt my burger.

I have friends that still work 80 hours a week to make ends meet because the college degrees we all were pushed to attain, financial pitfalls aside, are now worth a fraction of the sticker price. Those people have gained something very valuable because of that; empathy.

So I’m calling kangaroo court on this whole CreditCards.com survey.

 

Nordstrom Coming in Hot with a Bold, New Retail Strategy

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AP – Nordstrom is opening up a store that doesn’t have any inventory.

The luxury department store chain says its Nordstrom Local concept store will open in Los Angeles next month.

The Seattle-based company says the store will be staffed with personal stylists who can order merchandise for customers. Nordstrom says customers can also buy online inside the store or pick up online orders the same day.

A lot of struggling retailers have been closing brick-and-mortar locations (thanks millennials!) in order to hawk more merchandise online and better compete against Amazon, et al. Not Nordstrom, though.

Nordstrom is going in the opposite direction. Nordstrom is going to open up more brick-and-mortar locations. How are they doing it? These new locations won’t actually sell any merchandise.

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To better explain how utterly absurd this idea is, think of it this way : this would be like Sears replacing department stores with kiosks at the mall.

The kiosks wouldn’t actually have Craftsman power drills or 16 gallon wet/dry vacs, through. Just some guys in blue polos. The guys in blue polos would show you how to order those items online yourself, in case you haven’t used a computer since the Bill Clinton impeachment trial. You would then be able to grab a quick bite at Auntie Anne’s or Cinnabon, and then come back later in the day to pick up your items.

Who wouldn’t want that superb experience?

It reminds me of the We Sell Your Stuff on eBay store from The 40-Year-Old Virgin.

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The only brick-and-mortar store that should exist solely for internet shopping is Starbucks. At least you don’t have to leave Starbucks empty handed.

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Millennials Are Apparently Moving Out of the City for “Surban” Lifestyle. I Doubt It.

Yahoo – While millennials might have once shuddered at the thought of trekking out to the ‘burbs, millennials (who make up 42% of all homebuyers — more than any other generation), are trading in the hustle and bustle of cities for less chaotic communities. And many of these “surban” environments provide millennials with the kinds of amenities they got in the city, including boutique fitness options, high-quality grocery stores and popular restaurants.

In comes the so called “surban” lifestyle as millennials are looking for the amenities of the city living with more space coupled with the suburban location.

Listen putting a Starbucks in my development is not gonna make me move out to the burbs. Do you think I live in the city because I enjoy paying through the teeth for my apartment?

No, its convenience. Always has been always will be. I used to live on the South Shore and the commute from there to downtown Boston might as well be the Trail of Tears.

Drive to the T, pay to park, get on the overcrowded train, ride that for an hour, walk to your office then do it all again the other way at 5 pm. So I said fuck that noise and moved to the city to be closer to work, the bars, the food etc. Uber legit just became allowed in my suburban hometown so I’m not exactly itching to go back to that way of life.

“Almost half of millennial homeowners live in the suburbs, and the majority stay in the same metropolitan area when they buy a home, according to research from Zillow.”

Do the people who write these articles even take a glance at home prices before hitting send? The reason most millennial homeowners (which I still believe is an urban legend) buy homes outside of the city is because the cheapest house in Boston goes for like $800k. Suburbs it is!

“While there has been a long-perpetuated myth that millennials don’t want to buy homes, the reality is that the desire to become a homebuyer still exists — the timing has just been delayed.”

It’s not a myth that we don’t want to buy homes, we just straight up can’t afford to do so. Semantics though. Ask any millennial why they might not want to buy a  house though? Well whats the No. 1 thing thats set back an entire generation? Huge, crippling student loans debt.

So even if I could afford to buy a house why would I jump right back into another 30 year repayment plan? We’re all a little skeptical of getting on the books for another pipe dream. I can live the American dream just fine from my 2-bedroom apartment plus I can leave that place in 12 months or less at the drop of a hat.

 

Fill In the Blank: Millennials Are Now Killing ____

You could really put in anything there and you’d probably win this game. It’s become the running joke of the internet for anyone thats a Millennial. Today we’re killing Applebees and Buffalo Wild Wings. Seriously, just google “Millennials are killing”

Well first off, FUCK malls, office parks, home ownership and everything else us Millennials are killing. The kids have come home to roost. Baby boomers and Gen X saddled us with a shitty economy, crippling student loans, destroyed social security, the list goes on.

So, yea all those ridiculous things like paying for a newspaper subscription can kick rocks. Technically Millennials are the majority now and it would seem we’re weeding out all the shit that no one wants or needs. SEARS? Fuck outta here with a store that sells khakis, dryers, and garden hoses.

And this isn’t about participation trophies that everyone over 40 seems to think Millennials line their shelfs with. It’s about combatting a shitty perception thats been put on an entire generation. What started out as lazy descriptions for 20 somethings like entitled, impatient, or too dependent on technology has morphed into those same older generations dumping their shit on Millennials.

I think some of it is just straight up resentment, which is normal for any older generation facing an upstart younger generation. The fact that any 21 year old dickhead can start a company from their parents basement with nothing but a laptop probably breeds that contempt. I feel ya, if you’ve been working at the same company for 30 years hoping to get that gold watch at retirement, that’s frustrating. But Millennials are pretty woke to the fact that anyone can get canned at any time (see ESPN) so more and more people are looking to work for themselves in some form or another.

But with that contempt comes the outrageous articles blaming Millennials for killing department stores like Macy’s. No, Macy’s killed Macy’s because they run 100,00 fucking square foot stores with too much overhead selling shit no one needs. Solid business model. Let me introduce you to Blockbuster and cab companies, you morons.

This all brings me to my final point; the Avocado Toast story. This shit has become an ironic rallying cry for Millennials who can’t help but laugh when these hit pieces pop up every other week. Millennials now can’t afford to buy houses because they buy avocado toast and Starbucks. Or maybe its the amazing advice that is continuously doled out to young people. I saw a recent CNBC package titled “Millennials not saving for homes.” What was the sage-like advice from CNBC? Move out of cities like NYC to cheaper, shit holes like Cleveland, get a tiny house, or buy an RV. That’s their advice.

 

Welp, appreciate the wise words, but I think we’ll take our chances and see what other shitty industries we can successfully kill off along the way.