Yahoo – For the first time in 32 years, the men’s World Cup is coming back to North America. FIFA’s 200-plus member associations gathered in Moscow on Wednesday and voted to award 2026 World Cup hosting rights to the United States, Canada and Mexico. The North American bid – the product of over a decade of planning and campaigning – beat out one rival bid, Morocco’s, by a vote of 134 to 65.

The World Cup is coming back to the United States! Well, not this year because they failed to actually qualify for the tournament this time around. But in 2026 the World Cup will be here! Technically its the United States, Canada, and Mexico splitting hosting duties, but the good old USA will get 60 of the 80 games with our neighbors to the north and south getting 10 each.

The United States is a huge country so now the question is where exactly will these games be played? With just about every major city having a professional team from some sport, there are plenty of stadiums and arenas to choose from.

“The U.S. must cut a list of 17 cities down to 10 over the coming years. It has proposed the Rose Bowl (Pasadena, Calif.) for the opener; Mercedes-Benz Stadium (Atlanta) and AT&T Stadium (Arlington, Tex.) for semifinals; and MetLife Stadium (East Rutherford, N.J.) for the final.”

The final game that decides the World Cup might be played at MetLife Stadium? That sounds like an AWFUL idea. Have you ever been to MetLife Stadium? I know its right next to NYC, but it is an absolute nightmare to get in and out of by public transportation. Unless your taking a bus or just driving yourself, forget it. Do people not remember the mayhem the Super Bowl caused at MetLife?

Fans were literally waiting in line for hours just to *leave* because theres one goddamn train in and out of the place. So sure lets host the final game of the WORLD CUP there, that should go well.

Also in the running to host a game is Gillette Stadium, which I would love, but I can’t honestly campaign for it after just eviscerating MetLife’s transportation setup. Gillette is worse and it takes literally 2 hours to get from your parking spot back to I-95 so that wouldn’t be ideal. And thats after a Patriots game. I can only imagine the hell that would be World Cup traffic. I would honestly recommend looking into Foxborough real estate and buying a house today, rather than sit in that traffic 8 years from now.

The biggest soccer tournament in the world has been in Qatar, Russia, Brazil, South Africa, and Germany over the last dozen years. So obviously its a prime opportunity to travel to an exotic location for some new experiences while watching the best players in the world. I would love to cross going to a World Cup game off my bucket list, but getting to do so less than an hour from the comfort of my own home is the most Ugly American thing I’ve ever heard of and I look forward to it.

Want to know the best perk of all for hosting the World Cup?

“The successful bid also means that the U.S., Canada and Mexico will qualify automatically for the tournament.”

Perfect! As we all know the US failed to qualify for the World Cup this year so its a great solution to a potential problem in 8 years.

When the U.S. Mens National Team still sucks and fails to qualify again, then we’ll just automatically be given a spot, which really is the American way of life.

This was not an easy process though, hence why its been 30+ years since we last hosted the World Cup.

“The U.S. partnered with its North American neighbors to launch a revamped bid, and convinced FIFA to fast-track the process. Morocco jumped in on the eve of the deadline to give the heavily favored United Bid competition.

And over the past 12 months, to varying degrees, the North African nation seemed like a real threat to a North American World Cup. Rampant anti-American sentiment around the world, both inside and outside soccer circles, cooked up worry.”

It sounds like despite Making America Great Again, Donnie Jr. nearly fucked this whole thing up for all of us. The U.S. Soccer Federation had to shake hands and kiss babies until the 11th hour just to beat out MOROCCO.

Now hopefully the U.S. is smart enough to avoid the financial pitfall that massive events like this and the Olympics seem to cause. There are countless stories of unfinished stadiums and huge sums of debt incurred by the host countries, but I think a lot of that stems from simply not having the infrastructure in place to begin with. The U.S. is loaded with gigantic, shiny, brand new stadiums around the country just dying to be put to use. So we won’t have to sink big money into building arenas for the sole purpose of a soccer tournament that lasts a month.

This news is a reminder that the World Cup kicks off tomorrow, which is awesome, but its a sad reminder that the U.S. won’t be a part of it. Its a lot easier to be an alcoholic during the Olympics and the World Cup because nobody bats an eye when you’ve had your third beer before noon if Team USA is playing. But being hungover after lunch because you went out for the Russia – Saudia Arabia game doesn’t really fly with upper management.