General

The Masters Has Been Postponed. We Officially Have Nothing to Watch Anymore

The Roni strikes again. This now makes the NBA, NHL, MLB, MLS, XFL, Fast and the Furious, March Madness, the Boston Marathon, and now the biggest golf tournament in the world all postponed and/or cancelled. I literally prayed to the golf gods and the twitter gods yesterday when a commercial for The Masters came on…while I worked from home amid mass hysteria.

What the hell are we all going to watch now? Everybody better start enjoying books real quick because there’s not much else left. I’m not a doctor or a scientist so I’m not going to question the decision because there is obviously a massive health crisis happening in this country right now. It’s probably for the best to just punt on the spring and we’ll all regroup for the greatest summer of TV programming ever created. Imagine the NBA Finals, Stanley Cup Finals, The Masters, MLB, and NFL Training Camp all going on at the same exact time? It will make Sweeps Week look like public access television in comparison.

With that being said I am left here to twiddle my thumbs and scroll through twitter all day and night. Theres only so many World Star videos a man can watch and I’m already pretty over the Toilet Paper heist stories. My advice is to watch *everything* in your Netflix queue, even that shit you don’t actually care about, but tell yourself you do because you’re cultured. Like that documentary on yoga thats been sitting in my queue for months. I’ve done yoga once in my life so why did I save a documentary on yoga in my queue? Because I had zero intention of watching it unless oh ya know the entire country shut down and every sports league ceased to exist for the foreseeable future.

If you need somewhere to start, check out The 300s Top 30 TV Shows of The Decade.

So that and mass amounts of video games will be played. The big guns at EA, Sony, Activision, Microsoft, Nintendo, Rockstar etc. would be wise to offer some discounts on their titles because I am liable to buy half a dozen vidyagames right now.

This is like the reckoning for all of our short attention spans. We’ve all been constantly stimulated by TV, internet, sports, and our phones 24/7 for the past decade and now we’re all being forced to entertain ourselves for the first time. Godspeed boys.

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