Tag: New England

Patriots Trade Jimmy Garoppolo to 49ers for 2nd Round Pick. Huh??

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Here I am minding my own business eating dinner and my phone starts BLOWING UP. At 8 pm on a Monday.

And I finally relent and check my notifications to see that the Patriots have traded Jimmy Garoppolo to the 49ers for a 2nd round pick. Huh?

Now, if the rumors by our old friend Mary Kay Cabot from the Cleveland Plain Dealer are true then this is a disaster. Cabot had been on a goddamn crusade telling anyone and everyone that the Browns were willing to basically give away their entire 2017 Draft to the Pats to get Garoppolo, but the Pats declined. First round pick. Two first round picks. You name it, Mary Kay reported it. Now Adam Schefter staunchly denied those reports saying the Pats were NOT trading Jimmy G. As he famously, and snarkily said: “Do I sound clear on that?”

The ONLY way this trade makes any sense is if the Patriots had hoped to work out some kind of bridge deal with Jimmy G and wait another year or two behind Brady and he flat out said no. Which I can’t blame the guy for, he sees QBs in his draft class like Derek Carr and Blake Bortles making big money and says enough is enough, now is my time. No more waiting. Thats the only reason this deal makes sense. Why else would the Patriots reportedly turn down a Top 12 pick (or two Top 12 picks) from the Browns in the 2017 Draft just 6 months ago? If thats the case then Belichick took a gamble and lost. Granted it’ll be a great second round pick, probably anywhere from No. 33-35 overall. But still, seems like a pretty underwhelming return for a guy that the Pats were, reportedly, turning down multiple first round picks for and had plans for him to be the QB of the future.

Now the next question is, umm who the fuck is the backup quarterback of the New England Patriots? Belichick has now traded the No. 2 and No. 3 QBs on the roster, having sent Jacoby Brissett to the Colts as well. Not ideal for a team banking on a 40 year old QB to stay healthy. It certainly makes a lot more sense now that the Pats were working out scrub backup QBs like the Yates of Hell a few weeks ago. So who is gonna be TB12’s backup now?

BAH GAWD IS THAT JOHNNY FOOTBALL’S MUSIC??

Could Calvin Johnson Soon Be a Member of the Patriots?

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Rumblings of some backdoor negotiations popped up over the weekend of two mystery teams inquiring with the Detroit Lions about Calvin Johnson, who as we all know is currently retired. Since Johnson retired while under contract with the Lions, Detroit still owns his rights so any team that wants to dust off Megatron would need to work out compensation with the Lions. Aside from Carson Palmer coming out of retirement and accepting a trade to Oakland, you don’t see a ton of moves like this. Usually the player is retired for a reason and he’s either 1.) washed up or 2.) doesn’t want to play anymore. But take one of the all-time great receivers of my generation and have him play on a dogshit Lions team for 8 years which included all of 2 playoff games. No wonder that guy said yea I’m done taking huge hits for regular season accolades.

But tempt that guy with the possibility of joining a playoff bound team like the Patriots (or the Eagles) then maybe he reconsiders. And Detroit is basically over a barrel because Johnson is already retired and could very easily stay retired, so it shouldn’t take more than a low draft pick, and of course the big money he’s owed ($16 Million this season).

Chris Mortensen is saying the Eagles and the Jaguars are the most likely landing spots, but I think we all know how many things Mort has fucked up in the past so I wouldn’t take this as gospel. But Schefty also threw some cold water on his own report this morning saying:

“The Lions told teams to reach out to the retired wide receiver to gauge his interest, but so far it has been noncommittal at best, diminishing any hope for a deal, sources said.”

But would there be anything more Belichick than coming out of the shadows and replacing an injured Edelman (and possibly Chris Hogan) with a future HOF player that no one ever saw coming? Put a physical specimen like that on the Patriots as the 2nd or 3rd option and it would just be unfair for opposing defenses. Either way, we’ll know the answer to this by end of day tomorrow since Tuesday is the trade deadline. Megatron watch is ON.

Is Philip Rivers the Most Entertaining QB Ever?

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I like Philip Rivers, he seems like a guy that just wants to get out there and sling it. Let him throw it 50 times a game and see what happens. I’ve liked him ever since the Pats faced off against the Chargers and a young Rivers in the 2008 AFC Championship Game and Rivers played on a torn ACL. Guy just balls out. With that being said Rivers is high comedy on the sidelines and coming off the field. Always looks bullshit, 1,000 yard stares, and routinely screams into his helmet. If thats Jay Cutler then its “poor body language” and “bad leadership” but since its Rivers its just hilarious to me.

Granted, he’s had a string of bad luck with the Chargers playing in the most close games in the league the past 2 seasons…and lost most of those games. They just always have a ton of self inflicted injuries, which was on FULL display yesterday with the ATROCIOUS safety the Chargers ran into:

Not to mention the Chargers running the goddamn Wildcat on a key 3rd and 2 like its 2008.

Rivers started running towards the sidelines and I was convinced they were going to run a direct snap to the RB or something. Nope, just a terrible play from an antiquated offense that did not pick up the first down and Philip Rivers died just a little bit more inside.

Thats not to say Phil didn’t have a hand in his team bungling a game they had a pretty good handle on early.

But the complete disdain for everyone around him is what makes him so lovable, especially after this brutal penalty on a pick play negated a yuuge touchdown for the Chargers.

And then to wrap it all up Rivers threw an interception as the Chargers had one last chance to tie it up.

Never change, Philip. Never change.

Dont’a Hightower Done for the Season. Suddenly Improving Patriots Defense is Now in Trouble

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SI – New England Patriots linebacker Dont’a Hightower has a torn pectoral muscle and will miss the rest of the season, reports NFL.com’s Ian Rapoport.

This Patriots team is falling apart at the seams. First it was Julian Edelman blowing his knee out and now its our defensive captain in Hightower. In the first year of his new contract too, what a goddamn bummer. This will be the first time that Hightower, who has a reputation for missing time, will miss more than 2 games in a row as a Patriot. So now the Pats will have to scramble to shore up yet another hole on their roster.

If theres any silver lining at all its that this injury happened a few days before the trade deadline. Not like theres a Pro-Bowl linebacker out there to be had for cheap, but it gives the Patriots way more options than if this injury happened next week.

I think Belichick secretly strokes it to situations like this though. He fucking HATED every minute of this pre-season when people saying the Pats could go 19-0. But, take away his best receiver and his best defensive player?  Now we’re cooking with gas. People are doubting us now, saying we don’t have the personnel. Stephon Gilmore’s a bum you say? MEET JOHNSON BADEMOSI! Oh Hightower’s hurt? BRING IN CASSIUS MARSH! Edelman went down? I HAVE FIVE RUNNINGBACKS ON THIS ROSTER!

The guy just loves playing checkers especially when its on All-Madden mode with an injury plagued team. Belichick loves being in the trenches just putting out fires; thats where his genius really comes into play. If we’re being honest, anyone could have fell ass backwards into Tom Brady in the 6th round or known to take Vince Wilfork in the first round. Most guys though aren’t able to craft an entire roster and keep the train moving down the tracks while the engine’s on fire. As fictional Miami Dolphins GM Larry Siefert once said in Ballers: anyone can fill the top or the bottom of a roster, its those guys in the middle that set you apart.

NBC Goes All-Madden Mode for Camera Angle in Patriots Falcons Game

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The fog came into Gillette fast last night and after a while you really couldn’t see a damn thing on TV, which must have sucked for the poor sap who dished out $200 bucks to sit in the 300s and couldn’t see shit.

As soon as NBC switched to that Sky Cam angle though I got a sudden rush of dopamine and I had no idea why. This new camera angle they finally switched to after an hour of trying to watch the game through the clouds just seemed right. And then it dawned on me. This is Madden. This is the same angle I’ve been playing football with for 15 years. This is the view I had when I first learned what Spider-2-Y-Banana was, or just how many clickers I could get my roommate to smash by running the perfectly timed HB Screen. Spread em out and go No Huddle for an entire game. This just feels right. NBC, do yourself a favor and get this angle worked into every game as much as you can. Subliminal advertising at its finest because right now I am jones-ing for some Madden.

 

Is Jimmy Garoppolo Insane for Asking for this at Dunkin Donuts?

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So Patriots All Access teased an upcoming segment about Jimmy Garoppolo’s first trip to Dunkin Donuts, which can border on a religious experience for a lot of people in Boston. Welp, swing and a miss for ya boy.


A vanilla long-john? A what? Is that code for drugs? Are you trying to score some smack at Dunkies, Jimmy?

I remember going to school down in CT where it was a mashup of New England, New York, and New Jersey kids so there was plenty of occurrences like this. People would look at me like I was having a stroke when I said “lets go to the packy.” So I get it, but Jimmy my man, this is nonsensical stuff. We’re gonna have to get the heads of Chicago together and talk about this. Grab Kanye, Chance, and Carl Winslow so they can put a stop to this before it goes too far.

Mr. Kraft Does It Again! Makes Fire Flames Sneakers Out of Super Bowl LI Footballs

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My goodness. Just when I think Robert Kraft has outdone himself with his footwear, he does it again. He’s created maybe the greatest sneaker of all time. Forget Yeezys, Bobby Kraft is the hottest footwear designer on the streets. JUST LOOK AT THESE.

The man has taken actual footballs from the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history and turned them into fire flames footwear. Incredible. I still need to get me a pair of RKK Air Forces, but at least those are available for purchase. These things are like a rare Pokemon; I know I’ll never get a pair yet I need them. It’s like acid in my mouth. Hook a blogger up, Mr. Kraft.

Tom Brady Now Holds the Record for Most Wins in NFL History

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With his 187th regular season win, Tom Brady passed Peyton Manning and Brett Favre to become the NFL’s All-Time wins leader.

Normally after years of deep playoff runs I wouldn’t take too much solace in regular season records, but with 5 Super Bowls on top of that its more than acceptable to stop and smell the roses on this one. Tom Brady, by just about every statistical metric, has no equals.

Thats right, this guy:

went from the 199th overall pick to the all-time winningest player in NFL history. The goddamn GOAT. Not too bad.

Over the years theres been plenty of stories about Tom Brady’s rise and all the work he’s put in, but its hard to beat the gigantic Fuck You to the 6 QB’s taken ahead of Tom Brady that was The Brady 6.

And why is Tom Brady the Greatest Of All Time? This is why.

Forget the Madden Curse, Sports Illustrated Has Tom Brady in Its Sights

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Well this is problematic.

The Madden Curse has pretty much been disproven in recent years, but this, this is concering. Tom Brady is on pace to get sacked more than he ever has before (at 40 fucking years old no less) and now we have the Sports Illustrated cover legit hunting people down. All 3 of these guys are out with significant injuries, probably for the rest of the season. So stay woke guys, this has me nervous.

Ezekiel Elliott, Suspended AGAIN!

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ESPN – A federal appeals court cleared the way Thursday for the NFL to impose a six-game suspension on Dallas Cowboys star Ezekiel Elliott over domestic violence allegations, siding with the league in the latest high-profile fight over its ability to punish players for off-field behavior. In a 2-1 decision, the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals panel in New Orleans granted the league’s emergency request to set aside an injunction and ordered a district court in Texas to dismiss Elliott’s case. The NFL announced that the suspension was effective immediately, though further appeals were possible and the Cowboys are not playing this weekend.

As a guy that used a First Round pick to keep Ezekiel Elliott in my Fantasy Football league this year, I just need to get something off my chest.

Alright, now we can move on.

The NFL really is the goddamn WWE these days. Just drama week after week, storylines all over the place. The last two years was was Tom Brady and Deflategate with the Patriots trying to fight city hall (and losing). Now we got this.

I’m actually pretty shocked at this turn of events. As we talked about on The 300s Podcast recently, I really did not think that the NFL would be able to get this overturned and Zeke would be able to play all year. Basically just kick the can down the road until next season, similar to Brady.

The NFLPA’s new playbook seems to be lets just challenge everything in court and keep the NFL constantly in the news with shitty headlines until the league comes back to the table to negotiate player punishment.

HA! Silly me for thinking Roger Goodell would give up his dictator level of power so easily.

Now the crown jewel of my fantasy team, Ezekiel Elliott, is suspended once again. Full disclosure, if Zeke did what he’s accused of doing he’s obviously a scumbag. BUT, if he didn’t and Roger Goodell just tanked my fantasy season then I’m gonna flip my goddamn desk.

Yesterday news broke at the ripe old time of 5:01 pm as I was leaving my cube job. So I had to run to the waiver wire and deal with Sophie’s Choice of whether to pick up Darren McFadden (has been a healthy scratch all year) or Alfred Morris (has actually played football this season). I pulled the trigger and went with Morris, but I’m sure the Cowboys will turn to a guy who couldn’t get in uniform to be the bell cow back moving forward because fantasy football is a goddamn crapshoot.

And of course the Cowboys are on a bye this week so I have to wait another 9 days to see who the hell is gonna get the rock for Dallas.