Tag: Patriots

Patriots Get Beat Down by Chiefs 42-27 in Season Opener. Highlights, Lowlights, and All the Rest

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In a game that had the fans frothing at the mouth, ready to pounce on the Chiefs, their fans and most of all Roger Goodell, the Patriots couldn’t get the job done and dropped their season opener 42-27. Second year Chiefs receiver Tyreek Hill was an absolute monster as was rookie RB Kareem Hunt who had his way with the Pats defense. The Patriots looked excelling out of the gate, scoring less than 3 minutes into the game. But an failed 4th down conversion on their next drive swung momentum, followed by an overturned Gronk touchdown, some key injuries to the Patriots, and then huge plays down the stretch by the KC skill players and all of that was enough to wipe out the 19-0 dream before I even had my first Shipyard pumpkin beer of the season. On to the highlights, the lowlights, and all the rest.

Highlights

Obviously dropping the 5th Super Bowl champs banner at Gillette was a glorious thing to see, albeit awkwardly brief and to the soundtrack of House of Pain, but despite a shitty loss ya can’t take that banner away.

Brandin Cooks looks to come as advertised, fast as all hell and he is going to be a problem for defenses all year. This guy is going to get legitimately 100 hundred PI calls this season.

Robert Kraft unveiling and rocking his own damn shoe, the RKK Air Force 1.

#OperationClownface and Portnoy dropping F-bombs right in Felger’s face on live TV.

James White absolutely manhandling a Chiefs defender with one hand.

What may be the GOAT picture of Bill Belichick. Fire up the t-shirt machine!

Lowlights

Giving up 300+ yards and 4 touchdowns to THIS fucking guy.

Alex Smith is only the second QB to EVER throw for 300+ yards and 4 TDs on a Belichick defense with the only other being Drew Brees in 2009. That game was also an absolute beatdown in New Orleans that I remember clear as day watching from my college newspaper editors meeting.

The Danny Amendola head injury was devastating because Malcolm Mitchell was put on IR just hours before the game so the Pats were down to just 3 wide receivers in their first game; Brandon Cooks, Chris Hogan, and Philip Dorsett. Amendola is nails, but he needs to be managed because he does get hurt a lot. So naturally the Patriots ran him into the ground, return punts, and take absolute buddy passes over the middle from Brady. Huge loss as he put up a sneaky line of 6 catches for 100 yards before exiting the game. Hopefully he’s not out long because this team needs him right now.

The Dont’a Hightower injury could legitimately wreck the season for a team already dangerously thing in the front seven. Hightower got rolled up on by a lineman in the 3rd quarter and missed the rest of the game. He went into the medical tent and could later be seen riding the stationary bike with a hot pack on his knee, which I don’t know what to make of, but certainly looked like an MCL injury. If he is out for an extended period of time then the defense is really in trouble. Update: PFT is reporting its just a “minor” MCL sprain.

The Pats newest addition to the defense Cassius Marsh got a crash course in how to not cover a runningback out of the backfield as he got smoked for a 74-yard TD reception by Kareem Hunt. To be fair, Marsh was more of a defensive end than a coverage linebacker during his time in Seattle, but still not a great look. Especially not when you have your whole face painted like a goddamn juggalo.

“You want to act like a clown then I’ll treat you like a clown!”

The one thing that does concern me is with Julian Edelman out for the season and a brand new shiny toy in burner Brandon Cooks is that I hope Brady doesn’t try and force too many deep balls each game. Thats exactly what the Patriots were doing in the 4th quarter last night. Obviously they needed two scores to win the game at that point, but just forcing seam routes is never a great option. Gave me cold sweats as it was reminiscent of the end of Super Bowl XLII when Brady was just hucking 40 yard bombs in vain to Randy Moss.

Marcus Cannon getting smoked by Justin Houston was like seeing an old high school friend after years. Not exactly a great thing to see, but its exactly how you remember it.

Rob Gronkowski was getting flanked by one of the best safeties in the league last night in Eric Berry (who may have unfortunately torn his achilles), but as the best TE in the league you gotta make something happen. I thought he did just that on his would be TD catch, but the refs disagreed and overturned the call saying it touched the turf. Huge break for the Chiefs that helped turn the momentum of the game.

Kicking a FG on 4th and inches. Especially after going for it on 4th and 1 earlier (and failing). It was very un-Patriots like, but maybe Bill just knew he wasn’t going to get through that D-line last night as they later got stuffed on another 4th down conversion attempt.

Kareem Hunt setting the goddamn record for most yards from scrimmage for a rookie in his first game. After fumbling on his first career carry, the Spencer Ware backup exploded for 148 yards rushing and 1 TD on the ground with 5 catches for 98 yards and another 2 TDs. Savvy fantasy owners everywhere rejoice.

How about Marky Mark being unable to not promote something for 5 fucking minutes? Wahlberg was wearing some branded t-shirt that just seemed so cheesy. My man, just throw on a TB12 jersey for me one time.

Little bit of both

Mike Gillislee looked great, rushing for 3 touchdowns, but it was definitely disappointing to see him get stuffed on 4th and short on two separate occasions. For our goal line guy, you gotta have those.

It looked like the Patriots weren’t exactly dying to have Tom Brady smash his head into a wall in Week 1 as they decided against the QB sneak on 4th and inches. Instead electing to go with Gillislee again, who got stuffed. Very odd to see because Brady is essentially automatic from that spot.

The Pats special teams unit frustratingly (and hilariously) refusing to not absolutely smoke the Chiefs punter. Thankfully it was a long 4th down conversion as the Pats ran into the kicker on two consecutive plays to earn a 5 yard penalty each time. Almost seemed intentional, maybe they just don’t like the guy.

Now I gotta listen to shit like this all over again.

No, no he’s not. Lets give him more than one game with a new offensive scheme and see how things go. Brady was far from great last night going 16/36 for 267 yards with 0 TD’s, but if anything I’m putting this L on the defense.

So whats the silver lining?

Its one bad game. This same exact thing happened two years ago against the same exact team and everyone was more than happy to dance on the Patriots graves.

Then what happened? The Pats came back and anihilated the Bengals and then went on to win the Super Bowl. So lets all pump the breaks. Bad games aren’t concerning. Trends are concerning. So if they get trounced next week by the Saints, then we can talk.

 

Shout Out to Vince Wilfork for Skipping his Gillette Tailgate BBQ to Help Hurricane Harvey Victims in Houston

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247 Sports – Vince Wilfork will not be in New England for his retirement tailgate. The former Patriots nose tackled retired from the NFL earlier this offseason and in his announcement teased a big tailgate party in the Gillette Stadium parking lot as he partnered up with Kingsford to send off his career in the league. However, Wilfork announced on social media that he’ll no longer be in the region for the tailgate or the opener as he’s elected to stay in Houston to help those impacted by Hurricane Harvey. “It’s one of those things when Mother Nature calls, it calls,” he said in a video expressing his desire to help.

I was so damn excited for Vince Wilfork’s retirement BBQ tailgate party. It looked like it was gonna be a blast with the big man grilling and smoking meats with the best of em before the Pats start their Super Bowl defense.

But in true Big Vince fashion, Wilfork knew he could do more good by helping out down in Texas after that sonofabitch Harvey did its best to smash Houston.

So good for Wilfork realizing whats really important and doing what he can to help out in the only other city he’s ever known as an NFL player.

Do your thing Vince, but please we gotta see a tailgate BBQ later this season. Need to see those overalls in Foxborough.

The Patriots are Back Tonight to Light the Biggest Fire the North Has Ever Seen

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LETS GOOO. LETS GOOO. Your Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots are back tonight after 7 months without football. Tonight they’re gonna light the biggest fire the north has ever seen.

The last time we saw this team they were lifting the Lombardi Trophy after completing the greatest comeback in NFL history and giving Roger Goodell and the league a gigantic middle finger. As Robert Kraft once said, this one is unequivocally the sweetest.

The Pats had to literally redesign the goddamn stadium to make room for Super Bowl Champs banner No. 5. That is preposterous and tonight we get to see Tom Brady and the boys drop another banner on the rest of the NFL.

It sucks that we lost Julian Edelman for the year with a knee injury, but this team is still stacked. We’ve got Gronk back, added Brandon Cooks, and brought in Rex Burkhead and Mike Gillislee. Another year in the system for Chris Hogan and Malcolm Mitchell. Dion Lewis, Danny Amendola, Dont’a Hightower, Malcolm Butler, Devin McCourty, Stephon Gilmore, GET OFF THE TRACKS BECAUSE THE TRAIN IS LEAVING THE STATION.

We’re on to Minneaposix. See ya in February.

The Patriots Just Teased the RKK Air Force 1 and I am Giddy

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Name another professional sports team owner that has his own shoe. Don’t worry I’ll wait. What an absolute boss Robert Kraft is. We always knew he was a sneaker guy as he was usually seen rocking some fresh kicks with his suits, but I didn’t know the full extent of it until he did this piece with Complex last year.

Now I can only imagine the gems RKK has planned for this year. Air Force 1’s that “commemorate Super Bowl LI.” May have to just blow off work tomorrow and hop in my car so I can jet down to Patriot Place and grab a pair.

Las Vegas Boldly Predicts the 2007 Patriots Would Beat the 2017 Patriots Head to Head

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ESPN – The 2017 New England Patriots are the overwhelming favorites across Las Vegas to repeat as Super Bowl champions, but are they better in bookmakers’ eyes than the 2007 team? ESPN spoke with seven Vegas bookmakers and asked them to make a line in a hypothetical matchup between the two teams. Six of the seven had the ’07 team favored, with lines ranging from “a small favorite” (William Hill US) to 11 points (Frank Kunovic at Caesars).

Well, no shit. The 2007 Patriots went 16-0…and then I don’t really remember the rest…but they legit didn’t lose a single game in the regular season, routinely BLOWING teams out, all while setting multiple offensive records along the way. That squad vs the 2017 team that hasn’t even played a single game together? I mean who would you take? Not to mention we have players dropping like flies and our front-7 is starting to resemble swiss cheese.

But this is exactly why video games exist. Just putting old school juggernauts against the latest and greatest. NBA2K is awesome for that exact reason. Putting Larry Bird and the Celtics against Steph Curry and the 2018 Warriors. Or playing the Shaq and Kobe Lakers against Bill Russell. I don’t know if this year’s Madden has Classic Teams like it used to, but if it does, this 2007 Pats vs 2017 Pats matchup *needs* to happen. Not only that, it needs to be played out in traditional, painstakingly full 15-minute quarters. If thats still an option then that will be my cross to bear.

Imagine Malcom Butler trying to shut down 2007 Randy Moss who had 23 touchdowns that year? Or 2017 Tom Brady trying to rifle in some slants through that forest of Tedy Bruschi, Junior Seau, Vince Wilfork et al? Now that would be a goddamn game and that is why Twitch is a billion dollar business.

Jets Are Now 1,000-1 Odds to Win the Super Bowl; the Worst Odds Ever

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1,000-1. Those are the Jets odds of winning the Super Bowl. The same odds as the Warriors NOT making the playoffs. Insane. Just for comparisons sake, the Patriots odds to win the Super Bowl are currently 11/4. Just slightly better.

I guess if you’re a Jets fan, the one saving grace is that this year they are intentionally bad. Sure if they had really tried they still wouldn’t have been great, but by getting rid of Brandon Marshall, Eric Decker, Sheldon Richardson and other players they have basically punted on the season. And as painful as this season will be for those dummies in green, its a smart play long term. Especially with a pretty solid looking crop of top QB prospects this year. UCLA’s Josh Rosen looked like a goddamn stud this weekend.

But it is the Jets, so odds are they luck into like 3-4 wins and lose out on a franchise QB. It really is amazing to have witnessed three peaks and valleys in the Jets franchise all while the Patriots have remained consistently dominant the entire time. Think about it. We’ve witnessed the rise (and fall) of Eric Mangini, the Rex Ryan era featuring the roughly 3 year reign of Bart Scott and the mouthy assholes, and most recently the moderately successful 1-year reign of Todd Bowles and Ryan Fitzpatrick before falling back to earth and saying screw it lets be REALLY bad.

All sandwiched between a mere 5 Patriots Super Bowl victories. What a goddamn shadow over the New York Jets of New Jersey.

The New York Jets Have Truly Embarrassed Themselves With This New T-Shirt

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The Jets have done a lot of embarrassing things over the years, but this new t-shirt may take the cake.

No Off Days? Why..does..that..sound..so..familiar?

Oh thats right, its because Bill Belichick made it the biggest Patriots rallying cry since Do Your Job and The Patriot Way. But here come the Jets like some shitty t-shirt vendor just switching a couple words around and passing it off as their own. Embarrassing. Not even worth the ink it would cost to print the cease and desist letter.

NO. OFF. DAYS.

Tom Brady Says Playing at 40 is Easier Than Ever. Because He’s a Robot

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Boston.com – The Patriots quarterback insists that he is “never sore,” despite fending off hits from the defense and sometimes even blocking pads to the face from head coach Bill Belichick. “I could practice every day,” he said. “I could practice twice a day if they’d let us do that, but that’s not the way it goes anymore. It’s just fun being out here competing.”Brady’s recovery regimen, which includes his line of Under Armour sleepwear, will be one of the featured topics in his upcoming book, The TB12 Method: How to Achieve a Lifetime of Sustained Peak Performance. 

A friend of mine said to me last night over a couple of exclusive craft beers known as Rolling Rocks about Tom Brady that “He is fully going to get busted for PEDs” and a cold shiver went down my spine as I laughed it off.

I mean I want to believe that a Plant Based Diet Presented by TB12 is the one true reason for Tom Brady’s success, but who the hell knows. Maybe its the food, maybe its the avocado ice cream, or the concussion water, the plyometrics work or the TB12 space pajamas. Its probably some combination of all the wacky shit Brady does to keep his body in optimal condition. Or maybe, maybe its something really cool that I don’t even know about.

That or he’s just a legitimate android sent back in time to wreak havoc on the NFL for reasons we cannot yet understand.

Either way, I for one welcome our new robotic overlords and will enjoy the shit out of this guy who should be in an over 40 beer league who somehow continues to play at an MVP level and dominate a league filled with guys half his age.

You’re goddamn right I squeezed a Simpsons reference in there somehow. Gotta keep grinding every day.

The Patriots Literally Had to Redesign Their Stadium to Fit All Their Super Bowl Banners

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With the Patriots season just a couple of weeks away, so too is the Super Bowl Champions banner unveiling. Only problem is, theres no more room at Gillette for any more banners. This is such a amazingly arrogant problem to have I love it. “So when we built this stadium we didn’t anticipate having nearly half a dozen Super Bowl banners just 15 years later.” If you remember the layout of the 4x Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots banners it looked like this.

Needless to say a very arousing photograph with a whole bunch of Super Bowl Champions banners. But alas, there is no room for the newly minted 5th SB Champs banner. And I would rather burn the place down then put it where that ill advised 16-0 banner used to sit.

So how do you solve the best problem to have in the NFL? You literally redesign the entire goddamn thing to MAKE room for the 5th banner (as well as a couple more).

I thank the good lord every day he made me a Patriots fan. See you guys in Minneapolis.

Belichick Refuses to Mention the Jets by Name. Shoe-in for Hater of the Year.

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Yahoo – Belichick and the Patriots are practicing with the Texans this week and the Patriots coach was asked about his long relationship with Texans assistant head coach Romeo Crennel during the press conference. “Well, Romeo and I started together at the Giants in special teams, so he and I coached special teams together and then we coached defensively together through 1990,” Belichick said in comments distributed by the team. “We worked at the Patriots together, then another team, and then back with the Patriots in 2001. I’ve relied on him through the years, both with our team when I worked with him, but even at times outside when we could help each other and it wasn’t a conflict in competitiveness.”

How can you not love a man with this much hate in his heart? A guy thats won FIVE Super Bowls while his former employer has literally become the worst team in the league.

Doesn’t matter. If you’ve got hate in your heart, let it out. Bill still feels like the Jets mistreated him one way or another so whats a bigger fuck you than not even mentioning your name? Its like when people ask about an old ex-girlfriend from college and you just pretend like you can’t even remember her name. Ultimate disrespect.

Even if you think Bill should be over the whole Parcells/Jets situation, you can’t argue that Mangini and the Jets fucked him pretty good in 2007 by creating the whole Spygate scandal. That shit will never die for Belichick.

Some people may call that petty. I call that an insatiable, burning desire to crush your enemies. Thats the kind of general I want to follow into battle.