Tag: Patriots

BREAKING NEWS: Patriots Sign Griff Whalen, the Guy Involved in the Worst Trick Play in the History of the NFL

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What a move! The Patriots just signed Griff Whalen, who if you don’t remember, was one of the architects of the worst trick play in the history of the NFL. This genius:

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Probably the hardest I’ve ever laughed at a failed play. I remember seeing them line up and thinking, well I must be missing something because this is some bullshit you couldn’t even get away with in Madden. But nope, just as dumb as it looked. Snapped the ball and somehow Griff wasn’t able to block two guys by himself for a loss.

So yes, the Patriots signed this guy to help fill in at WR since the team is falling apart at the seams and is now down Gronk and Amendola. Even the go-to emergency Go Route specialist Matthew Slater is out with an injury so the Pats needed to fill the depth chart with some security.

New England also bypassed former Patriots Kembrell Thompkins and Aaron Dobson (Drop-son) to sign Griff, so goes to show how highly Belichick thinks of his former draft picks.

We now turn to the man of 47 career receptions in our time of need.

Gronkowski Out 8 Weeks Due to Back Surgery

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Well thats a pretty shitty way to kick off Thirsty Thursday. Seriously, what a goddamn disaster. All the reports coming out now are saying Gronk will be out for 8 weeks due to a herniated disc in his back that he needs to get surgery on. That puts us right through to the Super Bowl. So in theory, Gronk could be back for the Super Bowl if the Patriots get a top 2 seed, earn a first round bye and win the AFC, all without their best weapon.

All of this if Gronk’s recovery goes as scheduled. Which it never fucking does. Name one Gronk injury that wasn’t filled with drama and setbacks. The torn up knee, the broken arm, doesn’t matter. We’ll get some joint press release from the Patriots and Gronk in like 7 weeks saying how he’s actually out another 6 months. Jesus Christ, it’s like they have the old Red Sox team doctors on staff that completely sandbagged Jacoby Ellsbury with horribly inaccurate target dates to get back on the field. No one ever knows with Gronk and thats what worries me the most.

Oh that and of course he’s getting ANOTHER back surgery, after he already had one in college, which is why he missed his last season at Arizone and which is why he dropped into the second round for the Pats to snatch up. Two back surgeries, a knee surgery, arm surgeries and countless other injuries before you even hit 30? I don’t want to be all doom and gloom, but that is a recipe for disaster and its a goddamn shame because if healthy Gronk has the potential to be the greatest Tight End of *all-time*

Hopefully some additional reports come out in the coming weeks with better news, but right now it looks like we’re back to the days of trying to win Super Bowls without your best player not named Tom Brady. Hey, at least Belichick was smart enough this year to have a mythical creature on the roster as a contingency plan in Martellus Bennett AKA “The Black Unicorn.”

Patriots Rumored to Be Playing Mexico City Game in 2017

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ESPN -“Just one week after the NFL returned to Mexico City for the first time in over a decade, there are already reports suggesting a new contest for the 2017 season. The New England Patriots would face the Oakland Raiders at the Estadio Azteca at some point during the next year, according to ESPN’s John Sutcliffe…Pats owner Robert Kraft is very interested in the possibility of playing in Mexico City.”

So now the hot rumor in the streets is that the NFL is thinking of having the Raiders play the Patriots in Mexico City next year. And as much as I love forfeiting home games, as Robert Kraft is rumored to have pitched, I can’t say I’m too excited for this. Traveling across the country, playing in a stadium with BARBED WIRE FENCES IN THE STANDS all while being 5,000 miles HIGHER than Mile High Field. Mexico City does not seem like a great place. I fully expect and fear a Man on Fire situation where Giselle gets kidnapped by the banditos and Kraft has to hire Denzel Washington or some shit.

Either way, I don’t care if its Mexico, London, Russia or the Moon. Do. Your. Job. And the Patriots will do just that and win….Unless its a late season game in Miami. That I fear.

Grit and Balls Win from the Patriots

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To quote my man Kevin Garnett, that was a pure Grit and Balls win from the Patriots tonight.

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It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t pretty. But it got the job done. Sure did the defense look like dog shit? Did Tom Brady look a little gimpy? Did the Pats struggle to really get anything going until the second half yet again? Sure. But a win is a win and that last minute strip sack from Chris Long got the juices going. Good night Jets.

 

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Now its time to prep for the Rams and the somehow still has a head coaching job in the NFL; backwards hat Jeff Fisher. ON TO LOS ANGELES!

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Richard Sherman Already Complaining Refs Protect Tom Brady Too Much

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CSNNE – “They’ve got several rules to protect him in various situations so you’ve got to be careful with how you sack him.”

Here we go again, Richard Sherman firing up the hype machine and making pre-emptive excuses. Look the only reason you say stuff like this is so you have something to point to when you lose. Two years ago when he was really balling out, Sherman would have just said TB12 sucks or is too old to get it done. Not now, he sees the way Brady is playing and wants to hedge his bets before Sunday Night.

Now I actually like Richard Sherman, but he’s definitely overrated. That pick he had last week against Buffalo was practically a fair catch so don’t give me that.

Is he trying to get the refs attention ahead of the game to not coddle Brady? Probably. But hey this is the NFL, it’s absolutely a QB’s league. With that being said Brady has been taking some massive shots in recent weeks, too many for my liking, so Sherman can pipe down with that.

Tom Brady loves going after defensive players talking shit during the week to try and burn them and I think that’s what Rich is setting himself up for here. People don’t forget.

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Patriots 28-21

Dion Lewis Almost Ready to Complete Patriots Voltron

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NFL.com – NFL Network Insider Ian Rapoport reported Wednesday that running back Dion Lewis is expected to return to practice this week, per a source. The elusive back started the season on the physically unable to perform list after tearing his ACL last season in early November. His return to practice opens a 21-day window in which he must be activated to the 53-man roster or placed on season-ending injured reserve.

Dion Lewis is almost back. In a word:

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But seriously, is there nothing the rest of the NFL can do to stop the Pats pain train? Got off to a solid start at 3-1, Tom Brady came back in Week 5 and has played OK (i.e. “Leads the NFL in Every Meaningful Category“), Martellus Bennett is flashing his potential with 3 TD games, Gronk is healthy and now we got Dion about to come back? If he can play anywhere close to how he played last year, which is a big if, the Patriots will literally be unstoppable. Dion essentially completes the Patriots version of Voltron (or the Megazord if you’re more of a live action anime kind of guy) and that scares every other team in the NFL.

They’ll have arguably the best player at almost every offensive position on the field. The best QB, the best TE, the best inside receiver, the best No. 2 TE and one of if not the best receiving backs in the league.

Who do you cover? Double Gronk and hope for the best? Good luck. The Bills tried that last year and Lewis went off for 6 catches for 98 yards, 40 yards rushing and a TD. Opposing head coaches and D coordinators are going to start doing a Hue Jackson and just take off their headsets conceding defeat. God it’s good to be a Patriots fan. Now everyone keep your hands inside the vehicle at all times and eat your goddamn vitamins.

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ESPN Now Groveling at the Feet of Bill Belichick

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Now hold the goddamn phone ESPN. Just because Tom Brady is finally back and Belichick held down the fort at 3-1 with 2nd and 3rd string QB’s you think you can just float this puff piece past my desk and I’ll forget about the last 18 months? I don’t think so. I will read every word of this article and I will love it. But I will not forget what you did to my friends in Foxborough. You started a witch hunt, you refused to acknowledge false reports by Chris Mortensen, which turned this little equipment violation into the shit storm we refer to today as Deflategate.

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So no ESPN, I do not accept your apology. Hell, Brady might be the first player to win MVP only playing 12 games. The most competitive guy in the NFL, you think deep down, he may be a little ticked that people are saying “Look the Pats don’t even need Brady, they’re 3-1!” Like Brady is some scrub and the Pats could go to 6 Super Bowls with Rex Grossman under center? Oh, this is gonna be fun.

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Tom Brady Loses His Shit After Dropping a Game of Ping Pong; Cements Reputation as Legendary Competitor

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Yahoo Sports – “He’s the best teammate,” Amendola said of Brady. “He’s so competitive and what-not. I remember one story. It was my first week in the building. He wanted to play some ping-pong. I didn’t really know how to go about it. I know I was better than him. I didn’t want to beat him too bad because I wanted him to throw me the ball. “I knew I was better. Needless to say, his competitive nature unleashed a broken paddle by the end of it. It the reason why we love him, and the reason why he’s the best quarterback.”

What a phenomenal story; Tom Brady losing in a game of ping pong and just losing his shit and smashing the paddle into 1,000 pieces. It only adds to the legend that is Tom Brady. Listen, anyone can win 4 Super Bowl titles, multiple MVPs and Super Bowl MVPs, but it comes down to the uber, ultra competitive guys that go down as legends. Like Michael Jordan doing anything necessary to win, playing mental warfare with guys like the time he wrecked Muggsy Bogues’ career by pulling up in a playoff game and telling him “Shoot it you fucking midget.”

Or how about Kobe Bryant now that he’s retired legit naming his new company “13.” Chris Sacca shared a story of how Kobe landed on that name on Bill Simmons’ podcast relaying,  “Can you believe they drafted 12 other motherfuckers before me? He still wears that, man.”

And then of course, the classic story of a young Dustin Pedroia training at the famed Athletes Performance Institute in Arizona playing ping pong and shit talking 6’4″ Brady Quinn: “I’m going to rip this ball right off your throat,” Pedroia told him.

I want guys on my teams that lose their minds about losing in anything. Not the JD Drew’s and Adrian Gonzalez’s of the world who could give a shit.

P.S. – I’d be remiss to not mention Rajon Rondo just hammering little kids in Connect Four. Savage.

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Opportunity for Jimmy Garoppolo Could Have Huge Payoff for the Patriots

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Yahoo Sports – Jimmy Garoppolo finds himself in a good situation. He can prepare all offseason as if he’ll be the New England Patriots’ starting quarterback for the first four games of the season, thanks to Tom Brady’s deflate-gate suspension…Think about Brock Osweiler, who was looking at the possibility of going into free agency with almost no regular-season snaps on tape. But Peyton Manning got hurt, Osweiler showed enough in seven starts with the Denver Broncos last season to get a $72 million deal from the Houston Texans, and now he’s their starter.

It’s tough to admit, but the whole Deflategate witch hunt may end up being a good thing for the Patriots. Regardless of all the other shit, it’s looking more and more likely Tom Brady is going to miss 4 games. It’s unlikely that Jimmy Garoppolo is going to play well enough for Belichick and the Patriots to give Brady the Drew Bledsoe treatment, but that’s why this may pay off even better for the Pats. Most people kind of scratched their head when the Pats took Garoppolo in the 2nd round back in 2014. For one, it was the highest Belichick had ever drafted a QB with the Patriots and two, it seemed a year too early.

We all know the Brady decline is going to come eventually, but it doesn’t seem like we’re quite there yet. So the Pats wasted a draft pick right? That may have been true if NFL head coaches didn’t get borderline aroused about young QB’s with potential. I mean look at all the absolute scrubs that have swindled huge contracts from teams based on nothing but potential and limited snaps. If you don’t have a great QB in this league it’s damn hard to be successful so coaches and GMs are willing to roll the dice continuously hoping to strike gold. That’s how guys like Matt Cassel, Matt Schaub, Matt Flynn and most recently Brock Osweiler have landed mega deals with virtually no real playing experience.

Which brings me back to Belichick, this guy is always five steps ahead of the rest of the league. Sure he couldn’t have known Brady would get suspended and give Jimmy G a 4 game audition as trade bait, but we all know TB12 ain’t retiring any time soon. So the Garoppolo pick was definitely made with the ulterior motive of flipping him for even more draft capital. If Garoppolo comes in and plays well, you could very easily get a 1st round pick for a young, promising QB who’s spent the past few years being groomed by the best coach and QB in the game. Jimmy gets paid, Belichick gets TWO 1st round picks in 2017 (giving Gooddell the finger in the process), Brady continues doing Brady things and we start this process over again with Jacoby Brissett, who is more likely on the track to eventual Patriots starter down the line.

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Bill Parcells Says New Patriots QB Jacoby Brissett is A-OK in His Book

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Courtesy of NY Daily News

Courtesy of NY Daily News

Boston Herald – “You never really know for sure until you see a player under the gun, so to speak, at the top level,” Parcells said. “But, that being said. I have a very high regard for this young man. He’s an awesome kid…..”He’s very bright. He has zero personal issues. He’s a very dedicated, committed guy, and I think he’s going to the absolute perfect place for him.”

I still have no idea what to make of Jacoby Brissett and we probably won’t really know for a couple of years, but as far as references go you could do a lot worse than Bill Parcells. Obviously I don’t know much about his relationship with Brissett, but this basically boils down to the Big Tuna wanting to let everyone know the Pats newest QB has his head screwed on straight. AKA Not an Asshole.

And that’s definitely good to hear from a hard ass like Parcells. A former coach who famously ripped players and wasn’t exactly known for lavishing praise on his guys. I hope this isn’t just Bill softening with age because as far as the comparisons to Troy Brown and Tedy Bruschi go that’s great, but QB is a different animal.

Backup QB is always the most popular guy in town too and this goes double for the third stringers. How else do you explain legit nicknames like The Yates of Hell? Or the stories of Rohan Davey throwing balls from his knees at midfield and hitting the uprights? Absolutely useless info, but the kind of cool stories that you hear about players that never see the field. So my point is, barring “24” style catastrophe, we won’t know much about Jacoby for a while, unless you lie through your teeth like Mel Kiper Jr, so it’s good to hear some high praise out of a Hall of Fame coach right out of the gates.