Tag: Raiders

Picking Up the Pieces: How’d I Do Gambling NFL Week 2?

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Season record: (8-7)
Last week: N/A

Somehow we missed the Bills-Panthers in Week 2’s column, so by technicality we get outta here above .500. We’ll try to do better in Week 3. But hey if you’re coming here for gambling advice you have a much larger problem. Enjoy your meager winnings!

NFL Week 2

Texans (0-1) at Bengals (0-1), Thursday
Opening line: Bengals, -3 points

Bengals threw up an absolute stinker, losing 13-9, as people are legitimately starting to question if the Red Rifle is cooked meanwhile Tyler Eifert remains about as healthy as the goddamn bubble boy.
Our pick: Bengals to cover – L (0-1)

Jets (0-1) at Raiders (1-0)
Opening line: Raiders, -14 points

Did not expect the Jets to win, but did not expect the Raiders to cover a 14 pt spread. Cover they did, winning by 25 points.
Our pick: Jets to cover – L (0-2)

Browns (0-1) at Ravens (1-0)
Opening line: Ravens, -7.5 points

Ravens more than covered the -7.5 spread, winning by 14 pts. We got a W in the book!
Our pick: Ravens to cover – W (1-2)

 

Cardinals (0-1) at Colts (0-1)
Opening line: Cardinals, -7.5 points

Cardinals continue to be the definition of mediocre, eeking out a 3 point win over the Colts who were coming off a blowout to the lowly rams. Needless to say they did not cover.
Our pick: Cardinals to cover – L (1-3)

Patriots (0-1) at Saints (0-0)
Opening line: Patriots, -4.5 points

As predicted, the Patriots blew doors, smoking the Saints 36-20, easily covering the initial -4.5 spread.
Our pick: Patriots to cover – W (2-3)

Vikings (1-0) at Steelers (1-0)
Opening line: Steelers, -7 points

After looking like the goddamn MVP of the league, Sam Bradford came back down to earth on his graham cracker knees and the Vikings got smoked by the Steelers 26-9. Thats a no show.
Our pick: Vikings to cover – L (2-4)

Dolphins (0-0) at Chargers (0-1)
Opening line: Chargers, -4 points

Rather than winning by at least 4, the Chargers actually lost by 2 to Smokin Jay Cutler in his first game post retirement. FML.
Our pick: Charges to cover – L (2-5)

Titans (0-1) at Jaguars (1-0)
Opening line: Titans, -1 point

Titans easily covered the -1 pt spread, smoking the Jags 37-16. Blake Bortles continues to drift further and further away from being a respectable NFL quarterback, which is weird because just a couple of seasons ago he was one of the top fantasy QBs in the game.
Our pick: Titans to cover – W (3-5)

Eagles (1-0) at Chiefs (1-0)
Opening line: Chiefs, -4 points

As predicted the Chiefs continued their winning ways, beating the Eagles by a TD, covering the -4 point spread.
Our pick: Chiefs to cover – W (4-5)

 

Bears (0-1) at Buccaneers (0-0)
Opening line: Buccaneers, -6 points

The Bucs kicked the shit out of the Bears 29-7, much to the chagrin of every other Jordan Howard fantasy owner in the world, easily covering the -6 point spread.
Our pick: Bucs to cover – W (5-5)

 

Redskins (0-1) at Rams (1-0)
Opening line: Rams, -2.5 points

As bad as the R-words have looked, its still the Rams and I would hammer a -2.5 point spread every day of the week as Washington won by a TD.
Our pick: R-words to cover – W (6-5)

 

Cowboys (1-0) at Broncos (1-0)
Opening line: Cowboys, -2.5 points

Cowboys were a -2.5 point favorite, which I felt good about, but the Broncos smoked the Boys 42-17, with Hall of Famer LaDanian Tomlinson calling out Zeke for quitting on his team. Great. Swing and a miss.
Our pick: Cowboys to cover – L (6-6)

49ers (0-1) at Seahawks (0-1)
Opening line: Seahawks, -12.5 points

Seahawks were a -12.5 point favorite, which I felt was way too big for a struggling Seattle offense, which turned out to be dead on as the Hawks had to use a late game drive just to barely win. Seattle snuck out of town with a 12-9 win and we all won some money.
Our pick: Niners to cover – W (7-6)

 

Packers (1-0) at Falcons (1-0)
Opening line: Falcons, -2.5 points

I was very confident in Green Bay winning outright despite Atlanta being a -2.5 favorite, buttt nope the Falcons looked like the Falcons of 2016 in their new stadium winning 34-23. Nuts.
Our pick: Packers to cover – L (7-7)

Lions (1-0) at Giants (0-1), Monday
Opening line: Giants, -5 points

This was a tossup as technically Odell Beckham played, but he clearly didn’t look like himself and only had 4 catches for 36 yards. Since ODB himself said this was a 6-8 week injury, I’m not picking the Giants in a close game until I see him back to his old ways. I’m giving myself this one.
Our pick: Lions to cover – W (8-7)

Week 2 Predictions Grade: C+ – Average, not my best effort, room for improvement. You made a little money if you bet every game, but you’re not gonna be buying rounds at the bar or anything.

Lets Gamble! NFL Week 2

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All our betting lines are courtesy of CBS Sports so blame them if the numbers change. Anyways its time to start playing fast and loose with our paychecks now that the NFL season is here. Introducing our new weekly NFL gambling column, LETS GO!

Texans (0-1) at Bengals (0-1), Thursday
Opening line: Bengals, -3 points

I expect a bounce back game from the Bengals, especially with so many Texans players getting hurt on Sunday and of course Brian Cushing will miss the game as he got popped for PEDs again. Not to mention the Texans have a rookie making his first career start on a short week. Take the Bengals and take the points.

Jets (0-1) at Raiders (1-0)
Opening line: Raiders, -14 points

14 points is a TON of points to cover and I just don’t feel confident laying my hard earned cash on the line betting the Raiders win by more than TDs. Look for the Raiders to get ahead and then hand off to Marshawn Lynch all game. Take the Jets to cover.

Browns (0-1) at Ravens (1-0)
Opening line: Ravens, -7.5 points

The Browns actually looked surprisingly competent last week, nearly upsetting the Steelers. Did the Ravens look good last week or did the Bengals really play that bad? Hard to say, especially with the Ravens losing Danny Woodhead last week. I would bet against the Browns putting up solid games in back to back weeks until I see it happen so I’m going with the Ravens to cover here.

Cardinals (0-1) at Colts (0-1)
Opening line: Cardinals, -7.5 points

Holy shit the Colts are even worse than we though and may even be starting former Pats 3rd string QB Jacoby Brissett in this one. The Colts are a full blown disaster without Andrew Luck. Take the Cardinals and enjoy your winnings.

Patriots (0-1) at Saints (0-0)
Opening line: Patriots, -4.5 points

-4.5 points? I would HAMMER the Patriots in this game, there’s no way the Pats don’t win by at least a touchdown coming off that shit show in Week 1 against the Chiefs. Bet the house on it.

Vikings (1-0) at Steelers (1-0)
Opening line: Steelers, -7 points

This is probably the toughest game of the week. Minnesota looked excellent on Monday night and so did Sam Bradford. I think the Vikings keep it close and cover.

Dolphins (0-0) at Chargers (0-1)
Opening line: Chargers, -4 points

Chargers are coming off a 3-point loss to a top defense in Denver while the Dolphins are opening the season with their new QB Jay Cutler. I think Cutler is better than people give him credit for, but its his first game on a new team, lets go with the Chargers to cover.

Titans (0-1) at Jaguars (1-0)
Opening line: Titans, -1 point

I think the Titans and Marcus Mariota in particular bounce back this week, plus with a -1 point spread I’m taking the Titans. The Jags want to play a ball control offense and run it with Leonard Fournette, but I got the Duck this week.

Eagles (1-0) at Chiefs (1-0)
Opening line: Chiefs, -4 points

Nelson Agholor and Carson Wentz both looked to finally be on the same page and had a big week together last week, but after watching the Chiefs stomp the Patriots I’m taking Kansas City here. Alex Smith is not gonna throw for 300+ yards and 4 TDs again, but Kareem Hunt is the real deal. KC covers.

Bears (0-1) at Buccaneers (0-0)
Opening line: Buccaneers, -6 points

The Bears nearly topped the defending Super Bowl loser in the Atlanta Falcons, boosted by rookie Tarik Cohen’s explosive game. -6 points is a lot, but I like the Bucs behind Jameis Winston, Mike Evans and new toy Desean Jackson. Lets go with the Bucs to cover.

Redskins (0-1) at Rams (1-0)
Opening line: Rams, -2.5 points

The Rams looked like a competent offense in Sean McVay’s debut, but they also were playing the god awful Colts in Week 1. The R-words bumbled their way to a loss against the Eagles so I anticipate a bounce back game from them and a big game from Terrell Pryor. R-words cover.

Cowboys (1-0) at Broncos (0-0)
Opening line: Cowboys, -2.5 points

Another tough game to pick, but as long as Zeke keeps dodging that suspension I’m riding the Boys. The Broncos had to eke one out against San Diego last week, so I think the Cowboys cover here.

49ers (0-1) at Seahawks (0-1)
Opening line: Seahawks, -12.5 points

This is gonna be a long season for the 49ers as they embark on a long rebuild. The Seahawks did not look great last week as the offensive line is still a disaster and the musical chairs at RB continue. I think Seattle gets on track this week but 13 points is a big spread, so I’m taking San Fran to cover.

Packers (1-0) at Falcons (1-0)
Opening line: Falcons, -2.5 points

I’m taking the Packers all day on this. Green Bay’s offense looked great in the second half against Seattle last week and the Falcons look primed for a Super Bowl hangover.

Lions (1-0) at Giants (0-1), Monday
Opening line: Giants, -5 points

This all depends on ODB availability. If he’s in the game I’m taking the Giants to cover, but if he’s not I’m taking the Lions to win outright. The G-Men looked hapless without their blonde burner so keep close tabs on that.

Todd Marinovich is Back in Football!

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USA Today – It’s hard not to root for a successful Todd Marinovich turnaround. The former USC and Los Angeles Raiders quarterback prodigy, whose football career and life has famously been derailed by substance abuse on multiple occasions, was in Indian Wells on Friday for a news conference to announce that he is returning to competitive football. The former NFL and college star who just turned 48 on July 4, has joined the desert’s developmental football team the SoCal Coyotes after serving as an assistant coach last season.

Remember the kid you grew up with who played sports year round then went to camps and played travel ball all summer long without any time to be a kid because his dad was a psycho living variously through his kid? Yea thats Todd Marinovich times 1,000.

For anyone who’s not familiar Marinovich was basically bred to be a quarterback by his insane father. Marinovich’s dad is essentially Tim McGraw from Friday Night Lights, an absolute maniac who couldn’t let go of the glory days and drilled his kid into the ground to try and make him a better football player.

Seriously, look at this description of the dad from Wikipedia:

“His father, Marv Marinovich, an openly abusive parent, had been a lineman and a captain for the University of Southern California Trojans during the 1962 national championship season, and played in the 1963 Rose Bowl…After harming his own National Football League lineman career by overtraining and focusing too much on weight and bulk, Marv studied Eastern Bloc training methods and was hired by Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis as the NFL’s first strength-and-conditioning coach. Marv later opened his own athletic research center and applied the techniques to his young son, introducing athletic training before Marinovich could leave the crib and continuing it throughout his childhood and adolescence.”

The dad even had the mother in on it, basically feeding the kid like an olympic athlete.

“During her pregnancy, Trudi used no salt, sugar, alcohol, or tobacco; as a baby, Marinovich was fed only fresh vegetables, fruits, and raw milk…The question I asked myself was, How well could a kid develop if you provided him with the perfect environment?”

That shit is child abuse. This is how serial killers are born, let the kid have a McChicken every once in a while. So no wonder Marinovich is a little loopy himself. Now hopefully he’s getting back into football at the age of 48 because he loves the game and wants to play and not because he wants some side cash to buy some dope. But for anyone who saw his 30 for 30, Marinovich did NOT look like a guy who missed two-a-days.

But ya know thats why the Sandlot is one of the most popular sports movies of all time. Because organized sports and practice and conditioning camp and coaches yelling in your face is not fun. It sucks actually. The fun part is playing ball with your boys. So maybe getting on the High School field and slinging the ball around will be good for the guy. Who knows maybe even Brett Favre will make an appearance in his Wranglers, NOBODY likes backyard ball more than that guy.

Patriots Now Involved in Marshawn Lynch Rumors. Introducing the Not Fucking Around Crew

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I didn’t really buy into Marshawn Lynch coming out of retirement to play in Oakland. Guy legit seems to be enjoying retirement and not dealing with smashing into 300 pound men all day. But now I hear that Marshawn Lynch is interested in joining the Patriots? I am officially woke. I am back on Marshawn Lynch Watch because the Patriots are looking to build something special. They are turning over every rock to build the best team in the NFL. So whats to say the Pats don’t swoop in and get a deal done? This is the Not Fucking Around Crew.

Sure Lynch saying he’s interested in a team is not exactly the same thing as a team offering a guy a contract, but this is a wild rumor if nothing else. Blount still hasn’t resigned with the team and they didn’t offer Adrian Peterson a contract. They also don’t have a pick in the NFL Draft until No. 72 overall, but the Pats don’t typically draft runningbacks high anyways. With all that being said, there is a gaping void for a power back just waiting to be filled.

Am I a little hesitant about bringing on a guy who last played in 2015 when he rushed for 417 yards? Yup. Did he also destroy my fantasy football season that year? Yup. But if its Marshawn Lynch or LeGarrette Blount, Lynch is a clear upgrade. Lynch will be 31 by the time next season starts so this would clearly be a short term engagement.

Now all you need to do is convince Pete Carroll to trade Beast Mode to the exact team that had every person in the world clowning him after the Super Bowl a couple years ago. Simple enough task, I suppose.

Jeff Howe, who reported the rumor, calls it a long shot if anything, but it would definitely be fun to have Lynch on this Pats team. And for people saying he might not get along with the Patriot Way? Uhh, does anyone remember this dude’s press conferences?

Pretty sure he’d do just fine not saying shit to the media. Now for the obligatory highlight video of Marshawn Lynch dominating people with a football in his hands. Boss.

Dolphins Owner Throws Shade at Raiders Mark Davis Who Responds By Grinding His Feet Into NFL’s Couch

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ESPN – The only owner to vote against the Raiders moving to Las Vegas, Miami Dolphins owner Stephen Ross told reporters here on Monday that he believes Raiders owner Mark Davis did not use all of his options to get a stadium deal done in Oakland.

So yesterday the NFL owners made official, almost unanimously, the relocation of the Raiders to Las Vegas. Almost unanimous because the vote was 31-1 with the Miami Dolphins being the only team to vote against the Las Vegas Raiders. So naturally I shit on Dolphins owner Stephen Ross for being the turd in the pool.

But then something happened. Stephen Ross made a really good point that threw me off. Mainly because I’ve never heard an owner be that transparent and blunt about why so many teams up and move their teams; stadium funding.

“There’s very little public money available for teams today. And if you own a team, you should have the deep pockets to deliver.”

Stephen Ross throwing SHADE at Mark Davis for moving his team because he couldn’t afford a new stadium in Oakland himself. Had to go slumming in Vegas for a $750 million handout. Super, super waspy quotes like a shoving match at the country club, but hilarious nonetheless. FOH with yo broke ass, Mark Davis.

Ross is also probably just sour grapes because he just ate $500 out of his own pocket to upgrade the Dolphins stadium. I got a feeling that Mark Davis, the guy who sports a bowl cut, has meetings at Hooters and drives a rape van, doesn’t really care what Stephen Ross has to say. In fact I bet he’s pretty happy to have swindled a $750 million check to move his operation down to the desert. Davis’ response? Fuck yo couch, Stephen Ross.

Live look at Mark Davis:

NFL Owners Approve Raiders Relocation to Las Vegas 31-1

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ESPN – The Oakland Raiders will move to Las Vegas after garnering enough votes from NFL owners on Monday to relocate to Southern Nevada. The Raiders received 31 of 32 votes to approve the move, a source told ESPN’s Adam Schefter. Twenty-four votes were needed. The Miami Dolphins were the only team to vote against the move, a source told Schefter.

Talk about a lot of drama for nothing; the NFL just approved this controversial move 31-1! With the Dolphins being the only team to say idk about this guys. So now after what feels like years of speculation, the Raiders are officially moving to Sin City. Get me a Las Vegas Raiders hat STAT!

Now the brand new stadium on the strip won’t be ready for another 2 seasons so ironically the Raiders will still be playing in Oakland for the next 2 seasons on the baseball diamond field. So that should be a fun fan experience as the Raiders prep to get the hell out of dodge. But, if you haven’t seen the artists renderings that Sports Illustrated posted today, this place is gonna be sick.

Eat your heart out Stank Kroenke, you can have LA, the Raiders are gonna continue to be the bad boys of the league in the most diabolical city in the country; Las Vegas.

The Stars Are Aligning to Make Las Vegas the Greatest Sports Town in America

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CBS Sports – “The Oakland Raiders are going to move to Las Vegas. I am finally convinced of it. After being a skeptic throughout this process and especially in the aftermath of owner Mark Davis’ deal with casino magnate Sheldon Adelson falling apart around the Super Bowl, there are too many people I trust telling me this has become basically a fait accompli for me to deny it any longer. By Monday night, Davis will be cracking open the bubbly and toasting to his future on the Strip, because with the NFL including a formal vote on Vegas on its official agenda for the annual spring meeting, there is almost no time for this to fall apart now.”

First there was the NHL, which sacked up with the Golden Knights who will be making their Las Vegas debut in the 2017-18 season. Now after all the rumors and speculation it seems like the Las Vegas Raiders might finally become a reality. We all know that the Raiders have basically been trying to get out of Oakland because their stadium is a shit hole. They play on a baseball field for christ’s sake.

And it seems like Oakland is all set on footing the $750 million bill for a brand new stadium. So lifelong fans and tradition be damned, Mark Davis is taking his ball and moving to Las Vegas.

Obviously this could go off the rails for any number of reasons, as it almost did recently when Goldman Sachs dropped out of the funding. But it seems like this is about as close to a done deal as you can get.

“This is going to happen,” said one well-connected league source who has been in close contact with many influential owners on this matter. “Enough people will hold their noses and pray for the best and vote this through. Oakland — and by Oakland I mean the government officials there — hasn’t stepped up nearly enough, and the league is ready to put this to a vote. And while there is some trepidation about this market, it is going to pass.”

So Vegas is obviously already the most debaucherous city in the world but now add in TWO professional sports teams? My god, the stars are aligning for this to be the greatest sports town in America. Picture this, flying in for a weekend gambling your balls off, then heading over to watch the Golden Knights, maybe place a (legal) bet 90 seconds before walking into the rink, then getting bombed at a hockey game in the desert and hitting the “casino” til 4 am afterwards. Sleep, wake up, grab some bloody Mary’s, head down the strip to see DA RAIDERRRRSS and day drink until you can’t feel feelings anymore. All after placing a few (legal) prop bets of course.

I heard someone mention this on 98.5 this morning and its 100% true. The Raiders are going to have the greatest home field advantage in the league. Just think about it, half of these guys can’t control themselves in shit holes like Atlanta and Jacksonville. Now you’re going to drop them in downtown Las Vegas? The ones who don’t get arrested for prostitution and cocaine are going to be hungover as balls on Sunday.

I demand a hockey/football/casino weekend the likes of a degenerate has never seen before.

Make it happen, NFL.

Marquette King Punting Moon Shots Will Change Your Opinion of Punters Forever

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So Oakland (read: Las Vegas) Raiders punter Marquette King was showing off his bionic leg for some charity event recently and holy hell. All punters more or less look like guys that just wondered off the soccer field and fell into a million dollar salary ass backwards. But when you see shit like this from up close, my god I will never (not true) disrespect a punter again.

Marquette King may be my favorite non-Patriots player in the entire league when you pair that video with his electric, flag inducing celebration dances.

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Hey Raiders, you move to Las Vegas and I’ll be first in line to get a Marquette King jersey.

MLB Can Fuck Right Off With Putting a Team in Las Vegas

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las-vegas-welcome-sign

CBS Sports – MLB commissioner Rob Manfred seems increasingly to have expansion on his mind. While the general sense of things is that Manfred and MLB will look to expand their international footprint in the next round of expansion, you should also consider Las Vegas to be in the mix of potential locations. In fact, Manfred himself said as much to Michael Kay on Tuesday.

MLB can fuck right off with putting a team in Las Vegas after sandbagging Pete Rose for all these years. The most sanctimonious, anti-gambling league in all of sports is now considering putting a team in the gambling capital of the world.

I applaud the Knights and potentially the Raiders for finally putting a team in Vegas, but holy hell MLB be more hypocritical. The guy with the most hits in the history of your sport isn’t even recognized by baseball because he was placing bets on his *own* team.

And now they’re gonna waltz into town and drop a team in the same spot that Pete Rose has basically been banished to. The guy signs autographs in Vegas every day for a living. Did you know he’s signed so many autographs that its basically worthless on the resale market now?

peterosevegas

That would be some fucked up irony if I ever saw it. One of the best players of all time banned by his sport for gambling, ironically takes up residence in a city that is known solely for gambling, and then years later that same sport puts a team in said gambling city, right in his backyard? Holy shit, Pete Rose might legitimately drop dead.

So put a pitching clock in, speed up the game, put a goddamn guy on second base to start extra innings, I don’t care, but get the hell outta my face with putting a team in Sin City.

Chargers Moving to Los Angeles; Are You Happy Now NFL?

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la-chargers

Hilarious. The market that the NFL held over owner’s heads for two decades as the white whale. The market that subsequently drew middling interest and awful TV ratings with just one team last year, now has TWO goddamn teams. As a friend of mine so eloquently put it, this is like Atlanta having two hockey teams. There’s just no need for it.

But as you all know, I love unnecessary shit. Add in the fact that the Chargers will be playing in an MLS stadium for the next two years (which seats 27,000 people) and its even better. I mean, if nothing else, this means I need to buy Madden again this year right? I’ve never played a professional football game in the house that Landon Donovan built.

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Granted the Rams were a god awful team last year, but the people of LA were not exactly clamoring for ANOTHER NFL team. One of these teams better get real good real quick, or its going to be a lot of empty seats and a lot of Stephen A Smith rants on why the NFL needs to abandon Los Angeles, again.

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Now for the coup de gras….the Raiders to Vegas. We got teams moving left and right, shit hole stadiums falling apart all while the Raiders are still playing on a BASEBALL field. Seriously they share a stadium with Billy Beane. Thats just not the 70s Raiders everyone talks about. No, they need to be in a city of debauchery and Sin City has that in…wait for it…spades. I’ll see myself out.

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