Season record: (8-7)
Last week: N/A
Somehow we missed the Bills-Panthers in Week 2’s column, so by technicality we get outta here above .500. We’ll try to do better in Week 3. But hey if you’re coming here for gambling advice you have a much larger problem. Enjoy your meager winnings!
NFL Week 2
Texans (0-1) at Bengals (0-1), Thursday
Opening line: Bengals, -3 points
Bengals threw up an absolute stinker, losing 13-9, as people are legitimately starting to question if the Red Rifle is cooked meanwhile Tyler Eifert remains about as healthy as the goddamn bubble boy.
Our pick: Bengals to cover – L (0-1)
Jets (0-1) at Raiders (1-0)
Opening line: Raiders, -14 points
Did not expect the Jets to win, but did not expect the Raiders to cover a 14 pt spread. Cover they did, winning by 25 points.
Our pick: Jets to cover – L (0-2)
Browns (0-1) at Ravens (1-0)
Opening line: Ravens, -7.5 points
Ravens more than covered the -7.5 spread, winning by 14 pts. We got a W in the book!
Our pick: Ravens to cover – W (1-2)
Cardinals (0-1) at Colts (0-1)
Opening line: Cardinals, -7.5 points
Cardinals continue to be the definition of mediocre, eeking out a 3 point win over the Colts who were coming off a blowout to the lowly rams. Needless to say they did not cover.
Our pick: Cardinals to cover – L (1-3)
Patriots (0-1) at Saints (0-0)
Opening line: Patriots, -4.5 points
As predicted, the Patriots blew doors, smoking the Saints 36-20, easily covering the initial -4.5 spread.
Our pick: Patriots to cover – W (2-3)
Vikings (1-0) at Steelers (1-0)
Opening line: Steelers, -7 points
After looking like the goddamn MVP of the league, Sam Bradford came back down to earth on his graham cracker knees and the Vikings got smoked by the Steelers 26-9. Thats a no show.
Our pick: Vikings to cover – L (2-4)
Dolphins (0-0) at Chargers (0-1)
Opening line: Chargers, -4 points
Rather than winning by at least 4, the Chargers actually lost by 2 to Smokin Jay Cutler in his first game post retirement. FML.
Our pick: Charges to cover – L (2-5)
Titans (0-1) at Jaguars (1-0)
Opening line: Titans, -1 point
Titans easily covered the -1 pt spread, smoking the Jags 37-16. Blake Bortles continues to drift further and further away from being a respectable NFL quarterback, which is weird because just a couple of seasons ago he was one of the top fantasy QBs in the game.
Our pick: Titans to cover – W (3-5)
Eagles (1-0) at Chiefs (1-0)
Opening line: Chiefs, -4 points
As predicted the Chiefs continued their winning ways, beating the Eagles by a TD, covering the -4 point spread.
Our pick: Chiefs to cover – W (4-5)
Bears (0-1) at Buccaneers (0-0)
Opening line: Buccaneers, -6 points
The Bucs kicked the shit out of the Bears 29-7, much to the chagrin of every other Jordan Howard fantasy owner in the world, easily covering the -6 point spread.
Our pick: Bucs to cover – W (5-5)
Redskins (0-1) at Rams (1-0)
Opening line: Rams, -2.5 points
As bad as the R-words have looked, its still the Rams and I would hammer a -2.5 point spread every day of the week as Washington won by a TD.
Our pick: R-words to cover – W (6-5)
Cowboys (1-0) at Broncos (1-0)
Opening line: Cowboys, -2.5 points
Cowboys were a -2.5 point favorite, which I felt good about, but the Broncos smoked the Boys 42-17, with Hall of Famer LaDanian Tomlinson calling out Zeke for quitting on his team. Great. Swing and a miss.
Our pick: Cowboys to cover – L (6-6)
49ers (0-1) at Seahawks (0-1)
Opening line: Seahawks, -12.5 points
Seahawks were a -12.5 point favorite, which I felt was way too big for a struggling Seattle offense, which turned out to be dead on as the Hawks had to use a late game drive just to barely win. Seattle snuck out of town with a 12-9 win and we all won some money.
Our pick: Niners to cover – W (7-6)
Packers (1-0) at Falcons (1-0)
Opening line: Falcons, -2.5 points
I was very confident in Green Bay winning outright despite Atlanta being a -2.5 favorite, buttt nope the Falcons looked like the Falcons of 2016 in their new stadium winning 34-23. Nuts.
Our pick: Packers to cover – L (7-7)
Lions (1-0) at Giants (0-1), Monday
Opening line: Giants, -5 points
This was a tossup as technically Odell Beckham played, but he clearly didn’t look like himself and only had 4 catches for 36 yards. Since ODB himself said this was a 6-8 week injury, I’m not picking the Giants in a close game until I see him back to his old ways. I’m giving myself this one.
Our pick: Lions to cover – W (8-7)
Week 2 Predictions Grade: C+ – Average, not my best effort, room for improvement. You made a little money if you bet every game, but you’re not gonna be buying rounds at the bar or anything.