Tag: TB12

I Am Offended at the Lack of Patriots Fans That Want to Go for 19-0

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It seems like the topic du jour around the local sports media is whether the Patriots can realistically (or should even attempt it) go a perfect 19-0. Except there seems to be less people talking about if they can do it and more people just straight up refusing to talk about it and saying its stupid to do so. USA Today thinks its doable. But basically every other media personality wants no part of it.

As a Patriots fan, the lack of people that want to go for 19-0 personally offends me.

Guys, I know it brings up bad memories. We almost had it in 2007. It was in the palms of our hands, less than 2 minutes to go and the 07 Patriots would be crowned the greatest team of all time.

If Asante Samuel makes that interception. If David Tyree plays like the insurance salesman he really is, if Rodney Harrison somehow jars that ball lose from his fucking helmet, if the refs actually called holding on the Giants offensive line on that play. The list goes on and on.

That shit used to kill me. Used to. But I noticed something recently. The 07 Super Bowl highlights come on….and I watch them. It doesn’t make me physically ill anymore. I can watch those clips and say ah man that sucked, without smashing a pint glass off my wall like I would have done a few years ago. Winning two Super Bowls since then goes a looong way in healing that pain. Brady’s 5-2 in the SB for christ’s sake. That will always be the most painful loss of my life. I was a freshman in college and my direct roommate was a Giants fan, not to mention half my hallway. So losing in that fashion, surrounded by that many Giants fans in neutral territory as a young, inebriated boyish man, that was a tough pill to swallow.

But like I said, one of the greatest Super Bowls EVER against Seattle with the Malcolm Butler pick to seal the W was cathartic; the greatest comeback of all time against the Falcons in 2016 gave us all our swagger back. You can’t say shit to us. You can’t hurt us.

The Patriots have 5 Super Bowl rings, Tom Brady is a 2x MVP, a 4x Super Bowl MVP, he had one of his greatest seasons ever during the Deflategate saga, and then was suspended the following year only to come back, tear it up and win another fucking Super Bowl. Belichick and Brady are the. Greatest. Of. All. Time. So…what do you get the men who have everything? The only thing left. Perfection

Its the ultimate. Its the only thing left that the Patriots don’t have. And there will always be the Felgers of the world saying we as Patriots fans all have a persecution complex (is it paranoid if its true though?) and theres nothing left to prove. But, tell someone they can’t do something or don’t need something and what do they want? Exactly. We’ve conquered the AFC East, we’ve conquered fan bases in St. Louis, Carolina, Philadelphia, Seattle, and Atlanta, we’ve taken on the league and the commissioner himself and come out with one for the thumb. TB12 is 40 years old and playing better than anyone has ever played the position. Minneaposix™ is the goal, but 19-0 will always be the ultimate.

PS – Plus if the Pats do go 19-0 I can get my fucking t-shirts back stateside.

Donte Stallworth Talking About How Tom Brady and Randy Moss Ran Improvised Plays in 2007 is Patriots Porn

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In case you missed it, I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t bring this Donte Stallworth story about the 2007 Patriots team to your attention. The 2007 Patriots are the greatest, most dominant team I’ve ever seen and were the most fun I’ve ever had watching football. They were straight up dismantling the league, blowing everyone out as a response to the NFL hosing them with the overblown and hypocritical Spygate scandal.

This was also the first year Tom Brady had real weapons around him like Wes Welker, Stallworth and of course Randy Moss.  This season finally helped put to rest the Tom Brady vs Peyton Manning argument. Yes, when TB12 has Hall of Famers catching his passes he can put up 50 TDs too. Some of the plays these guys made were just outrageous though and it turns out some of them were legitimate accidents. Just Brady and Moss out there improvising and freestyling like only two first ballot Hall of Famers can.

PS – If you want to watch every single one of Tom Brady’s 50 TD passes, @fearthe_beard11 is doing Gods work on twitter and tweeted each one out.

ESPN Asks Who Are the Best QBs in Patriots History? Hmm

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ESPN asked the question of who are the 5 greatest Patriots QBs of all time? Let me stop you right there ESPN.

Tom Brady.  Tom Brady. Tom Brady. Tom Brady. Tom Brady. Because I spit hot fire.

But, seriously why is this even a list? The best 5 quarterbacks in Patriots history? Tom Brady is No. 1 and then Alex Guerrero is No. 2 for providing Brady with all of his (completely legal) TB12 voodoo magic to play at an MVP level at the age of 40. Then I guess maybe Drew Bledsoe at 3. That’s it.

In case you’re curious how the world-wide leader ranked the top QB’s in Patriots history:

  1. Tom Brady
  2. Drew Bledsoe
  3. Steve Grogan
  4. Babe Parilli
  5. Jim Plunkett
  6. Tony Eason

Tom Brady to Grace the Cover of Madden 2018 at 40 Years Old

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Alright now…how to react to this news?

A younger version of myself would freak out at the prospect of my franchise quarterback appearing on the cover of Madden because dudes used to routinely get injured after landing the cover. But TB12 put that to rest real quick with a few simple demonstrations.

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Smashed mirror? No problem? Walk under a ladder? Get that shit out of my face.

Lets get scientific about it though and break it down year by year, going back an arbitrary number of years because Madden 03 was the first Madden I actually had. On the PC no less. You ever try running go routes on a 12 inch computer screen? Holy hell, but I digress. Onto the list, with some help from Digital Trends.

  • 2003: Marshall Faulk has one of his worst years ever and its the beginning of the end of his career.
    • CURSE: In full effect
  • 2004: Michael Vick fractures his fibula and misses the first 11 games of the season
    • CURSE: 100%
  • 2005: Ray Lewis has a down year, but nothing curse worthy…he did tear his hamstring the following year though.
    • CURSE: Meh
  • 2006: Donovan McNabb was plagued by a groin injury before tearing his ACL later in the year.
    • CURSE: You bet
  • 2007: Shaun Alexander broke his foot in Week 3 that season.
    • CURSE: Prevails once again
  • 2008: Vince Young was plagued by quad injuries all year before being replaced by KERRY COLLINS.
    • CURSE: Continues to cruise
  • 2009: Brett Favre played pretty well actually before injuring his shoulder down the stretch and tanking his (and the Jets) effectiveness.
    • CURSE: Yea, not even including Brett’s cell phone pic troubles
  • 2010: Larry Fitzgerald/Troy Polamalu – Fitz actually had a career year, but Polamalu injured his MCL, missed a month and then eventually injured his PCL as well.
    • CURSE: 50/50 split but still yes
  • 2011: Drew Brees stayed healthy but threw twice as many picks as the year prior and the Saints lost to the first team to ever make the playoffs with a losing record in Seattle that year.
    • CURSE: Not reallyyy
  • 2012: Peyton Hillis came out of nowhere to have a huge year to land the cover of Madden only to battle illness and hamstring issues all season. Rushed for under 600 yards, the Browns let him walk after the season and that was a wrap on Hillis’ career.
    • CURSE: Yup, you sunk my battleship
  • 2013: Calvin Johnson set the single season record for receiving yards soo he did alright.
    • CURSE: Nope, Megatron shatters it
  • 2014: Adrian Peterson battled through a foot injury all year long and the Vikings only won 10 games.
    • CURSE: Yessir
  • 2015: Richard Sherman had a great season and stayed healthy…but they did lose to the Patriots in the Super Bowl.
    • CURSE: Nah, but we did get this legendary GIF out of Sherman’s season 

  • 2016: Odell Beckham Jr. has 1,400+ receiving yards and 13 TDs and is named to this second consecutive Pro Bowl.
    • CURSE: No shot
  • 2017: Rob Gronkowski played only 8 games last season as missed the first game of the year with a hamstring injury, then got on a roll, but ultimately hurt his back in Week 7 against Seattle and missed the rest of the season.
    • CURSE: Put the smackdown on Gronk

So by my scientific count, that makes 10 instances of the Madden Curse wrecking a guy’s season since Madden 2003.

But, hey this is Tom Brady we’re talking about. The 5 time Super Bowl champ who continues to get better like a goddamn fine wine. As long as he’s go his avocado ice cream and his shady health guru Alex Guerrero and his TB12 voodoo magic, I think Brady will continue to roll. You think the Madden Curse and mother nature can stop this specimen?

I think not.

PS – If something does happen to Tom this year I am going to go full Brian Mills on everyone that has ever worked at EA Sports.

Hero Patriots Fan Tells ESPN to Piss Off When They Ask to Use His Belichick Photo

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LOVE it. Say what you will, but no one, and I mean no one holds a grudge like Boston sports fans. And thats why we’re so passionate. We got dudes telling ESPN to go piss up a rope, we’ve got former Patriots players railing against the league any chance they get, hell even the Barstool guys got arrested for TB12. Can’t teach that loyalty. Can’t beat the guy who never gives up.

 

 

Hey ESPN, it’s called loyalty

Tom Brady Now Hawking TB12 Under Armour Pajamas and I Need Them Like I Need Air

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SI – “Tom Brady says he can only work has hard—or perform as well—as his ability to recover. And he considers sleep the best way to recover, exactly why he strives for eight to 10 hours of uninterrupted zzz’s every night….With such an importance placed on sleep and recovery, it follows that the NFL star’s next signature product from Under Armour comes in the form of tech-infused sleepwear.”

Do I want the TB12 PJ’s? No that would be silly. I don’t want them. I *need* them. Like I need oxygen. If Tom Brady says I’ll sleep like a lamb wearing these things, then I’ll take two pairs. It the guy started a new religion a la Scientology, I would at least attend a couple masses just to get the feel.

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First he made UGGs cool for guys. Then he blew everyones mind with the most monk-like diet I’ve ever heard of. Now? PJ’s. If thats what it takes to play at an MVP level nearing 40 years old, like no one has ever done before, then I’ll hear him out.

“The TB12 Sleepwear line includes full-length shirts and pants—and a short-sleeve and shorts version—with bioceramics printed on the inside. The print, sourced from natural minerals, activates the body’s natural heat and reflects it back as far infrared energy, a common tool used to reduce inflammation and help the body recover faster.”

It reminds me of the Phiten necklaces legit every baseball player in the MLB and every guy in college wore. They were alleged to “improve your balance.” Thing was literally a little nylon rope with rubber at the end. If it was a really good one thought it had some shiny stickers on it too. Complete scam. But guess what? I bought the shit outta those things.

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Richard Sherman Already Complaining Refs Protect Tom Brady Too Much

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CSNNE – “They’ve got several rules to protect him in various situations so you’ve got to be careful with how you sack him.”

Here we go again, Richard Sherman firing up the hype machine and making pre-emptive excuses. Look the only reason you say stuff like this is so you have something to point to when you lose. Two years ago when he was really balling out, Sherman would have just said TB12 sucks or is too old to get it done. Not now, he sees the way Brady is playing and wants to hedge his bets before Sunday Night.

Now I actually like Richard Sherman, but he’s definitely overrated. That pick he had last week against Buffalo was practically a fair catch so don’t give me that.

Is he trying to get the refs attention ahead of the game to not coddle Brady? Probably. But hey this is the NFL, it’s absolutely a QB’s league. With that being said Brady has been taking some massive shots in recent weeks, too many for my liking, so Sherman can pipe down with that.

Tom Brady loves going after defensive players talking shit during the week to try and burn them and I think that’s what Rich is setting himself up for here. People don’t forget.

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Patriots 28-21

Tom Brady is Back and It’s Like He Never Left

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TB12 is back and I have to admit, I am extremely disappointed in the local media. Aside from two tweets of random guys with a couple pics of Brady playing catch around town, there’s been ZERO news or info on him. And the sunbathing pics don’t count because that was over in Italy, I’m talking strictly local media guys. Brady is legit Boston royalty, well really more like a Mob Boss. Because no one reported anything on what he was up to like they feared getting kneecapped as retribution. All my Brady news came from Wes Welker and TMZ. No one even asked him about the pics and I don’t think anyone even thought about bothering Tom on his 4 week vacation. You don’t disturb the boss when he’s busy. More important than any one man’s life… is order. Some straight Keyser Soze shit.

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