Month: October 2017

Madden Pro Going Nuts Reminds Me of The GOAT Madden Meltdown I Saw in College

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Look we’ve all been there. I’ve smashed more clickers than I care to admit and so have all of you. Glass houses guys.

But, this dude flipping the fuck out reminded me of the GOAT Madden meltdown I witnessed in college. I was playing my roommate and I was feeling myself so I picked a shittier team, knowing it would drive this kid up a wall if I took it to him with the 2008 Raiders.

You know the unbeatable 2008 Raiders that went 4-12 behind stud No. 1 overall pick, and my boy, JaMarcus Russell. If there ever was a guy built for a fucking video game it was this dude. Absolutely awful in real life, but in a video game he had an absolute cannon and he could run his balls off. Thats all I need boys.

So in case you forget just how truly shitty this team really was back in 08, here was the starting skill position players:

QB: JaMarcus Russell
RB: Darren “Run DMC” McFadden
WR: Javon Walker, Chaz Schilens, Ashley Lelie, Johnnie Lee Higgins, Ronald Curry
TE: Zach Miller

Not exactlyyy Murderers Row, but the Raiders did also have Nnamdi Asomugha before he fell off a cliff and DeAngelo Hall patrolling the secondary. (Thats called foreshadowing guys)

So anyways, I am scoring *at will* on QB scrambles out of the shotgun, HB screens, and 70 yard bombs in the air. If JaMarcus Russell saw how much better he was in Madden than in real life I think he might actually kill himself. But to top it all off the Oakland defense is smothering my roommate with interception after interception after interception. My roommate is fucking BOILING and I’m not a huge trash talker so I’m just waiting for the straw to break the camel’s back.

Well that would come in the form of my SEVENTH interception of the day, which also happened to be a pick-six that put me at 70+ points on the afternoon…in the 3rd quarter.

“FUCK THIS GAME!”

Roommate stands up and absolutely Gronk spikes the $50 PS2 clicker into the fucking floor. Let me tell you, I have never seen a piece of hardware fly into so many pieces as that Playstation clicker did. We had to have a closed casket funeral for that PS2 clicker.

And that my friends is why you don’t stream yourself playing a game of Madden because we are all one bullshit play away from rifling a clicker through the goddamn window.

Jake Arrieta With and Without a Beard is Not the Same Person

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As a fellow beard guy I can certainly appreciate the dedication Jake Arrieta’s well groomed whiskers took to grow. But that doesn’t change the fact that I am not quite sure beardless Jake Arrieta is who he says he is.

Seriously, this is not the same person. The grizzled, bearded, psycho on the mound that turned from a bust prospect with the Orioles into a (sometimes) dominant stud for the Cubs. That guy needs to have a beard because without it he’s just a regular, good looking dude, not a screaming maniac throwing BB’s on the mound. Just don’t go to the Yankees man, can’t let those assholes keep another beard off this planet.

NBC Goes All-Madden Mode for Camera Angle in Patriots Falcons Game

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The fog came into Gillette fast last night and after a while you really couldn’t see a damn thing on TV, which must have sucked for the poor sap who dished out $200 bucks to sit in the 300s and couldn’t see shit.

As soon as NBC switched to that Sky Cam angle though I got a sudden rush of dopamine and I had no idea why. This new camera angle they finally switched to after an hour of trying to watch the game through the clouds just seemed right. And then it dawned on me. This is Madden. This is the same angle I’ve been playing football with for 15 years. This is the view I had when I first learned what Spider-2-Y-Banana was, or just how many clickers I could get my roommate to smash by running the perfectly timed HB Screen. Spread em out and go No Huddle for an entire game. This just feels right. NBC, do yourself a favor and get this angle worked into every game as much as you can. Subliminal advertising at its finest because right now I am jones-ing for some Madden.

 

#RushHourRap – Kendrick Lamar – m.A.A.d. city

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After a particularly soul crushing edition of Monday morning traffic, #RushHourRap is coming in right around lunch time. So yesterday was the 5 year anniversary of “good kid, m.A.A.d. city” dropping. Not only was it Kendrick Lamar’s coming out party (his second studio album, his first to go Platinum), but it is also one of the best rap albums of the past decade. It was not easy picking just one track from this album, but I had to go with the hard hitting, frenetic, titular “m.A.A.d. city.”

m.A.A.d. city had yuuuge singles including Bitch, Don’t Kill My Vibe, Swimming Pools, Poetic Justice, The Recipe, and the bass monster Backseat Freestyle. All absolute bangers that still kill it today.

I remember seeing Kendrick open for Kanye at TD Garden in Boston back in 2013 just as he was starting to take off. Now the guy is headlining his own shows at the Garden touring for his latest work, DAMN,  what might be my favorite album of the year. Keep killing it k-dot.

The Little Rock Chamber of Commerce Deserves a Clio Award

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ArkansasOnline – The city of Little Rock won’t submit a bid to become the home of Amazon’s second headquarters after all.

In a full page ad that appeared in The Washington Post on Thursday under the heading “Hey Amazon, we need to talk,” the city said it has realized it would “probably never work out between us…”

Jeff Bezos, founder and CEO of Amazon, is also the owner of The Washington Post.

Genius move by the Little Rock Regional Chamber of Commerce. I’d have bet my house that Amazon wasn’t headed to the Natural State. But instead of wisecracks about why the hell Amazon would ever even consider moving to the state with the third-lowest median income in the nation, the Chamber of Commerce has taken control of the situation with two classic George Costanza moves.

The first is the “It’s Not You, It’s Me” routine. That’s pretty obvious. But what is really going on in the ad and in the video is the preemptive breakup.

GEORGE: I have no power Do you understand? I need hand. I have no hand.

KRAMER: Break up with her

GEORGE: What?

KRAMER: You break up with her. You reverse everything that way.

JERRY: A preemptive breakup.

GEORGE: A preemptive breakup. This is an incredible idea. I got nothing to lose. We either break up which she would do anyway but at least I go out with some dignity. Completely turn the tables. It’s absolutely brilliant.

I actually wish more states would tell Amazon to go pound sand. Instead of bidding against each other and undercutting each other, why not just let the chips fall where they may? What’s the benefit of having Amazon in your state if you have to give away the store to get them there? It’s like these cities are bidding on the Olympics. The only difference is that the increased traffic, congestion and inflation won’t go away after a two-week party.

Is Jimmy Garoppolo Insane for Asking for this at Dunkin Donuts?

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So Patriots All Access teased an upcoming segment about Jimmy Garoppolo’s first trip to Dunkin Donuts, which can border on a religious experience for a lot of people in Boston. Welp, swing and a miss for ya boy.


A vanilla long-john? A what? Is that code for drugs? Are you trying to score some smack at Dunkies, Jimmy?

I remember going to school down in CT where it was a mashup of New England, New York, and New Jersey kids so there was plenty of occurrences like this. People would look at me like I was having a stroke when I said “lets go to the packy.” So I get it, but Jimmy my man, this is nonsensical stuff. We’re gonna have to get the heads of Chicago together and talk about this. Grab Kanye, Chance, and Carl Winslow so they can put a stop to this before it goes too far.

Mr. Kraft Does It Again! Makes Fire Flames Sneakers Out of Super Bowl LI Footballs

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My goodness. Just when I think Robert Kraft has outdone himself with his footwear, he does it again. He’s created maybe the greatest sneaker of all time. Forget Yeezys, Bobby Kraft is the hottest footwear designer on the streets. JUST LOOK AT THESE.

The man has taken actual footballs from the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history and turned them into fire flames footwear. Incredible. I still need to get me a pair of RKK Air Forces, but at least those are available for purchase. These things are like a rare Pokemon; I know I’ll never get a pair yet I need them. It’s like acid in my mouth. Hook a blogger up, Mr. Kraft.

Friday Morning Randomness

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The Red Sox completed the greatest comeback in history and vanquished the Yankees in the Bronx 13 years ago today. As Dan Shaughnessy wrote at the time:

FOREVERMORE, the date goes into the New England calendar as an official no-school/no-work/no-mail-delivery holiday in Red Sox Nation.

Mark it down. Oct. 20. It will always be the day Sox citizens were liberated from eight decades of torment and torture at the hands of the Yankees and their fans.

Boston Baseball’s Bastille Day.

Nothing will ever top this moment for me as a sports fan. Not the Patriots comeback last February, not Boston University’s unbelievable comeback in the 2009 National Championship game. Nothing.

That’s why I can’t get too upset over this tweet.

Well, just a little upset. The holiday is today, @RedSox.

Prettyyyy Sure You Can’t Do That, Marshawn Lynch

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Little bit of extra curricular activity from the Chiefs defensive line on Thursday Night Football and Marshawn Lynch was NOT having it.

Pretty sure leaving the sideline to rough house with the refs is frowned upon, but we’ll see how the Ginger Hammer feels about it.

Thursday Night Pick Em: Chiefs vs Raiders (Bonus: Color Rush Breakdown)

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As always, all our lines come from the Westgate Las Vegas SuperBook so blame them if the numbers change. Tonight we’ve got the Kansas City Chiefs (-3, 47) at Oakland Raiders.

Derek Carr still doesn’t look right, not surprisingly, just a couple of weeks after breaking his fucking back. So the Raiders are hard to trust here. Especially with the hottest team in the NFL coming to town in the Kansas City Chiefs. Travis Kelce is back, allegedly, to 100% after a concussion, Kareem Hunt is still the most electric RB in the league, and Tyreek Hill is still on this team. Not to mention Alex Smith is FEELING himself for the first time in a long time. No more checkdown Alex safe throw Smith. Dude is letting it fly. Sure being in a contract year with a QB drafted in the 1st Round behind you probably doesn’t hurt, but the guy has some legit weapons around him in KC for the first time. KC is a (-3) point favorite and that is easy money. That is nothing. Slap your money down on the table confidently and sit back and watch the Chiefs make us all rich.

Now, onto the unis.

I’ve heard a lot of Raiders fans complaining about the Color Rush jerseys, with Oakland going white on white tonight. It does seem like a missed opportunity to have a total blackout. Just go old school villain, make everything black, but nay. The Chefs are going red on red, which is a good look, but they’re both wearing the same uni combos when they played each other last year. Should’ve been Raiders decked out in black with the Chiefs rocking all yellow with red highlights. Now thats a Color Rush I can get excited about. And if you complain about that because you’re colorblind well then tough shit; Thursday Night Football just isn’t for you then.