A Government, Foreign Or Domestic, Is Coming After Red Using His Own Google Home

So I know I’m coming at you with zero context, so our backstory goes like this:

Red, our fearless leader and 2nd best podcaster, received an email regarding his malfunctioning Google Home. The problem? Red was not aware his Google Home was malfunctioning, or to be more specific, it hadn’t been.

Naturally, I concluded that an interaction had occurred between Red’s Google Home and someone/thing other than Red. There was an error in that interaction which caused an automatic email being sent to the rightful user of the Google Home, Red, which resulted in our mystery.

As we’ve discovered over the last couple years/since the Cold War the only kinds of people that dabble in such acts of high tech nefarious activities and espionage are governments, foreign or domestic. Or both.

So who was behind this incident?

The good ol’ US of A? Not likely. Red loves the four major sports, barbecuing, his dog (as a pet not food), getting pissed off at traffic and having a couple cocktails too many. However, he also stans pretty hard for soccer, probably falsely like the other 99% of hipster asshats who pretend to like soccer. Soccer is about as UnAmerican as it gets. But I just don’t think thats enough for Uncle Sam to consider Red an enemy of the state given his endless other patriotic qualities.

The Russians? Is Putin after Red? Again not likely as Red likes hockey (see: the four major sports) and combat sports as well, two of Putin’s favorite things. On the flip side, he really enjoys sharing a meal with a bunch of other people which is prettttttty socialist of him winkwink nudgenudge. It’s possible, then, that Putin is spying on Red to gather intel on a possible double agent for the Bloc. The fact that his name is “Red” doesn’t hurt. In the end I think there is just too much American pride in our Hillside Hero to really consider this possiblity.

Mexico is a solid dark horse. You see, Red and Madam 300s vacationed there a couple of years back and he was pretty scant with details about it upon his return. Pretty much Seinfeld “yadda yadda’d” the whole thing. “Mhm it was fun….yup weather was nice.” So what really went down in Mexico? In the end we’ll never know. However, what we are now forgetting is this: Mexico is completely and utterly fucking lawless. So even if some shit did go down there, it really wouldn’t matter. When Mexican resorts say “all-inclusive” they mean everything from 8 balls to homicide.

This mystery really has endless possibilities. It could be any of the nations above. It could be Google itself. Could be Zuckerberg. You just can’t know anymore. All I do know is if I were him I’d throw a blanket and a pair of industrial grade ear protectors over that thing when I went to work. Wouldn’t want to get home to find the dog listening to Tchaikovsky and building an ICB launcher in the backyard.


About Joey Ballgame

I'd like to take this chance to apologize to absolutely nobody. Views from the 617. Primarily MMA and pop culture takes from down in the rabbit hole. Sports straight out of left field.
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