The 300s Bloggers’ Nick Mullens is Elite Fantasy Football Round Up – Week 9

Yey, my children, behold the Week 9 fantasy football blog. The NFL itself was actually a bit of a dumpster fire this week with quite a few just plain bad games. On the other hand, was Nick fucking Mullens. The complete unknown practice squadder who jogged out there for San Francisco and was just about perfect. The best QB from Southern Miss not named Brett Favre. Only highlighting Mullens success was his counterpart on the Raiders, Derek Carr, simply forgetting how to QB and Carr’s coach Jon Gruden searching Indeed for new jobs on the sidelines. Sports, amirite?!

Anyway, how’d we do?

Papa G

Blogger’s Note: Papa Giorgio did not submit a fantasy blog this week. He is however a Mets fan and their newly introduced General Manager is indeed the slimiest seeming person since Lester Diamond so maybe he’s just in a gutter somewhere. Ts and Ps son.


Red

You wanna know why The League was such a completely unrealistic show? It’s not because of all the crazy antics they get into with NFL celebrity guest appearances sprinkled in. No it’s because I’m supposed to believe a group of grown men in their 30s are endlessly devoted to a game that is almost entirely dependent on random acts of god. On Sunday, I was greeted to a glorious “Look what I found” TD that I was so jazzed up about I tweeted it…which sealed my fate with the fantasy gods. 

I later came to find out that the refs changed their mind and just awarded the TD to someone else, thus stealing 6 points out of my front pocket. Can’t win like that guys. 

I now reside firmly in 10th place.

Joey B

3-6. No bueno. Probably out of the running at this point as it is a ten point league. The worst part in this was a 15 point loss to the number one team in the league, which is pretty fucking close. Basically all I needed was Matthew Stafford to do literally anything at all (I think he got me 5 or 6 points) and I would have got the dub. Wasted games from Connor and Howard. Just disappointing.

 

Mattes

I’ve hit an all-time low this week: I lost to a guy who started two inactives and is last in the league in points. I’m 1-8 and ashamed to even look myself in the mirror right now. No need to talk about this abomination any longer. It simply hurts too much.

After getting a combined 120 points from Michael Thomas and the Fitzmagic/O.J. Howard stack in my 2-QB, full-point PPR league, I still lost because Kirk Cousins and Tarik Cohen forgot how to play football this week. If I had just started Philip Rivers as my other QB, I would’ve been fine. I just pulled a Big Z this week and left points on the bench. Happens to the best of us, but I’m still right in the thick of it.

 

Big Z

Things are coming together nicely for the Z-Men. With 144 points in Week 9, I led the league in scoring for the second straight week and won for the third straight week.

I’m still in the running for the Horse’s Ass Trophy, too! In addition to 25 points from James Conner and 26 points from Christian McCaffrey, Tevin Coleman scored 26 on my bench and James White scored 22 on my bench. The curse of being deep at the RB position in a league that only lets you play two per week.

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About Joey Ballgame

I'd like to take this chance to apologize to absolutely nobody. Views from the 617. Primarily MMA and pop culture takes from down in the rabbit hole. Sports straight out of left field.
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