From NFL.com

FIRST TEAM

OFFENSE

• Quarterback: Patrick Mahomes, Kansas City Chiefs
• Running Back: Todd Gurley, Los Angeles Rams
• Flex: Tyreek Hill, Kansas City Chiefs
• Tight End: Travis Kelce, Kansas City Chiefs
• Wide Receivers: Michael Thomas, New Orleans Saints; DeAndre Hopkins, Houston Texans
• Left Tackle: David Bakhtiari, Green Bay Packers
• Right Tackle: Mitchell Schwartz, Kansas City Chiefs
• Left Guard: Quenton Nelson, Indianapolis Colts
• Right Guard: Zack Martin, Dallas Cowboys
• Center: Jason Kelce, Philadelphia Eagles

DEFENSE

• Edge Rushers: J.J. Watt, Houston Texans; Khalil Mack, Chicago Bears
• Interior Linemen: Aaron Donald, Los Angeles Rams; Fletcher Cox, Philadelphia Eagles
• Linebackers: Luke Kuechly, Carolina Panthers; Bobby Wagner, Seattle Seahawks; Darius Leonard, Indianapolis Colts
• Cornerbacks: Kyle Fuller, Chicago Bears; Stephon Gilmore, New England Patriots
• Safeties: Eddie Jackson, Chicago Bears; Derwin James, Los Angeles Chargers
• Defensive Back: Desmond King, Los Angeles Chargers

SPECIAL TEAMS

• Placekicker: Justin Tucker, Baltimore Ravens
• Punter: Michael Dickson, Seattle Seahawks
• Kick Returner: Andre Roberts, New York Jets
• Punt Returner: Tarik Cohen, Chicago Bears
• Special Teamer: Adrian Phillips, Los Angeles Chargers

SECOND TEAM

OFFENSE

• Quarterback: Drew Brees, New Orleans Saints
• Running Back: Ezekiel Elliott, Dallas Cowboys
• Flex: Christian McCaffrey, Carolina Panthers
• Tight End: George Kittle, San Francisco 49ers
• Wide Receivers: Julio Jones, Atlanta Falcons; Tyreek Hill, Kansas City Chiefs
• Left Tackle: Duane Brown, Seattle Seahawks; Terron Armstead, New Orleans Saints
• Right Tackle: Ryan Ramczyk, New Orleans Saints
• Left Guard: Joel Bitonio, Cleveland Browns
• Right Guard: Marshal Yanda, Baltimore Ravens
• Center: Maurkice Pouncey, Pittsburgh Steelers

DEFENSE

• Edge Rushers: Von Miller, Denver Broncos; Cameron Jordan, New Orleans Saints; Myles Garrett, Cleveland Browns; Danielle Hunter, Minnesota Vikings
• Interior Linemen: Chris Jones, Kansas City Chiefs; J.J. Watt, Houston Texans
• Linebackers: Von Miller, Denver Broncos; C.J. Mosley, Baltimore Ravens; Leighton Vander Esch, Dallas Cowboys
• Cornerbacks: Byron Jones, Dallas Cowboys; Xavien Howard, Miami Dolphins
• Safeties: Jamal Adams, New York Jets; Harrison Smith, Minnesota Vikings
• Defensive Back: Derwin James, Los Angeles Chargers

SPECIAL TEAMS

• Placekicker: Aldrick Rosas, New York Giants
• Punter: Johnny Hekker, Los Angeles Rams
• Kick Returner: Cordarrelle Patterson, New England Patriots
• Punt Returner: Desmond King, Los Angeles Chargers
• Special Teamer: Cory Littleton, Los Angeles Rams

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-The first thing I want to point out is apparently there is now a “flex” position in All-Pro teams which is LAUGH OUT LOUD funny. Fantasy Football just owning real estate in the NFL’s head. I actually giggled a bit, especially when you consider the fact that Tyreek Hill is for sure a WR and Christian McCaffrey is most definitely a RB

-A paltry 2 New England Patriots made this list. Stephon Gilmore made the first team while Cordarrelle Patterson made the second as a KR (aka 2nd Flex) (kidding). I’m not sure what our record is in our years of greatness but I highly doubt it’s actually much more than two so maybe it isn’t that big of a deal. I think Shaq Mason got stiffed a bit but the Patriots OL brand is to be shitty, so I think he might of got the shaft due to reputation which sucks but happens.*

-At my a count, truly PREPOSTEROUS SIX rookies made All-Pro status. What a stacked fucking draft class. Remember when everyone ripped the Colts for taking Quenton Nelson at 6? Who is laughing now? But wait, want to really get nuts? An additional FIVE All Pros are from the 17′ class are on here. 11 All-Pros from the last two drafts. Sheesh.

-In regards to the above, Leighton Vander Esch also deserves a shout out. For most people he was “fucking who?” when he got selected and only collected 140 tackles on the year. Never found the QB but that is probably because he was too busy terrorizing the second level.

-Both Kelce brothers made First Team so that family is talentless.

-Cleveland Guard Joel Bitonio, long considered one of the good guys in the league, a worker through and through who sticks by his perennially shitty team a la his former linemate, Joe Thomas, made his first All-Pro team so kudos there.

-I had no idea JJ Watt had such a monster year. It makes me want to revisit my comment on the Pats and demand Trent Brown make this list off his game against Watt alone.*

-Also props to Julio Jones on finding this list a lot quicker than he found the end zone.