Well, it’s the end of Week Eight in quarantine here in New Jersey. Like most of you, i’ve spent the better part of the last two months picking up and dropping an assortment of new hobbies. I got really into cooking for a week. I’ve spent an exuberant amount of time playing Animal Crossing. I bought a Peleton that broke less than a week into having it (what can I say, can’t exercise, my hands are tied). Overall, my mental health has completely deteriorated when it was borderline to begin with. So naturally, what’s the best quick-fix dopamine boost? Gambling.

One of the many benefits of living in the great state of New Jersey is the legal access to online gambling. At first, this hobby only reared it’s ugly head around noon on Sundays during the months of September through February. But since sports have subsequently been cancelled for the rest of eternity, my hand was forced and I switched over to online gaming. Yes, I could bet the few live sports available (the top bets on my sportsbook of choice are currently Korean Baseball, Belarus Soccer, and Russia Table Tennis). Unfortunately, I do not trust my judgement or knowledge on those selections to feel comfortable wagering any sort of real money.

So let me try to live blog this as it is happening. My go to table game in a real casino would be roulette. It’s as straightforward as they come. 36-1 odds on outright bets. They actually use live people to spin the wheel too which is an added bonus. Now I can share my misery with someone else. So here we go. Let’s spend a few bucks.

I started off with just 10 dollars. Can’t go crazy too soon. The girl spinning the wheel is an absolute riot. In the span of 30 seconds she complained she’s underpaid and that the chair she’s sitting in hurts her back. Somehow I actually managed to win on the first spin. A true quarantine miracle. I also fat fingered a 4 corner bet so not thrilled about that.

Next, I tried Blackjack. A true classic. However, this is played against the computer so I probably should have wised up immediately. Got completely smoked in a matter of 5 minutes. Cool. Moving on.

Digital slots. Another dumb move. Might as well just Venmo the casino and save everyone time. Embarrassing display, nothing to see here.

I’ve now returned to Roulette. Hoping for a second streak of luck. New girl working the wheel. She’s currently windexing the ball and the rim of the wheel. What a wild time to be alive.

Live Baccarat now. I’m not going to lie, I barely know how to play this and I only somewhat vaguely know because i’ve been reading a ton of James Bond books during quarantine. Small win here. Nevermind, completely gave it back.

One last attempt at slots. I never learn.

Moral of the story, quarantine needs to end immediately.