Earlier today or last night or whenever Taylor Swift announced she’s dropping another album, her second of quarantine. A lot of people, predictably, lost their minds. Some of them actually meant it and find value in her music. Fine. They stand opposed to those who simply would die to keep up with whatever trend to stay cool, get laid, or whatever other reason they have. We’re talking millions of people doing this. Let’s discuss. (This intro sucks it’s Thursday shut up).

It’s been a long, long time since Taylor Swift actually made good music. “Love Story” through “December”/”Mine” she was writing some of the best guilty pleasures out there. The “Trouble” era was interesting if nothing else. Since then she’s kind of just stuck a stamp on her music, which she used to take pride in, and reaped the financial rewards. And that’s the thing, I’m not really shitting on Taylor Swift here. Her business sense might be second to none. She realized she doesn’t need to actually put out good music. She can simply verse-chorus-verse-chorus-bridge-chorus-outro her way through a dozen songs, write some lyrics about break ups or falling in love, and then blow her fans fucking minds by either teasing a new album at the very last second or dropping it overnight, causing a gigantic panic and free social media advertising either way. It’s such light lift, heavy cash flow shit. She might make the most money per hours worked than any musician on the planet. Props to her. No sarcasm at all.

The “fans”, especially those on social media are a whoooole other story. And need a TON of therapy. But we’ll save that for the professionals.

I don’t honestly think any more than 20%-25% of people that OMG Taylor Swift to death actually like her music. Among those people I can’t go much further in terms of analysis. They’re generally younger or got attached to literally anything she puts out at a younger age and can’t let her go. After that I have no idea, I’m done shitting on people’s taste in music. Let a thousand blossoms bloom. But it’s not those people I care about anyway.

The weirdos are the 75%-80% of Taylor Swift “fans” out there vomiting all over social media about her releases who you just know don’t actually like her stuff. But it’s become a trend. And it might get them friends or laid I guess? And I suppose it makes them feel like part of a group? To pay and then promote, for free, an artist who hasn’t put a second of thought to, and probably hasn’t done a second take of, her music since the early 2010’s.

But it’s not the faux hysteria, performed to fit in, that is really curious, and even troubling, it’s the extent to which it goes. Because we’ve seen these cults of personalities many times over in the music industry, spanning the gamut in terms of quality of product. Kanye, Lil Wayne, Drake. The Beatles, Nirvana, Blink 182. They ask their fans to jump and the fans ask “how high?” But the extent to which Taylor Swift fans feel the need to publicly declare their love of Taylor Swift is nothing short of astounding. I mean if a Senator did not want a bill to go through congress, he or she could simply walk outside, find any out of approx 1/5 insecure and maladjusted 20-35 year olds, bring them to the floor, and ask them about Taylor Swift. They would do their sworn duty to not shut the fuck up until their hearts gave out. It would be like Pheidippides’ run from Marathon to Athens, except instead of a delivery of a critical warning of an invading army, they’d just be announcing their unlimited lack of an actual personality trait and infinite willingness to join the herd to feel loved.

Look, this isn’t a witch hunt. It’s not meant to be slanderous. And I definitely get we all need something to get through these tough, tough days. But it honestly makes me sad that people are literally faking a part of their being in the form of worshiping a pop singer. There’s more to life than to it. If you feel attacked by this blog, do something about it. Feel inspired. Stand up and tell yourself you’re better than this. Take up chess. Read our binge blogs and find a new show. You don’t need to “ME TOO!” you’re way through life like this.

-Joey B.