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Yes, Fanny Packs Are BACK!

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Huffington Post – According to Hollywood stars, the hottest accessory on the market is a fanny pack. Yes, really. Practical and stylish, the coolness factor of the bag has risen over the past few years. Kendall Jenner and rapper A$AP Rocky love them, Leonardo DiCaprio sported one on a trip to Thailand, Sofia Richie wears hers hiking and Kourtney Kardashian has a few Chanel versions herself.

All I can say is, FINALLY. Fanny packs have been shunned for too long. Its just not right. The perfect summer accessory is BACK. Why ostracize a perfectly functional accessory? I’m telling you guys, style is cyclical. Look at snapback hats. I used to be able to buy those hats for $0.50 cents at Building 19 because they weren’t fitted so everyone thought they were poor people hats.

If its the middle of the summer, the last thing I wanna do is wear some thick ass khaki shorts or even worse jeans, just to make sure all my shit doesn’t fall out of my pockets. And don’t even tell me to wear lighter shorts or gym shorts with pockets. You should just throw all your stuff out now because those pockets might as well have holes in them.

Not exactly how I would rock mine, but A$AP knows whats up with the fanny pack.


Plus what if I wanna carry a pack of gum, some chapstick, my cellphone, my wallet, maybe my phone charger. Ya know…the more I write this, the more it seems like a way for men to get away with carrying a purse.

Welp, count me in. The male purse never really caught on as Jerry Seinfeld can attest. It’s European!

But this is the next best thing. We got white jeans for dudes now, we got male rompers, its 2017, lets get nuts. Get me a goddamn fanny pack.

 

PS – As usual, McConaughey was light years ahead of everyone. Rust Cohle was rocking the fanny pack all the way back in 2014.

“I’m not afraid of the fanny pack. I got so much gear in here that I don’t want in my pockets…You know what, how many times have you been around someone and they’re like, ‘Aw, man, I forgot so and so and I gotta go back to my car.'” Pretending to take something out of his hip pouch, he added: “I got mine right here.” via USA Magazine

Fill In the Blank: Millennials Are Now Killing ____

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You could really put in anything there and you’d probably win this game. It’s become the running joke of the internet for anyone thats a Millennial. Today we’re killing Applebees and Buffalo Wild Wings. Seriously, just google “Millennials are killing”

Well first off, FUCK malls, office parks, home ownership and everything else us Millennials are killing. The kids have come home to roost. Baby boomers and Gen X saddled us with a shitty economy, crippling student loans, destroyed social security, the list goes on.

So, yea all those ridiculous things like paying for a newspaper subscription can kick rocks. Technically Millennials are the majority now and it would seem we’re weeding out all the shit that no one wants or needs. SEARS? Fuck outta here with a store that sells khakis, dryers, and garden hoses.

And this isn’t about participation trophies that everyone over 40 seems to think Millennials line their shelfs with. It’s about combatting a shitty perception thats been put on an entire generation. What started out as lazy descriptions for 20 somethings like entitled, impatient, or too dependent on technology has morphed into those same older generations dumping their shit on Millennials.

I think some of it is just straight up resentment, which is normal for any older generation facing an upstart younger generation. The fact that any 21 year old dickhead can start a company from their parents basement with nothing but a laptop probably breeds that contempt. I feel ya, if you’ve been working at the same company for 30 years hoping to get that gold watch at retirement, that’s frustrating. But Millennials are pretty woke to the fact that anyone can get canned at any time (see ESPN) so more and more people are looking to work for themselves in some form or another.

But with that contempt comes the outrageous articles blaming Millennials for killing department stores like Macy’s. No, Macy’s killed Macy’s because they run 100,00 fucking square foot stores with too much overhead selling shit no one needs. Solid business model. Let me introduce you to Blockbuster and cab companies, you morons.

This all brings me to my final point; the Avocado Toast story. This shit has become an ironic rallying cry for Millennials who can’t help but laugh when these hit pieces pop up every other week. Millennials now can’t afford to buy houses because they buy avocado toast and Starbucks. Or maybe its the amazing advice that is continuously doled out to young people. I saw a recent CNBC package titled “Millennials not saving for homes.” What was the sage-like advice from CNBC? Move out of cities like NYC to cheaper, shit holes like Cleveland, get a tiny house, or buy an RV. That’s their advice.

 

Welp, appreciate the wise words, but I think we’ll take our chances and see what other shitty industries we can successfully kill off along the way.

If the Warriors Sweep the Cavs, Are They the Best Team Ever?

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Real talk: A year after winning 73 games, would the Golden State Warriors be the best team ever if they sweep the Cavs and go 16-0 en route to an NBA championship?

Considering no other NBA team has ever done it, then you can definitely make the case. Sure you can bitch about the level of competition in the league and how we all picked these two teams to make the Finals back in October. But, theres always dominant teams in the NBA and there always will be.

The Cavs and LeBron “I’m not the GM” James had the same opportunities the Warriors had to beat up on a weaker league overall; Golden State just benefitted from drafting the majority of their super team. The Warriors put a team together primarily through the draft that just happened to become incredible and win 73 games. AND THEN THEY GOT BETTER.

I don’t like Durant joining the team that knocked him out of the playoffs anymore than you because its a soft move, but thats a conversation for another day.

The Warriors need 2 more wins to become the first team EVER to go undefeated in the NBA playoffs. All while toppling the best player in the world (Paul Pierce disagrees) in LeBron James as the cherry on top.

Considering Steph, Durant, and Dub Nation have dominated LeBron and the Cavs over the first 2 games, its not hard to imagine GSW completing the sweep. And to bring that back to a Celtics fan perspective for a quick minute, that makes me so fucking sad. The Celtics got absolutely waxed by Cleveland, the Cavs were just on another level, and now that same Cavs team is getting dismantled by the Warriors. Trader Danny would be wise to draft Markelle Fultz and keep it moving because unless Durant opts out and signs with the Celtics this summer, we ain’t winning shit with an asset depleting trade for Jimmy Butler or Paul George.

Anyways, enjoy this while its on because this is some rarefied shit we’re watching. Just elite basketball being played by the Warriors as the Cavs try and figure out a way to stop the pain train.

Wait, Not Every NBA Team Has Their Own D-League Team? How is That Possible?

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Bleacher Report – The Los Angeles Clippers announced Monday they’re establishing an expansion team in the NBA D-League. The Agua Caliente Clippers of Ontario will begin play at the start of the 2017-18 season in Ontario, Calif. “This is another exciting day for the NBA D-League as we add a record 26th team and continue to move closer to our 30-team vision,” league president Malcolm Turner said in a statement.

Maybe I’m just a moron, but I had no idea that not every NBA team has a D-League team? How is that even possible? Are the other NBA teams just drafting guys to either start Day 1 or stash overseas and if you don’t fit into one of those two plans? Well, right to hell with you. Its called the D-League for a reason. Its the Developmental League. Theres a reason it exists. To develop players. And apparently a bunch of teams are just punting on having a minor league team?

So NBA teams are just trusting other organizations with their draft picks like a loan system out of the Premiere League? I don’t even trust my coworkers to borrow a pen without fucking it up.

The Clippers had been one of the few teams without an official affiliate in the D-League. Upon being sent to the D-League, rookie forward Brice Johnson played for the Salt Lake City Stars, a Utah Jazz affiliate. Rookie center Diamond Stone split his time between the Stars and the Santa Cruz Warriors, who are under the Golden State Warriors’ umbrella.

This would be like the Red Sox wanting to groom a player, but not having a minor league team so just saying eh, fuck it go play for the Yankees Triple-A team in Scranton/Wilkes-Barre for a few months. Bananas.

Its not like the D League (apologies, the Gatorade League) is a place where players go to die like some sort of exile. There’s been some pretty legit NBA players that have come out of or been optioned to the D League in their first couple of years:

Avery Bradley

JJ Barea

Marcin Gortat

Jeremy Lin

Chris Birdman Anderson

It seems like more of the league is starting to figure out its probably not a bad idea to have a place to develop talent without having to throw guys into the fire in the NBA.

Right now the only teams without a D League squad are the Denver Nuggets, New Orleans Pelicans, Portland Trail Blazers, and Washington Wizards.

How many championships have teams that place zero interest on developing talent won? Well, that would be two titles. Between four teams. In the entire HISTORY of the NBA. Two. The last one coming in 1978 when the Wizards were the Bullets. So hey, don’t fix what ain’t broke boys.

LaVar Ball’s AAU Team Gets Blown Out; LaVar Ball Does Not Give a Shit

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USA Today – Saturday’s AAU matchup between LaVar Ball’s Big Ballers and the Compton Magic could not have gone worse for the outspoken father of Lonzo, LiAngelo and LaMelo Ball. With James Harden in attendance, the Big Ballers, led by LaMelo, were blown out 109-57. According to USA TODAY Sports’ Josh Peter, it got to the point where Compton Magic players were talking trash to LaVar as they celebrated plays.

Welp, thats what happens you talk nonstop shit every day to anyone who will listen. The second you don’t back it up you are going to get absolutely clowned. To make it worse it was getting clowned to the tune of a 50 point blowout while teenagers laugh in your face.

Thats the problem with LaVar, he’s basically setting his kids up for this kind of shit. If you’re Lonzo and a top-3 NBA draft pick, then sure you don’t give a shit. But if you’re the 15 year old third brother, who’s throwing up bricks all goddamn game, maybe, just maybe the LaVar Big Baller Brand bullshit is in your head a little bit more than the NBA Lottery Pick brother.

But how about this fucking quote from LaVar legit during the game.

“A few minutes later, Ball opened his mouth again and told one of his players, “This ain’t nothing but entertainment. You want to know what I’m going to do when I get out of here? I’m going to get a burger, lay down and take a nap.’’

Thats probably the worse shit this guy’s said yet, especially if you want to pretend to be a coach on top of everything else. I know its AAU basketball and there is NOTHING worse than the generation of whiny, entitled AAU players that the NBA is filled with today, but holy shit lets not even pretend the game is a competition.

That is a TERRIBLE precedent to set.

LaVar Ball; tastemaker, billion dollar brand builder, AAU coach of the year.

Phoenix Cops Foil Attempt to Assassinate Former Green Ranger Jason David Frank

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Yahoo – On Friday, former Green Power Ranger and mixed martial artist Jason David Frank spoke to reporters about his alleged assassination attempt at Phoenix Comic-Con. Police arrested a man at the Phoenix Convention Center on Thursday after he made it into the event with multiple weapons, including three guns and a knife, Phoenix police confirmed to PEOPLE in a statement on Sunday…The suspect was allegedly targeting Frank, who was appearing at the convention, according to Uproxx. According to court records obtained by ABC 15, the suspect allegedly had a calendar reminder set on his smartphone saying “Kill JDF,” the actors’ initials.

Okay first off thankfully nobody was hurt as this psycho’s plan was foiled by cops before he could do any damage. The guy was carrying 3 guns, a knife and body armor so he was definitely looking to hurt a lot of people. Great work by the Phoenix PD.

Now, on a lighter note, don’t you have to be a *little* bit more famous than the guy who used to play the Green Ranger on Power Rangers to qualify for assassination? Listen, I love JDF, but “assassinate”? I think thats a little strong. I’m pretty sure you need to be like Martin Luther King or a martyr of some sort to qualify for that term. I think attempted “murder” probably covers it for Tommy.

Also, talk about Yahoo selling the guy short. JDF was a LOT more than just the Green Ranger. He was the White Ranger, the Black DinoThunder Ranger, the Red Zeo Ranger, hell he was even a Doctor one season. Show some respect.

But of course nothing will ever top his original role, where this kid from the other side of the tracks made it cool to play a FLUTE because it was also a dagger and it ya know summoned a goddamn dragon out of the water.

Red Sox Have Up and Down Memorial Day: Price Looks Good, Pedroia Gets Hurt

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Yesterday was a shitty loss for the Red Sox that can be pinned pretty much on anyone in the bullpen not named Craig Kimbrel. But the point of this post is to talk about the return of one David Price. In his first major league start of the season Price’s line looked like this: 5 IP, 2 Hits, 3 Runs, 2 Walks, and 4 K’s

After getting smacked around in Pawtucket and getting chirped by fans *in Pawtucket* I think we all weren’t expecting such a solid start. Now did Price look dominant? No. But for a guy who hasn’t pitched in a major league game in about 8 months, not too shabby.

Remember, Price missed all of spring training so this is basically still his version of that. And of course I have no idea what to expect out of his health, I still am pretty pessimistic about a guy in his 30s who opted to skip surgery and let it heal naturally because that rarely works in the long run.

But, for a guy with a shaky elbow, Price was juicing his fastball consistently at 94 mph and even hit 97 on the gun. Not bad at all. So while the Sox shit the bed in the last few frames…

And Price did serve up an absolute batting practice ball to x for a 3 run dinger. But with it being his first start of the year, all in all I’ll take it. Hey, at least he seems like he cares, which is more than some other guys.

Now onto the bad shit.

Dustin Pedroia got tabletopped by Jose Abreu who was sliding into first to try and beat Pedey to the bag. With the 6’3″ 255 pounder basically diving into Pedroia’s path, he banged into Abreu and flipped over landing awkwardly on his wrist.

Initially it looked like Abreu took the brunt of the hit, but Pedroia was slow to get up and left the game. Dustin’s headed back to Boston to get an MRI on his wrist, which concerns the shit out of me. As a 5’8″ second baseman, Pedroia is diving all over the place every single day, but now he lands on his wrist and can’t finish the game. I. am. concerned. These little bumps and bruises like the Machado knee injury are starting to stack up for him, so hopefully its nothing, but flying back to Boston mid-series to get an MRI is obviously a red flag.

But hey guys, don’t worry, with all the injuries piling up it might force the Red Sox hand and leave them no choice but to call up the $95 million disaster, the kung fu fucking panda.

Sandoval, who by the way is healthy now, is currently playing down in Pawtucket and went 1/4 with another error last night. So thats good. Him and Rusney Castillo are probably laughing their balls off at the money they’re making to play baseball in fucking Rhode Island.

Even Price was down in Pawtucket for like a week and a half before saying get me the fuck out of here.

At least Chris Sale takes the mound tonight.

Hanley Ramirez Was HUNTING Guerin Austin After Red Sox Win

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So Brian Johnson threw a complete game shutout in his Fenway debut, the first pitcher to do that since a guy named Pedro Martinez. Anyways, BJ got the customary Gatorade bath, and per usual Guerin Austin suffered the collateral damage. At this point I feel like that’s got to be in her contract that she accepts frequent Gatorade baths and has to pretend its funny that a Sox player ruined another one of her coats.

*Yes in my excitement I accidentally called Brian Johnson Brian Anderson. Hand up, that ones on me.

Celtics Nearly Steal Game 4 to Even Series with Cavs. Enter Kyrie Irving.

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Not really a big silver lining guy, but the Celtics took the Cavaliers to the absolute brink last night. It took a freaking career game from Kyrie Irving, who literally scored a career playoff high 42 points.  On a bum ankle nonetheless. It took all that for the Cavs to hold off the C’s from tying the series, who in the first half played the best basketball they’ve played all year long.

Cleveland wanted NO part of an even series heading back to Boston, Kyrie straight up admitted it in his post-game presser.

“In the back of my mind, I thought, ‘They can’t tie up the series,’” he said. “We can’t go back to Boston tied 2-2. We needed everything tonight.”

If the Celtics hold onto their first half lead and finish the job last night the series is a toss up. LeBron had 4 fouls in the first half for the first time in his career and he looked absolutely RATTLED.

The entire Cavs team looked shook and then Kyrie started taking over. There’s no shame in it, Kyrie is one of the best players in the world and it took everything he had to hold off the outgunned Celtics.

The one thing that will always bug me though is how LeBron had to sit for the last 6 minutes of the first half due to foul trouble and then had to play the entire second half with 4 fouls and we still couldn’t steal a win.

I’m not going to complain too much about the refs because they ate shit on both ends of the court, but LeBron would have had to hit somebody with a fucking metal chair in the second half to have drawn a 5th foul. Or god forbid a 6th and foul out of an NBA playoff game. The league was having none of that. But hey its hard to beat a team that shoots 60% for the game and nearly 80% in the second half.

Also, how can you not LOVE the balls on Jonas Jerebko. The guy is getting in there and is just going bananas, talking shit, picking fights with everyone on the Cavs. Jerebko has seemingly become the Celtics’ energy guy, a spark plug, an instigator, whatever you wanna call it. There’s always a place for a guy like that on my squad.

I’d also be remiss if I didn’t mention the fact that the Celtics covered the 16 point spread. They covered a yuuuge spread for the second game in a row. Sure they still lost by 13, but winning (the spread) is winning. I would have been ready to smash my TV though with the Cavs piling on garbage time points at the end as I bit my fingernails off. But, man money won is always sweeter than money earned.

PS – How many water boys you think LeBron fired last night after the shitshow that was the Cleveland parquet. Jae Crowder legit nearly blew his knee out slipping on the court, LeBron slipped under the hoop, Kevin Love slipped getting up too. It was like the pipes were leaking or something.

Clean that shit up before Game 7, Cleveland.