Category: General

Kate Beckinsale Now Has a 21 Year Old Boyfriend. Niceee

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Yahoo – Looks like Kate Beckinsale might have a hot new flame. The actress was spotted passionately kissing 21-year-old comedian Matt Rife on Tuesday in West Hollywood outside Villa Lounge restaurant.

Niceee. There’s not really much to say here aside except kudos to the kid. Someone get him his Luckiest Boy in America medal STAT.

Beckinsale is an all-time talent and this kid pulled her with barely any playing time at the major league level. That’s what they call a phenom. Potentially a once in a generation talent. Like the Bryce Harper of slinging stick.

“Rife is a comedian best known for his appearances on Nick Cannon‘s MTV show Wild ‘N Out and also does stand-up.”

Ahh so close. A regular on Nick Cannon’s Wild ‘N Out? That’s curtains for the young gun. Another cautionary tale to all the up and comers.

Uber Just Added Tipping and I’m Furious

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Are you shitting me Uber? After all these years and all the money I’ve drunkenly given you. Now you’re going to “add tipping” to Uber? No wonder CEO Travis Kalanick stepped down. This was probably the last straw. I’ve literally retrained my brain to not tip when getting a ride now solely because of Uber. Punch in my address, fall into an Uber, get out and go inside my house. No worries, no scrambling for singles that I don’t have to tip the drive. Uber’s got it covered. Hell, have you take a taxi recently? They roll up to the house and you just get out without paying because you’re so used to the app and the taxi driver starts cussing you out to come back and pay.

I’m sure this is due to driver complaints. When I was out in LA recently the price of Ubers blew me away. They were ridiculously cheap. It takes 40 mins to get across LA regardless of where you go and I was only spending like $20 a pop. I guess its because just about every single wannabe actor, singer, rapper etc. are ALL Uber drivers. So competition is fierce and pay is low.

Sucks to say, but tough shit guys. World needs plenty of bartenders. Uber has changed the game forever and there’s no going back now. You can send all the passive aggressive emails you want Uber, but there’s a 0% chance I’m tipping my driver after years of conditioning to do the exact opposite.

Waiter? 20% Bartender? $5 bucks. Uber driver? Call me Mr. Pink, but sorry, I don’t believe in it. I don’t tip because society says I have to. This tipping automatically? It’s for the birds.

Millennials Are Now Unhealthier Than Their Parents; Lets Break it Down

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Yahoo – They’re known for being tech savvy, hyper-critical, and emotionally unavailable.
But how are they doing with their health?…To the dismay of sassy young people everywhere, the evidence goes both ways. In some aspects of healthy living, millennials have the older generation beat. However, there are a number of ways that millennials are actually on the decline when it comes to their wellness. Twenty-somethings preaching health to their parents might be a little misguided; every once in a while, they could probably learn a thing or two from their parents’ advice.

It has become a favorite pastime of mine in the years post-college as a surge in “Millennials killed ___” articles have flooded the interwebs. Today, Yahoo wants us to know that after everything we killed, how we’ll never own homes, how much crippling debt we’re all in — after all that our parents are in better shape than us too. Well, fuck. Alright lets have a look.

1.) Eating Disorders Are More Common

Well, yea no shit. In our parents’ youth they idolized frumpy chicks like Marilyn Monroe and boozehounds like Frank Sinatra. Today?

Soo yea, no shit there are more eating disorders these days.

2.) Their Exercise is Extreme

Okay how the hell does exercising harder make millennials less healthy? If you’re brittle, vegetarian body can’t handle some sprints then thats on you. Plus, look at #1 on this list to directly explain #2. Time is a flat circle.

3.) They Are Less Aware of Ingredients

This is coming from the generation with lead paint in the walls, mercury in thermostats and people who used to feed their kids pounds of butter and frozen food. I would say most millennials are actually pretty health conscious and aware of whats in their food, but with that being said I also can’t cook a meal that requires more than 5 ingredients so they may be on to something here.

4.) They Cook Less

Man this list is really a stretch considering half these points are directly caused by something else on this list. Less aware of ingredients? Fuck it, I’ll just eat out. Not to mention with the advent of iPhones and GrubHub, I don’t even have to talk to someone to have food show up at my door. That’s the future.

5.) They Do Less Yoga

Literally every 20-something girl I know does yoga. Death, taxes and girls grabbing Starbucks after yoga.

6.) They Drink More

Hand up, that one’s on us. But seriously, this is coming from a generation who idolized guys like Don Draper. I love Mad Men, but that show is based on a raging alcoholic. So this one is a draw at best.

7.) They Eat More Dessert

No idea, this seems like a dart throw from Yahoo. Do better, Marissa Meyer.

8.) They Have More Food Intolerances

This is 100% accurate and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s some kind of nature vs nurture sensitivity kids developed over the years? Maybe it’s because we had less lead and mercury in our lives. Who knows. But for every millennial who complains about how I can’t eat a PB&J because of their peanut butter allergy, the more times I quote Ivan Drago.

9.) They Struggle With Their Mental Health

Not gonna really joke about this one because it is a serious issue. Maybe older generations did a better job of hiding it rather than coping with it, but a lot of people my age struggle with depression and anxiety and the jury is still out as to why. Thanks Obama.

So ends another entry into Millennials Killed ___.  Keep em coming internet so I can poke holes in all of them.

#TBT – The Museum

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Star Tribune — Green Heinz ketchup? Fat-free Pringles? Colgate frozen lasagna? You don’t need to be an expert to know these products weren’t successful.

Which is why these creations, with dozens of others, feature in the new Museum of Failure, a wacky parade of rejected products from years gone by set up in the Swedish town of Helsingborg.

They should have just named this place the “Museum of Products Millenials will Revive.” Millennials are constantly catching heat for killing archaic department stores and uninspired chain restaurants, but where’s the credit for bringing back Crystal Pepsi, Surge and Zima?

The time feels just about right for green ketchup to make a comeback. I can imagine the conversations going on at Heinz right now:

Barbecue sauce is getting too much attention these days. We were late on the bacon craze with our bacon flavored ketchup. How can we steal back market share? LET’S BRING BACK GREEN KETCHUP!

Pepsi better hope this place doesn’t have a New Coke exhibit. A couple of #tbt posts of it on Instagram and Twitter would definitely lead to a Facebook group DEMANDING Coke give it another try. As long as the New Coke marketing campaign isn’t also on display…

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The New Coke marketing campaign could be in the Museum of Failure or the Museum of Ads that Didn’t Age Well. Take your pick.

But it’s not just food!

Even President Donald Trump makes an appearance.

The “I’m Back And You’re Fired” board game from 2004 looks like Monopoly, but players use “T” branded pieces and the paper notes are adorned with Trump’s image.

“It’s a boring version of Monopoly. It’s simplified so stupid people can play it, but it’s also horribly boring,” West says.

I’ve seen the 2008 The Office Trivia Game at every Five Below for almost a decade. I’m shocked that this game never ended up there. It must really suck.

Nostalgia is big these days, so I don’t think this museum will be a failure. I just hope we get one in the states some day. I can’t wait to line up for tickets in a lobby decorated with AOL CDs.

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Yes, Fanny Packs Are BACK!

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Huffington Post – According to Hollywood stars, the hottest accessory on the market is a fanny pack. Yes, really. Practical and stylish, the coolness factor of the bag has risen over the past few years. Kendall Jenner and rapper A$AP Rocky love them, Leonardo DiCaprio sported one on a trip to Thailand, Sofia Richie wears hers hiking and Kourtney Kardashian has a few Chanel versions herself.

All I can say is, FINALLY. Fanny packs have been shunned for too long. Its just not right. The perfect summer accessory is BACK. Why ostracize a perfectly functional accessory? I’m telling you guys, style is cyclical. Look at snapback hats. I used to be able to buy those hats for $0.50 cents at Building 19 because they weren’t fitted so everyone thought they were poor people hats.

If its the middle of the summer, the last thing I wanna do is wear some thick ass khaki shorts or even worse jeans, just to make sure all my shit doesn’t fall out of my pockets. And don’t even tell me to wear lighter shorts or gym shorts with pockets. You should just throw all your stuff out now because those pockets might as well have holes in them.

Not exactly how I would rock mine, but A$AP knows whats up with the fanny pack.


Plus what if I wanna carry a pack of gum, some chapstick, my cellphone, my wallet, maybe my phone charger. Ya know…the more I write this, the more it seems like a way for men to get away with carrying a purse.

Welp, count me in. The male purse never really caught on as Jerry Seinfeld can attest. It’s European!

But this is the next best thing. We got white jeans for dudes now, we got male rompers, its 2017, lets get nuts. Get me a goddamn fanny pack.

 

PS – As usual, McConaughey was light years ahead of everyone. Rust Cohle was rocking the fanny pack all the way back in 2014.

“I’m not afraid of the fanny pack. I got so much gear in here that I don’t want in my pockets…You know what, how many times have you been around someone and they’re like, ‘Aw, man, I forgot so and so and I gotta go back to my car.'” Pretending to take something out of his hip pouch, he added: “I got mine right here.” via USA Magazine

Fill In the Blank: Millennials Are Now Killing ____

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You could really put in anything there and you’d probably win this game. It’s become the running joke of the internet for anyone thats a Millennial. Today we’re killing Applebees and Buffalo Wild Wings. Seriously, just google “Millennials are killing”

Well first off, FUCK malls, office parks, home ownership and everything else us Millennials are killing. The kids have come home to roost. Baby boomers and Gen X saddled us with a shitty economy, crippling student loans, destroyed social security, the list goes on.

So, yea all those ridiculous things like paying for a newspaper subscription can kick rocks. Technically Millennials are the majority now and it would seem we’re weeding out all the shit that no one wants or needs. SEARS? Fuck outta here with a store that sells khakis, dryers, and garden hoses.

And this isn’t about participation trophies that everyone over 40 seems to think Millennials line their shelfs with. It’s about combatting a shitty perception thats been put on an entire generation. What started out as lazy descriptions for 20 somethings like entitled, impatient, or too dependent on technology has morphed into those same older generations dumping their shit on Millennials.

I think some of it is just straight up resentment, which is normal for any older generation facing an upstart younger generation. The fact that any 21 year old dickhead can start a company from their parents basement with nothing but a laptop probably breeds that contempt. I feel ya, if you’ve been working at the same company for 30 years hoping to get that gold watch at retirement, that’s frustrating. But Millennials are pretty woke to the fact that anyone can get canned at any time (see ESPN) so more and more people are looking to work for themselves in some form or another.

But with that contempt comes the outrageous articles blaming Millennials for killing department stores like Macy’s. No, Macy’s killed Macy’s because they run 100,00 fucking square foot stores with too much overhead selling shit no one needs. Solid business model. Let me introduce you to Blockbuster and cab companies, you morons.

This all brings me to my final point; the Avocado Toast story. This shit has become an ironic rallying cry for Millennials who can’t help but laugh when these hit pieces pop up every other week. Millennials now can’t afford to buy houses because they buy avocado toast and Starbucks. Or maybe its the amazing advice that is continuously doled out to young people. I saw a recent CNBC package titled “Millennials not saving for homes.” What was the sage-like advice from CNBC? Move out of cities like NYC to cheaper, shit holes like Cleveland, get a tiny house, or buy an RV. That’s their advice.

 

Welp, appreciate the wise words, but I think we’ll take our chances and see what other shitty industries we can successfully kill off along the way.

The 300s Reviews: Starbucks Midnight Mint Mocha Frappuccino

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I went into Starbucks wanting to hate the Midnight Mint Mocha Frappuccino. Coffee shops are for adults, not for children. I don’t have time to wait in line behind middle schoolers ordering $6 chocolate milks when I’m on my way to the office. I catch grief from coworkers making coffee runs when I ask for flavored iced coffee. I can’t support this kind of nonsense.

But my god this drink was delicious.

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Allegedly there is coffee is in thing, but I didn’t taste any. It tasted like a dark chocolate milkshake with mint. It had whipped cream in the middle and on top. It was better than any milkshake I’ve ever had at McDonald’s, and Starbucks will never be able to tell you “the machine isn’t working” when you order the Midnight Mint Mocha Frappuccino.

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I’d say the price of this is drink is one if its few downsides, but I’m a grown ass man. If I want a dark chocolate mint milkshake, I can afford $5.45, plus tax. The real downside of this drink to a grown ass man is its nutrition facts. The Midnight Mint Mocha Frappuccino packs 570 calories into a venti, along with 64 grams of sugar (8 grams of protein, though!). Long gone are the days where I could throwback whatever I wanted without looking at the nutrition facts. I’m not 27 any more.

The Midnight Mint Mocha Frappuccino is not something I would recommend drinking more than a few times this summer, but I definitely recommend trying it at least once. Just make sure your in the mood for ice cream and not coffee.