Last year I went on the hunt for a golf game actually made this century since as we all know Tiger Woods PGA Tour hasn’t been a thing in years. Luckily I stumbled on to The Golf Club 2019, which is a pretty solid game as well as a very realistic round of golf.
It can be a little too realistic at times though and just as frustrating as actual golf is sometimes. Think Lee Carvallo’s Putting Challenge.
So I would like something a little more casual as it pertains to the laws of physics. Hell I’d love a new Mario Golf platform game, which Nintendo has kept locked away in its IP vault since 2003 for some reason.
Well out of nowhere 2K sports just announced they are coming out with PGA Tour 2K21! Talk about some much needed good news during this never ending quarantine. This is huge because despite its solid gameplay, one of the biggest drawbacks to The Golf Club 2019 is that it doesn’t have the full PGA license so there are only a couple of real courses and zero real golfers in the game. Well PGA Tour 2K21 seems to have no such issues as the teaser shows off the gorgeous 17th green island at TPC Sawgrass.
PGA Tour 2K21 will actually be developed by HB studios too, which is the group that made The Golf Club 2019. 2K teased the fact that more info will be released next week. So help me God if this game isn’t coming out real soon because without actual golf or actual anything happening right now, I think we are all going a little stir crazy.
Take my $60 right now and let me and Brooks Koepka CRUSH the competition as we go for the Tiger Slam.
Kotaku – “Rockstar’s leaders have told employees that they hope to mitigate crunch on the next big project by improving their technology pipelines and planning out more of the game’s beats in advance…One plan that management has laid out for the next game, a new entry in the Grand Theft Auto series, is to start out with a moderately sized release (which, by Rockstar’s standards, would still be a large game) that is then expanded with regular updates over time, which may help mitigate stress and crunch.
But there’s a catch: Rockstar’s next big project is still early in development.“
As we all look for anything to distract us from the endless days and nights spent at home, a new Grand Theft Auto game wouldn’t hurt. Especially when you consider the last one came out in 2013 as the PS4 was just hitting shelves. The above Kotaku article is a great look into the dysfunction that was rampant at Rockstar including mental hours for everyone working on these games. So the company underwent a huge cultural change, including lightening up the workload for employees. Good for them, not so much for us man boys. Apparently the next Grand Theft Auto is only in the “early stages of development.” Even worse, Rockstar is allegedly considering first coming out with “a moderately sized release” for GTA VI and then adding to it over time. Well I hope they are selling the game for a “moderately sized price” too then. Theres nothing worse in video games than micro transactions and for better or worse Rockstar has written the goddamn book on them with GTA Online. So this doesn’t sound all that farfetched unfortunately.
I’ve read about the horror stories of crunch to get these massive games done and the burnout from developers, but Grand Theft Auto V *alone* has sold over 120 million copies, become the “most profitable entertainment product of all time,” and has generated over six BILLION dollars in revenue. So I don’t want to hear about the workload of the developers. Hire more employees you cheap fucks.
I’m sorry for snapping at you Rockstar, but we’re in the middle of a quarantine so this is not the type of news I needed to hear right now. It’s already been seven years since GTA V came out. Thats bananas. Granted these games have grown exponentially in size and scope, but that wait time is unheard of. There was 1 year between GTA 3 and Vice City, 2 years between Vice City and San Andreas, 4 years between San Andreas and GTA IV, and 5 years between GTA IV and GTA V. So obviously the wait times have increased as the games have become monstrous creations, but we’re already 2 years behind schedule and the game’s not even close to being done.
But if you’re really craving any type of GTA content to avoid working, here’s an hour long movie on the history of the franchise.
Video Games Chronicle – Multiple sources have told VGC that the platform holder is planning to hold an event to coincide with this year’s anniversary, which marks 35 years since the start of the mainline Super Mario series in 1985.
As part of its anniversary celebrations, Nintendo will reveal plans to re-release most of Super Mario’s 35-year back catalogue this year, remastered for Nintendo Switch, VGC was told.
As VGC’s network partner Eurogamer reported in a follow-up to our story, these remasters will include 1997’s Super Mario 64, 2002’s Super Mario Sunshine and 2007’s Super Mario Galaxy.
Nintendo will also release several other Mario titles in 2020, including a new instalment in the Paper Mario series and a Deluxe version of 2013’s Super Mario 3D World.
LETS GO! Finally some good news after all the doom and gloom we hear all day every day on the TV right now. If theres one thing thats gotten a lot of us through the Quarantine (get off your cross, I know), it’s been video games. All the money I’ve saved from not going out has gone right back into buying new video games. However, one thing Papa Giorgio and I constantly bitch about is how Nintendo is just sitting on a gold mine of IP at a perfect time in history when everyone is home all day and refuses to open the Disney Vaults. You know how much money I would spend re-buying old Nintendo games if they just ported them to Switch? A lot.
So now comes this report that Nintendo is apparently planning to not only re-release, but *remaster* “most of Super Mario’s 35 year back catalogue.” Porting a game is great, but for Nintendo to go back and actually remaster an old favorite is WELL worth my $60 bucks.
Just the other day I pulled my N64 out of the closet and, after about 10 minutes of furiously trying to connect technology that was never meant to be connected, I hooked it up to my flatscreen TV.
Now a remastered Mario 64 would be incredible, but there’s also a ton of Mario games I missed over the years because Switch was the first Nintendo system I actually bought since N64. So the bevy of titles from Gamecube, Wii, and Wii U is the real gold coin here.
Just think of all the Mario games this could potentially include? There’s obviously a laundry list of titles, but lets run through the most likely candidates from any Mario game that was on a console. The titles in bold were ones mentioned in VGC or Eurogamer’s report as specific games to expect.
Super Mario 64 – N64
Paper Mario – N64
Super Mario Sunshine – Gamecube
Super Mario Galaxy – Wii
Super Mario Galaxy 2 – Wii
New Super Mario Bros – Wii
New Super Mario Bros U – Wii U
Super Mario 3D World – Wii U
Super Mario Maker Wii U
That’s a list of console games pre-Nintendo Switch, not including handheld games or anything prior to N64. A lot of the NES and SNES Mario games you can play right now with Nintendo Switch Online too.
However, as we saw with 2019’s The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening, Nintendo is not against remastering even old Game Boy games.
So if Nintendo wants to really get nuts, there are a TON of Mario titles to pick from over the last 35 years. Aside from some of the heavy hitters mentioned above, there is one game that I think we all desperately need back in our lives. Yup, thats right. Mario Golf.
Which Mario game do you want to see remastered for Nintendo Switch?
Yahoo – For the first time in over 15 years, “Madden” is getting some competition in the world of football video games.
The NFL revealed on Tuesday morning that it’s ending its years-long exclusivity deal with Electronic Arts on football games. “Madden” will continue to be produced in partnership with the NFL, but the NFL is also working with 2K Sports — the company behind the smash-hit “NBA 2K” franchise.
That new arrangement encompasses a “multi-year” deal that includes “multiple future video games” — the first of which is expected to arrive next year, in 2021.
The worst thing that ever happened to Madden was the exclusivity deal EA signed with the NFL because it removed any real competition. Madden was always the best football game on the block, but only because it actually had to be. 2K closed the gap when I was in high school and a ton of people still argue that NFL 2K5 was the best, albeit 2K’s last, football game ever made.
Thats not just me looking back fondly on the PS2 days either. NFL 2K5 got a 9.2/10 on GameSpot, a 9.4/10 on IGN, and a 92% on Metacritic, which bested Madden reviews in two out of three as Madden 05 actually got a 9.5 from IGN. Still pretty damn good for a game that just ended up getting shelved a few months later.
So once 2K was no longer there to keep pushing Madden, things got a little stagnant. Madden was always introducing new features with every version of the game, some more beloved than others (I actually enjoyed the Vision Cone), but just look at this run of iconic additions.
Madden 99 – Franchise Mode introduced
Madden 03 – Online head to head play
Madden 04 – Vick God Mode/Playmaker Control/Owner Mode/Mini Camp
Madden 05 – Hit Stick
Madden 06 – QB Vision Cone/Superstar Mode
Madden 07 – Truck Stick
Madden was always trying things out because they had to keep the game fresh. Once any shred of competition was removed, Madden was able to just update the graphics and the rosters each year and sell you the same old shit for $59.99 every August. Madden 07 (released in 2006) was the last year any substantial feature was added to the game in my opinion and that was FOURTEEN YEARS AGO.
I would love for these two giants to go head to head like the good old days, but it seems like 2K may try and go in a slightly different direction.
Notably, 2K says the games it’s creating are “non-simulation football game experiences” described as “fun, approachable and social experiences.”…EA issued the following statement in response to Tuesday’s announcement: “EA Sports is the exclusive publisher of NFL simulation games, and our partnership with the NFL and NFLPA remains unchanged. Our agreements have always allowed for non-exclusive development of non-simulation games on various platforms.
Whatever the hell that means, your guess is as good as mine. It seems like, through 2021 at least, 2K won’t be able to create a true “simulation game” so we may not get a direct competitor to Madden right out of the gates. Perhaps something thats officially licensed by the NFL, but maybe a little…different? Something a little more…arcade style. Something like…
Now we’re talking!
But so help me god if 2K tries to pass off some card based garbage mobile game. Just give us something that will make the folks at EA a little nervous so we start getting legitimately innovative games once again.
Polygon – The film was first announced back in August; it began as an unsuccessful Indiegogo campaign in 2017. Mic reported on Wednesday that Pretending I’m a Superman ended up getting independent financing. Mic said the film “tracks how the broader skateboarding industry was in a perilous place in the early 90s,” and that the Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater games were a big part of mainstreaming the sport and lifestyle.
Sign. Me. Up.
For anyone around my age, Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater was a momentous video game when it first came out in 1999. Sports games were always fun, but oftentimes were more like managing a fantasy team than actually playing the sport. THPS made a game that was FUN to play and introduced an entire generation of kids, myself included, to skateboarding. Think about that for a second. A fringe sport that was traditionally a California burnout beach bum activity went mainstream because Tony Hawk tapped into something no one saw coming.
THPS came out in ’99, which is so long ago that I had it on my Dreamcast. I honestly doubt most of my younger coworkers would even know what a Dreamcast is if I mentioned it. This game should probably also be credited with getting an entire era of kids into punk rock and ska with an absolute banger of a soundtrack. It’s the first game I can remember playing that you actually looked forward to the music. In a way it created the blueprint for music in a game that the likes of NBA2K have adopted and still follow today. With tracks from The Dead Kennedys, The Vandals, and of course Goldfinger’s Superman, this game slapped.
THPS 2 doubled down on the soundtrack too with the addition of bands like Rage Against the Machine, Bad Religion, Papa Roach, Anthrax, and Powerman 5000, which I still have stuck in my head 20 years later.
This whole blog also just reminded me of the store-brand version of THPS; Dave Mirra Freestyle BMX. Am I the only one that played that game? Just doing double back flips on a bike while listening to Sublime and Peaches. Those were the days.
LinkedIn – The world’s largest video game retailer is shutting down nearly 200 of its 5,700 stores worldwide. Like so many other consumers across multiple different categories of retail, gamers have increasingly turned to buying games online. GameStop’s CEO said this is only the beginning and they expect a “much larger tranche of closures over the coming 12 to 24 months.”
It’s not a gigantic leap to say that our generation more than any other has taken the most metaphorical kicks to our nostalgia’s dicks. We came up during a truly unique time in that we saw the crossover in landlines to cell phones, in newspapers to the internet, in mail and inner-office memos to email, and from brick and mortar stores to online shopping. We have strong, lucid memories from both eras and thus feel a tug at the heart strings when we read something like this. It just kinda sucks. We don’t know why, as I doubt many reading this, including our EIC, have been in a GameStop in the past 5-10 years (Editor’s note: I have), but it does indeed suck.
To be honest I’m surprised GameStop took this long to fall. One because entertainment as a whole went almost entirely only/off-hard copy faster than most other industries. “Remember Blockbuster?” is asked with almost the same morbid respect and mourning that “Remember the Alamo” is stated by so many Texans. Secondly, gaming as a sub-industry has really taken off in the internet age. I never went beyond Madden and a couple of versions of Medal Of Honor, but in this day and age it is apparently perfectly acceptable to be a complete and utter nerd and try and make your living growing bed sores while buying and playing video games online. So it is kind of shocking a brick and mortar gaming store is just now deciding to call it quits.
It’s fair to wonder which staple of our upbringing is next to fall as digital entertainment and lifestyles become more and more of the norm. It is also fair to wonder if that fall also coincides with a visit from a belligerent transexual thus making such occurrences the new grim reaper for the previous generation of consumerism. Either way, expect more and more of the things we know and love to fall by the wayside while dipshits from youtube become millionaires.
There’s been one brewery on my mind ever since I checked out their new taproom two weeks ago: Aslin Beer Company. Many people in the Boston area may not be familiar with these guys; I certainly wasn’t when I first moved to the DC area. Once I did move, I kept hearing the name Aslin again and again when trying to find the best brewery around.
Aslin Beer Co. houses their original location in Herndon, VA. Recently they opened up a second, much larger facility in Alexandria, VA that will house the bulk of production one it’s fully functioning.
Lucky for me, they just opened up a new taproom 15 minutes away from my apartment not even a month ago, and I was quite impressed. They make NEIPA’s as good as anyone actually in New England, mouth-puckering sours that leave you making faces well into the fourth and fifth sips (a sign of a great sour in my opinion) and some downright killer stouts. When it comes to what grabs your attention in the beer world these days, those three boxes are all you really need to check to stand out.
Although the new location doesn’t have a ton of can stock, I do like their labels.
The top rated beers from Aslin are almost exclusively IPA’s and stouts, no surprise there. If you can get your hands on them, Single, Double and Triple Orange Starfish, Master of Oranges, Master of Karate and Mind the Hop are some of their highest rated beers on Untappd, but it seems like every IPA they make has above a 4 rating on the app. For stouts, they have a bunch of amazing styles featuring all sorts of flavor additives, while their line of sours beers does the same.
So what do I actually recommend? Here’s a quick run down:
–Glamping Imperial Stout– Probably the best stout I’ve ever had. Made to mimic a s’more, this beer features marshmallows, graham crackers, chocolate, and the added bonus of…peanut butter! This is the first beer with peanut butter I had where I could really smell and taste the PB. Incredible. Oh yeah, it’s 15% alcohol and drinks like it’s less than half that, so watch out. –Pisghetti Western Stout– Another 15% imperial stout that doesn’t taste like it, this is conditioned on chocolate, hazelnuts, coffee, vanilla and cinnamon. I thought this had a touch too much cinnamon, which accentuated the heat from the alcohol just a bit more than I preferred. However, all the other flavors are delicious, and it’s still a great beer. –Master of OrangesDIPA– It’s pretty hard for me to be impressed by IPA’s these days. NEIPA’s can easily disguise off-flavors or a weak malt base by adding more dry-hops, more citrusy hops, more more more. On top of that, most people use the same four or five hops, so the difference from beer to beer is minute. That being said, this beer was fantastic, easily the best IPA I’ve had in DC. This beer is a combo of Double Orange Starfish and Master of Karate, and it blew me away. –El Frutero Sour Ale- A light, easy going sour at first taste, every sip seems to pack more flavor. Brewed with watermelon, lime, habanero peppers and salt, this beer is a perfect pairing for fish tacos. As a matter of fact, I would actually prefer this beer with food because the habaneros really punch you in the tongue.
I don’t play the games, but anyone who is a fan of Elder Scrolls will be excited to see Aslin came out with an entire line of beers to celebrate 25 years of Elder Scrolls games.
I really only have one beef with Aslin to this point, and it has nothing to do with the beer. The new spot is tinkering with the food menu, and we found out the hard way that it is overpriced. Much to our chagrin, the $8 deviled eggs we ordered was actually one egg, cut in half, with a sliver of jalapeno and a fried oyster on top. Considering all over Boston you can find $1 oysters and I can go to the grocery store and buy an 18-pack of Nellie’s Free Range Eggs for $5.69, that price is a rip off. I was assured they would be changing that, so I now have nothing more to complain about.
Although they don’t make it up to Boston, I highly recommend anyone traveling down to DC or Virginia stop by their locations and drink up. You won’t be disappointed.
Pokémon Gocreator Niantic Labs’ newest augmented reality game based on theHarry Potteruniverse is available now for bothiOSandAndroidin the US, a day earlier than we anticipated it would launch in the region. The game, calledHarry Potter: Wizards Unite, is similar in style toPokémon Go, asking players totraverse a virtual map overlaid on the real world and collect magical artifacts.
Three years ago I was sitting in a hotel room in Burbank, California when I was reading an article that the creators of Pokemon teamed up with Niantic Labs, a software company from San Francisco, to launch Pokemon Go. The game brought a new angle to the franchise, giving the player the ability to physically go outside and catch Pokemon on a real map fed into the game via Google Maps. Naturally, I downloaded it and caught my first “real” Pokemon from bed, a Growlithe, just to give a middle finger to the system and the concept of “Go”.
After it’s release, I think we as a country were united for the first time since post 9/11. Every single person I knew was playing and having a blast while doing it. Kids were taking to the streets, finally getting off the couch and aimlessly walking with their head down in front of buses and into the middle of the street to catch endless Pikachus, Charmanders, and Squirtles. It was joyous. A few people even got stabbed because they were playing at 4 am in bad neighborhoods. What a rush.
Fast forward three years and I may be the only one still playing. Not only am I still playing, I have a complete Pokedex. I did exactly what the slogan said and I caught them all.
I even caught a Black Charizard, something I was not aware existed until I caught it.
Now how did I accomplish this amazing feat? By taking the “Go” out of the title and downloading a hacked version of the app that enabled a joystick and let me play from the comforts of my own living room. Sure, it kind of defeated the entire purpose. I could have just played the normal game. Alas, my OCD would not allow this.
So now we have Harry Potter Wizards Unite. I myself downloaded it moments ago and can say it’s already been deleted off my phone. Too confusing, don’t have the time. They did apparently pay Daniel Radcliffe to voice Harry Potter again though so that was neat. That’s about as much as I learned though.
So my hope is that in these trying times we collectively return to the streets and once again unite for the latest craze in mobile gaming. Fresh air, exercise, camaraderie. If you need me, i’ll be in bed playing Pokemon.
As much as we blog about the Bruins, and the Patriots, and grown men beating the hell out of each other in the octagon; at the end of the day I am an unabashed nerd. You may have picked up on that from the 20+ Marvel movie reviews we did this year or the 2,500 word dissertations on each Game of Thrones episode. Well, the highlight of every nerd’s year was this week with the annual E3 Convention showcasing all the latest and greatest in the world of video games. The Electronic Entertainment Expo is something on my bucket list as I’ll need to make the mecca to Cali for this event one year. Without further ado, here’s everything you may have missed from the conference.
Halo Infinite
I’ve had an on again off again relationship with Halo over the years due to its platform exclusivity. Back in the days of the original Halo I was a PS2 guy so I would play in my buddy’s dark basement with the chunk black controller. Then I got an Xbox360 and played Halo 1/2 remastered and Halo 4 (3 got lost in the shuffle). Then I moved onto PS4 out of spite after I got the red ring of death so I have not played a Halo game in a minute. So needless to say I don’t know what the hell is going on here, BUT if this game continues to look as awesome as it does already, I could be tempted to pick up the Xbox 5 or whatever the hell Project Scarlett name they ultimately call it.
Platform: Xbox One, Project Scarlett
Release Date: Holiday 2020
Final Fantasy VII Remake
I didn’t get into Final Fantasy until FFX, but obviously FFVII is one of the most popular games of all time. This remake is something they have been talking about for YEARS with it first being announced back in 2015. So while I’m not particularly hyped for it, it looks beautiful and is a great opportunity for people like me to play a classic updated.
Platform: PS4
Release Date: March 3, 2020
Marvel’s Avengers
This is a game that I’ve been very cautiously optimistic about because its a perfect concept for a video game, but there have been so so many bad superhero video games over the years. I know Spider-Man was a massive hit last year and the recent Batman games have been well reviewed, but I still cringe just thinking about the old N64 Superman game or anything that has to do with the Hulk. Theres been next to no information available about this game, but we got our first trailer at E3 this week and I like what I’m seeing. Sure it looks a little wonky because the studio didn’t want to pay the licensing rights to use the actual actors, but other than that it looks pretty awesome so far. What’s most exciting about this game is that we’ll have an ever expanding roster of Marvel characters allegedly. I don’t believe the Marvel movie rights of who they could and couldn’t use applies to video games, but even if they did, don’t forget that Marvel just re-acquired the X-Men. Plus they don’t have to worry about the overarching movie storylines so we could get characters like the Punisher, Daredevil and maybe Deadpool dropping in? But that might be something they tackle in Marvel Ultimate Alliance 3 instead…
Platform: PS4, Xbox One, Stadia, and PC.
Release Date: May 15, 2020
Pokemon Sword and Shield
Everything you thought you knew about the world of Pokémon is about to change…in a big way.
Here’s the latest on the exciting new adventure that awaits in #PokemonSwordShield!
This is something I am stoked for as I haven’t bought a Pokemon game in years, but have been quietly watching from the sidelines. I basically got to a point where I refused to buy another iteration of the Game Boy (because I’m an adult damnit) so I have been waiting, and waiting, for Pokemon to finally enter the world of 3D open world platform gaming. That has arrived with the introduction of Sword and Shield. Not to mention they’ve got a gigantic direwolf looking dog with a sword in its mouth? Just take my money right now.
BEND THE KNEE TO YOUR ONE TRUE KING, KEANU REEVES. I have to say I’m a bit of a Keanu hipster since I’ve been pumping his tires since I first saw The Matrix in 1999. The Matrix, Point Break, and John Wick are some of my favorite movies. It seems like out of nowhere Keanu has become the most beloved man in America and I totally get it (especially with all the stories of his generosity), but it is weird to see a guy I’ve been stanning for years all of a sudden become a mega celeb. Anyways, Cyberpunk looks pretty sweet. Its important to note that this footage shows exactly *zero* gameplay so lets not get too excited. We’ve all fallen for that too many times with Fallout 76, Destiny, Anthem, and No Mans Sky that show incredible hype footage only to release a subpar game.
Platform: PlayStation 4, Xbox One
Release Date: April 16, 2020
Fallout 76 (again)
Speaking of the most panned game of the year, Bethesda is doubling down on the half-assed cash grab they put out last year. For a franchise as beloved as Fallout that relies on single player experiences, open world exploration, character development, and in depth storylines to release a multi-player online only skeleton of a game was heresy to most fans. Well Bethesda said how about we add a battle royale Fortnite mode! Guys lets just accept the L and start working on Fallout 5.
Platform: PS4, Xbox One
Release Date: Coming soon…
Dragonball Z: Kakarot
I’m 30 years old and I still love Dragonball Z. Hell I’ve even debated getting a DBZ tattoo, so needless to say I will be picking up this little gem. Dragonball games have been pretty hit or miss over the years and Dragonball Fighter Z looked pretty slick, but I couldn’t see myself playing a side scrolling fighting game for that long. So for an RPG that looks awesome though and focuses on the storylines that we all (read: I) remember so fondly? Swipe. Swipe.
Platform: PS4, Xbox One
Release Date: Early 2020
The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild [unnamed sequel]
LETS GOOO. Breath of the Wild is truly one of the greatest games of all-time. It created a massive open world that you could literally do anything and everything. Infuriatingly frustrating at times, but fun as all hell once you figured out what you were doing. So to hear about a direct sequel to the first open world Zelda game has me sweating. I had heard rumors that Nintendo was going to re-use the Breath of the Wild engine so they could pump out a sequel quicker, which I am more than ok with. Use the exact same mechanics, reskin the game to create some new maps and environments, and give us some new storylines and we are in business. Unfortunately there was no release date given whatsoever so this game could be a ways off…
Platform: Nintendo Switch
Release Date: Currently “in development”
The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening
I missed a lot of the earlier Zelda games as I was a bigger Sonic, Mortal Kombat, and Pokemon guy before getting baptized by fire with Majora’s Mask. So games like Link’s Awakening were never really on my radar, which was originally a Game Boy title. The graphics of this updated version are gorgeous and the gameplay is clever as hell where it gives you the same Game Boy birds eye view with an updated flair. Very excited to check this one out.
Platform: Nintendo Switch
Release Date: September 20, 2019
Luigi’s Mansion 3
This is another franchise I missed entirely since I never had Game Cube or Wii. I’m still shocked that Nintendo hasn’t opened up an e-shop to download, or at the very least rent, some of their former classics. I know they did it on Wii and as Papa G says, Nintendo basically just tricks people into buying the same game 4 times. While I did miss the first two Luigi Mansions, I’m sure I’ll be able to figure it out. Either way this looks like another entertaining Nintendo romp and gives Luigi some much deserved shine.
Gamespot – What does Xbox smell like? You may soon be able to find out. Just ahead of E3 2019, Microsoft has partnered with Lynx to create a new fragrance called Lynx Xbox. The range includes body spray, deodorant, and shower gel, so really all of your bases are covered.
The official description is simply delightful:
“Lynx Xbox is a fresh scent of pulsing green citrus, featuring top notes of kaffir lime and winter lemon, aromatic herbal middle notes of mint and sage, and woody bottom notes of patchouli and clearwood. Containing a range of natural essential oils, the Xbox Lynx range comes with a sleek new look and features a body spray, deodorant, and shower gel.”
Xbox ANZ boss Tania Chee said in a statement that users can spray or wash themselves with Xbox Lynx to “power up” before heading out the door in the morning.
Where was this when I was a teenager playing Halo with that ungodly chunky black controller in my buddy’s dimly lit basement for 6 hours at a time? Seems like that would have been a pretty good time for Xbox deoderant. Just sell the game in a value pack along with Xbox body spray, 3D Doritos, and Monster energy drinks. I know its all the rage to shit on “Kyle” these days as the imaginary bro character who loves guzzling Monsters and punching holes in walls.
You know…come to think of it, nobody punched more holes in drywall than Papa Giorgio himself. I’m talking hanging the hammer in the wall senior year and hanging a poster to cover all the holes. Hell we even made a bet on FIFA one time in college that the loser had to kick a hole in the wall with my steel toe boots. I need to go dig up my old Nokia phone to see if that video still exists.
In all seriousness though, all this Xbox and Halo talk has me feeling all sorts of nostalgic.
The 300s 