Rapid Reaction to the Celtics Draft Night: #WycFireworks Postponed (Again)

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So after all the hype, the rumors, and the Woj Bombs I think a lot of people were expecting the Celtics to make a trade Thursday night, but ultimately they stood pat and drafted their guy Jayson Tatum at No. 3. Again.

Look I fully admit I’m not a college basketball expert so I wasn’t going nuts over who they should draft. It sounds like Tatum will be a good fit, a guy who can get to the basket and create offense on his own, which is exactly what the Celtics need.

But, now we’re hearing rumors about the Celtics STILL being in on a potential Paul George trade.

All I’m saying is, the last 3 years have been full of trade speculation and Wyc shouting from the rooftops to expect fireworks.

Well, I don’t know how much more of the “Celtics are in on player X” I can take. First it was Jimmy Butler (who got traded to Minny last night), then it was Paul George, then it was Kristaps Porzingis. In years past it was Kevin Love and Carmelo Anthony. Now everyone’s already got Gordon Hayward penciled into the starting 5 next season, despite the fact that he’d have to eat like $30-$40 million dollars to leave Utah. Its a merry go round and I’ve been on it way too long. I’ll keep my Woj notifications on, but I refuse to get hyped for anything until Woj tells me its happening. Anthony Davis is not walking through that door.

Minor League Baseball Team to Honor Bat Dog With Awesome Jerseys

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Yahoo – At Trenton Thunder games, you don’t just enjoy a hot dog and a beer. You also enjoy a bat dog and a beer. The New York Yankees Double-A affiliate has used canines in lieu of bat boys for years now. Since 2008, that role has been filled mainly by Derby, the son of the team’s former bat dog Chase. On Monday, the Thunder will honor Derby by wearing jerseys with his face on them. It’s pretty adorable, if you ask us.

Using bat dogs is without a doubt the best thing any minor league team does. Now what is the second best thing? Absolutely ridiculous promo jerseys. Whether its Star Wars night or I remember a team once did Seinfeld night, they’re always awesome and I need to buy one. But combing dope nonsensical jerseys with bat dogs? And you can bring your dog to the game too? Thats a fucking winner right there. I mean just look at these beauties.

I would wear the shit out of that thing. I still have yet to witness a bat dog in person. I was late to a Fisher Cats game in NH last summer and missed the first inning. Apparently Ollie, who is actually the brother of the Trenton bat dog Derby, only works the first inning and now he’s retired. So to say I was devastated is an understatement. Need a bat dog at Fenway. Wally, Tessie and all the little bat boys can kick rocks. Get me a golden retriever on the field and I’ll listen to Jerry Remy’s rants on Asian translators on day long.

Some of the best minor league jerseys I could scope out are below.

Kate Beckinsale Now Has a 21 Year Old Boyfriend. Niceee

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Yahoo – Looks like Kate Beckinsale might have a hot new flame. The actress was spotted passionately kissing 21-year-old comedian Matt Rife on Tuesday in West Hollywood outside Villa Lounge restaurant.

Niceee. There’s not really much to say here aside except kudos to the kid. Someone get him his Luckiest Boy in America medal STAT.

Beckinsale is an all-time talent and this kid pulled her with barely any playing time at the major league level. That’s what they call a phenom. Potentially a once in a generation talent. Like the Bryce Harper of slinging stick.

“Rife is a comedian best known for his appearances on Nick Cannon‘s MTV show Wild ‘N Out and also does stand-up.”

Ahh so close. A regular on Nick Cannon’s Wild ‘N Out? That’s curtains for the young gun. Another cautionary tale to all the up and comers.

The 300s Drive Time

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Don’t have time for a full podcast? Then we’ve got some bite size content for you in the first episode of Drive Time. Are the Knicks really gonna trade Porzingis? Is Danny gonna sell the farm or trade *down* again? Why is the entire NBA losing its collective mind right now? Tune in, its good for you.

Cavs Players Are Now Telling Jimmy Butler to Stay Away from the Dumpster Fire that is Cleveland

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Chicago Sun Times – No stranger to organizational dysfunction, Jimmy Butler was warned Tuesday night to stay away from the Cavaliers. According to a Cleveland source close to the situation, several of the Cavaliers who had been prodding Butler to push for a trade from the Bulls the last five days were now warning him to stay away from a suddenly volatile situation.

Jesus. Christ. Cleveland, this is why you can’t have nice things. A live look at the state of the Cavaliers right now:

What a goddamn disaster. You guys were literally JUST in the NBA Finals. Sure, you got smacked down by Golden State, but you are without a doubt the second best team in the NBA. Yet somehow, the Cavs are now in complete disarray. They shitcanned the GM the *same day* he was balls deep in trade talks with other teams. Now there are rumblings that LeBron may be bolting town for Los Angeles sooner than later. Bill Simmons, who knows a thing or two about the NBA, is convinced its going to happen.

With that shit storm spiraling around, Cavs players are apparently telling Jimmy Butler to stay the hell away. The GM is out, LeBron could be gone after next year, no one knows what the hell is going on. So Butler reportedly is saying ah nevermind I’ll stay in Chicago. Butler would rather stay on a 41-win team than go to the team that just played in the NBA Finals (and the last 3 years in a row) and has arguably the best player in the world on its roster. Yeesh.

“[Kyrie] Irving has been contacting some of his former Team USA mates, letting them know that he might be willing to push for a trade, especially with the latest drama unfolding in Cleveland..Through back channels, Irving let it be known that he’d be interested in coming to Chicago.”

Oh man it is gonna be FUN watching what happens throughout the NBA today.

We Are On Porzingis Watch High Alert!

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Whether its early onset dementia or Phil Jackson just hates Kristaps Porzingis with a fiery fucking passion for blowing off his end of season meeting with the Zen Master, either way Phil just went nuclear.

There is absolutely no good reason for a GM to go on TV and trash his fucking franchise player unless he’s already decided Porzingis is gone.

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So I don’t know why he’s doing it, but as everyone has said every offseason for 3 years – the Celtics have enough assets to make any trade they want as long as a player is available. Anthony Davis ain’t available so we’re not gonna pretend we’ll trade 7 first round picks to New Orleans like its 2K. Porzingis is available though, so make it happen. Don’t sell the farm, but get it done.

There’s so much smoke and disinformation out there that nobody knows what the hell is gonna happen. But I am on full alert.

If Peter Chiarelli Wins GM of the Year Tonight I Might Just Kill Myself

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NHL – David Poile of the Nashville Predators, Pierre Dorion of the Ottawa Senators and Peter Chiarelli of the Edmonton Oilers were named finalists for the NHL General Manager of the Year Award on Tuesday. Voting was conducted among general managers, a panel of League executives, and print and broadcast media following the second round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. The winner will be announced at the 2017 NHL Awards at T-Mobile Arena in Las Vegas on June 21 (7:30 p.m. ET; NBCSN, SN).

You all remember Peter Chiarelli. The guy who did a nice job building up a 2011 Stanley Cup champion in 2011. He was responsible for signing Chara, trading Kessel and lucking into Tyler Seguin with said draft picks. Bruins were on the up, won the President’s Trophy, but then lost in the 2013 Stanley Cup Finals. And then he systematically destroyed the team.

Seriously this team went from a couple of wins short of winning the Stanley Cup in 2013 to missing the playoffs entirely in 18 months. Not to mention gutting the team along the way and trading away our best young player in Tyler Seguin for a bag of pucks.

That guy finally got shitcanned last year and then waltzed into one of the best situations in the league in Edmonton, who had the No. 1 overall pick. Using that they drafted Connor McDavid who had 48 points in 45 games in his Rookie season. McDavid (along with Auston Matthews) is potentially the best young forward since Gretzky. Seriously, the guy scored 30 goals, 70 assists, and had 100 points in his first full season in the NHL. I give Chiarelli ZERO credit for that.

Now this guy is up for GM of the Year? The guy who completely fucked up the Bruins with terrible trades and signings. The guy who gave away a perennial 30+ goal scorer in Seguin. The guy who traded Johnny Boychuk to the Islanders in a salary dump and left the Bruins D-core gutted. The guy who dismantled a young, Stanley Cup caliber team and turned them into a non-playoff team in less than two years. Fuck outta here.

Uber Just Added Tipping and I’m Furious

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Are you shitting me Uber? After all these years and all the money I’ve drunkenly given you. Now you’re going to “add tipping” to Uber? No wonder CEO Travis Kalanick stepped down. This was probably the last straw. I’ve literally retrained my brain to not tip when getting a ride now solely because of Uber. Punch in my address, fall into an Uber, get out and go inside my house. No worries, no scrambling for singles that I don’t have to tip the drive. Uber’s got it covered. Hell, have you take a taxi recently? They roll up to the house and you just get out without paying because you’re so used to the app and the taxi driver starts cussing you out to come back and pay.

I’m sure this is due to driver complaints. When I was out in LA recently the price of Ubers blew me away. They were ridiculously cheap. It takes 40 mins to get across LA regardless of where you go and I was only spending like $20 a pop. I guess its because just about every single wannabe actor, singer, rapper etc. are ALL Uber drivers. So competition is fierce and pay is low.

Sucks to say, but tough shit guys. World needs plenty of bartenders. Uber has changed the game forever and there’s no going back now. You can send all the passive aggressive emails you want Uber, but there’s a 0% chance I’m tipping my driver after years of conditioning to do the exact opposite.

Waiter? 20% Bartender? $5 bucks. Uber driver? Call me Mr. Pink, but sorry, I don’t believe in it. I don’t tip because society says I have to. This tipping automatically? It’s for the birds.

Millennials Are Now Unhealthier Than Their Parents; Lets Break it Down

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Yahoo – They’re known for being tech savvy, hyper-critical, and emotionally unavailable.
But how are they doing with their health?…To the dismay of sassy young people everywhere, the evidence goes both ways. In some aspects of healthy living, millennials have the older generation beat. However, there are a number of ways that millennials are actually on the decline when it comes to their wellness. Twenty-somethings preaching health to their parents might be a little misguided; every once in a while, they could probably learn a thing or two from their parents’ advice.

It has become a favorite pastime of mine in the years post-college as a surge in “Millennials killed ___” articles have flooded the interwebs. Today, Yahoo wants us to know that after everything we killed, how we’ll never own homes, how much crippling debt we’re all in — after all that our parents are in better shape than us too. Well, fuck. Alright lets have a look.

1.) Eating Disorders Are More Common

Well, yea no shit. In our parents’ youth they idolized frumpy chicks like Marilyn Monroe and boozehounds like Frank Sinatra. Today?

Soo yea, no shit there are more eating disorders these days.

2.) Their Exercise is Extreme

Okay how the hell does exercising harder make millennials less healthy? If you’re brittle, vegetarian body can’t handle some sprints then thats on you. Plus, look at #1 on this list to directly explain #2. Time is a flat circle.

3.) They Are Less Aware of Ingredients

This is coming from the generation with lead paint in the walls, mercury in thermostats and people who used to feed their kids pounds of butter and frozen food. I would say most millennials are actually pretty health conscious and aware of whats in their food, but with that being said I also can’t cook a meal that requires more than 5 ingredients so they may be on to something here.

4.) They Cook Less

Man this list is really a stretch considering half these points are directly caused by something else on this list. Less aware of ingredients? Fuck it, I’ll just eat out. Not to mention with the advent of iPhones and GrubHub, I don’t even have to talk to someone to have food show up at my door. That’s the future.

5.) They Do Less Yoga

Literally every 20-something girl I know does yoga. Death, taxes and girls grabbing Starbucks after yoga.

6.) They Drink More

Hand up, that one’s on us. But seriously, this is coming from a generation who idolized guys like Don Draper. I love Mad Men, but that show is based on a raging alcoholic. So this one is a draw at best.

7.) They Eat More Dessert

No idea, this seems like a dart throw from Yahoo. Do better, Marissa Meyer.

8.) They Have More Food Intolerances

This is 100% accurate and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s some kind of nature vs nurture sensitivity kids developed over the years? Maybe it’s because we had less lead and mercury in our lives. Who knows. But for every millennial who complains about how I can’t eat a PB&J because of their peanut butter allergy, the more times I quote Ivan Drago.

9.) They Struggle With Their Mental Health

Not gonna really joke about this one because it is a serious issue. Maybe older generations did a better job of hiding it rather than coping with it, but a lot of people my age struggle with depression and anxiety and the jury is still out as to why. Thanks Obama.

So ends another entry into Millennials Killed ___.  Keep em coming internet so I can poke holes in all of them.

Adrian Peterson Risking His Life to Cultivate Mass

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Yahoo – Adrian Peterson makes his living crashing into defensive linemen and linebackers, so he probably has a good grasp on what is good or bad for his health. Still, the admission that he’s ate so much seafood after signing with the New Orleans Saints that his body fat has gone from 7-8 percent to 9-10 percent in two weeks was a bit crazy. See, it’s not that Peterson is the first to go on a food bender in New Orleans. That’s happened to just about anyone who has visited. It’s that Peterson is allergic to shellfish..The New Orleans Times-Picayune’s Josh Katzenstein chronicled how Peterson is sampling the city’s seafood restaurants, including charbroiled oysters (“I’ve been tearing them up,” he said), and how he carries an EpiPen with him as he does it.

Gotta respect AP embracing that washed life. The guy is a running back over 30 coming off multiple knee surgeries and just got cut by the only team he’s ever played for. So is it any surprise that the guy moves to a warm, entertaining, party city known for its celebrations and its food and is now (reportedly) cultivating mass?

It happens to the best of us. You have a rough day, you get canned from your job, whatever it is. You just roll right up to that Burger King drive through window, crush a couple Whoppers and eat right past those tears. So a little cap tip to AP for hitting the buffet instead of his kids this time around.

Not to mention Peterson is apparently crushing seafood, all while being allergic to shellfish. Foods so good the guy’s risking his fucking LIFE to eat more of it. Can’t blame the guy for enjoying some good old southern food. Unless of course you’re a Saints fan, then you can blame the fuck out of him.