This is how you quit your job.
American Beauty definitely shows its age in places, but it deserves to get more play on cable. Modern classic.
Friday Morning Randomness
Sports Arenas Just Don’t Last as Long as They Used To
Big news out of Detroit this past weekend where the Red Wings closed Joe Louis Arena on Sunday and the Pistons closed The Palace of Auburn Hills on Monday. The Red Wings began playing at Joe Louis Arena in 1979 and the Pistons began playing at the Palace in 1988. After missing the playoffs, both teams will move into the new Little Caesars Arena in downtown Detroit this fall.
Joe Louis Arena lasted 38 years while The Palace lasted just 29 years. The Atlanta Braves will open SunTrust Park on Friday night after just 20 seasons at Turner Field, and the Texas Rangers are looking to get out of the Ballpark in Arlington, which opened in 1994, as soon as 2020.
The fact that sports arenas don’t last as long as they used to is especially obvious to Boston sports fans. Fenway Park has been going strong for more than a hundred years and the Boston Garden lasted 67 years.
Even Foxboro Stadium, a true dump built on a shoestring $7 million budget, lasted 31 years. Compare that to serviceable, if not lavish, football stadiums like the Silverdome, the Metrodome and the Georgia Dome. None of these stadiums lasted more than 32 years and have either been demolished or await the wrecking ball. At least Foxboro Stadium was cheap.
This is quite the turnaround for the city of Detroit. Tiger Stadium opened the same day Fenway Park opened, and the Tigers played there for the remainder of the 20th century. Their new home, Comerica Park, opened in 2000. With the Lions moving to Ford Field in 2002, and now the Red Wings and Pistons moving to Little Caesars Arena this fall, all four Detroit professional sports teams will play in buildings opened this century. All within walking distance of each other! What recession?
While The Palace only last 29 years, it did outlast a lot of other venues built in that era. The Miami Heat lasted only 11 seasons in Miami Arena, which opened in 1988, and the Charlotte Hornets/Bobcats only got a combined 13 seasons out of the Charlotte Coliseum, which opened in 1986.
Maybe Boston is lucky they didn’t get a new Garden sooner. Arenas from the late ’80s and early ’90s have not aged well. The new Garden, which opened in 1995, still looks pretty good more than 20 years later. The United Center in Chicago and Verizon Center in D.C., which also opened in the mid ’90s, have aged similarly well.
Meanwhile in Minnesota, the Timberwolves play in the Target Center in Minneapolis while the Wild plays in the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul. The Target Center, which opened in 1990, looks like the Worcester Civic Center compared to the Xcel Energy Center. The Xcel Energy Center opened in 2000, and still looks like it opened yesterday. The Target Center, just 10 years older, is in the midst of a $130 million upgrade.
It’s been said that Camden Yards changed baseball when it opened in 1992. Twenty-five years later, it is still one of the top venues in the sport. Maybe its impact was not limited just to baseball stadiums, though.
With the influx of concerts and hockey games at baseball stadiums, and shopping centers and NCAA Tournament games at football stadiums, teams (and in some instances, cities and states) are trying to get people to their venues as many days a year as possible. They are no longer game-day only operations. Hopefully that will allow (and encourage) the stadiums of this era to last a little bit longer than their predecessors.
RIP Charlie Murphy
Complex – Comedian and legendary storyteller Charlie Murphy has reportedly passed away at age 57 following a battle with leukemia. According to TMZ, Murphy’s manager has confirmed he passed away in a New York City hospital due to complications from the deadly cancer. He had previously been undergoing chemo treatment to fight the illness.
Unreal. Always sucks to see one of your favorite celebrities go, especially ones that make you laugh as hard as Charlie Murphy did. Guy flew under the radar for years as his brother tore up Hollywood before exploding onto the scene in Chappelle’s Show.
Charlie Murphy stole the show every single time he was featured in a skit. Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories of Prince and Rick James are all-time classics. Nothing will ever top these two skits. They were a look into how wild the 80s were in Hollywood and just how crazy some of our most beloved celebrities were. With a little comedic flair of course, but Charlie had the benefit of not being a huge star so these stories, as hilarious as they were, seemed pretty genuine.
Player Haters Ball. “CLAP FOR ME BITCH!” Classic.
The Mad Real World. “CORRECTION” Classic.
Charlie Murphy coined some all time phrases too like “Habitual Line Stepper.”
And I still laugh every time I see him Bruce Lee kick Rick James in the chest.
Pour one out for my guy Charlie Murphy or as Rick James called him, “Darkness.”
LeBron James Is Crying Because People Like Steph Curry More
Business Insider – Though Stephen Curry has undergone a somewhat sudden rise to one of the NBA’s most popular players and the league’s first unanimous MVP, he apparently has work to do within the league. According to Marcus Thompson of Bay Area News Group, author of the newly released “Golden: The Miraculous Rise of Steph Curry,” Curry is not all that popular with some of the league’s biggest stars, including LeBron James.
This is some straight up Mean Girls shit. People rag on for LeBron for a lot of things. Some fair, some not so much. But, if this is true and LeBron and other guys around the league are pissy because Steph Curry is getting too much shine? Cry me a river dude. Steph basically reinvented the 3 pointer by draining shots from everywhere on the court. Consistently. Its not like the guy hasn’t ever won a title either. So its no wonder the guy gets a lot of hype.
Steph, you want LeBron and his flunkies to accept you? Well on Fridays they wear pink so shape up.
If you wanna clown on Steph Curry for something, make it the ugly ass shoes he puts out. Twitter engulfs in flames every time Steph drops a shoe now because people can’t wait to meme the latest Dad Bod 7’s.
The life alert 3’s @casspa pic.twitter.com/MtHo1COfTu
— Bryan Panzero (@ImBadLuckBryan) June 10, 2016
The NBA is a meritocracy. Simple as that. If you suck then you won’t get the shine. If you are a transcendent player then you will “leapfrog” other guys. Especially aging stars. Pipe down Chris Paul. You’ve had about 85 State Farm commercials over the past few years. You’re not exactly getting put out to pasture.
Plus people like Steph because he’s relatable. He’s not an athletic freak, he’s not a 6’8″ man-child that can play all 5 positions on the court. He’s a pretty unassuming dude who dominates with incredible outside shooting and a great handle. People can relate to that. Everyone loves to watch LeBron, he’s one of the greatest players of all time. But he’s an absolute once in a generation athletic specimen who’s been that way since he was 15. People can’t relate to that.
Fucking Mugatu over here is bullshit because people like Steph more than him. I’VE BEEN TO SIX STRAIGHT FINALS. I INVENTED THE PIANO KEY NECKTIE!
That Was Quick – Clay Buchholz Already Injured in Philly
philly.com – Clay Buchholz flung a 70-mph pitch. It bounced before it reached home plate. The veteran starter shook his right arm. And that was it…
The 32-year-old righthander, acquired last December in a $13.5 million dump by Boston, owns a 12.27 ERA after two starts with the Phillies.
It could be some time before his next appearance.
It’s impossible to say that Buchholz would have gotten injured in Boston if the Red Sox hadn’t traded him. I wouldn’t have bet against it, though.
In ten years with the Red Sox, Buchholz only made more than 30 appearances once. That was in 2016 when he made 16 appearances out of the bullpen. He only made more than 20 starts in four of his ten seasons with the Red Sox.
Dave Dombrowski wouldn’t bet against Buchholz getting hurt, either. At the time of the Buchholz trade Dombrowski was lambasted for a “salary dump.” Scott Lauber wrote “Miss Buchholz yet? At some point, the Red Sox will.” Tony Massarotti called guys like me celebrating his exit “short-sighted fools.”
Sure thing, guys.
Golf Commentator Caught on Mic Talking About How Short Sergio Garcia’s Fiancee’s Skirt Is
Legitimately laughed out loud when I heard this. “The shortest skirt in the country.” That is just an old guy who does not give a fuck. Peter Alliss coming in hot on the BBC coverage. Its not like he was backstage and forgot he had a mic on. Nah, this guy was literally sitting in the same seat where he’s been broadcasting from all day.
It’s like the drunk uncle at every holiday dinner. He says some off-color shit, makes people a little uncomfortable, but you always laugh. Thats Peter Allis. When Peter Alliss thinks something he says it. There is no filter. Kinda respect it.
Pittsburgh Pirates Continue to Have the Best Ballpark in the MLB with Super Mario In-Game Contest
As some of you may know, aside from Fenway, PNC Park in Pittsburgh is by far my favorite ballpark in the MLB. Just a great looking park, great sight lines, cheap tickets, easy access from public transport and solid fan giveaways. Now take all of that, throw in some cutting edge technology and sprinkle in some old school gaming nostalgia? That is a goddamn ballpark my friends. And that is exactly what the Pirates did with their new “Super Bucco Run” on the right field wall.
The @Pirates #SuperBuccoRun is the coolest use of their new RF video board imaginable. #OpeningDayPNC pic.twitter.com/EETXxg4MiJ
— Jim Lokay (@Lokay) April 7, 2017
It’s basically an in-game contest for fans to physically compete in, essentially playing in your own version of Super Mario while running the warning track. This is awesome. Take those racing hot dogs, sausages and perogies out behind the shed and put a bullet in their brain because Super Bucco Run is the future.
Fake News is the Dumbest Concept Since Crystal Pepsi
I’ve had it up to here with Fake News. Talk about the buzzword of the year. People point to “Fake News” as to why so many are misinformed. No, people are misinformed because a large percentage of this country are sheep with a pack mentality. Build the Wall, I’m With Her, Let it Burn. It can be said for legit every candidate’s followers. People aren’t misinformed because Brad from high school shared a made up story, people are misinformed because people are dumb.
You wanna know how to spot Fake News? Step 1: Is the article from some website you have NEVER heard of? Step 2: Double check your sources (Big J Journalism trick) and see if you can find ANYTHING about that story on ANY other news website. Step 3: Nobody else has even mentioned it? Probably a good indicator its “Fake News.” Step 4: Ignore and go back to mindlessly stalking all your high school friends on Facebook.
You know how many times I’ve seen some moron I went to high school with share an article from some website thats only been in existence for a month? And now because of dumb dumbs like that Zuckerberg has literally created a tool to handhold people into not being bamboozled by Fake News. Read a book for me one time people.
Curt Schilling is the absolute worst about this. The guy literally retweets fake memes from Barstool and points to it like “See?!”
So please get out of my face with Fake News. If Fake News is an issue that you concern yourself with you are a simpleton and I don’t want to know you. Now everyone shut up and resume watching puppy videos. Thats what the internet was made for.
PS – Yes, I have notifications on for anything Zuckerberg posts on Facebook. He’s the brainchild and head of the biggest tech company of our lifetime. Sue me.
Celtics Can Now Achieve the Rare Feat of Claiming the No. 1 Seed AND the No. 1 Overall Pick in the NBA Draft
The Celtics have the opportunity to earn one of the more rare accolades in all of sports this week. They could lock up the No. 1 seed in the East with a win on Wednesday (thanks to another Cavs loss Monday night) to go along with the potential No. 1 overall pick in the NBA Draft.
Now the Celtics are still at the mercy of some goddamn ping pong balls, but thanks to the Nets being an abysmal basketball team, they’ve already locked up the best odds at the No. 1 overall pick of any team this year. So it would be pretty wild to see one of the best teams in the league (at least by record) with the No. 1 overall pick. That never happens. The last time I can remember anything close to that would probably be the Celtics winning the 1985-86 title and then drafting Len Bias No. 2 overall. Hopefully it works out a little better this time around.
Normally you need to hit rock bottom before you can start getting better in the NBA. Or just be the Cavaliers: get three No. 1 overall picks in 4 years and then have the best player in the world come back to town. That also works. But usually you have to absolutely bottom out so you can get a lottery pick and start building around that top talent from the draft. You don’t do yourself any good consistently being a No. 6 seed and then getting a draft pick in the 20’s. Thats how you become the Atlanta Hawks.
Sometimes you’ll see a rare case with a good team having one real down year, luck out with a top pick after a terrible season, then get back on track. Case and point the 1996-97 Spurs who had Tim Duncan fall into their lap. They went 59-23 in the 1995-96 season then fell to 20-62 the next year before taking Duncan No. 1 overall and then jumping back up to 56-26 and starting the run of success they’re STILL on.
But you never see a top team with a top draft pick while they’re CURRENTLY a top team. So for all the shit Trader Danny takes, the fact that he’s been able to maneuver the Celtics into this situation by trading two aging superstars in their late 30’s for multiple Lottery Picks is amazing by itself.
If the Celtics can turn just ONE of those Nets draft picks into a home run, then this is the Herschel Walker trade of the NBA that will be talked about forever. I cannot wait to watch that 30 for 30.
What if I told you a General Manager took an aging roster and turned them into a Lottery ticket? This is the story of how Danny Ainge swindled the suddenly cash happy and attention starved Brooklyn Nets out of a bushel of NBA Lottery picks and got the Celtics back to the promise land with the quickest rebuild in league history. Trader Danny. Directed by Bill Simmons.
Or they’ll continue to butcher draft picks with players that aren’t good enough to make the roster so they have to stash them in Europe and the Celtics fade back into mediocrity. That is a frighteningly real possibility. But you gotta figure Danny is due to hit on a stud. Maybe that superstar is already here in Jaylen Brown, but it sure as shit won’t hurt for Danny to get 2 more cracks at it. Since the Nets ain’t getting better any time soon and we’ve got their picks both this year and next. Or maybe Danny swings the draft pick for a guy like Paul George. Either way the Celtics are gonna need another superstar to make a real run at another Larry O’Brien trophy.
We’ll see, but as loud as that clock is ticking on this window of opportunity to make something big happen, name one GM in the entire freaking league who wouldn’t sell his soul to be in Ainge’s position right now. Just don’t blow it, Danny.
Patriots Now Involved in Marshawn Lynch Rumors. Introducing the Not Fucking Around Crew
I didn’t really buy into Marshawn Lynch coming out of retirement to play in Oakland. Guy legit seems to be enjoying retirement and not dealing with smashing into 300 pound men all day. But now I hear that Marshawn Lynch is interested in joining the Patriots? I am officially woke. I am back on Marshawn Lynch Watch because the Patriots are looking to build something special. They are turning over every rock to build the best team in the NFL. So whats to say the Pats don’t swoop in and get a deal done? This is the Not Fucking Around Crew.
Sure Lynch saying he’s interested in a team is not exactly the same thing as a team offering a guy a contract, but this is a wild rumor if nothing else. Blount still hasn’t resigned with the team and they didn’t offer Adrian Peterson a contract. They also don’t have a pick in the NFL Draft until No. 72 overall, but the Pats don’t typically draft runningbacks high anyways. With all that being said, there is a gaping void for a power back just waiting to be filled.
Am I a little hesitant about bringing on a guy who last played in 2015 when he rushed for 417 yards? Yup. Did he also destroy my fantasy football season that year? Yup. But if its Marshawn Lynch or LeGarrette Blount, Lynch is a clear upgrade. Lynch will be 31 by the time next season starts so this would clearly be a short term engagement.
Now all you need to do is convince Pete Carroll to trade Beast Mode to the exact team that had every person in the world clowning him after the Super Bowl a couple years ago. Simple enough task, I suppose.
Jeff Howe, who reported the rumor, calls it a long shot if anything, but it would definitely be fun to have Lynch on this Pats team. And for people saying he might not get along with the Patriot Way? Uhh, does anyone remember this dude’s press conferences?
Pretty sure he’d do just fine not saying shit to the media. Now for the obligatory highlight video of Marshawn Lynch dominating people with a football in his hands. Boss.
The 300s 