Patriots Advance to SIXTH Straight AFC Championship Game

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So last night the Patriots advanced to their SIXTH straight AFC Championship game (NFL record) after topping the Texans 34-16. It wasn’t exactly the easy street blowout most of us expected, even though the Pats did cover the highest playoff point spread in 20 years. But a win is a win is a win. TB12 was rushed and hit all night (2 sacks, at least 6 hits), with a couple of late hits from JeDeveon Clowney as the Texans D tried to do something, anything to stop the Patriots.

As they came to learn though, the Patriots are like the goddamn tide on the beach, they cannot be stopped. Any time the Texans D did anything positive to get some momentm, Brock Osweiler immediately reminded everyone why he’s been a huge waste of $70 million.

Dude threw 3 picks last night to destroy any chance the Texans had of staying in the game. And I would be remiss to not mention Dion Lewis having an absolutely befuddling game, all while dominating. Three touchdowns. Two fumbles. Receiving, rushing and a kickoff returned for a TD. Have a day kid.

I was starting to sweat a little bit down the stretch, not because the game was in doubt, but because Tom Brady, Martellus Bennett and other key players were taking unnecessary shots in a game that was already decided. Not to mention Tom Brady had a relatively mediocre game (47% completion percentage) so expect to come out and tear it up next week. Edelman and Hogan were huge per usual, making a bunch of clutch catches to bail out the Patriots offense. Now its time to watch the Steelers and Chiefs beat the crap out of each other to earn the right to play the role of sacrificial lamb next week. ONE MORE!

 

Sunday Night Playoff Football

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USA Today – The NFL has moved the Steelers-Chiefs divisional playoff game from Sunday afternoon to Sunday night as an ice storm approaches Kansas City, Mo.

“Due to public safety concerns in light of the forecasted storm this weekend in the Kansas City area, Sunday’s Steelers-Chiefs Divisional Playoff game on NBC has been moved to 8:20 p.m. ET,” read a statement sent by the league Friday afternoon.

I’m 100% in favor of public safety. If you can take 80,000 people off the road during an ice storm, you gotta do it. But the NFL didn’t rake in $13 billion in revenue last season solely out of concern for public safety. Call me cynical, but this move works out pretty well for all parties involved.

The NFL looks like the good guy, keeping people off the roads during an ice storm. Moving this game back and out of the inclement weather also lowers the likelihood of another clunker of a game. No game this postseason has been closer than two scores, and the league could really use a couple of good games today. Two really good games today would help steer the discussion away from why the playoffs have been disappointing thus far.

The game the NFL is moving also just happens to be scheduled on NBC, its Sunday night rights holder. Could this be a trial balloon for Sunday Night Playoff Football? Two extra editions of the highest rated show on television each year would surely mean a nice bump for the NFL in the next television contract, and a nice January ratings bump for NBC.

Meanwhile, NBC can save its Dateline special for another night. [Tough call, I know.] This game would have drawn fine ratings at 1 PM, but there’s no doubt it will draw even better ratings at 8:20 PM on the Sunday night of a holiday weekend.

It also works out pretty well for the Patriots. Their opponent in the AFC Championship game won’t be finalized until about midnight. That gives the Patriots 24 hours more than their opponent to rest and prepare. Tom Brady teams are 5-2 in the AFC Championship game after a Saturday night win in the Divisional Round, but those two losses both came in Denver. It’s hard not to like their chances again next Sunday at home with an extra day of rest.

The Patriots Drive for 5 Continues Tomorrow; RIP Texans

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So just a quick post here late on a Friday. Just wanted to point out the fact that the Patriots are the biggest playoff favorite since 1998 with a spread somewhere between 15.5-16.5 over the Texans, depending on who you ask. Thats 3 scores folks. Remember, we did beat the Texans 27-0 with our third string quarterback.

I expect a swift and ferocious beatdown of old friend Bill O’Brien and his squad. Even JJ Watt pump up speeches and letterman jackets can’t stop it.

This is the Drive for 5, this is for Roger Goodell, Ryan Grigson, the Wells Report and every other asshole involved in the DeflateGate story. This is for freedom. Lets get it boys.

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Chargers Moving to Los Angeles; Are You Happy Now NFL?

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Hilarious. The market that the NFL held over owner’s heads for two decades as the white whale. The market that subsequently drew middling interest and awful TV ratings with just one team last year, now has TWO goddamn teams. As a friend of mine so eloquently put it, this is like Atlanta having two hockey teams. There’s just no need for it.

But as you all know, I love unnecessary shit. Add in the fact that the Chargers will be playing in an MLS stadium for the next two years (which seats 27,000 people) and its even better. I mean, if nothing else, this means I need to buy Madden again this year right? I’ve never played a professional football game in the house that Landon Donovan built.

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Granted the Rams were a god awful team last year, but the people of LA were not exactly clamoring for ANOTHER NFL team. One of these teams better get real good real quick, or its going to be a lot of empty seats and a lot of Stephen A Smith rants on why the NFL needs to abandon Los Angeles, again.

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Now for the coup de gras….the Raiders to Vegas. We got teams moving left and right, shit hole stadiums falling apart all while the Raiders are still playing on a BASEBALL field. Seriously they share a stadium with Billy Beane. Thats just not the 70s Raiders everyone talks about. No, they need to be in a city of debauchery and Sin City has that in…wait for it…spades. I’ll see myself out.

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Red Sox Re-Sign Jackie Bradley Jr. for $3.6 Million to Avoid Arbitration

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ESPN – “The Boston Red Sox have avoided salary arbitration with Jackie Bradley Jr., agreeing to a $3.6 million deal with the All-Star outfielder, a source told ESPN’s Jerry Crasnick. Bradley made $546,500 last season and will be eligible for arbitration in each of the next three years. Bradley, 26, enjoyed a breakout season in 2016, batting .267 with career highs of 26 home runs, 87 RBIs and 94 runs scored. He was voted a starter for the American League in the All-Star Game and helped Boston win the AL East with a 93-69 record.”

Its a good thing the Red Sox stuck with it when guys like Jackie Bradley Jr were struggling because with all the $20 million pitchers on the roster, theres not really much money left for expensive outfielders. Now the Sox have one of the best outfielders in all of baseball and all 3 guys are on rookie contracts. As anti-Theo as Dombrowski is, that is exactly what Theo preaches. Build up your farm system to be the core of your team and then add in a few high priced vets to fill out the roster, especially pitching.

I’m sure JBJ’s number will continue to rise, but if he puts up numbers similar to last year then $3.6 million is an absolute bargain. Not a bad bump for him either, essentially getting paid 6x what he made last year. I’d take that deal every day of the week.

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LA Rams Hire the Youngest Coach in NFL History and I Love It

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If you wanted to move on from the shit storm that was the Jeff Fisher era AND make a splash in LA, this is how you do it. Hire the youngest coach in NFL history. 30 year old Sean McVay, the offensive coordinator of the Washington R-words, is the new coach of the LA Rams.

Don’t make the mistake of hiring another mediocre coordinator or a guy who’s already been a crappy coach in the past. Inject some new blood, some excitement and a guy who actually has created a great offense and built up a QB in Kirk Cousins. Thats what the Rams needed. God knows Jared Goff needs it. Plus it will be wild to see a guy who looks like a ball boy calling the shots from the sideline.

I *love* wunderkinds, especially in industries that are dominated by old boring guys. Bill Belichick is the best coach in the history of the league and I would take a bullet for him, but he is an old boring guy. If a dude who’s basically the same age as me can succeed as an NFL head coach then that makes all the blood, sweat and tears I’ve poured into Madden over the years all worth it.

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It reminds me of when Theo Epstein was named GM of the Red Sox back in 2002 when he was TWENTY EIGHT! Thats insane. I can barely pay my bills at 28 and I certainly can’t balance a check book and he was managing one of the biggest franchises in all of sports at that age.

So yea, I always root for young guys getting a shot in front office and coaching positions, mainly because it just happens so rarely. Hopefully he pans out better than Josh McDaniels first go as a young head coach in Denver, which blew up in less than 2 years.
Sports are tricky because all of the players will be around his age, if not older, so it can be easy for that to become a distraction. It looks like McVay is already doing his best to combat though, surrounding himself with very experienced coaches to counteract his inexperience, which is smart. He just brought on 70 year old Wade Phillips to be his defensive coordinator. A 30 year old head coach with a 70 year old DC is still a hilarious image to think of. That is a can’t miss TV sitcom. Its too bad the Rams were on Hard Knocks last year because I would watch the shit out of that show.

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Joey Porter is Shockingly Still a Moron

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ESPN  – “Steelers assistant coach Joey Porter is returning to the team a day after his assault charges from an alleged altercation at a Pittsburgh bar Sunday night were dropped. Porter, the Steelers’ outside linebackers coach, spent four days on team-administered leave but will be part of the coaching staff for the divisional playoff game Sunday at Kansas City, the team announced.”

Joey Porter got arrested last week in Pittsburgh after the Steelers won at a downtown bar for allegedly assaulting a bouncer. The charges did ultimately get dropped so he’ll be back on the sidelines this weekend for the Steelers. Every time I hear about a guy assaulting a bouncer my ears perk up. I used to be a bouncer for a few years back in the day and let me tell you, I can probably count on one hand the number of fights door guys started. It’s not because they don’t want to, trust me they want to bash all of your brains in. Its just that its too long of a night with too many drunk assholes mouthing off. If you took it personal and started a fight with everyone you’d be in Road House on a nightly basis.

So yea, innocent until proven guilty, except for the fact that Joey Porter is the definition of a mouthy asshole. In case anyone forgets, he’s the one who, as a coach, walked onto the field last year to start shit with Vontaze Burfict. This is also the same guy who was accused of assaulting a cop in 2010. In both cases the charges were dropped, but is that more of a case of wrongful arrest or more of a case of a rich athlete getting let off light? If a guy talks shit for more than a decade as a player and has multiple arrests for assault, well then I’ll side with the bar employee on this one.

Either way, solid coaching staff up there Tomlin, keep it up.

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Taco Bell Does It Again!

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USA Today – Taco Bell, the fast food radical which has boasted healthy changes to its menu, has unveiled its Naked Chicken Chalupa, a taco in which the shell is made completely of fried chicken.

No other fast food restaurant knows itself, or its customers, better than Taco Bell. Taco Bell is not fine dining. Taco Bell is not fast casual. Taco Bell probably isn’t even your first choice most nights (no one eats Taco Bell during daylight hours). And Taco Bell is fine with all of that.

Taco Bell is cheap food quick. Taco Bell is food for when you’re in a rush, down to your last $18  before your next paycheck, or on your way home from the bars. Taco Bell knows they have to keep things interesting to keep you coming back, and I don’t think they get enough credit for that. Taco Bell is an innovator in the field of fast food the way Steve Jobs was an innovator in the world of computers and electronics.

Taco Bell is fearless. They’re not afraid to throw spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks. You can’t have the Crunchwrap Supreme without the Bell Beefer. You can’t have Doritos Locos Tacos without the Black Jack Taco. Not every new product launch is going to be a success, but that doesn’t mean it was a failure.

I was at Taco Bell the day they launched their breakfast menu in 2014, and you can believe I will be there on January 26 to try their interpretation of a Double Down. Will it be a success like the Doritos Locos Tacos, or a flop like the Chicken Caesar Grilled Stuft Burrito? Who knows, but I’m not worried about that. I’m just happy to go along for the ride.

PS – If this Conan trip to Taco Bell doesn’t make you wish you worked at Taco Bell, you’re not being honest with yourself.