Tag: Bengals

Chad Ochocinco is Trying Out for the XFL. As a Kicker.

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So Mattes and I were discussing the XFL earlier and the one question he asked me was, “will you watch?” My answer was the same as it was for that disaster that was the AAF: I’m going to try. Where the AAF was just bad NFL football, at least the XFL will be playing with some rule tweaks to make the game quicker and differentiate it from the NFL.

Now Vince McMahon does sees much more wary of turning the XFL into a circus act like it was the first time around so you don’t see many big name former NFL players in the league just to grab attention. It looks like they’re trying to build something semi legitimate so maybe he doesn’t want former wide receivers joining the league as kickers, but hey lets see what he’s got at least.

I mean it’s not a total gimmick either; the man has legitimately kicked field goals in NFL games before. Against the Patriots no less.

As a well known FIFA diehard Ochocinco is no stranger to striking and apparently he can boot the ball.

Unfortunately for Ocho, the XFL nearly eliminated the need for a kicker by removing extra point field goal attempts. They also pushed the kickoff back 10 yards from where the NFL and college does it so unless you’re kicking it 75+ yards you’re probably not getting many touchbacks.

All I know is football is more fun when Chad Ochocinco is a part of it so I’m pulling for him.

With Ryan Fitzpatrick Joining His Third AFC East Team, I Have Found the Perfect Group Halloween Costume

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I remember seeing this idea a few years back when Jaromir Jagr was playing for the Bruins en route to finishing his NHL career having played for 9 teams over 24 years.

Well I would say we’ve officially reached that point with Ryan Fitzpatrick. Everyone’s favorite gigantic bearded, wedding ring wearing, smart as hell, bridge quarterback will join his 8th NFL team in Miami this season. It also will mark him playing for 3/4ths of the AFC East. So who knows, maybe if he kicks around for a couple of more years he could complete the rounds and be a veteran backup QB to the next great Patriots signal caller? We can only hope.

So if 7 of my other friends want to create the greatest Halloween costume of the season, the Ryan Fitzpatrick group costume is the way to go boys.

Despite All the Dirt Thrown On Him, Josh McDaniels Still Drawing Interest from Multiple Teams as Head Coach

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CBS Sports – Less than one year after spurning the Colts, it doesn’t appear that Josh McDaniels is going to have any issues finding a head coaching job this offseason if he wants one.

The Patriots offensive coordinator is expected to land multiple interviews over the next few weeks and it looks like one of those will be going down in Green Bay. According to NFL.com, the Packers are expected to hold an interview with McDaniels on Friday. Since the Patriots have a bye this week, McDaniels is allowed to interview for open jobs this weekend. The Packers moved quickly to land an interview with McDaniels with the team sending in a formal request to interview him just one day after the NFL regular season ended.

Despite all the dirt thrown on his name after backing out of the Colts job, Josh McDaniels is still very much in on several head coaching job openings this offseason.

And I love it.

This may be the height of my “Patriots against the world” complex, but hey thats what happens when everyone calls you a cheater and openly roots for your demise for over a decade. Thats also what makes winning so much sweeter though. So yes, rooting for Josh McDaniels to get a head coaching job primarily out of spite against anyone that talked ill of a Patriots employee is petty, bizarre even; I fully admit that. Doesn’t change the facts though.

“Besides the Packers, the Browns and Bengals have also requested to interview McDaniels. CBS Sports NFL Insider Jason La Canfora reported on Dec. 30 that the Browns owner Jimmy Haslam is “very high” on McDaniels, which could make Cleveland a wild-card in the sweepstakes for the Patriots offensive coordinator.”

This comes less than a year after talking heads around the interwebs all but buried the guy under Gillette Stadium. The simple fact of the matter though is who would you rather have? There are a TON of head coaching vacancies this offseason and not nearly enough competent names to fill them. Eight to be exact. Yup, the Browns, Packers, Jets, Broncos, Dolphins, Bucs, Bengals, and Cardinals are all in the market for a new head coach.

Now as always, this comes with the disclaimer that Josh McDaniels has worked under potentially the greatest head coach of all time along with the greatest quarterback of all time for years. Lets be honest, I could be Tom Brady’s offensive coordinator and the Pats would probably still win the division. So aside from a brief stint with the Broncos (11-17), it’s hard to really peg McDaniels’ true value.

But thats also what makes him such an intriguing candidate.

If I’m the owner of an NFL franchise do I want someone from the Belichick Coaching Tree (more on this in a moment) that is young, innovative, and has worked with the best in the business for the past 10+ years? Or do I want to hire a guy thats already been a head coach for a long time and has already proven multiple times that he’s not a difference maker? Would you rather hire Josh McDaniels or Jeff Fisher?

Granted the Belichick Coaching Tree hasn’t exactly flourished when Bill’s assistants have gone on to set up their own programs, but this is a quarterback driven league. A lot of these coaches simply haven’t had “the guy.”

Romeo Crennel (28-55) had Trent Dilfer, Charlie Frye, Derek Anderson, Brady Quinn, Matt Cassel, and Brady Quinn again at quarterback over the years before being axed for the final time. Eric Mangini (33-47) had Chad Pennington, 39-year-old Brett Favre, Brady Quinn (again!), and Colt McCoy at QB before he got axed for the final time. Charlie Weis (41-49) went over to the NCAA, which is an entirely different animal and failed at multiple schools. More recently we’ve seen Bill O’Brien (42-38) have moderate success in Houston, relatively speaking. Sure, he was rumored to be on the hot seat this year, but they’ve made the playoffs 3 out of the last 4 years. Before Deshaun Watson, O’Brien had Ryan Fitzpatrick, Brian Hoyer, Ryan Mallett, Brock Osweiller (which was his own fault), and Tom Savage. So now that he has an actual QB in Watson you see what that team is capable of. Not a lot of Pro Bowl quarterbacks in there guys. Then theres Matt Patricia (6-10), who’s first season in Detroit can be described as nothing but disastrous.

So 1 out of 5 ain’t good, but hey I’d rather take a chance on a young guy with a great pedigree than hire a guy that I KNOW will have my team going 8-8 every year.

Here are some of the other candidates with previous head coaching experience just to name a few.

  • Mike McCarthy (125-77-2, 10-8 in the playoffs)
  • Adam Gase (23-25, 0-1 in the playoffs)
  • Todd Bowles (26-41)
  • Bruce Arians (49-30, 1-2 in the playoffs)
  • Vance Joseph (11-21)
  • Jim Caldwell (62-50, 2-4 in the playoffs)

Do ANY of those candidates excite you if you’re a fan of one of those teams that has an opening at HC? Maybe Bruce Arians, but he retired after the 2017 season and would be the 3rd oldest coach in the NFL, were he to come back, behind only Belichick and Pete Carroll. I’m looking for someone at least *a little* bit different if I’m an owner. Hell I’d take a shot on Lincoln Riley (Riley legit just signed an extension with Oklahoma yesterday) or Kliff Kingsbury over any of those guys. Am I biased because I’m 29 and I want to see more young blood in the league? Yea, probably. But these teams that are mired in mediocrity year after year, make the same dumb decisions every season and wonder why they never go anywhere. Hell it took the Bengals 16 years to get out of their own way before finally firing Marvin Lewis and his 0-7 playoff record. (Although they might step right back into their own way and hire Hue Jackson)

So yea McDaniels is kind of a dick for leaving the Colts at the altar last offseason (and hosing a few assistants in the process). I can understand why you wouldn’t want to grab a beer with the guy. But this is the NFL where the only thing that matters are results and Josh McDaniels has 5 Super Bowl rings working with the Patriots in various roles. And before you say it’s all because of the head coach and the QB, whether thats true or not, the Offensive Coordinator of the Kansas City Chiefs, Eric Bieniemy is rumored to be a hot head coaching candidate despite this being his FIRST year as an OC. Why? Because of what the head coach and the QB have been able to do this season. This comes less than a year after Bieniemy’s predecessor Matt Nagy was hired by the Chicago Bears as their new head coach who also had just one year as an OC on his resume. So you can’t have it both ways folks — the OC matters or he doesn’t.

TLDR; I think Josh McDaniels is as good as gone this offseason and I’d take McDaniels over a ton of other guys in this league as a head coach. Now, Bill Belichick isn’t one of them though so if it’s between him and McDaniels? Best of luck, Josh!

Top 5 Moments from Week 12 in the NFL

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In case you were too hungover to watch anything else after the Patriots game yesterday, we’ve compiled the Top 5 moments from Week 12. A lot of wild plays were made yesterday so here’s what you need to see.

Christian McCaffrey had a downright Madden kind of game on Sunday rushing for 125 yards and a TD while also catching 11 balls for 112 yards and another TD through the air. Incredible performance from the Stanford product as he continues to prove he’s more than just the “receiving” back many projected him to be in the NFL.

Speaking of Madden type plays, this one from Browns tight end David Njoku for a TD is the exact type of play in Madden that would have made me fire my controller off the wall in college. Glitch city.

We’ve got Seattle runningback Chris Carson doing Matrix type flips on the field. Usually leaving your feet NEVER ends well, somehow Carson ends up right back where he started unharmed and ready to run.

If we’re being honest, that flip and that landing really reminded me more of this than anything else:

Baker Mayfield continues to live dangerously going off for four TDs in a win over the Bengals. After the game he took ex-head coach Hue Jackson, who is now an assistant with division rival Cincinnati, behind the shed after the game.

Ben Roethlisberger just gift wrapped the No. 2 seed for the Patriots with one of the worst interceptions you will ever see. In a game where he threw for 462 yards and a TD, Big Ben completely submarined the entire day with one awful throw.

Terrell Owens Wants Back Into Football. Canadian Football.

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ESPN – Retired wide receiver Terrell Owens, soon to be inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame, wants to return to the field. Owens, 44, activated a procedural window that requires the Edmonton Eskimos — who own his CFL rights — to offer him a contract or release him from their exclusive negotiation list within 10 days. Jason Staroszik, a Canada-based agent who is representing Owens on the matter, said Owens “100 percent” wants to play football again at the pro level. “He wants to play in the NFL,” Staroszik told ESPN. “But if he can’t, the CFL is the next-best option.”

Apparently Terrell Owens, the retired 44-year-old receiver who is being inducted into the Hall of Fame at the end of the month, wants back into football.

Canadian Football.

He hasn’t played since 2012 when he was cut by the Seahawks in training camp and there was also a short lived stint in the world famous Indoor Football League where he BALLED. OUT.

“Owens caught 35 passes for 420 yards and 10 touchdowns in eight games for the Wranglers.”

Soo its been a while since ya boy has been on the pitch. About 6 years if we’re counting. To put that into perspective, 6 years ago I was in between my first job out of college working in capital-J Journalism and working the door at a bar in Faneuil Hall. Some time has passed.

With that being said though, I always felt TO got hosed on his way out of the league. The guy was the diva of all divas and probably a complete pain in the ass for every coach and every quarterback he ever played with, but TO could ball. Even in his last season with the Bengals in 2010 when he 40 years old he caught 72 passes for 983 yards and 9 TDs. Thats goddamn impressive. That is a legit NFL receiver, regardless of age. And he never got another sniff in the league again. I’d be pretty fucking bitter about that too if I were him.

So he decided screw it, I’ll be the first active Hall of Famer to play since (???). Granted it is Canada, but hey it looks like Johnny Manziel may have started a trend with Comeback SZN and taken away some of the stigma of playing on the 110 x 65 yard field north of the wall.

TO has activated a “procedural window” with the Edmonton Eskimos, who own his CFL rights, so the Eskimos now have 10 days to either renounce his rights or offer him a contract.

Its hilarious how the CFL works. Since they are the bastard league of professional football, 99% of players with the ability to play in the NFL opt to play in the NFL over the CFL. The CFL still holds these supplemental drafts though so basically every top player (or popular name) that has played in the NFL has their rights owned by someone in Canada. Robert Griffin III, Baker Mayfield, Colin Kaepernick, Lamar Jackson, hell even guys like Tim Tebow and Vince Young were on these CFL negotiation lists before they made it all but clear they were done with football. Just in case any of these ever do decide to strap it up in Canada they’ve basically already been drafted.

TLDR; If TO does indeed sign with a CFL team then I think that locks in my long standing claim that I will need to figure out a way to pirate legally stream CFL games.

PS – Say what you want about the CFL, they’re nothing if not savy, savy social media users.

“[Owens] has continued to train as if he is an active player, and recently posted video to social media that indicated he is still running the 40-yard dash in under 4.45 seconds. The Eskimos added him to their negotiation list immediately after the post.“

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Former Bengals Receiver T.J. Houshmandzadeh Drops in from the Clouds, Calls Bill Belichick and Patriots a “Dictatorship”

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NESN – “Former Cincinnati Bengals wideout T.J. Houshmandzadeh, who has been out of the NFL since 2011 and irrelevant for the past decade, was a guest on FOX Sports 1’s “Speak For Yourself” and jabbed Belichick for how he runs the organization.

“I think every team is player driven,” Houshmandzadeh said. “Every team is player driven. They’re just kind of fed up. I was watching football this past fall, and it just tripped me out when I’m watching the Patriots playing Miami Dolphins, and then I see a (Rob) Gronkowski interview. I couldn’t believe it. He’s, ‘Oh, I want to talk about the celebration but I’m scared that Bill is going to get mad at me. I really want to talk about, but I guess I can’t I’m scared.’…They are completely scared of Bill, it’s a dictatorship in New England

T.J. Houshmandzadeh, he of the 1 Pro Bowl, 1 playoff win and 8 playoff catches pedigree, recently came out of the clouds to criticize the way Bill Belichick runs the Patriots, calling it a dictatorship.

As much as I respect the opinion of TJ Hooshamazode

I’m gonna have to go ahead and disagree with him on this one. People see a more rocky than usual ship in New England and want to use it as an opportunity to criticize the Patriots so if they ever do fall off they can be the one to say I told you so. And don’t get me wrong, that day may come, but to criticize Belichick with comments like this are asinine:

“They are completely scared of Bill, it’s a dictatorship in New England. Things are going to have to change or he’s going to lose the team.”

Its literally been this way in New England for 17 years. Things aren’t going to have to change, TJ. Not after winning 5 Super Bowls. You know where things probably should change? Cincinnati, which is where TJ played for 8 seasons and won a total of 0 playoff games under Marvin Lewis. In fact, Cincinnati hasn’t won a playoff game since 1990, which is a cool 27 year stretch. Shit like that will lose you a team.

So while the Patriots locker room probably isn’t as fun as a Chucky Cheese birthday party like the Bengals may be under Lewis, I’d rather take the consistent systematic success for nearly 2 decades straight.

Lets Gamble! NFL Week 5

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Overall Record (14-16)
Last week (9-6)

Another week, another one of the worst beats I’ve ever seen in a football game with the ending of that Kansas City game. Just ruthless. As always, all of our betting lines are courtesy of the Westgate Las Vegas SuperBook so blame them if the numbers change. Its that time once again to start playing fast and loose with our paychecks. Its Week 5 in the NFL, LETS GO


New England Patriots (-5.5, 55.5) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers
I picked the Pats to cover and cover they did.

Sunday, Oct. 8
1 p.m. ET

New York Jets at Cleveland Browns (-1.5, 39)
There’s no way you’re going to actually put money on the Browns as a favorite are you? I sure as shit am not going to. I’ll take the Jets here.

Carolina Panthers at Detroit Lions (-3, 44)
Coming off their walkoff win over the Patriots, the Panthers have some momentum heading into Detroit. But the Lions are looking legit this year sitting at 3-1 in first place in the NFC North. It seems the Panthers are slowly figuring out the best way to use Christian McCaffrey with Jonathan Stewart together though so I’m taking the Panthers to cover here.

San Francisco 49ers at Indianapolis Colts (-1.5, 43.5)


Tennessee Titans (NL) at Miami Dolphins
No Line for this game, so nothing to see here.

Buffalo Bills at Cincinnati Bengals (-3, 38)
Call me crazy, I’m taking the Bills here. I like Tyrod Taylor to have a big game against the struggling Bengals.

Los Angeles Chargers at New York Giants (-3.5, 44.5)
A battle of two 0-4 teams. Woof. I’ve been picking the Chargers all year and they keep disappointing so its hard to rely on them here. Giants are in the same boat, but with a fully healthy Odell Beckham I think they finally get on the board here. I’ll take the G-Men to cover.

Jacksonville Jaguars at Pittsburgh Steelers (-8.5, 44)
Steelers are pretty big favorites at (-8.5) so thats asking a lot, but it is the Jaguars. I can definitely see Pittsburgh winning by 10. Fournette’s been solid in his first year rushing for 285 yards and 3 TDs, but Big Ben is rolling with Antonio Brown whos got 30 catches for 388 yards and a score. So I’m taking the Steelers to cover the big spread.

Arizona Cardinals at Philadelphia Eagles (-6.5, 45)
Eagles look like they’ve found their QB of the future with Carson Wentz and while I’m still bummed about Short Guy Hall of Famer Darren Sproles going down, Philly is still rolling along. Not a huge fan of old man Carson Palmer, especially with the non-existant run gam post David Johnson, so I’m taking the Eagles to cover.

4 p.m. ET
Seattle Seahawks at Los Angeles Rams (-2.5, 47)
You gotta be shitting me? I know the Rams are off to a 3-1 start, but I refuse to take them as favorites over the Seahawks on a (-2.5) spread. Put some respeck on Seattle’s name. I’m taking Dangeruss and the Seahawks here.


Baltimore Ravens (NL) at Oakland Raiders
Seems to be a lot of No Lines this season, soo nothing to bet on here.

 

Green Bay Packers at Dallas Cowboys (-2, 52.5)
Its hard to bet against the Packers, who are 3-1 on the season going against the 2-2 Cowboys. The Pack just continue to plug and play guys like Aaron Jones and not miss a beat, but I like Dallas here. Feed Zeke all night long and win by a FG, I’ll take the Boys.


Kansas City Chiefs (NL) at Houston Texans
Another game with No Line. Moving on.

Monday, Oct. 9
8:30 p.m. ET


Minnesota Vikings (NL) at Chicago Bears
No reason to watch MNF if theres No Line. Carry on.

Lets Gamble! NFL Week 4

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Week 3 was a rollercoaster with a lot of upsets that I did not see coming (I’m looking at you Denver), but Week 4 is a new day. As always, all of our betting lines are courtesy of the Westgate Las Vegas SuperBook so blame them if the numbers change. Its that time once again to start playing fast and loose with our paychecks. Its Week 4 in the NFL, LETS GO.

Overall Record (14-16)
Last week (6-9)

Thursday, Sept. 28
Chicago Bears at Green Bay Packers (-7, 45.5)
The Bears just keep making me look bad, but I refuse to put my hard earned dollars on Mike Glennon. And I need to see back to back solid games out of Jordan Howard before I trust him. Usually the tired rhetoric about Thursday Night Football is its sloppy, the passing is out of sync and teams lean on their running game. Welp, the Rams and Niners blew that one up last week. So I’m taking the Packers to cover here.

Sunday, Oct. 1
9:30 a.m. ET (at London)
New Orleans Saints (-3, 49.5) vs. Miami Dolphins
I gotta go Saints here. I know they’ve been up and down, but I don’t know if Smokin Jay Cutler and the Dolphins have enough offensive firepower to keep up with the saints. Saints will cover.

1 p.m. ET
Carolina Panthers at New England Patriots (-9, 48.5)
Another big spread for the Pats at (-9) which is a tricky one because the Panthers have been pretty shaky so far this year, but similar to last week against Deshaun Watson, the Pats have historically struggled against mobile QBs. I think its gonna be a game the Pats pull away, but Panthers make it respectable. I got Patriots by 10 to cover.

Los Angeles Rams at Dallas Cowboys (-7.5, 46)
Rams looked great last week putting up 41 points buttt that was on San Francisco. Cowboys gotta win by more than a TD here, whereas the Rams haven’t lost by more than 7 yet this season and have put up 40+ points twice already. But again the competition has been pretty mediocre (Indy, Washington, San Fran) so I’m picking the Cowboys to keep rolling and cover.

Detroit Lions at Minnesota Vikings (no line)
Does Westgate have something against the Vikings? There’s no line for them for the second week in a row.

Tennessee Titans (-1.5, 44) at Houston Texans
Texans could go one of two ways in this game. Defeated and beat down after dropping a game they probably should have won to the Patriots last week or they’ll come firing out of the gates for sticking with the best team in football for 58 minutes last week. I think Deshaun Watson found his groove last week so I’m taking the Texans to cover here.

Jacksonville Jaguars (-3.5, 39.5) at New York Jets
Bet on this game at your own risk. Jags cruised to victory last week, but they’re more of a running team these days and the Jets have a solid D-line if nothing else. Jets surprised me last week with a W over the Dolphins, but I think Fournette and the gang are too much for the Jets here. Jags cover.

Cincinnati Bengals (-3, 40) at Cleveland Browns
Another game I cringe to even put money on, but hey thats what leaders do, they take the ball and they bring their team down the field. Bengals shit the bed last week, but Cleveland cannot be trusted. Bengals cover.

Pittsburgh Steelers (-3, 43.5) at Baltimore Ravens
Ravens had an absolutely embarrassing game last week so they should bounce back. Problem is though, so did the Steelers. After losing in OT to the goddamn Bears, I expect Big Ben and co. to smash the Ravens. Steelers cover.

Buffalo Bills at Atlanta Falcons (-8, 48.5)
Bills are sneaky tied for 1st place in the AFC East and look a lot better than most people thought they would before the season. I think the Bills keep it within a score and cover.

4 p.m. ET
New York Giants at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-3, 44)
This year’s Hard Knocks darlings have yet to beat anyone great yet as their first game got postponed, then they beat the Bears, and then got smoked by the Vikings last week. ODB looks healthy once again, but the Giants are 0-3 and could be reeling so I’m going with the Bucs to cover.

Philadelphia Eagles at Los Angeles Chargers (-1, 47)
Despite being 0-3, the Chargers have had some bad breaks and could easily be 2-1 so I think they’re due, plus it likely will take the Eagles a little while to figure out how to best replace Darren Sproles with Smallwood and others. Chargers are due, I’m picking them to cover.

San Francisco 49ers at Arizona Cardinals (-7, 44.5)
The Niners got blown out in their opener, but then nearly beat Seattle in Week 2, which looking back now seems to have more to do with the Seahawks offensive line than anything. Then they kept it close before losing to the Rams last week. Arizona looks to rebound after an L in Dallas in which Larry Fitzgerald looked 10 years younger. Their running game is still a disaster without David Johnson, but wth Fitz and Jaron Brown stepping up in the receiving core I’m picking the Cardinals to cover.

Oakland Raiders at Denver Broncos (-2.5, 46.5)
This is a heavyweight matchup of AFC playoff teams and the Broncos are favored by a FG. Both teams had disappointing losses last week so everyone’s looking to get back on track. Oakland has been leaning on Marshawn Lynch here early and Denver is one of the worst teams to try and run on so I’m going with the Broncos to cover here.

8:30 p.m. ET
Indianapolis Colts at Seattle Seahawks (-13, 41.5)
God the Colts suck, but a two TD spread is huge for a team thats been struggling offensively. As much as I want to pick the Colts, Russell Wilson looked great last week and if the Seahawks can get him out of the pocket he’ll shred the Colts D. So while I usually hate picking the favorite in huge spreads like this, Dangeruss is looking good, and the Seahawks are at home where they are loud as shit. I’ll take Seattle to cover.

Monday, Oct. 2
Washington Redskins at Kansas City Chiefs (-7, 49.5)
I’m going to continue to roll with the Chiefs who have looked awesome so far this year. Kareem Hunt is scary good and the R-words have yet to really find a groove as guys like Terrell Pryor continue to underwhelm. I got the Chiefs covering here.

Picking Up the Pieces: Gambling NFL Week 3

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Overall Record (14-16)
Last week (8-7)
This week (6-9)

Whats that saying? Fall down 9 times, get up 10? Yea, well sometimes that applies to gambling, especially when you get your dick ripped out on the first game of the week on a backdoor cover. Rebounded nicely from our 0-5 start to finish the week at 6-9. Can’t win em all.

Thursday, Sept. 21
Los Angeles Rams (-2.5, 40) at San Francisco 49ers

Bad beat of the year. I wrote a blog entirely about how badly screwed anyone who took the Rams got on this one.
Our pick: Rams to cover the (-2.5) spread…they won by 2. So thats an L. (0-1)

Sunday, Sept. 24
Baltimore Ravens (-4, 39) vs. Jacksonville Jaguars

What an absolute abortion this game was. Those poor London fans, even when Jacksonville is good they get a shit game. Jags put the smackdown on Flacco and the Ravens, winning 44-7. Yuck.
Our pick: Ravens to cover. Thats an L. (0-2)

Denver Broncos (-3, 40.5) at Buffalo Bills

This is shaping up to be a disaster for gamblers everywhere. Did not see the Broncos folding like they did in this one, especially after how well Trevor Siemian had played the first two games. Bills are now tied for first place in the AFC East.
Our pick: Broncos to cover. Thats an L. (0-3)

New Orleans Saints at Carolina Panthers (-6, 48)

Wrong again dickhead. Despite a 100+ yard receiving game from Christian McCaffrey, the Panthers couldn’t even put two touchdowns up as the Saints cruised to a 34-13 win. Damn.
Our pick: Panthers to cover. Thats an L. (0-4)

Pittsburgh Steelers (-7.5, 45.5) at Chicago Bears

THIS WEDDING IS HORSESHIT. If you picked the Bears to beat the Steelers you are lying and I don’t associate with liars. Bears top Pittsburgh in OT behind Jordan Howards 34 points (on my fantasy bench).
Our pick: Steelers to cover. Thats a big L. (0-5)

Atlanta Falcons (-3, 49) at Detroit Lions

Okay if the Rams game was the bad beat of the year, this is the bad beat of the century IF you bet on the Lions. Thankfully I did not because I would have smashed my TV. Lions got a walkoff TD erased by a questionable replay review and per the rules the cluck had a 10-second runoff leaving the Lions with their dick in their hands at the 1 yard line.
Our pick: Falcons to cover. Thats a W! (1-5)

Cleveland Browns (-1.5, 40) at Indianapolis Colts

Here’s what I said last week: “This is the first game the Browns have been favored to win since 2015! So tread lightly here. But I like what I saw out of rookie receiver Rashard Higgins last week (7 catches, 95 yards) and the Colts are still starting the Patriots 3rd-string QB. While it is with great trepidation, I’m taking the Browns to cover. Well guess what? The Browns did not cover. Shocking, I know. And Rashard Higgins did nothing despite being freshly inserted into my fantasy lineup. Colts won 31-28.
Our pick: Browns to cover. Thats an L. (1-6)

 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Minnesota Vikings (no line)

Westgate had no line on this game. Soo we didn’t bet it.

Houston Texans at New England Patriots (-13, 43.5)

Patriots won 36-33, but as we predicted last week the (-13) spread was way too heavy for the Pats to cover. Here’s what I said last week: “While I told anyone and everyone to bet their house on the Pats routing the Saints last week, I’m not as confident in predicting a blowout here. The Texans defense is legit, especially upfront. And if you’ve been paying attention over the years, these are the types of teams that usually give the Pats trouble (except for last year when Brissett and co. wrecked them). But Pats also have historically struggled with mobile QBs and Deshaun Watson is that dude. So while I think the Pats win, I’m picking the Texans to cover.”
Our pick: Texans to cover. Thats a W. (2-6)

Miami Dolphins (-6, 41.5) at New York Jets

Basically every shit team won this past week, wrecking my bets across the board. The Jets throttled Smokin Jay Cutler and the Dolphins 20-6. Did not see that one coming.
Our pick: Dolphins to cover. Thats an L. (2-7)

New York Giants at Philadelphia Eagles (-6, 43)

Eagles won on a 61 yard FG as time expired, which was a goddamn BOOT. Eagles won, but only by 3 so they didn’t cover the (-6) point spread. What I said last week was “until ODB proves to me he is 100% I’m not picking the Giants because they’re just not that good without him. Plus Carson Wentz is playing well and Darren Sproles continues to be the most spry 34-year-old running back I’ve ever seen.” ODB looks to be back to his old self as he was scoring TDs and pretending to piss like a dog and I just jinxed Sproles who broke his arm AND tore his ACL on the SAME PLAY. What a disaster of a week.
Our pick: Eagles to cover. Thats an L. (2-8)

Seattle Seahawks at Tennessee Titans (-3, 43)

While the Seahawks seemingly are on the way back to being a solid offense again, the Titans topped them 33-27. I would like to just point out that even though I picked this game correctly, I also benched Russell Wilson on my fantasy team. And of course I lost because Dangeruss had 45 points on my bench. Goddamnit.
Our pick: Titans to cover. Thats a W. (3-8)

Cincinnati Bengals at Green Bay Packers (-9, 44.5)

Nailed this one. Packers won 27-24 “The Bengals are a walking disaster right now. Andy Dalton is having the worst start of his career and Tyler Eifert is back into injury purgatory (is he hurt? is he not?) so Cincy is a tough pick. The Packers don’t look like world beaters either though with Rodgers throwing a ton of shitty passes while under duress last week. Is Green Bay (-9) points better than Cincy? I say no, I think its a closer game than that as both teams are struggling. Bengals cover.”
Our pick: Bengals to cover. Thats a W. (4-8)

 

Kansas City Chiefs (-3, 46) at Los Angeles Chargers

DING DING DING. I may not get em all right, but when I tell you to put big bucks down, you better be listening. “The Chiefs are rolling, put some big bucks down on them to cover this week…I think KC is one of the best bets of the week to cover.”
Our pick: Chiefs to cover. Thats a W. (5-8)

 

Oakland Raiders (-3, 54) at Washington Redskins

Whoops. Raiders ate a bag of dicks in this game and the R-words got back on track as they topped Oakland 27-10. What is happening in the NFL this week?
Our pick: Raiders to cover. Thats an L. (5-9)

Monday, Sept. 25
Dallas Cowboys (-3, 47) at Arizona Cardinals

At least the Cowboys showed up in primetime to take care of business, despite a fantasy no-show from Cole Beasley, complete with hilarious response. Dak, Zeke and Dez all looked great. Money won is always sweeter than money earned.
Our pick: Cowboys cover. Thats a W. (6-9)

Lets Gamble! NFL Week 3

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As always, all of our betting lines are courtesy of Westgate so blame them if the numbers change. Its that time once again to start playing fast and loose with our paychecks. Its Week 3 in the NFL, LETS GO.

Overall Record (8-7)
Last week (8-7)

Thursday, Sept. 21
Los Angeles Rams (-2.5, 40) at San Francisco 49ers

Bet this one at your own risk because this has all the makings of an ugly game. But if I HAVE to make a pick, I’m going with the Rams to cover. Goff has looked decent and Cooper Kupp looks like the next young white slot receiver. Its crazy how one goes out (Edelman) and another immediately takes its place, like a goddamn snake.

Sunday, Sept. 24
9:30 a.m. ET (at London)
Baltimore Ravens (-4, 39) vs. Jacksonville Jaguars

SUNDAY MORNING FOOTBALL IS BACK! Bloodys and bacon for kickoff. I LOVE London football because it means there are games on from when I wake up until when I go to bed. Sure, its a shitshow for the teams playing, but hey as long as its not my team. Jacksonville looked good Week 1 and then looked like shit in Week 2. I think that trend probably continues, especially so far from home. I’m taking the Ravens to cover here.

1 p.m. ET
Denver Broncos (-3, 40.5) at Buffalo Bills

The Broncos have looked excellent thus far as they shut down the high powered Cowboys and Ezekiel Elliott last week. They also look like they’ve stumbled onto something with Trevor Siemian under center, throwing four TDs last week. And as much as I love Tyrod Taylor, he’s throwing to a bunch of bums and rookies out there when Charles Clay isn’t catching it. Shady McCoy is still a beast, but I think the Broncos take it to the Bills in Buffalo and cover.

New Orleans Saints at Carolina Panthers (-6, 48)

The Panthers barely got out of Week 2 alive, topping the Bills 9-3, so they’re not exactly firing on all cylinders. The Saints meanwhile are plagued by a swiss cheese defense for what feels like every year since they won the Super Bowl. Cam Newtons been getting banged up, but I think they still have enough to cover over the Saints.

Pittsburgh Steelers (-7.5, 45.5) at Chicago Bears

Bears are a dogshit football team and I cannot advise picking them in any situation outside of them playing the Jets or Browns. Antonio Brown, Leveon Bell, Martavis Bryant? Steelers roll.

Atlanta Falcons (-3, 49) at Detroit Lions

This will be an interesting game to watch. Atlanta got back on track against Green Bay last week and the Lions took it to the Giants on MNF. (-3) isn’t a huge favorite, which is why I’m going with the Falcons to cover. Remember, Detroit beat up on a NYG with a super limited Odell Beckham. Plus they murdered the Giants’ punter too.

Cleveland Browns (-1.5, 40) at Indianapolis Colts

This is the first game the Browns have been favored to win since 2015! So tread lightly here. But I like what I saw out of rookie receiver Rashard Higgins last week (7 catches, 95 yards) and the Colts are still starting the Patriots 3rd-string QB. While it is with great trepidation, I’m taking the Browns to cover.

 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Minnesota Vikings (no line)

Westgate had no line on this game. Cool.

Houston Texans at New England Patriots (-13, 43.5)

Jesus christ, another gigantic spread for the Pats to cover. Heavy lies the crown I guess. While I told anyone and everyone to bet their house on the Pats routing the Saints last week, I’m not as confident in predicting a blowout here. The Texans defense is legit, especially upfront. And if you’ve been paying attention over the years, these are the types of teams that usually give the Pats trouble (except for last year when Brissett and co. wrecked them). But Pats also have historically struggled with mobile QBs and Deshaun Watson is that dude. So while I think the Pats win, I’m picking the Texans to cover.

Miami Dolphins (-6, 41.5) at New York Jets

Theres no sugar coating it, the Jets are a brutal team to watch. They put up a decent fight in the first half last week against Oakland before getting stomped out in the second half. But I have very little faith in them week to week. I could see them staying with the Dolphins, but Smokin Jay Cutler looked very efficient last week and Miami’s run game is legit. So I’m picking the Dolphins to cover.

New York Giants at Philadelphia Eagles (-6, 43)

The Giants will continue to be an enigma until Odell Beckham is healthy and right, which who knows when that could be. Like I said last week, until ODB proves to me he is 100% I’m not picking the Giants because they’re just not that good without him. Plus Carson Wentz is playing well and Darren Sproles continues to be the most spry 34-year-old running back I’ve ever seen.

4 p.m. ET
Seattle Seahawks at Tennessee Titans (-3, 43)

The Seahawks offense is rip your hair out frustrating right now as the offensive line is a goddamn sieve. So until that shit improves, Russell looks like Dangeruss again (and saves my fantasy season) and someone takes that RB job (looking at you Chris Carson) then I’m not too confident picking the Hawks. For that reason I’ll go with the Titans and the Duck to cover.

Cincinnati Bengals at Green Bay Packers (-9, 44.5)

The Bengals are a walking disaster right now. Andy Dalton is having the worst start of his career and Tyler Eifert is back into injury purgatory (is he hurt? is he not?) so Cincy is a tough pick. The Packers don’t look like world beaters either though with Rodgers throwing a ton of shitty passes while under duress last week. Is Green Bay (-9) points better than Cincy? I say no, I think its a closer game than that as both teams are struggling. Bengals cover.

Kansas City Chiefs (-3, 46) at Los Angeles Chargers

The Chiefs are rolling, put some big bucks down on them to cover this week. Unless of course the Chargers miss another game winning kick and lose by 2…BUT I think KC is one of the best bets of the week to cover.

8:30 p.m. ET
Oakland Raiders (-3, 54) at Washington Redskins

Taking Oakland all day, especially with how disappointing Kirk Cousins and the R-words have been thus far. Derek Carr and Marshawn will have a day against Washington so I’m picking da Raiders to cover.

Monday, Sept. 25
Dallas Cowboys (-3, 47) at Arizona Cardinals

The Boys are back in prime time and after a beatdown by the Broncos last week look for Zeke, who had a disastrous game against Denver, to get the rock early and often here. Dallas needs that to help keep the pressure of Dak and avoid the dumb INTs. Cowboys cover.