This song is like a fastball; don’t think just throw. The beat and production on this are so sick that it’s best not to overthink it here. Just turn the volume up as loud as possible and let this track do its thing. Oh and a feature from my dude Aminé never hurts.
TechCrunch – In what was one of the more surreal product launches I’ve seen, Tesla debuted its $39,900 Cybertruck pickup tonight. After running through some specs and hitting the truck’s door with a sledge hammer, Elon asked an on-stage companion (Tesla’s lead designer, Franz von Holzhausen) to demonstrate the strength of the Tesla “Armor Glass” by throwing a solid metal, baseball-sized ball at the driver side window…So they tried it again on the rear passenger window… and it cracked too. “Room for improvement,” Musk says with a shrug….”We’ll fix it in post,” he followed up with a laugh then moved on to talking about the car’s suspension. The video went private on Tesla’s YouTube channel about 30 seconds after the live stream was over.
“Oh my fucking god.” – Elon Musk
I literally laughed out loud at my desk watching this GIF. Sure this “truck” might be indestructible, it might have windows made of adamantium, but why even take that chance when you’re up on stage and streaming live to millions? The first version of everything is usually garbage. My first iPhone was an iPhone 4. I’m on the 6s now and the thing still got smashed.
Musk might be spending too much time with Joe Rogan if he thought his spaceship car could take a paper weight off the driver’s window.
The only time a new car presentation has gone worse was when Homer Simpson designed the piece of shit that put his brother out of business.
TechCrunch – Tesla is moving all of its sales online, a dramatic shift in its sales strategy that will result in the closure of stores and some layoffs as the automaker looks for ways to reduce costs in order to bring a cheaper Model 3 to market.
Tesla CEO Elon Musk didn’t say how many stores would close. He noted that some stores would remain and turn into information centers and showrooms. The company didn’t provide specific numbers on how many retail employees might be affected.
Goddamnit, I was just about to go to the mall and buy a Tesla too. In all seriousness though, have you ever actually met anyone that drives a Tesla? I see them plugged into random parking garages around town, but I’ve never actually met someone that drives one.
Come to think of it, the only place I ever really see Teslas is in those absurd showrooms in ritzy malls. Like I’m just going to be walking from Auntie Anne’s Pretzels to Lids and I’m going to stop and say ya know what, I should buy a car. Preposterous.
Just a ridiculous idea really, but I guess they are more so using the Apple model. Apple knows these gigantic showrooms cannot possibly be ROI positive, despite how expensive some of these iPhones have become. No, they’re thinking more longterm than that because they’re evil geniuses. How many kids do you see going into every Apple store playing with all the new iPhones, Apple Watches, and whatever other gadgets they put out? They’re basically just planting a seed in these kids’ brains so when they do come of age and have some disposable income they are already Apple disciples and they don’t even know why. McDonalds did that for decades with those gigantic play places.
Marketing is a trip, huh?
PS – When I was in Buffalo last year I was driving around the industrial part of town and stumbled upon the Tesla factory and it looks like the goddamn Avengers Headquarters. Just a massive building putting together technology I don’t understand in the absolute middle of nowhere.
So in this game, we are going to take a headline that smashes two stories into one like a freshman (or 29 year old blogger) with whiskey dick. Our first contestant, from Yahoo:
“Elon Musk revives claim that Thai cave rescue here is a “pedo” after denying he cried in interview“
Well now. Having fun yet? So there are really three stories here, as a special surprise for our first round. The stories are a.)Elon Musk, fuckhead extraordinaire, called the guy who rescued the kids from that cave in Thailand b.)He already had called said hero diver a pedo, but no one listened because of his extraordinary fuckheadedness, so he yelled it again from the rooftops c.)O and he got called out for crying in an interview so added that he in fact, had not cried.
We’ll pause so you can guess what transpired. Ready?
Soooo I breezed through the story because I am STEADFAST to our readers (Hi Mr. and Mrs. Z!) that I refuse to do research. But it would seem all of this went down on twitter and Yahoo has sort of just summed up a day of his 280 character word vomit. He actually brought the crying thing up first. I guess the New York Times said while being interviewed he began crying over not being able to see his kids enough. Naturally, this segued into, “speaking of kids, remember that fucking creepy hero diver guy?!”
First of all my guy, some kids lost in a cave in a 3rd world country is old news the day after their rescued. I don’t think they were even on Oprah and I’m pretty sure she even interviewed the raft Elian floated over on. 2nd of all to categorically deny missing your kids is just unecessary. I get you need to hold up your robot reputation, but as the real Jeffrey Lebowski once said, strong men do cry.
The 300s 