Tag: NFL

Pour One Out for Patriots Great Vince Wilfork Who Retired Today

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Leave it to the big man to retire doing the only thing he loves more than football; grilling and dancing.

“No more cleats, I’m moving on to smoked meats”

I’m gonna need a pair of No. 75 Wilfork overalls. Rompers are out. Overalls are in.

But seriously, round of applause to Big Vince for an outstanding career with the Patriots. A 325 pounder with the baby soft hands of a wide receiver.

Guy was an absolute ANIMAL on the field…

…and a teddy bear off of it.

Wilfork went from a 1st round pick to starting in the Super Bowl his rookie year  to underrated D-Lineman to the undisputed best nose tackle in the game to the wise veteran to the Grill Master you see today. We’ll miss ya Vince. Now CUE THE HIGHLIGHTS

Coming Soon – A Football Life: Wes Welker LETS GOOO

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ESPN – NFL Network announced its lineup for the popular “A Football Life” series in 2017, and the name that jumps off the page from a Patriots perspective is receiver Wes Welker. His story is scheduled to air Oct. 6. When the Patriots traded for him in 2007, giving up a second- and seventh-round pick, the initial reaction of some was that it was a lot to give up for a slot receiver. All Welker did was go on to catch 672 passes for 7,459 yards and 37 touchdowns from 2007 to 2012.

As a Patriots fan I am JACKED UP, but even as a casual football fan you have got to be excited for this. One of the best stories of the past decade in the NFL. An undrafted free agent in 2004 that played sparingly for the Chargers and Dolphins before landing with the Patriots. He also has the most receptions by any undrafted player in NFL history.

I think because of how great Julian Edelman has been and how much success the Patriots have had post-Welker (2 Super Bowl titles) people forget just how great Welker was for the Pats. He led the league in catches in 2007, 2009 and 2011. He’s also the Patriots all-time leader in receptions. The guy came out of nowhere in another example of a classic Bill Belichick diamond in the rough, highway robbery trade.

Basically a special teams player for most of his career, Belichick picked up Wes Welker before the 2007 season for a 2nd and 7th round draft pick. And let me tell you, I was fucking fired up for that trade. Belichick is notorious for trading for guys that roast him head to head. Wes Welker did that in spades. In Week 5 of 2006 as a little known receiver for the Dolphins, Welker had 9 catches for 77 yards against the Pats. Nothing thats going to have a plaque in Canton, but he also returned 4 kickoffs (25 yards avg per return) and also fielded 2 punts (avg 9 yards per return). This guy could do it all, which as we all know Belichick lives for guys like that. It was the same with Troy Brown and then later on with Edelman (who even played cornerback). So Bill plucked the guy out of Miami and all he did was catch 672 balls for 7,459 yards with 37 TD from 2007 to 2012. Not to mention 112 catches for 1,100+ yards and 8 TDs in his first year with the Pats in 07 as part of the greatest offense the NFL has ever seen.

So get excited for another great A Football Life and pull your 83 jerseys out.

PS – If you still blame Welker for that “drop” in the second Giants Super Bowl you’re an asshole. I love Tom Brady, but that was an overthrown ball. And yes, having two more SB wins since then (5 total if you’re counting) helps make that clear analysis easier.

Smokin Jay Cutler is Back!

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You thought this guy was going to go quietly into the night? I don’t think so. Not if there’s a $10 million offer on the table from the Miami Dolphins. I think Jay Cutler is a better QB than he’s ever gotten credit for, but I also think his biggest problem has always been perception. He looks like a guy that does not give a shit and doesn’t really want to play. Whether thats actually true or not nobody except maybe Kristin Cavallari knows, but hey perception is reality.

Which is why Cutler signing with the Dolphins is very interesting. Its the best team he’s been on, at least offensively, in years plus its in the warm and comfortable city of Miami. Maybe he puts the Menthols down for a few months and has a mini career resurgence a la Kurt Warner in Arizona. Or maybe he collects $10 Million to half-ass a season before going into the FOX booth.

Cutler started his career off as a promising young QB, then became salty as fuck when new Denver coach Josh McDaniels tried to trade him for Matt Cassel, forced a trade, landed with the Bears, played pretty well there for a couple of years with Brandon Marshall, then the team started to get worse before bottoming out last year and becoming a complete dumpster fire. Add all that to the fact that Chicago is a miserably cold city during the football season and I can see how Smokin Jay Cutler was born.

BUT, Cutler’s also only thrown for 4,000+ yards once in a season, and thrown 25+ TDs 3 times in 10 years. For a quick AFC East comparison, Tom Brady has thrown for 4,000+ yards 8 different times and has thrown 25+ TDs 12 times in his career. So Tom Brady he is not.

But the Dolphins don’t really need him to be. They just need him to be similar, if not better, than the level of production they were getting out of Ryan Tannehill. I think its a pretty safe bet to assume most Dolphins fans are pretty lukewarm on Tannehill. He’s been good, not great. He hasn’t made the jump to a top tier QB like most hoped he would. Again for comparisons sake, Tannehill has thrown for 4,000+ yards twice in five years and thrown 25+ TDs just once in his career. His career completion percentage of 62.7 is just a tick higher than Cutler’s 61.9. Tannehill is more mobile, but the difference is not as much as you would think. The last four years Tannehill has rushed for 164, 141, 311, 238 and 211 yards (4.9 Yards per Attempt for his career) with 6 TDs. In that same timespan Cutler has rushed for 24 (limited to 5 games by injury), 201, 191, 118, and 233 (4.5 Yards per Attempt for his career) with 3 TDs. So not a huge difference.

My point is the Dolphins aren’t completely and totally fucked. Cutler is not Tom Brady, but he’s better than most people think.

Okay, okay, you want to see how he stacks up against the most famous free agent QB ever in Colin Kaepernick too? Despite his gazelle like speed, Kaepernick “only” averages 6.1 Yards per Rushing Attempt. People remember those who huge runs in the playoffs a few years back and it skews perception. In the 2012 playoffs he rushed for 264 yards and in the 2013 playoffs he rushed for 243 yards and 4 total TDs, which is 9.9 Yards per Attempt). Overall though? Not that much better. Not so much better you want to deal with bitchy questions from everyone holding a microphone for the next 6 months. His passing stats? Career completion percentage of 59.8 (lower than both Cutler and Tannehill). He’s never thrown for 4,000+ yards. He’s never thrown for 3,500+ yards. Never threw 25+ TDs, he’s only topped 20 once. Kaepernick obviously has a much smaller sample size of games started than Cutler, but those are the numbers guys.

So if anything the Dolphins will be interesting to watch, assuming Jay Cutler wants to do more than just collect a paycheck. But if he truly just wanted to snake another check, Cutler could have signed with the Jets months ago. Maybe he sees a legit opportunity here with Miami. The Patriots have had the AFC East on lock for a while now so its not like they will suddenly contend for the division. But similar to the Vikings getting Sam Bradford last year, except much better because Miami didn’t have to give up a FIRST round draft pick to get Cutler, brining in a solid, veteran QB probably keeps them in contention for a Wild Card spot. Smokin Jay Cutler is back indeed.

Time is a Flat Circle: Tom Brady Has Five Goats

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So apparently the Patriots are celebrating Tom Brady’s 40th birthday today by trotting out a mini heard of goats rocking TB12 jerseys. Because what else do you get the man that has everything?

But more importantly, if you’re anything like me and my friends, you’ve obsessively watched every single Tom Brady documentary there is, but most of all The Brady 6. One of the funniest lines of that entire documentary is the gigantic FUCK YOU that ESPN gives to that scrub Giovanni Carmazzi, who the 49ers took over Brady. “……he has five goats.”

And now years later, on his 40th birthday, after his 5th Super Bowl championship, Tom Brady also has 5 goats.

Jonathan Stewart Just Won NFL Training Camp With His Oregon Ducks Themed Audi

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As an Oregon Ducks fan (This is on you, Boston College) Jonathan Stewart’s newest car legit has me sweaty and short of breath. And not in the fat guy climbing stairs kind of way. That car is so money. And I love that J-Stew went for the even uglier Oregon color scheme and design of his heyday rather than the more recent neon and chrome color scheme.

Its even got the absurd attention to detail that Phil Knight’s favorite school is so fond of like the duck wings on the goddamn mirrors.

Impeccable. The little yellow touch with DUCKS on the door handles is phenomenal as well.

Now hopefully Stewart can get another one of these for the Ducks to illegally bribe a 5-star QB recruit with because Oregon has been absolutely awful under center since Mariota left school to turn pro. Vernon Adams, who plays in the CFL now, was the best they’ve had but he was a short term solution for a team that suddenly finds itself back in the dark, pre-Mariota days without any known commodity heading into 2017. Look good, feel good, play good. Ducks are halfway there.

The Broncos Stadium Still Doesn’t Have A Name, Let’s Take A Crack At It

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Broncos still haven’t re-sold stadium naming rights

So the Sports Authority, much like Blockbuster and countless other brick and mortar stores before, went out of business fairly recently due to it being completely obsolete. This is an issue for the Denver Broncos as Sports Authority had the naming rights to the Broncos stadium, which they now obviously can’t pay, thus rendering the stadium nameless. Now Denver has a large chunk of lost revenue they are sitting on as they still haven’t inked a new deal with another entity to name the stadium after. Let’s give them a hand!

1.) Alphabet Field

Soon enough Google and it’s parent company are going to run the world via a search engine-centric version of the Hunger Games universe so why not just stop resisting now? Anyone coming in or out can be scanned for everything they like and dislike, can be implanted with a GPS tracking chip (anyone with a mustache can’t get a home loan anywhere near a school, that sort of idea), and maybe the folks in Silicon Valley can even pick mates for us “The Giver” style. It’s called fucking evolution people. (Elon Musk is going to be super mad he didn’t think of this).

2.) Backpage.com Stadium

I’m actually a pretty big proponent of legalizing prostitution. It’s simple really. If people got laid more they’d be less angry and less apt to do some of the more crazy, irrational shit we see on the news ever day. To that end lets make it easier for those who have trouble finding a partner for the horizontal tango by allowing them to rent one. Backpage, completely off the official record mind you, seems to be the go to place to find a hooker these days so let’s take the first step and name a stadium after it, get the word out there. C’mon Denver, you’re a progressive city.

3.) Pot Field

Ya I mean I really don’t have a joke here. Nothing clever. They’ve all been made. Colorado just loves weed.

4.) Vegan-Crossfit Stadium

This is the best of the bunch in my opinion, maybe the best idea I’ve ever had, period. Slap this name on the stadium. Offer tofu burgers and kale and shit to eat and dead-lift stations instead of VIP clubs and bars. Then when all of those obnoxious fucking people who don’t shut the fuck up about biologically flawed lifestyle choices enter the stadium and sit down for the game, we lock the fucking doors. Forever. Don’t starve them, don’t torture them. Feed them. Allow them to be. Allow them to thrive. Just nowhere near mainstream society.

So that’s it. Four ideas of what to name the Broncos stadium. Get this to John Elway.

Rebuttal: I Could Give A Fuck About the Patriots Going 19-0

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Not going to try and make this a PhD thesis about the New England Patriots and their upcoming season, I am going to simply state I strongly disagree with my editor’s opinion (although I respect his right to it cause we’re buds 🙂 ) and give a few reasons why.

A 19-0 season is like an awesome upcoming party that you have to throw. I’m guessing it’s like planning your wedding. That night things are probably going to go great and it’s going to be best night of your life blahblahblah but putting it altogether and paying for it sucks, from what I’ve heard. Sure, it would be great to go undefeated. It’d be cool. But as a fan the stress and strain of winning week in and week out in the National Football League for 16 weeks is a grind. I honestly hate it. I feel like a lot of people, and this does not include Dougie, don’t get that just because the Pats make it look easy sometimes doesn’t mean it is. They are still playing highly trained super-athletes every single week.  Every early season loss for me comes with 5 minutes of despair followed by the epiphany of “thank God we got that out of the way”.

I also think that in the grand scheme of things 19-0 is a bit arbitrary. It would be awesome, sure. However there is a reason no one talks about the team we put together in 07′ that was only the second team to ever go undefeated in the regular season and the first to go 16-0: we lost the big one. In other words, The Super Bowl is all that really matters. We’ve won that going 11-5. We’ve lost that going 14-2. Let’s just get there and then let’s win it.

So that’s really it, my rebuttal. I guess I’m not about the glitz and the glam. I don’t care about superfluous records. I’m looking for more hardware.

Out Of 202 Studied, 177 Football Players Had CTE

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JamaNetwork – In a convenience sample of 202 deceased players of American football from a brain donation program, CTE was neuropathologically diagnosed in 177 players across all levels of play (87%), including 110 of 111 former National Football League players (99%).

So you might have seen this startling, extremely disconcerting news come out yesterday. Some scientists did a study where they tested 202 brains taken from deceased former football players, across all levels of play. Out of those 202, 177 were diagnosed as having chronic traumatic encephalopathy, or CTE. The study defines CTE as “progressive neurodegeneration associated with repetitive head trauma” and I like that definition because even for science-stupid people like me it’s easy to digest. Basically if you get hit in the head over and over again your brain and neurological functions are apt to, well, degenerate. Fall apart, in other words.

A lot of people are putting a ton of emphasis on the NFL aspect, which is even more eye opening. Out of 111 brains tested from former NFL players, 110 were diagnosed with CTE. 110/111. 99%. If you ever watched an NFL game, there were a total of 106 players you could have possibly seen play. Think about that long and hard. Just mind blowing stuff.

Honestly though? I’m a little more concerned with the still extremely high rate (about 74% if I’m doing my math right) of CTE found in non-pro players. Men who went on to other careers and lives that just got the short end of the stick and probably had no idea what was going on with them. Imagine not even considering your high school glory days when you’re wondering why you can’t remember what you had for breakfast or why you got so mad at the dog?

Maybe the worse part of all this is you really can’t test for CTE in a living person. It has to be looked for in a brain, extracted from a dead person. You can’t know until it is way too late to do anything about it. I also think about the other misunderstandings regarding CTE, one in particular. Look again at the definition. See that word “repetitive”. A lot of people think CTE comes from taking a handful of huge shots, and that certainly does not help, at all. I’m sure we all saw that image of Luke Kuechly crying on the back of that stretcher and thought “fuck that can’t be good”. In reality, it doesn’t take a big pop. The term “punch drunk” comes from boxers with what is now known as CTE who maybe or maybe not got knocked out a ton but got jabbed and countered and hit even with pillow-fisted crosses over and over again, fight after fight. And those shots added up. Remember Muhammed Ali’s arm shaking as he lit the torch at the 96′ Olympic games in Atlanta? I do.

Put all this together and I really start to reflect. I played hockey from 5 to about 15, I played rugby in college, and now I kickbox ,very subparly. I have friends who followed similar recreational paths. I know Dougie played Lacrosse and now does BJJ, a sport from which a headbutt-induced concussion plagues former UFC Lightweight #1 Contender T.J Grant to this day. 4 years later. So what do we do? Do we stop participating in any of these activities? Do we not teach them to our kids? If not what the fuck do we teach our kids? I have no idea. I just know 110/111 or 177/202 aren’t good odds.

I Am Offended at the Lack of Patriots Fans That Want to Go for 19-0

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It seems like the topic du jour around the local sports media is whether the Patriots can realistically (or should even attempt it) go a perfect 19-0. Except there seems to be less people talking about if they can do it and more people just straight up refusing to talk about it and saying its stupid to do so. USA Today thinks its doable. But basically every other media personality wants no part of it.

As a Patriots fan, the lack of people that want to go for 19-0 personally offends me.

Guys, I know it brings up bad memories. We almost had it in 2007. It was in the palms of our hands, less than 2 minutes to go and the 07 Patriots would be crowned the greatest team of all time.

If Asante Samuel makes that interception. If David Tyree plays like the insurance salesman he really is, if Rodney Harrison somehow jars that ball lose from his fucking helmet, if the refs actually called holding on the Giants offensive line on that play. The list goes on and on.

That shit used to kill me. Used to. But I noticed something recently. The 07 Super Bowl highlights come on….and I watch them. It doesn’t make me physically ill anymore. I can watch those clips and say ah man that sucked, without smashing a pint glass off my wall like I would have done a few years ago. Winning two Super Bowls since then goes a looong way in healing that pain. Brady’s 5-2 in the SB for christ’s sake. That will always be the most painful loss of my life. I was a freshman in college and my direct roommate was a Giants fan, not to mention half my hallway. So losing in that fashion, surrounded by that many Giants fans in neutral territory as a young, inebriated boyish man, that was a tough pill to swallow.

But like I said, one of the greatest Super Bowls EVER against Seattle with the Malcolm Butler pick to seal the W was cathartic; the greatest comeback of all time against the Falcons in 2016 gave us all our swagger back. You can’t say shit to us. You can’t hurt us.

The Patriots have 5 Super Bowl rings, Tom Brady is a 2x MVP, a 4x Super Bowl MVP, he had one of his greatest seasons ever during the Deflategate saga, and then was suspended the following year only to come back, tear it up and win another fucking Super Bowl. Belichick and Brady are the. Greatest. Of. All. Time. So…what do you get the men who have everything? The only thing left. Perfection

Its the ultimate. Its the only thing left that the Patriots don’t have. And there will always be the Felgers of the world saying we as Patriots fans all have a persecution complex (is it paranoid if its true though?) and theres nothing left to prove. But, tell someone they can’t do something or don’t need something and what do they want? Exactly. We’ve conquered the AFC East, we’ve conquered fan bases in St. Louis, Carolina, Philadelphia, Seattle, and Atlanta, we’ve taken on the league and the commissioner himself and come out with one for the thumb. TB12 is 40 years old and playing better than anyone has ever played the position. Minneaposix™ is the goal, but 19-0 will always be the ultimate.

PS – Plus if the Pats do go 19-0 I can get my fucking t-shirts back stateside.