Tag: NFL

This Kid NAILS Impressions of Mel Kiper, Colin Cowherd, and Nick Saban

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Legitimately laughed out loud when I heard this spot on Mel Kiper Jr. impression. This guy just nails the idiosyncrasies of Kiper that we’ve all been hearing on ESPN for the past 20 years without even realizing it.

The Colin Cowherd impression is pretty good, but its the delivery and the content of the clip that really brings it home. Cowherd LOVES dragging guys that wear their hats backwards for some reason.

Spot on impression of Nick Saban, who is the only football coach more irritable and pissed off to have to talk about football than Bill Belichick

The XFL is Recruiting a Massive Free Agent: Guy Fieri

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Everybody knows that Guy Fieri is a taste maker plain and simple. The man has gone through the black hole of pop culture and come out on the other side only more popular. A guy that became famous for his wacky personality and bleach blonde hair on a Food Network TV show was ripe to be mocked in the age of twitter. Except he sort of owned it and because of that has endeared himself to the entire internet. Seriously, he’s even getting his own Funko POP figure!

And now the entire XFL is out hunting to secure Guy Fieri as the celebrity face of their franchise.

It’s part social media marketing, part legitimate business growth strategy; the guy has incredible visibility. I’ve seen him on TV at the NBA All-Star game and the Super Bowl in the last month alone. He’s even best buds with one Julian Edelman.

Plus who doesn’t love crushing a few eps of Triple D on a lazy Sunday afternoon?

By sharing and retweeting basically any meme out there about him, Guy Fieri has gone meta and come out more popular than ever. If marketing is about branding then Guy Fieri a marketing master because people know him and they know exactly what he’s about.

It’s actually a strategy Mike Bloomberg is now throwing his money behind in an attempt to become the next viral presidential candidate.

Who knew the key to the XFL’s success may have been hiding in Flavortown all along?

Nick Caserio is Staying With the Patriots Despite Months of Rumors

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ESPN – Longtime Patriots director of player personnel Nick Caserio is closing on a contract extension with the club, a source confirmed to ESPN. Caserio’s contract is set to expire after the 2020 draft, and head coach Bill Belichick has cited his dual role in personnel and coaching as a “great asset” to the organization. Caserio, 44, has played a central role in drafting and signing players under Belichick, while also contributing to the coaching staff as a regular presence at practice and in the coaches’ booth during games.

After all the drama and rumors of Nick Caserio potentially leaving town to go work for the Texans, he probably saw Houston promote Bill O’Brien to Coach/GM and had a come to Jesus moment. Wait, I wanna go *there*?

This wasn’t just some media concocted story either, the Patriots literally filed tampering charges against the Texans last offseason. The former Patriots priest or character coach or whatever you want to call him Jack Easterby left the team because Robert Kraft may have allegedly gotten some hand stuff done to him. Easterby then got a job with the Texans alongside fellow former Patriot Bill O’Brien, which the Pats were “livid” about. Then Easterby came back for the Patriots Super Bowl ring ceremony over the summer and allegedly tried to poach Nick Caserio to come be the GM/Executive VP for the Texans. IN ROBERT KRAFT’S OWN BACKYARD. The Texans even went as far as to fire their own GM the day after that party and then requested to interview Caserio three days later.

So this is great news for New England with all the turnover this team has had over the past year and thats before we even get to the uncertainty around Tom Brady. We’ve seen Joe Judge, Brian Flores, Matt Patricia, and Bill O’Brien all leave the team in recent years. Although a lot of former Patriots coaches and executives have gone on to less than stellar results, sometimes stability is a valuable asset. Not to mention Caserio has done everything in this organization and is one of the few, if only, executives in the NFL that has a hand in coaching and is on the headset on game day. I would expect a new title as he’s been the Director of Player Personnel since 2008, but I suppose a generous raise may do the job.

Miss Football Already? Well the XFL Kicks Off This Weekend!

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Two long years since its announcement, Vince McMahon is finally set to unveil yet another football league to compete with complement the NFL. Unlike the AAF, which flamed out in spectacular fashion, the XFL at least has the benefit of not competing directly with the NFL by kicking off after the Super Bowl.

The first XFL commercial I’ve seen has been *extremely* generous in it’s description of the talent playing in the league. With a roster led by the likes of former Ohio State QB Cardale “We didn’t come here to play school” Jones

and Connor Cook, who’s best known for unceremoniously snatching the Big Ten Championship game MVP trophy.

Not exactly the stuff of fantasy football dreams so expectations need to be tempered.

I will say however, I am pretty excited for some of the rule tweaks the XFL will utilize. Most of the rulebook is the same just with a focus on speeding up the game. There are a few minor tweaks like moving back the kickoffs and eliminating extra point attempts, but the biggest rule tweak I’m most excited for is the double forward pass.

Yup, something that is not legal in any level of football and would even get you flagged in a pickup football game is about to, hopefully, become a staple in XFL playbooks. Just think of the possibilities if you’re a team running the RPO with the ability to then throw a double forward pass. My mouth is watering just thinking of the ridiculous plays we’ll see on SportsCenter Twitter.

I think the biggest selling point for the league is actually this: what the hell else are you doing on Saturday afternoon? The XFL schedule will play two games each on Saturday and Sunday for the next 10 weeks until the playoffs start, assuming the league has not gone out of business by that point. If nothing else this makes for great day drinking background noise at worst and an entertaining 90 minutes at best.

I’ll give it a shot.

Ian Rapoport: Patriots Willing to Pay Tom Brady More Than $30 Million per Year

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NFL.com – The Patriots are intent on keeping Brady, obviously, believing he has one or two good years left. They are willing, sources say, to pay him in excess of $30 million per year to keep him in New England — a significant commitment that would bring his salary more in line with other elite QBs.

That would help, but it may not be all. If Brady is going to return, he wants to see the team spend on some weapons…Another potential factor for Brady is his TB12 workout facility. Brady wants to continue the routine that has kept him upright and agile throughout the years, and a new team being willing to incorporate TB12 into their footprint would help. The Chargers — who will share a stadium with the Rams — would have that capability.

The Patriots wanting to keep Tom Brady is not Earth shattering news, but Ian Rapoport reporting they’re willing to pay “in excess of $30 Million a year” to keep him certainly is. As more rumored landing spots continue to pop up, I started to mentally prepare myself for Brady getting an offer of 3 years for $90M from another team only for the Pats to counter with 1 year for $25M and that being the end of it. I just cannot see Belichick and the Patriots being reluctant to pay Brady top of the market money for years, only to relent now as he heads into his age 43 season.

Since 2007 when Brady won his first MVP award, he has been paid anywhere from $8 Million – $23 Million per year while only topping $20M once, which came last year. Meanwhile, here are the guys who made more than Brady in AAV last year alone:

  • Seahawks QB Russell Wilson: $35 million
  • Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger: $34 million
  • Packers QB Aaron Rodgers: $33.5 million
  • Eagles QB Carson Wentz: $32 million
  • Falcons QB Matt Ryan: $30 million
  • Vikings QB Kirk Cousins: $28 million
  • 49ers QB Jimmy Garoppolo: $27.5 million
  • Lions QB Matthew Stafford: $27 million
  • Raiders QB Derek Carr: $25 million
  • Saints QB Drew Brees: $25 million
  • Colts QB Andrew Luck: $24.6 million
  • Redskins QB Alex Smith: $23.5 million

This is kind of murky because Brady’s actual salary last year was just $1.75M while he had a signing bonus of $20,250,000 and a roster bonus of $1M, but you get the point. The man is dramatically underpaid. While Brady has always been willing to take less than market value, which fans loved him for, he seems to be looking to make up for some of those lost wages and it’s hard to fault him.

I’m no capologist so I have little idea what paying Brady $30M x 3 would do to the Pats cap, but I don’t think this team is anywhere close to being ready for the post-Brady era. Jarret Stidham may be the guy, but he’s only got one year under his belt and the last time we saw him he was throwing a pick 6 to blow the cover against the Jets.

Paying Brady $30M a year at this point is the definition of paying for past performance, which is not a position you ever want to be in. The reality is it’s a spot the Patriots put themselves in by not offering him a real extension at any point in the last two years.

The most interesting part of Rap Sheet’s report though is the nugget about TB12. Obviously this is Brady’s post-career business and passion project; it’s something he truly believes in and credits for saving his career after blowing out his knee in 2008. So what would be better for a franchise that wants to go national than planting another flagship location in Los Angeles?? That truly concerns me because sure Brady could wait until he retires and then open an LA location, but TB12 is a much easier sell when it’s a 43-year-old playing in the NFL than when it’s a 45-year-old “former” athlete pitching it. If the money is equal then I think it would be hard for Brady to turn his back on all of New England, but if a team like LA blows him away with an offer then I think the TB12 piece is the tipping point for him leaving.

I am not ready for Tom Brady to leave us and this pic of him from the NFL 100 last night has me getting a little dusty.

The grey beard just reminds me just how long Tommy boy’s been in our lives and how close we are to the end. This is why I admittedly could never be a GM because I’m ready to pay the man and take one more run at it. So enjoy the next 6 weeks of wild speculation until free agency starts!

Tom Brady’s Latest Post Has Me Uneasy

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Well this makes me uncomfortable.

It’s more about what he didn’t say than what he did say. Tom Brady is set to become a free agent on March 18th for the first time in the last 20 years. Brady specifically negotiated out the franchise tag so the Patriots couldn’t make the decision of where he plays next year for him. Now we have rumors all across the country that Brady allegedly was looking at real estate in Vegas, which came out just a few days after this.

Then the Los Angeles Chargers, who are moving into a brand new stadium next season, announced that they’re moving on from longtime franchise QB Philip Rivers. So there’s a cushy landing spot in LA now too if Brady is interested.

THEN came the rumors yesterday that Gisele and the Brady family were looking at schools for the kids in Nashville. Well, I have to admit that I don’t think a lot of Massachusetts residents are looking at schools in Nashville for their kids. The Titans had a nice run to the AFC Championship Game after benching my boy Marcus Mariota, who is also a free agent. And Ryan Tannehill very well may win Comeback Player of the Year, but if TB12 is available don’t think old friend Mike Vrabel wouldn’t be interested.

So in saying literally nothing, Tom Brady has said everything and thrown me into full blown crisis mode.

49ers Coach Wes Welker Tells the Story of Belichick Suspending Him for Rex Ryan Foot Jokes in 2011

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Man, I miss Wes Welker. It’s easy to kind of forget when you don’t see someone all that often. He’s not a huge social media users and he’s not a media personality so the only time I ever really hear from Wes is on those Dr. Leonard hair commercials. (Lettuce looks great by the way, Wes) So to hear him tell this story from his perspective 9 years later is hilariously awkward. Not to mention, a bit of shade thrown at Belichick there! And in case you forgot the bizarre yet legendary Rex Ryan foot joke press conference, here it is in all it’s glory.

McNabb and T.O. Continue to Feud 15 Years Later While the Patriots March On

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Yahoo – Old grudges die hard. In 2005, Terrell Owens engaged in one of the most public holdouts in NFL history…his feud with teammates and repeated jabs at quarterback Donovan McNabb led to locker-room discord. The Eagles devolved that season from NFC champions to 6-10 and last place in the NFC East.

For that, McNabb is still agitated. He recounted the experience in an interview with Bleacher Report’s Master Tes released on Wednesday and blames Owens for breaking up a contender.

“I thought that was the major distraction for us,” McNabb said. “He’s doing sit-ups, he’s doing push-ups, he’s playing basketball, he’s ordering pizza for the people out there, and we’re sitting there in training camp just like, ‘You’ve got to be kidding me.’ …

“This is like ‘Days Of Our Lives.’ It’s unbelievable. But that was something that kind of broke us up.”

And this is why the Patriots are the Patriots and every other team in the NFL is forever chasing their own tails. Fifteen fucking years later, T.O. and Donovan McNabb are still sniping at each other in the media. McNabb even says in the interview with Bleacher Report that T.O. is what broke up the Eagles, which is the softest shit I’ve ever heard. Was T.O. an all-time asshole diva receiver? Yup, you bet. But, T.O. is also the reason the Eagles were ever that good. In 2004 McNabb threw 31 touchdowns, 14 of which went to Owens. It was also the first, and only, time McNabb threw more than 25 touchdowns.

But, I’m not here to bash McNabb because he was also one of the godfathers, well more like a distant uncle I guess, of the mobile QB revolution we see today. The guy was fun as all hell to watch so if he wants to bitch about T.O. in 2020 go for it.

My point is this is exactly why no team has ever replicated the Patriots’ run of dominance. The Pats literally had the biggest asshole in the league on the team this year in Antonio Brown. A guy who forced his way out of Pittsburgh, torpedoed his short stint with the Raiders, and then got cut by the Pats after a whole bunch of (alleged) dirtbag behavior came out. So the Pats dropped him like a bad habit and his name was never uttered again like he was Beetlejuice.

The Patriots are just experts in PR and damage control. AB is a legitimate disaster waiting to happen and currently has a warrant out for his arrest, but the team never let it become a distraction. This is the same team that, albeit disappointingly briefly, rostered Tim Tebow without any distraction, gave new life to perceived diva Randy Moss, and even had a convicted murderer on the team in Aaron Hernandez without it breaking up the team.
So my point is, T.O. did not ruin the Eagles and cause them to go from playing in the Super Bowl to finishing last in the NFC East the next year. The Eagles did that to themselves.

Chad Ochocinco is Trying Out for the XFL. As a Kicker.

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So Mattes and I were discussing the XFL earlier and the one question he asked me was, “will you watch?” My answer was the same as it was for that disaster that was the AAF: I’m going to try. Where the AAF was just bad NFL football, at least the XFL will be playing with some rule tweaks to make the game quicker and differentiate it from the NFL.

Now Vince McMahon does sees much more wary of turning the XFL into a circus act like it was the first time around so you don’t see many big name former NFL players in the league just to grab attention. It looks like they’re trying to build something semi legitimate so maybe he doesn’t want former wide receivers joining the league as kickers, but hey lets see what he’s got at least.

I mean it’s not a total gimmick either; the man has legitimately kicked field goals in NFL games before. Against the Patriots no less.

As a well known FIFA diehard Ochocinco is no stranger to striking and apparently he can boot the ball.

Unfortunately for Ocho, the XFL nearly eliminated the need for a kicker by removing extra point field goal attempts. They also pushed the kickoff back 10 yards from where the NFL and college does it so unless you’re kicking it 75+ yards you’re probably not getting many touchbacks.

All I know is football is more fun when Chad Ochocinco is a part of it so I’m pulling for him.

The Patriots are Too Old, Too Beat Up, and Now the Vultures are Circling. Here. They. Come.

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Theres just something about old, grizzled, veteran teams making a final stand that I love more than anything. It’s the reason why the 2011-12 Celtics are one of my favorite teams of all-time despite the nightmarish end to that season. That old, veteran team spawned the greatest rallying cry for fans of old ass teams everywhere.

And just like that Celtics team, this year’s New England Patriots and Tom Brady specifically are like the last Spartan in 300. Just fighting until the last man. Now I wouldn’t exactly qualify Ryan Tannehill and the Titans as the Persians in this situation, but not all analogies are perfect so work with me.

I refuse to believe the wide receiver turned Dolphins quarterback in Ryan Tannehill unseats the Patriots. Then again he’s been playing absolutely lights out as was former Dolphins runningback Kenyan Drake who went from afterthought to fantasy juggernaut in Arizona. So maybe its the Dolphins who are garbage more so than the players we’ve dragged for years. And maybe Tannehill and Mike Vrabel do have what it takes to come into Foxborough to knock the Pats out in potentially Tom Brady’s last game as a Patriot.

But, the Titans better hope so because Tom Brady and Bill Belichick have heard this song before and here. they. come.