Tag: San Francisco

49ers Coach Wes Welker Tells the Story of Belichick Suspending Him for Rex Ryan Foot Jokes in 2011

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Man, I miss Wes Welker. It’s easy to kind of forget when you don’t see someone all that often. He’s not a huge social media users and he’s not a media personality so the only time I ever really hear from Wes is on those Dr. Leonard hair commercials. (Lettuce looks great by the way, Wes) So to hear him tell this story from his perspective 9 years later is hilariously awkward. Not to mention, a bit of shade thrown at Belichick there! And in case you forgot the bizarre yet legendary Rex Ryan foot joke press conference, here it is in all it’s glory.

The Falcons Murdered Degenerate Sports Gamblers Everywhere Sunday

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Yahoo – The Falcons took a 23-22 lead with a frantic finish that saw a pair of throws into the end zone reviewed for touchdowns…Jones’ TD left two seconds remaining for the 49ers to attempt an unlikely comeback. The ensuing kickoff resulted in typical desperate shenanigans that saw multiple backward laterals on the return.

It did not end with a 49ers score. It did end with a Falcons touchdown when Atlanta special teamer Olamide Zaccheaus picked up a lateral that rolled into end zone.

That late score meant nothing in terms of the outcome of the game. But it meant everything for bettors who took the 49 1/2-point under set by MGM. The score pushed the total to 51 points and an unexpected win for over bettors.

If I had so much as my lunch money betting the under on this game I would have jumped off my roof. I know we are fond of hyperbole and recency bias in this day and age, but that was probably the most absurd, meaningless, and downright cruel bad beat I’ve ever seen. As an objective fan without any skin in the game (I don’t want to talk about my fantasy team) it was an awesome final few minutes to watch. Austin Hooper’ would be go ahead TD was erased after the refs overturned it, but with 2 seconds on the clock and no timeouts left Matt Ryan hit Julio Jones ON the goal line for the score.

This literally could not have been closer, if Jones gets tackled an inch or two further back then the clock runs out and the Niners hang on.

Normally I’d flip the channel with just 2 seconds to go, but after the Miami Miracle walkoff kick return last season I tend to stick around to witness some chaos. This game did not disappoint.

If you had money on this game I think its completely understandable to call out of work for a couple of days until you recover.

Rugby Player Turned 49ers Punter Just Laid the Wood on a Punt Returner

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We’ll probably never see another mammoth like Sebastian Janikowski out there, but we may start to see more “athletes” kicking with the influx of former players like Mitch Wishnowsky here. That is music to my ears because I live for kicker/punter tackle highlights. Its such a disrespected position that you know every kicker is a bottle of pent up rage just waiting to explode on someone.

Roll the Polish Cannon highlights!

The 300s 2018 Fantasy Football All Cock Tease Team

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Welcome, welcome to our awards. Before we begin I’m going to briefly kick it to our team on tonight’s red carpet…

Thank Joey! Here we see Founder Red wearing a Lakers jersey with camo cargo shorts. I’m really digging his ironic choice that is clearly a protest to our recent cooperation with North Korea. Back to the studio…

Thanks guys! Now before we proceed I should probably explain what these awards actually are about since nobody fucking knows.

We have all picked a bust or 12 throughout our fantasy football seasons, however most are of either the “reach” or “hard on” variety. A “reach”, as is well known, is a player you pick a bit too high, possibly motivated by the fear of someone else picking him. A “hard on” pick, for lack of a more enlightened term, would refer to players that we just personally really like without a ton evidence as to why and that simply don’t work out.

These awards, however, celebrate the “cock teases” – players who are picked at a good time given their value, normally put up good numbers relative to that selection point, yet completely fuck us. They don’t buy us dinner first either, just bend us over the analogous  10, 12, or 16 team table and fuck us.

So without further ado, as composed by and contributed to by our talented staff, I give you The 300s 2018 All Cock Tease Team:

QB: Jimmy Garoppolo, San Francisco 49ers
Red: I was ready for Jimmy G to rise like a phoenix out of the ashes that was my 2017 fantasy season, but in his third game the most handsome ACL in the league exploded and I was stuck with Matt Stafford at QB the rest of the way.

 

RB1: Jordan Howard, Chicago Bears
Mattes: Now, a lot of people might give me crap for drafting Howard in the second round of a PPR draft. First, I’d like to respond by saying it’s only a half-point league, and, second, the guy also had two-straight 1,200-plus-yard seasons and nine touchdowns last year on a bad team. I – like many – expected the Bears to be much-improved this year (which they certainly are), and I also believed new head coach Matt Nagy when he said he’d finally get Howard more involved in the passing game. Then came along Tarik Cohen, and there were also five games this year in which Howard averaged under 2.6 yards a carry. In fact, Cohen actually ended up finishing over FOURTY spots ahead of Howard in the overall rankings this year. Picked the wrong guy, I guess, huh?

 


RB2: Le’veon Bell, Pittsburgh Steelers
GUEST CONTRIBUTION! Patty Blackouts: I mean what is there to say besides he’s a seflish fuck who passed up 850k a week to sit out and try and protect his body to try and get a long term deal. Took him 4th overall thinking he’d show up sometime around end of September or October and nope just sat out all season sending cryptic tweets so you’d think he was going to report and next ya know he’s playing pickup basketball games at the local Y. I hope no one pays him what he wants and he regrets passing up the 14.5 mill he would have been paid this season by signing the franchise tag. But yes I’m bitter because  I used my first overall pick on him in fantasy got the same amount of points out of him as he did paychecks this season….0!

I hope he gets hurt in the next preseason.

Douchebag.

WR1: Quincy Enunwa, Goddam Jets
Red: No one, and I mean no one in my fantasy league watches more Jets games than me as the Mrs. is a huge fan. So watching a team that bad I was determined to derive some value out of it, which is exactly what Quincy Enunwa was going to do for me. Enunwa was going to be the steal of the draft as he put up 15, 12 and 10 points in 3 of the first 4 games, but then his season was derailed by various injuries. He cracked 6 points just once after September…

 

WR2: Golden Tate, Detroit Lions/Philadelphia Eagles
Joey B: Tate started the season as Matthew Stafford’s #1 option in what is normally a high flying Detroit offense. To that end, he kicked off the season with games of  17, 15, 10 and TWENTY FUCKING NINE. After that he completely shit the bed, probably became an asshole in the locker room because he realized his name is fucking Golden, and then got traded to Philly where he had one game of 20, coincidentally the only other time he’s seen the end zone since September, and seemingly is hated by all 12 of Philly’s playoff-ready QBs.

 

TE: Gronk
Joey B: I always pick Gronk wayyyy too high because he plays a position where all of 4-5 guys give you tremendous amounts of points and even among those guys he usually stands out. But this year, as the world knows, was different. He’s just broken and I’m just sad.

 

Flex1: Jarvis Landry, Cleveland Browns
Mattes: Landry wasn’t without a few big games of his own this year. Also like Cousins, Landry was a guy whom I expected to make a huge splash with a new team this season, but instead was super inconsistent. Yes, he had to deal with learning how to play with two different QBs this year, but remember that Baker Mayfield has been playing since Week 3. In the 13 games he’s played with Mayfield, Landry has put up single-digit totals in seven of them. For a guy who averaged 99 catches per season before this year, his mark of 72 through 16 games this year is incredibly disappointing.

 

Flex2: Chris Hogan, New England Patriots
Big Z: With Brandin Cooks in LA and Julian Edelman sidelined for the first four games of the season, I was certain Chris Hogan was a steal in the fifth round. He would be one of Tom Brady’s top targets the first month of the season, and hopefully stay in the mix even after Edelman returned.

Hogan scored two touchdowns in Week 2, but he wouldn’t find the end zone again for three months. By that time I had already dropped him and moved on. Just another cautionary tale of putting too much stock in to a Patriots WR/RB for fantasy football purposes.

 

D/ST: San Diego Los Angeles Chargers
Joey B: With Joey Bosa and company up front and some decent pieces in the secondary, I thought the “pressure creates turnovers” rule would get me some points on D. Instead Bosa got hurt and the Chargers are last in return yards allowed.

 

Kicker: Dan Bailey, Minnesota Vikings
Big Z: Drafting and picking up kickers in fantasy football is a bit of a crap shoot. You just try to pick up a guy who kicks for a team with a good, but not great, offense. If he plays in warm weather or a dome, even better. That’s why I love NFC South kickers and why I will never draft the Bills kicker.

Dan Bailey had a rough 2017 and got released by Dallas. But he was at one time the most accurate kicker in NFL history. When he got picked up by Minnesota, I thought he would be a good guy to take a flier on. Accurate kicker on a good, not great, team that plays its home games in a dome.

Bailey is 20/27 on field goals for the Vikes this year and his 2018 may be worse than his 2017. Yikes. God help the Vikings special teams coach

 

*BONUS: Mid-Season Pick Up Fist Fucker of the Year*

WR: Marquez Valdes-Scantling, Green Bay Packers

Red: MVS was one of the few guys I was first to the punch on in my league and he looked like a STUD. 6’4″ with 4.3 speed and Aaron Rodgers throwing him the ball? Yes please. After a quiet start to the season MVS blew onto the scene with a 4 week stretch of 13+ points. He would post 6+ points just once the rest of the way…

 

 

 

The 300s Bloggers’ Is Nathan Peterman Elite? Fantasy Football Round Up – Week 6

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Welcome back. Let’s first address today’s dedication.

I liked Nathan Peterman coming out of school. Prototypically sized, decent-armed QB from a blue collar school like Pitt. Thought he could be a good spot starter in the NFL, maybe even mold himself into a late blooming starting QB. So far I have been drastically wrong. Not in my evaluation of his talents, no. Take a look at the TD he threw Sunday. Absolute seed. No, the problem with Peterman is he cannot get out of his own way to save his life. If he just “regular sucked”, for lack of better terminology, I think analysts and fans alike would say he has potential. Instead, he throws a stupefying number of pick 6’s. It’s almost a constant at this point. He could go 10-21/200/1 and people would say, “you know what, kid might have something.” But noooope, not Nate, he prefers the 10/21/200/2/4 pick 6’s. Like what the fuck man. JUST STOP IT.

Any way here’s the round up.


Big Z

A play in three acts.

Me with 106 points Sunday at 4.

Me with 111 points and a 17 point lead after Sunday night.

Me after the two-minute warning of the Monday night game when Aaron Rodgers and my undefeated opponent pulled ahead of me for the win.

No bad beats or bad plays this week that will have the league office questioning my competence to run a fantasy football franchise. Just a tough loss to a great team. We’re on to Week 7.

Papa Giorgi

3-0 for the first time since week 1! I’ve never felt more alive. Yeah, my real life QB Josh Allen is dead and the never ending Nathan Peterman experiment rolls on, but at least i’m on my way to making some money. Aaron Rodgers played like an angel last night and I was able to steal the W thanks to a last minute game winning kick by Mason Crosby.

Joey B

Everyone from LA to Boston said Matt Breida wasn’t going to play, so I, much like Mattes and the rest of the “Why The Fuck Did I Pick Jordan Howard” Club, tried to get cute. I took a flier on Alfred Morris for the week. Welp, Breida and some absolute NO NAME played and Morris did not get A. Single. Carry. I got beat. 3-3. I’m not having fun anymore.

Red

So after ripping on Eli Manning all week long for never really being an elite quarterback outside of two hot streaks in years that shant be named, I went against all of my better judgement and started him in fantasy anyways. I was in a bind as my QB was on a bye so it was either Eli, Bortles or Danold. Welp, Eli promptly shit the bed, didn’t throw a touchdown and finished with 11 points. And I STILL WON, mainly because the other guy started the other bum on the waiver wire in Bortles.

Mattes

So, I started Amari Cooper again… I’m now 1-5. I also invested a lot in guys like Jordan Howard, Carlos Hyde, and Keelan Cole. It’s just not working out this year, but at least I traded Antonio Brown for an extra second-round pick next year. This year’s squad is absolute hot garbage, though.

Fortunately, I’m 4-2 in my other league after my opponent started TWO guys who were announced as inactives just before game time. That’s why you always gotta pay attention right up to kickoff, folks. I’ll take the gift, though, and I got both Ingram and Thomas coming back from a bye this week. (Also, how about Sony Michel??!! Kid’s a beasttttt.)

 

Richard Sherman is Launching His Own Daily Fantasy Sports Site

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ESPN – San Francisco 49ers cornerback Richard Sherman is entering the daily fantasy sports business. Sherman announced Thursday that his new fantasy site, Daily Number, will be launching paid contests in 23 states. Sherman is the co-founder, along with CEO Tom McAuley, and will be the chief brand ambassador, appearing in an upcoming video ad campaign.

While many NFL stars have endorsed fantasy sites, Sherman is believed to be one of the first, if not the first, to have a founding stake in a fantasy game.

I don’t know if now is the best time to just be getting into the daily fantasy business if you’re a competitor, but Richard Sherman’s a smart dude so I’ll give his new venture, Daily Number, a shot.

I try not to shoot down these equity based deals athletes sign and give it a chance first. Not because of how great or not their company is, but because of the power of branding.

Just look at Kobe Bryant and the sports drink he invested in, BodyArmor. If you asked me what BodyArmor was a few years ago I would have had no idea. If you showed me a bottle I would have said “oh right its that bootleg sports drink they sell at gas stations.”

Well Kobe’s magic branding powers touched BodyArmor, along with his $6 million investment, and less than 5 years later that investment is worth $200 MILLION. Good for him, Kobe really needed it.

So my point is, it doesn’t matter how big the competition is, there’s always room for the new guy on the block.

“Daily Number features a unique twist on traditional fantasy, with entrants creating seven-player rosters that attempt to eclipse a predetermined total amount of fantasy points, set by the site and known as the “daily number.” Each roster is given a rating. The more superstars on a roster the lower the payout is for teams that score more points than the daily number.”

The idea behind Sherman’s daily fantasy site is that instead of picking players based on monetary values like you do with DraftKings or Fan Duel, you pick a team of 7 players. Its like a middle ground between daily fantasy and regular fantasy football leagues, which is actually kind of smart. I don’t really mess with DK too much because I feel like I’m just getting hustled by algorithms and MIT math nerds. Sherman’s venture could provide the best of both worlds and help dummies like me feel, probably incorrectly, that they have a shot at winning some cash on daily fantasy.

I can’t imagine the NFL is thrilled with one of its most prominent players being a founding member of a company thats sole purpose is to gamble on games he is actively playing in. It would be hard for a cornerback to have a huge effect on someone’s fantasy day with thousands of different lineups running all at the same time, but it sure as shit won’t be hard for someone to poke holes in it.

Either way you know the commercials for this thing is gonna be dynamite with an older Richard Sherman who gives even less of a fuck what the NFL thinks about what he says or does. So you got me Richard, I’ll try it.

St. Jimmy Comes Out and Says He Thought He Was Better Than Tom Brady From the Jump

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Yahoo! – “When I first got [to New England], I thought in my head, ‘I’m better than this dude.’”

Lee pressed him on the notion several times, that Garoppolo really believes he’s better than the quarterback that’s won five Super Bowls, been to eight, and is regarded by many as the greatest quarterback in the history of the league.

“It was always a quiet confidence. I would never speak that,” Garoppolo said.

Hot take: I’m totally ok with this. Maybe it is because I will always have a “what if?” kind of fan-hood for Jimmy G, but this is the kind of confidence you like to see a franchise QB have. It suddenly makes sense why he did so well in the limited action he has seen in his NFL career – he has a fucking DEEP belief in himself and his abilities. He did a literal “hold my beer” when BB asked him to step up and take the reigns from Brady for a few games and it showed. It wasn’t that failure wasn’t an option, it just didn’t exist in his reality.

While this might come off to some, specifically the dregs of Pats Nation, as cocky, it says something that he kept this to himself. He said and did all the right things while he was here, went about his business, and was a team player, especially when it came to needing him to come off the bench. The fuck should we care how he got himself to the right place 6 years ago at age 23 to be able to survive and even thrive in the NFL?

Given “Tom Vs. Time” and the knowledge that all the pink salt and weird ass exercises weird ass Alex Guerrero gives him to do won’t sustain Brady in perpetuity, this really hits an awkward spot in my gut. We knew Jimmy G was good. Now we know he is insanely confident as well. What did we miss out on?

P.S Anyone else hear he banged a porn star? Crazy!

Dexter Manley Rips Tom Brady, Says Joe Montana is the Goat. Wait, WHO?

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NESN – Dexter Manley won a pair of Super Bowls in his day, and when asked a question about the best quarterback he ever played against (mind you his playing career stretched from 1981-1991), he used it as an opportunity to really rip into the New England Patriots quarterback. “People give Tom Brady too much credit,” Manley said, via WEEI.com. “It is a team effort. No. 1, he gets the ball out of his hand quick. He has good mechanics, but he’s no Joe Montana. My daughter could out-run Tom Brady. Joe Montana is the best of all-time. He’s the best passer — him and Dan Marino. That guy don’t fit in those categories. I don’t care what they say.”

So former Washington R-Words defensive end Dexter Manley was on TV discussing who he thinks is the greatest QB of all time.

Dexter scoffed at the idea that Tom Brady is the best to ever do it. Why?  He gets the ball out quick, he has good mechanics, he has 5 Super Bowl rings, but he can’t run fast so I gotta give the nod to Joe Montana here.

Ya know what Tom Brady doesn’t have?


Oh and Dan Marino is better too? The guy with as many Super Bowl rings as me. Makes sense, Dexter.

Sure Brady has had great players around him too. Take for instance Randy Moss, who he played with for parts of 3 seasons (not including the year Brady missed to a knee injury) and never won a SB with. He also has Gronk of course, who is a first ballot HOFer no doubt, but Brady has won 4 Super Bowls without him. Brady’s had 5-star recruits and household names like the 7th round QB out of Kent State he turned into one of the best receivers in the NFL in Julian Edelman. Or the time the undrafted WR out of Texas Tech came out of nowhere and Brady molded him into the most reliable hands on the Patriots. TWICE. Danny Amendola and Wes Welker of course. I could go on and on.

Meanwhile Joe Montana had by all accounts the greatest receiver to ever play the game IN HIS PRIME. The NFL’s all-time leader in receptions, receiving yards, and receiving touchdowns played with Joe Montana for 6 seasons, winning 3 Super Bowls together.

All that and Tom Brady still has him beat by the numbers. Tom Brady has a better career Completion Percentage, TD Percentage, INT Percentage, Passer Rating, more 4th Quarter Comebacks, more Game Winning Drives, and Brady has over 26,000 more career passing yards, and over 200 more Touchdowns than Dexter Manley’s lord and savior Joe Montana.

What about the fact that Brady “gets the ball out quickly” and just dumps it off as Dexter Manley put it? Well Tom Brady and Joe Montana actually have the same exact average Yards per Attempt at 7.5.

Oh and Tom Brady also has more Pro Bowls, wins, division titles, Conference Championships, Super Bowl rings, Super Bowl MVPs, and NFL League MVP awards.

Hey Dexter?

Surprisingly Patriots Fans On Twitter Are Not Taking The Jimmy Garoppolo Trade Well

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Twitter never reacts positively to ANYTHING, so this isn’t too surprising, but the wrath is real. I don’t remember this many people questioning a Belichick move in a long time. Usually most fans are like eh its Belichick he know what he’s doing, I trust him. But now? People are in open rebellion against the crown. Keep crushing that avocado ice cream Tom because whether you were serious or not, you’re gonna have to play until your 50 now.

Patriots Trade Jimmy Garoppolo to 49ers for 2nd Round Pick. Huh??

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Here I am minding my own business eating dinner and my phone starts BLOWING UP. At 8 pm on a Monday.

And I finally relent and check my notifications to see that the Patriots have traded Jimmy Garoppolo to the 49ers for a 2nd round pick. Huh?

Now, if the rumors by our old friend Mary Kay Cabot from the Cleveland Plain Dealer are true then this is a disaster. Cabot had been on a goddamn crusade telling anyone and everyone that the Browns were willing to basically give away their entire 2017 Draft to the Pats to get Garoppolo, but the Pats declined. First round pick. Two first round picks. You name it, Mary Kay reported it. Now Adam Schefter staunchly denied those reports saying the Pats were NOT trading Jimmy G. As he famously, and snarkily said: “Do I sound clear on that?”

The ONLY way this trade makes any sense is if the Patriots had hoped to work out some kind of bridge deal with Jimmy G and wait another year or two behind Brady and he flat out said no. Which I can’t blame the guy for, he sees QBs in his draft class like Derek Carr and Blake Bortles making big money and says enough is enough, now is my time. No more waiting. Thats the only reason this deal makes sense. Why else would the Patriots reportedly turn down a Top 12 pick (or two Top 12 picks) from the Browns in the 2017 Draft just 6 months ago? If thats the case then Belichick took a gamble and lost. Granted it’ll be a great second round pick, probably anywhere from No. 33-35 overall. But still, seems like a pretty underwhelming return for a guy that the Pats were, reportedly, turning down multiple first round picks for and had plans for him to be the QB of the future.

Now the next question is, umm who the fuck is the backup quarterback of the New England Patriots? Belichick has now traded the No. 2 and No. 3 QBs on the roster, having sent Jacoby Brissett to the Colts as well. Not ideal for a team banking on a 40 year old QB to stay healthy. It certainly makes a lot more sense now that the Pats were working out scrub backup QBs like the Yates of Hell a few weeks ago. So who is gonna be TB12’s backup now?

BAH GAWD IS THAT JOHNNY FOOTBALL’S MUSIC??