Tag: Stark

In Honor of Game of Thrones Returning, I Give You The Top 5 GOT Characters

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As everyone except those living a Ted Kaczynski-esque existence in the northern frontier of our nation knows, “Game Of Thrones” returns this Sunday for its 8th season. As most of those people understand, this will also be the final season and, indeed, the end of an era. The $50 million dollar gamble (which sounds cheap compared to later seasons) almost immediately cemented itself in the upper echelons of pop culture, becoming as well know for driving plot lines with not exactly relatable subjects such as incest, witchcraft, and castration as it has for weaving one of the most magnetic stories television has ever seen over the course of almost a decade.

While the dragons soared, the battles fought, and the bastards brooded, the latest classic delivered by the Home Box Office (“The Wire,” “The Sopranos,” GOT this is getting ridiculous) produced, as their shows tend to do, some absolutely classic characters. Ones you can quote. Ones you want to have a beer with. Ones you want to beat the ever loving shit out of. Characters that just evoke intense, human reactions and emotions from the millions upon millions of people that have watched the show.

So I’ve decided to give you a Top 5. The top 5 best characters. Now, you are not getting a surface-level “most screen time,” “who drives the story the most?” list here. No, while things like how much they are are actually on the show were accounted for, I really wanted to dive deep into these characters’ Id. Of the endless faces and names (for sure not the same count, after all) we have seen since 2011, I wanted to deduce who really reeled us in to their mind, body, and soul the most. Who made us sit up whenever they went to give a monologue? Who did we realize in our borderline-insane attempt at a six week re-watch was as indispensable as the Wall?

With the help of a few of my fellow bloggers I set out to answer those questions and more. Enjoy.

Honorable Mentions
Tormund Gianstsbane
Blogger Note: I hate to not rank Tormund, both because I love the character and Dom helped me out with the blog. But I just couldn’t justify a top 5 spot. Every man has a code.
Dom: “Gotta love Tormund Giantsbane. In addition to being a brute and a warrior, he’s also one of those guys who can actually tell the difference between good and evil. On top of that, he’s fucking hilarious. From creepy side eyes at Brienne to life advice for Jon Snow to this amazing conversation with the Hound, he’s pure gold all the time.”

Missandei and Greyworm
The realms true “couple goals” culminated in what I can only imagine was some voracious foreplay, judging by Khaleesi and Missandei’s giggling fit. Either way, the bond these two have coming from broken backgrounds and ending up at the side of the most powerful woman in their world is pretty special. Every time they interact they seem like they aren’t expecting to see each other ever again and it is both heartbreaking and endearing.

Quote:
Greyworm: Wounded in war, there is no shame for this. I am ashamed because when the knife go in and I fall to the ground, I am afraid.
Missandei: All men fear death
Greyworm: No, not death. I fear I never again see Missandei from the Isle of Naath.

The Top 5

5.) Ser Davos Seaworth


I know, I know, I spurn Tormund then rank Ser Davos. What the fuck, right? But bear with me. Davos from day one represented the purest intentions with the strongest of convictions in the 7 kingdoms. He began as the fiercely loyal right hand to a man he knew to be as flawed as he was great and has continued on as an older foil to Jon Snow’s Starkian code of only the most undiluted honor. When he speaks you listen, because it is nothing but blue collar, honest truth he is spitting.

Quote:
(With the mutineers breaking down the door) “I’m not much of a fighter…Apologies for what you’re about to see.”

4.) Bronn (Ser Bronn of the Blackwater)


Red: “I gotta go with Bronn. He’s what every man wants to be; careless, reckless, and often legless. Bronn is also sneaky one of the most dangerous men in the 7 kingdoms. Throw in some killer one liners and Bronn is the clear choice as the best character in Game of Thrones.”

Quote:
Bronn:  There’s this knight, uh, Leygood. Got thunderbolts on his shield?
Jaime: Uh-huh.
Bronn: Right here is where I fuck his wife. She’s a screamer, that one. If they don’t hear her, they won’t hear us.

3.) Robb Stark

Yup, that’s right, a guy who died years ago. I don’t care. During my re-watch I was reminded just how good Robb Stark was. Above all else, he was intense. That is such an overused, cliched word but everything King Robb said was layered in desperation, frustration, urgency, and at the same time deep contemplation. He wasn’t just fighting a war, he was trying to mentally and emotionally will his way to victory. There was just something so human about how badly he wanted what he wanted because he thought it was right and made sense. Damn.

Quote:
Rob Stark: “I asked him, How can a man be brave if he’s afraid? That is the only time a man can be brave, he told me.”

2.) Tyrion Lannister


You just can’t leave him off this no matter which way you spin it. The Imp. The Half-man. The Dwarf. He is a half-pint of vice yet a barrel of ethical vigor. He uses sarcasm and condescension as a weapon to mask that deep down he is the only one among his family members who is kind, loving, and even tender and gentle. He likewise has an inner fury that he’ll aim at those who strike down upon the lowly, as he has been struck down on so much in his life. He also fucks a lot which is cool.

Quote:
Missandei: How do you know this?
Tyrion: That’s what I do. I drink, and I know things.

1.) Lord Tywin Lannister

BOMBSHELL. BSHHHHHHH. Ya I know. Me too. I texted Red this the other day and I’m sticking to it. Tywin is the best character on the show. He is the Vince McMahon of the realm. He leaves for a few scenes and then his music hits and you’re like ooo shit. Either with his army or his tongue he is going to carve someone the fuck in half. O and if he just doesn’t feel like he needs to use either he has a smirk or otherwise deadly facial expression to rip you to pieces with. He was a motherfucker, yes. An absolute piece of shit at times. He did it for his family in the end though. He never lost sight of his one rule. Kind of have to respect that.

Quote:
Tywin Lannister: “Any man who must say, ‘I am the king’ is no true king.”

So I hope you enjoyed that. Maybe you love or hate me for the picks. Either way we like to have fun around here. Enjoy Season 8. Winter is here.

-Joey B.

 

 

The 300s Game of Thrones Season 7 Ep 6 Recap: “Beyond the Wall”

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In what has become an annual showcase for Game of Thrones, HBO proved once again the penultimate episode of each season is the one you don’t want to miss with last night’s “Beyond the Wall.” Every year the second to last episode of each season is an absolute gem. Here’s a quick refresher on how GOT never waits around until the finale to drop some bombs. Each season’s penultimate episode:

  • Season 1: “Baelor” (Ned Stark loses his head and Khal Drogo falls ill)
  • Season 2: “Blackwater” (Still arguably the best episode in the series as Stannis attacks Kings Landing on Blackwater Bay only to be defeted by Tyrion and co.
  • Season 3: “Rains of Castermere” (The goddamn Red Wedding, which IMDB synopsis describes as ‘Robb and Catelyn arrive at the Twins for the wedding’ in a horribly misleading fashion.)
  • Season 4: “The Watchers on the Wall” (Jon Snow and the Night’s Watch defend the Wall against Mance Rayder and the wildlings.)
  • Season 5: “The Dance of Dragons” (Stannis roasts his daughter, Jon Snow brings the wildlings through the Wall, Khaleesi rides Drogon to safety out of the Mereen fighting pits.)
  • Season 6: “Battle of the Bastards” (Not much to say here other than this could also be arguably the greatest GOT episode ever.)

The show picks up right where we left off last week with Magnificent Seven venturing beyond the wall.

Jon Snow and Jorah have a heart to heart for the first time and its a refreshing moment of growth. Remember Jorah should rightfully hate Jon Snow. Jon’s father Ned labeled Jorah a traitor and essentially forced him to leave his family and his homeland forever. Jon also effectively became Jeor Mormont’s surrogate son whom he passed Longclaw down to after the shame Jorah brought to House Mormont. To top it all off, no Jon’s moving in on his girl Khaleesi. But Jorah doesn’t hate Jon. He respects him for everything he’s accomplished, including earning his father’s respect and earning Longclaw, regardless of what his name is.

In an instance of foreshadowing we see the first animal wight in the form of a zombie polar bear. “Do bears have blue eyes?” one of the Magnificent Seven asks before it all goes down. Thoros of Myr ends up getting ragdolled by a goddamn zombie bear and a few nameless wildlings got axed too. We also learn that The Hound is going to have a hard time serving the Lord of Light and fighting wights since the one thing that kills them most effectively (ya know, fire) paralyzes him with fear.

The group heads further north until The Hound sees the same thing he saw in his vision in the fire, a mountain shaped like an arrowhead. Not long after they stumble upon a lone White Walker and a group of wights like a dead ranging party. Time to initiate the ill advised plan to try and capture a wight and bring it back south.

Of course they all nearly die because this moronic plan shockingly does not go well. They do take out the group of wights with Jon destroying the White Walker with the Valyrian steel sword he nearly gave away minutes before (WTF Jon). Except their POW wight lets out a scream that acts as a bat signal for every other dead soldier in the north and now our heroes are screwed.

The gang gets marooned on an ice island as the White Walkers and their army surrounded them. The only reason they aren’t immediately killed is because the thin ice breaks and the dead aren’t exactly fond of swimming. So now we play the waiting game. Just waiting for death to come, figuratively and literally.

Jon opts to use one of his 3 lifelines and sends Gendry to phone a friend.

Tyrion tries to advise Khaleesi on a number of things in this episode such as what’s the plan of succession if she were to die? Khaleesi is not a fan of the conversation and says they’ll discuss it when she wears the crown, which could be a bit of grim foreshadowing we all look back on. But specifically he once again advises Khaleesi again risking her own life to rescue Jon Snow, Jorah and the others. In a direct response to the recent failures she’s experienced following Tyrion’s advice while simultaneously directly heeding the late Olenna’s advice (“Be a dragon”) Khaleesi says enough is enough and rides north on the back of Drogon.

Enter Khaleesi (if you can accept White Walkers but you can’t accept faster than normal travel I don’t want to be your friend) and her 3 gigantic dragons who just start flame throwing the entire place. It seems like the dragons really are the end all be all of weapons in the 7 Kingdoms, but similar to the Loot Train scene from a couple of weeks ago we once again see just how powerful yet vulnerable the dragons are at the same time.

The Night King takes his ice spear and just rifles it into the sky as Viserion gets tagged and falls from the sky while bleeding uncontrollably. I think this was the saddest I’ve been watching a TV show since Jack had a nervous breakdown about leaving the island on LOST.

The look Jon Snow gives the Night King had me thinking this is it for our boy, he’s going to go out in a blaze of glory trying to take out the head White Walker. As he tells Khaleesi to go he battles a few more wights before falling through the ice, which is the second time in three episodes the show runners have teased a major character drowning.

Shockingly, Jon does not in fact drown, but there is still an army of dead 50 feet away. This would be a pretty anti-climactic way to die so suddenly half-dead Uncle Benjen rides in out of nowhere on his horse to save Jon Snow’s ass and then sacrifices himself. Why couldn’t Benjen get on the horse and ride away with Jon too? As Michael Bay once said to Ben Affleck after Ben asked wouldn’t it be easier to just teach astronauts how to drill rather than the reverse? Shutup, Ben.

After surviving and making it back to the wall the team loads Jon up on the ship back to Dragonstone and we have a real moment between Khaleesi and Jon. Her dragons are not just pets to her, one of Khaleesi’s children just died, which is what makes it all the worse that they died helping Jon. So we see Khaleesi have the first real crack in her armor in years as she nearly breaks down sobbing mourning her dragon.

In a show of faith in her as a true leader and probably also a vague marriage proposal Jon tells her “You are my queen.” Jon bends the knee, well figuratively, since he’s on his deathbed once again.

Its the first time we have the North truly following a Targaryen since the Mad King. Jon doesn’t care what his people will say, he knows Khaleesi is the Queen they need. Now whether, Jon will be her King or not remains to be seen. But for now, they are allies at the very least.

Also, in addition to the Jon’s knife wounds on his chest courtesy of the Night’s Watch, he suddenly has blue marks on his chest. Is this just the frostbite and remnants of nearly drowning in ice cold water or is it something more? If you look at Benjen (RIP) closely, his face has the same blueish hue after he apparently fought off death and a transition to a wight. We don’t really ever learn a ton around Benjen’s story and what really happened (and we probably never will now) but has Jon been touched by something? Or is this just me looking too deeply into a show that has prided itself on deep, deep world building? I digress.

In the Den of Geek breakdown they also pointed out something interesting about this scene as well as everyone’s transportation home.

“It’s a moment so romantic that Dany even finds the scars that prove he was stabbed in the heart endearing. Jon appears to truly be hers, and hey he still tellingly didn’t ride Drogon with the rest of his comrades… he has his father’s namesake, Rhaegal, to look forward to mounting.”

So that is an interesting bit I thought. We still have yet to see Jon Snow on a dragon, even though all his crew has now been on one. And Khaleesi has only ever ridden on the back of Drogon. So is Rhaegal keeping his back for the one true king, Jon Snow?

The whole Sansa/Arya sister rivalry just took a dark twist as Sansa stumbles upon Arya’s bag of faces and realizes her little sister might be an even bigger psychopath than she thought. Arya all but threatens Sansa’s life and now we have the strangest power struggle I can remember on this show. It seems a little convenient writing as I would like to think after years of surviving older, more experienced foes and politicking all through the 7 Kingdowns (and Essos) that these two would be able to understand whats going on here. Imagine taking the transcript of an AIM chat you had when you were 14 and using that as hardcore, stone cold evidence of your character as a person years later?

Either way, Sansa is spooked about Arya either killing her or actually convincing the other northern lords that the words a 14 year old girl wrote, under durress, prove she is a traitor. Sansa fears losing her head as well as her role as ruler of the North.

So naturally she sends her sworn protector Brienne of Tarth to Kings Landing, which reeks of Littlefingers, well, finger prints. Was there actually a raven summoning her to Kings Landing or does Sansa just want to get Brienne out of Winterfell in case she needs to off Arya? Brienne is after all sworn to protect both of Catlyn Tully’s daughters, so if Sansa needs to axe Arya she doesn’t want anyone there to stop her. My question is though, as Sansa, the one without a single day of combat training, wouldn’t you be more worried about Arya killing you? Wouldn’t you want a bodyguard with you now more than ever? This story line just gets odder and odder.

At the end of the episode we see the army of the dead pulling Viserion up from his icy grave to be resurrected. Enter the ice dragon. The Night King’s wight dragon. Something else that Den of Geek speculated on is that maybe the reason the Night King and the White Walkers were simply waiting for the ice to freeze so they can attack Jon and his gang wasn’t just exposition allowing Khaleesi enough time to get there. Maybe the Night King knew Khaleesi was coming with her dragons and he was legitimately waiting for her. Waiting for her to come into his arena so he can down one and claim a dragon of his own. A much more satisfying and chilling explanation to that entire scene. Because we all know the White Walkers and the wights can’t break through the Wall. But what if the Night King had his own damn dragon to simply fly over the towering ice monstrosity of a wall? Or maybe they make good on the Season 7 opening credits and simply walk around the wall over the frozen ice. Either way the big baddie now has a dragon of his own which is downright frightening.

Next week we have the most tense meeting of the UN ever created. What traps and tricks can we expect in the 90 minute season finale? Did we really risk so much, getting Viserion (and Thoros!) killed just for one wight?

That whole sequence better actually have been worth it, but I’m not too optimistic. I don’t expect Cersei to suddenly care about some existential threat (real or not) because she is so single-mindedly focused on keeping the Iron Throne she will do whatever it takes to stay there. Even if it means her own demise. We’re running out of time though for everyone to be fighting two battles at the same time, so someone is gonna have to either shit or get off the pot. Next week could be the last we see of Cersei.

One more episode guys and then the Long Night truly does begin because god knows how long it’ll be until the 8th and final season of Game of Thrones.

PS – Seriously, RIP Viserion.

The 300s Game of Thrones Season 7 Ep 4 Recap: House by House

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Hoooly hell. The 4th episode of Game of Thrones season 7 “The Spoils of War” was an all-timer that legitimately had my heart rate bumping as the credits rolled. What made this episode all the more exciting was the unexpected nature of it. If you watched the preview for this episode after last week’s show, you saw the look of concern from Jaime looking over the hill. So you knew something was coming. But no one expected the hoard of Dothraki AND Khaleesi riding Drogon. A ton of huge stuff went down in what was ironically the shortest episode of Thrones ever. House by House, Lets get it.

House Stark

  • Arya has finally returned to Winterfell for the first time since the Game of Thrones pilot and holy hell can she fight. Arya always looked like a promising water dancer after training with Syrio Forel and of course what she leanred from the Hound. What we see from her in this short fight scene with Brienne though shows just how far Arya has come.
  • No longer is she a little girl trying to be a swordsman; she is a certified badass. This fight scene is symbolic too because of all the people Arya has met over the years she definitely holds Brienne in a high regard because of her ability, as a woman, to defeat the Hound in single combat. So to see Arya basically toy with Brienne and showcase her insane fighting talent was incredible.
  • Another quick little callback that Thrones seems to be peppering this season with came when Brienne asks Arya who taught her to do that and she responds “No one.” No one? Why does she say that? Because a man has no name…

  • Sansa for the second episode in a row learns that one of her siblings has been up to some shit. Sansa understandibly thought she had the hardest road of all her siblings after everything she’d been through with Cersei, Joffrey, Ramsay etc. But she’s slowly starting to realize that Bran and Arya have been through the ringer as well. Does Sansa seem a little disheartened after seeing Arya fight? Bran’s got the sight and Arya is a little assassin…what does Sansa really have? Other than a mind for politics?
  • Bran also is seemingly about to blow up Littlefinger’s spot, whether he realizes it yet or not. Bran basically knows everything, but having that much information in your head makes most of it white noise. So its like he’s flipping through the channels and seeing little tidbits about the people around him from over the years. So its only a matter of time until he learns how to hone in on specific things. Littlefinnger gives Bran the Valeryian steel dagger (Exposition!) that was used in his attempted murder and mentions how coming home now must be chaos and Bran cuts him off saying “Chaos is a ladder.” Uh oh.
  • Littlefinger is shook because he said this exact shit to Varys years ago in the Throne Room.
  • Its at this exact moment Littlefinger realizes he is on the hot seat like a coach coming off a 7-9 season and he now knows Bran could be a problem. How long before Bran realizes Littlefinger’s potential role in his attempted murder, what about the time he got Ned Stark killed by turning on him? Or how he kicked Lysa out the goddamn moon door? I’m sure Nestor Royce wouldn’t be too stoked about that.
  • Now a few things in play here. He can’t just make another attempt on Bran’s life and get away with it so how does Littlefinger play this one? What happens to the Vale if the Starks just straight up off Littlefinger though? He is the Lord of the Vale after all. Welp, Nestor Royce, who was on Baelish’s trial in the Vale after Lysa’s death has no love for Littlefinger so maybe it won’t be a problem.

  • But that little breastfed-for-far-too-long Robert Arryn (who refers to Littlefinger as Uncle Petyr) is probably like 16 now so he’s due for a comeback. Again, GoT does not just send off characters randomly without explaining what happened to them or bringing them back. Last time we saw him he was training with a sword and a bow. I doubt he’s going to suddenly be The Hound, but he’s definitely due for a comeback.
  • Also, how about Bran interacting with Meera who says she has to go home and Bran basically just saying “K thanks see ya.” Meera’s been dragging his ass through the woods north of the wall for years, her brother Jojen legit died for Bran. Them and Hodor are the only reason the human backpack is alive. Yet he’s changed so much becoming the Three Eyed Raven he doesn’t have the emotional intelligence to even feign empathy anymore.”I remember being Bran, but I remember so much else,” Bran says to Meera. Kid is dead inside.

House Targaryen

  • Jon brings Dany into the cave below Dragonstone to show her not just the dragonglass but also the mysterious paintings. Jon explains how they were put there by the Children of the Forest and show how they banded together with the First Men to take on the White Walkers.

  • Anybody else notice the shapes of those paintings on the walls? They matched the same shapes the White Walkers routinely left bodies up north over the years, including in the pilot. Is this the White Walkers just mocking them?
  • Khaleesi is losing allies by the day so she mentions why not just hop on her dragon, burn the Red Keep to the ground and be done with it? But even Jon says if you do that you wont be any different, you’ll just be another power hungry, violent, usurper.
  • Khaleesi has been patiently taking her team’s counsel, but she seems pretty over Tyrion’s advice as its turned out poorly thus far. She actually stops just short of outright accusing him of treason because of all these failures insinuating he doesn’t want to hurt the Lannisters. As I mentioned last week it seems like the failure of strategy and being outsmarted has seemed to rattle Tyrion a bit so this can’t help the old ego.
  • Finally we see the Dothraki unleashed on Westeros like we had discussed as a distinct possibility on the 300s Podcast. It seems like Khaleesi is starting to take the late Olenna’s advice, “Be a Dragon. We see the Dothraki hoard taking on the Lannister army after hearing for years how it was suicide to do so, chief among them the late King Robert.

  • Behind a castle the Dothraki are much easier to beat, but in an open field they’re unmatched. So this is the first time we get to see that go down and it is WILD. They definitely earned the nickname Dothraki Screamers and it was awesome to see the guys standing up on their galloping horses firing arrows as they charge.
  • Not to mention adding insult to injury for the Lannisters Khaleesi flies in on Drogon and starts burning soldiers left and right and roasting their entire supply chain.
  • It’s the first time we’ve truly seen the dragons in play in a battle and it is glorious. Unsurprisingly they just run train, but why is Khaleesi not wearing ANY armor? Sure the dragons can just take out an army no problem, but Khaleesi is still a 120 pound blonde girl up there. Maybe put on a helmet or at least a heavy winter coat?
  • BUT the Lannisters suddenly have a trump card in the absolute howitzer of a bow and arrow known as the Scorpion. Bronn snipes Drogon and nearly takes the gigantic beast down with one shot. (Full disclosure: this scene gave me a full on identity crisis. I love Bronn, but I’ll openly weep if this dragon goes down right now. Real tough times so keep me in your thoughts.) This is gonna be ROUGH moving forward with all our fav characters directly trying to kill each other.
  • So the real question is now Khaleesi knows that her dragons, who she previously though untouchable, can be hurt or maybe even killed. How does that change her plans? I would think this makes her a little hesitant to ride around Kings Landing just pillaging the place. This was just one Scorpion in a field. Imagine the dozens or hundreds of these things Qyburn has built in Kings Landing? This is a legit defense to a previously thought unmatched weapon in the dragons. And suddenly the playing field is not as lopsided as we thought. Lannisters still don’t have an army though…

 

House Lannister

  • We discussed the battle above so we don’t need to dive into the specifics of that again. One of the shots that stuck out to me was Tyrion on the hill. We see him watching all of the Lannister soldiers burn and it it looks like he’s having a mini existential crisis. He may only now be coming to terms with the fact that he’s not just fighting Cersei’s crazy ass, he’s also turning on his entire House and his beloved brother. How does that affect his mindset as we get closer to the end?
  • How about Bronn saving Jaimes ass yet again? If it weren’t for Bronn, House Lannister would have been dust in the wind by now. So back to Jaime, who went all Leeroy Jenkins in a last ditch effort to try and take out a suddenly grounded Khaleesi.
  • Pretty dumb plan to be honest, considering there is still a 500 pound dragon sitting next to her. Why not chuck the spear? I guess because he still can’t do shit with his left hand?
  • This whole scene is telling because if you remember the conversation way back in Season 1 between Jaime, King Robert and Ser Barriston they’re telling tales from their first kills in battle. Robert basically details this exact moment of how a man tries to end the rebellion himself like a fool.

“Mine was some Tarly boy at the Battle of Summerhall. My horse took an arrow so I was on foot, slogging through the mud. He came running at me, the dumb high-born lad, thinking he could end the rebellion with a single swing of his sword. I knocked him down with the hammer. Gods, I was strong then. Caved in his breastplate. Probably shattered every rib he had.”

Time is a flat circle.

House Greyjoy

  • Euron’s basically out there lurking like a goddamn snake in the water, except now his role is going to be even larger. With the majority of the Lannister army burnt out (I’ll see myself out) Cersei NEEDS him and the Iron Fleet now more than ever. If there’s one person who’s going to take advantage of leverage, its Euron.
  • Upon seeing Theon for the first time in years, Jon has to restrain himself from killing him right there on the beach, ironically right after he tells Khaleesi how they must all band together despite their issues with one another. This is the first time they’ve seen each other since Theon betrayed his brother Rob and essentially destroyed Winterfell. Theon himself says he could never take the Black and join the Nights Watch because Jon Snow would literally kill him.
  • Jon knows Theon didn’t actually kill Rickon and Bran obviously buttt he did still behead Ser Rodrick and he IS ultimately responsible for Maester Luwin getting killed and the whole place getting torched. So thats a tough one to forgive still. It’s only because of his role in helping Sansa escape Ramsay that he’s alive now. So it will be interesting to see how their relationship progresses. As Ramsay was helping Theon “escape” the Dreadfort a few seasons ago, Theon broke down in tears because he betrayed his brothers and even said “My real father lost his head in Kings Landing.” He truly does consider the Starks his family, but the feeling may not be mutual anymore.

Other notes from around the realm:

  • Looks like Jon Snow and them are finally getting some use out of Bran, who I lovingly referred to as “the backpack” for the last 6 seasons. In the preview of Episode 5 Bran seemingly wargs into some ravens over the Wall and sees the White Walkers nearing East Watch by the Sea, which is also where Tormund is. So it could be curtains for your favorite wildling as he’s the first line of defense holding that castle on the Wall. If you’ve been reading this weekly breakdown though, you know how in the GoT opening credits the water that Eastwatch is usually flanked by is now frozen over. So I fully expect the White Walkers to just walk around the Wall. Huge design flaw guys.

  • Missandei asking Jon why he is named “Snow” if his father was a Stark was cool to see because they don’t have marriage where she’s from, thus negating the concept of a bastard. Missandei goes on a passionate rant about how Khaleesi is Queen not by birthright, but because her ppl believe in her. Ya know, like Jon.
  • Khaleesi says she will fight for the north…if Jon bends the knee but he’s torn because his people will not want a southern ruler after all the shit thats gone down in GoT. After all the simmering sexual tension between the two though, what if he marries Khaleesi? Maybe thats how they ultimately unite the 7 kingdoms. The north won’t bend the knee but if the King in the North marries the Queen to become King of the Realm? Maybe that brings the north back into the fold.
  • Cersei refers to Qyburn as her Hand in this episode and unless I’m mistaken its the first time she’s ever mentioned this. So the guy is no longer just a maester operating and experimenting for Cersei, he’s her No. 2, which is even scarier considering all the wild shit he’s done over the years.

The 300s Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 2 Recap: House by House

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So Game of Thrones aired its second episode of Season 7 Sunday night titled “Stormborn” which is an obvious nod to Khaleesi AKA Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen,First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea,Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons. So yea, Stormborn was an easier title for an episode. Anyways lots to break down so LETS GET IT.

 

House Greyjoy

Lets not beat around the bush, how about that absolute hellacious Pirate Invasion by Euron on the open seas? This guy really is a psycho huh? Starting to see hints of what the actor who plays him said in interviews before the season about how Euron would make Ramsay Bolton look like a little kid. Yikes.

The Greyjoy fleet of Theon and Yara is basically toast. Its like any fleet that leaves Dragonstone is destined to be burned to the fucking ground a la Stannis at Blackwater Bay. We got Theon falling back into bad habits too. It seems like the crazy violent and torturous way of Euron (i.e. ripping out dudes tongues) and his Iron born gave Theon a hard reset back to his Reek days, which sucks. Silver lining though he is alive soo maybe he redeems himself again? Running out of episodes here Theon, lets pick it up.

Half of the Targaryen alliance just burned up on the open seas as the Dornish leader Ellaria and her daughters the sand snakes were all either killed or taken captive. This really screws up Khaleesi’s plan of taking Kings Landing using the Dornish army so she’ll probably be looking for more Houses to partner up with. Lucky for her the King of the North is on his way down to Dragonstone.

House Stark

Jon knows he needs Khaleesi, her army, and her dragons if the North has any chance against the White Walkers, but the last thing the northerners want to do is put their faith in the daughter of the goddamn Mad King. Jon’s point is that they need the mountain of Dragonglass that is under Dragonstone, not to mention the three large dragons that Khaleesi has, if they are to stand any chance against the Night King. But Sansa makes a pretty damn good point saying “Do you not remember what happened to our grandfather?” Long story short – the Mad King once called Jon Snow’s grandfather, Rickard Stark, to come down to King’s Landing and “bend the knee” except when he got there the Mad King burned the guy alive. The Mad King also later killed Jon’s uncle Brandon Stark too. So you’ll forgive Sansa for not being overly excited to send the freshly minted King of the North down south to meet another Targaryen to once again bend the knee.

I think Jon has learned a lot in a very short period of time, taking counsel from those around him and internalizing a lot of what people are saying to him, whether the others realize it or not. One thing Sansa said to Jon recently was that he needs to not be stupid like their father and Rob or he’ll be killed just like them. Pride, honor and really stubbornness to their ways are what ultimately got Rob and Ned killed. So while going to Dragonstone is definitely a risk, holding up shop in the North because of stubbornness is a sure fire way to die.

Something I am stoked to see though is if Khaleesi truly needs Jon Snow to bend the knee. While it doesn’t seem like he has any real aspirations to sit on the Iron Throne, if you remember his days with the wildlings, Jon grew to respect and idolize, really, Mance Rayder the King beyond the wall.

Mance awakened Jon to a lot of things beyond the blinders the Night’s Watch had put on him, among them the fact that some traditions of the 7 kingdoms are arbitrary and ridiculous.

As we all saw, Jon loved a wildling woman, saved the wildlings from Hardhome, literally got MURDERED by his peers for letting the wildlings through the Wall. Is it that crazy to assume a central ideology of one of his mentors sticks with him? We do not kneel. Or is this the Stark stubbornness I just mentioned that derails Jon Snow?

With Jon heading south, Sansa is now in charge of the North and that sound you just heard was Littlefinger’s erection smashing into the table. And Jon Snow knows it and does NOT like it, despite Littlefinger saving his ass with the Knights of the Vale. Jon Snow is WOKE on Baelish.

MOTHERFUCKING NYMERIA IS BACK

I’ve been waiting for this moment for 5.5 seasons and I am a fucking nerd for typing that sentence I know. This is a pivotal moment for Arya as we’re starting to witness her blind determination starting to waiver. When she first landed in Westeros she axed the entire Frey clan and was single-mindedly riding towards Kings Landing to kill the queen. Now she sees her direwolf for the first time in years, the same one she had to chase off in season 1 to save her after Nymeria bit that sonofabitch Joffrey. It really is quite impressive they recognize each other after all this time. Doesn’t seem like Nymeria is ready to be anyone’s pet as she’s currently running the goddamn jungle as a wolfpack leader, but I doubt we’ve seen the last of her. I keep telling people this, but Thrones does not waste a second of dialogue and very rarely leaves loose ends (looking at you Gendry).

Oh and Hotpie’s alive too.

BTW, Anyone else notice Arya’s mannerisms now? When talking to Hotpie she is eating, speaking and acting JUST like the Hound. Real short. No niceties. — “Got any ale?”

House Targaryen

Moving on, props to Varys for the most badass speech in his character’s history to convince Khaleesi he’s here to help. I don’t think she necessarily trusts him, but she understands his motives. All she asks is if you think I’m doing a shit job, tell me, don’t sail to Essos and plot a coup.

Olenna Tyrell is still a badass old lady who gives no fucks, asking the Mother of Dragons “Your grand plan was to march down here and use our armies?” The lady is fearless, have to give her that. And I think Khaleesi realizes she can learn a lot in the ways of Westerosi politics from Olenna. “You’re a dragon. Be a dragon.”

House Lannister

Cersei is calling in her bannermen and spin zoning the SHIT out of Khaleesi’s history (murdering the noblemen AKA the slave masters and feeding them to her dragons). She needs everyone to get her back to help fight off Khaleesi and the only way to do that is to play to people’s fears of the Mad King and the Targaryens in general. Without that, people will just flop to whoever they think will win. But Tyrion makes a GREAT point back on Dragonstone, saying they only way to RULE the 7 kingdoms vs just simply conquering them is with help from the Westerosi people themselves. By working with the Houses that already live there they can truly overthrow the regime, not just smash everything to ashes.

Also, laughed out loud at Jamie trying to get House Tarly to be his No. 1 general and Tarly basically tells Jamie to fuck himself. Welp, back to the drawing board Kingslayer.

WRAP IT UP BOX

I’ve noticed a LOT of loooong scenes this season like the Sam bedpan scene in last week’s episode and this week’s scene of Sam removing Jorah’s gray scale, slowly and painfully, not to mention the overly long Grey Worm sex scene. I don’t know if its due to new directors on Season 7, but the pacing feels out of place. Maybe they’re trying to lull us into a false sense of security because with the long, quiet, drawn out Grey Worm scene I was fully expecting someone to get knifed.

Did anyone notice in the GoT opening credits that at the end of the Wall the water is actually frozen?

No need to climb the Wall when you can walk right around it. Not to mention, if Benjen was right, maybe the White Walkers can’t pass through the wall since it was forged with ice and magic, so going around it seems to be a pretty good solution. Who knows though. When Bran was messing around and got touched by the Night King it allowed him to come into the One Eyed Raven’s cave (and murder him) which he could not do before. This also got Hodor, a bunch of the children of the forest and not to mention Bran’s direwolf killed. So good job Bran.

Also in case anyone already forgot Season 7 only has SEVEN episodes and we’ve already burned through two. So theres only just over a month of Thrones left in our lives before another cold, dark winter. Goddamnit, enjoy the ride.