The 300s Power Rankings of America: Who’s Trending Up and Who’s Trending Down

Another week, another chance to check in and see who’s doing great and who’s doing shit.

Trending Up:

Tom Cruise

Mission Impossible 6 is getting glowing reviews across the board and if you bet me 10 years ago that we’d be getting a sixth installment starring this couch jumping lunatic, well I would have joined Scientology. This franchise has been getting better and better with each release and it just goes to show you that there are still quality action films out there to be made that don’t involve Tony Stark.

 

Star Wars Fandom

Episode 9 officially started filming Wednesday with J.J. Abrams back in the Director’s chair. Confirmed to return are Mark Hamill, Back-From-The-Dead Carrie Fisher, and everybody’s favorite space pimp, Billy Dee Williams as Lando Calrissian. I’m hoping for a satisfying conclusion to the sequel trilogy as the last chapter left a lot to be desired for me personally. More Adam Driver is always welcomed though.

 

Jose Reyes

Reyes made his pitching debut this week and it could have honestly gone a lot worse. Mets got completely blown out for the worst loss in franchise history and we’re at the point where I’m just here to see how low and hilarious this can get. Reyes gave up two homers and followed it up the next day by hitting two homers, which is the first time anyone’s done that since 1876. Hard to believe this team was in the World Series in 2015. Amazing Mets indeed.

 

Trending Down:

The NFL

Are we really so petty against Colin Kaepernick that we’re editing his name out of songs for a video game? If this was a problem, why did you even use the song in the first place? Regardless of your actual stance on the matter, it’s hard for an organization to be more unaware of their own bullshit. Talk about not being able to get out of your own way.

 

Chipotle

At this point it is rarer to go into this chain and come out healthy than it is to get sick. 683 people have now claimed to have gotten sick eating at an Ohio location which is absolutely believable. Are we cooking chicken in Easy Bake Ovens or something? Guac remains extra, but diarrhea is free of charge.

 

The Wilpons

Two years ago, the New York Mets were in the World Series. They lost, but they were good enough to get there. Between countless injuries, mishandling of players, and constant penny pinching, it’s time Major League Baseball stepped in and did something about the worst ownership in professional sports. This team is a piggy bank to Wilpon family (a piggy bank that Bernie Madoff enjoyed dipping his hand into over a decade ago, but ownership would like you to think happened last week). Mets fans are tired of the nonsense, and these two frauds will not see another dime of my money til something is done.

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