Let me start off by saying that Iron Man 2 is probably the worst film in the MCU. It bothers the living hell out of me, especially coming off of what I consider one of the best Marvel movies period, the first Iron Man. Ask most Marvel fans and they’ll probably rank this one near or at the bottom of their list which is totally valid. There are some incredible lows in this film, and i’ll do my best to break them down and sort them out for you.

Iron Man 2 is the 3rd installment of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, released on May 7th, 2010. By all means, this is the first true step in building towards The Avengers, as it features Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow, Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury, and Clark Gregg as Agent Coulson. To quickly summarize, Iron Man 2 starts off with Tony at the Stark Expo in Queens, NY. He’s showboating his Iron Man suit, as he often does, but it’s also revealed that he’s dying, poisoned by the very thing keeping him alive, his chest arc reactor. Watching on television somewhere in Russia, the sinister Ivan Vanko, played by Mickey Rourke, is working away on his own version of the arc reactor, based on plans crafted by his father and Tony’s dad, Howard. He ambushes Tony at the Monaco Grand Prix, debuting his alter ego Whiplash. This is met with curiosity from Tony’s rival arms dealer, Justin Hammer, played by Sam Rockwell. Hammer breaks Whiplash out of prison and hires him to build a fleet of Iron Man-like suits for him to win back his government arms contract. Vanko does build Hammer his suits, but is also secretly working on improving his Whiplash armor, very similar to the way Stark secretly built his Iron Man armor in captivity in the first installment of the franchise. The film culminates with a battle at the Stark expo, and with the help of Don Cheadle’s War Machine, Tony saves the day once again. Oh, and remember how Tony was dying? Yeah, he just magically creates a brand new element that has the power to save him. He’s really smart guys.

You’ll notice how I left out a lot of what happens in the middle of the movie. There’s a reason for that. It’s pure trash.

There’s so much happening in the second act of this movie that is painful to the eyes and ears.

Let’s start with Rhodey becoming War Machine because Tony Stark was too drunk in his Iron Man suit. Riiiiiiiight. Just try and watch this nonsense with a straight face. Also, shout out to a cameo by DJ AM. RIP.

“I want my bird.” Vanko insists on Hammer getting him his bird, and he seems pretty damn serious about it. Yet, later in the movie he gets a random bird and….

….it immediately gets bagged in hilarious fashion! Also, what the hell is with Sam Rockwell in this movie? He is insanely bad and overacting the shit out of this thing. Mickey Rourke looks bored to death at every turn, and that’s saying something coming from an actor who was pretty much blacklisted from Hollywood for like a decade before this.

I only put this here because John Favreau stinks at acting. Decent director, stinky actor. Also, are we really not supposed to think ScarJo is Black Widow? Why even bother trying to hide it and play this game?

Finally, I’d like to shout out to Kate Mara for being in this thing for a total of 30 seconds.

I honestly could go on and on and nitpick this movie to death. Iron Man 3 stinks just as bad which is kind of crazy to think that for as much acclaim this series has, it only really has one good entry.

My final review: 3.0 out of 10. I’ve included the trailer just in case you wanted to test it out yourself. Godspeed.

Stay tuned for our next entry in The 300s Marvel Cinematic Rewind, Thor.