I Know What the NBA All Star Game is Missing

I’ve had a few days to process the NBA All-Star Game now and I’m honestly amazed I made it through 75% of the game. Damn, that shit is boring. Nobody plays defense, people jog back and forth, and just chuck 3s. Every now and then there’s a nice dunk or alleyoop and Chuck or Kenny Smith says something stupid (pull!), but that’s about all the entertainment there is. There’s honestly less than 5 plays worth seeing, and you can catch those highlights online. To save you some time, here are the only two dunks worth seeing:

Luckily, I know how to fix the game. Make the ASG a real live game of NBA Jam. Limit the number of players on the court to two per side, subbing out every two minutes, make everyone wear flame retardant gloves, and any time someone makes 2 shots in a row light the ball on fire and have at it….

But seriously, it’s time to update the ASG. Adding the draft last year was a good start, but they need to go further. And I think they can do that by taking a cue from NBA Jam. Obviously I don’t mean the part about fire, but remember how every now and then a star would appear on the floor with a number and it would be worth that many points? That’s what I mean. 

Here’s how I would do it: you have 3-4 marked circles on each end of the court, and they randomly light up with a number inside. Each time that number is different. I’d maybe only do it on 15-20% of possessions, but I think that would be enough to add some excitement and keep the players on their toes. 

The game is already an arcade game as it is, why not take it a step further? 500 points in a game would be hilarious. It wouldn’t need to be every time down the court, but if they did it infrequently enough that players would all of a sudden kick the ball out to a spot from way behind the arc, that could add some excitement to the game. It would also force the game to be close, and maybe you do actually see people trying to play defense on those shots. It’s already a chuck-fest, why not make those shots worth more points? Plus, this would open up the floor for even more dunks. Not only that, but there have been murmurs of the NBA considering a 4 point shot, and although I think that would be moronic, it would give them a grounds to test it out. Yo Adam Silver, let’s get it done!

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