Yahoo – Rapper Bun B shot an armed man who broke into his Houston home, pointed a gun at his wife and tried to steal his car, according to police.

My knee-jerk, shooting from the hip (PUNS!) reaction to this story is that this is like the diner scene in “Pulp Fiction” if Jules Winnfield had decided existentialism could fuck itself and just blown Ringo’s head clear off. The would be car thief in this story, much-like Ringo in the aforementioned Tarantino classic, had no idea that he was about to take up arms against, as they say, a real one. In that sense, both low-grade scamps can almost be seen as sympathetic figures.

However like most stories your favorite blogger of the random and obscure indites these days, this one has layers, like an onion.

The first layer is the largest, and is called “this is fucking Texas”. The very second I land in Texas I assume everyone from the guy behind the counter at Whataburger to the little girl selling lemonade is strapped. The fact that this Albert McGlone-wannabe thought he was going to shove his way into a random house in Texas and steal a car unscathed is completely batshit. Robbing a home in Texas, in short, is no saner than robbing a gun store.

Secondly, you kind of have to assume he knew this was Bun B’s house. Why else would he go straight to the garage, where an Audi was parked? And assuming he knew this was Bun B, don’t you think that maybe kind of sort of he should have thought twice before trying to steal his car? I mean look, not all rappers have guns and Bun isn’t a “I got guns” kind of rapper for the most part, but in the LEAST you gotta figure a guy with his kind of money has a sick security system? I mean my MAN what the fuck was going through your head?

Lastly, and this is more about professional pride, but I feel like as a criminal if you are engaged in a shootout it’s your duty to hit your target. I WOULD NEVER want Bun B injured. But if you choose a life of crime as a career and proceed to break into a man’s home, run into his garage, hop into his car, and then engage in a a gunfight, it is in the job description you at least hit a kneecap. Is it too much to ask for competent armed robberies?

To restate the title of this #2019NFLDraft night blog: Please do not try and rob Bun B or you will be shot. Furthermore, The 300s does not condone any kind of armed robbery, even when done correctly.

-Joey B.