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The Patriots Have No Shot at Deshaun Watson. I’d Still Trade Everything But the Kitchen Sink For Him

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In what has been the absolutely worst kept secret, Deshaun Watson and the Texans appear to be done as the Pro Bowl QB has officially requested a trade. I mean what did the Texans expect? They continuously bungled personnel and front office decisions and then tell their best player they’ll include him in decisions such as the hiring of the next GM. And then they hire Nick Caserio, who despite the past interest between both sides is someone who wasn’t actually on the list of the candidates their highly publicized search committee put together. Even worse, the move came at the behest of Petyr Baelish AKA Jack Easterby himself. I wrote about how bad things had gotten with Easterby in the fold last month and then Sports Illustrated wrote their second hit piece in just over a month absolutely demolishing the guy. Then the team tells Watson they’ll include him in the process of hiring the next head coach. And they completely ignore Watson’s request to interview Chiefs innovative Offensive Coordinator Eric Bieniemy, only interviewing him after it came out how pissed the QB was. A terrible look. So last night the Texans hire 65-year-old David Culley who’s never been an Offensive Coordinator in the NFL. Then this morning Schefty was promptly announcing Watson’s trade request to make it all official.

Deshaun Watson at this point:

So Watson is going to get traded it’s just a matter of where and how much will it cost. Trading for a 3x Pro Bowl QB who is coming off an MVP caliber season and is still just 25-years-old is going to get EXPENSIVE.

But would you rather the Patriots try and find their next QB in the draft? With the departure of Caserio, who was Belichick’s right hand man in football ops and scouting for the last several years, I am even less confident in the Patriots finding elite talent. Now in the next breath it must be addressed that Caserio did in fact go to run the show in Houston where he is seemingly going to have to trade the best QB in franchise history as his first move. So does that familiarity between the two sides work in their favor or does it immediately kneecap the Patriots’ chances because Caserio doesn’t want to look like he’s doing his old boss a favor?

Another aspect to consider is Watson has a full no-trade clause, which is pretty rare in the NFL, so it will require not only making the trade but convincing the player too. This ain’t three years ago. New England isn’t exactly an enticing place for a player to join these days. With no tight ends to speak of and a receiver core that ranges from undrafted overachiever to first round bust, why would Deshaun want to come here? It’s basically the same situation he’s currently in.

Except the coach and the owner.

That’s their only shot. After years in the clown show that is Houston, he could come in and play for the best coach in the history of the game. Maybe, as was mentioned in that same SI article, Watson really, genuinely longs for a winning culture like he had back in Clemson. Well if that’s true, there is no better place than New England. Just a couple of years removed from their last Super Bowl win and actively looking for the next young guy to take the mantle of the most successful team in NFL history, with a Hall of Fame coach, and a well respected and beloved owner. That could be enticing to Deshaun Watson.

Now of course this all assumes the Jets, the Dolphins, or even the Jaguars don’t value Watson as much as I do and bow out of throwing a bunch of first rounders at Houston. Because the offers those teams can make would blow the Pats out of the water. Granted the Patriots are sitting at No. 15 and are unlikely to have any (according to draft “experts”) elite franchise QBs fall to them so I’m more than willing to trade that pick. But if you’re the Patriots you just got punched in the head with the reminder that if you don’t have an elite QB you are cooked right out of the gate. After 20 years of consistent play from a first ballot Hall of Famer under center it’s easy to forget that not every team has been so fortunate. So if you’re Belichick you should be calling the Texans right now telling them pick what you want and send over the paper work. Whether that’s 3 or even 4 first rounders I’m doing that 100% of the time. A franchise QB is just that valuable and yes the Pats need to fill some holes around the player, but thats something you worry about after bringing him in. With a ton of cap space to work with they could find a Tight End and a Receiver to fill things out alongside Watson pretty quick.

Realistically there’s not really any chance of landing Deshaun Watson so I’m just kind of daydreaming right now, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’d trade everything but the kitchen sink for him. Hell, throw that in there too.

This Reimagined Darth Vader Obi Wan CGI Fight Needs to Be Digitally Inserted Into Star Wars

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This YouTube video itself is a couple of years old so you may have already seen it, but as I watched Star Wars: A New Hope hungover on the couch on Saturday I remembered just how awesome this clip is. Star Wars was obviously a groundbreaking, archetype constructing film that movies after it forever mimicked. With that being said, some of the movie hasn’t aged as well, which is to be expected 40+ years later. One of the more dated aspects is the climactic lightsaber battle between Darth Vader and Obi Wan Kenobi, mainly because Sir Alec Guinness was already 63-years-old when he played the legendary Jedi. And since CGI wouldn’t be invented for another generation the huge standoff between former master and padawan leaves a lot to be desired in terms of choreography.

Which is why I am campaigning for this CGI reimagining of the Vader Obi Wan fight created by FXitinPost to be digitally reinserted into all future airings of A New Hope. It takes what you already know is a genre defining battle and gives it the Hollywood treatment it truly deserves. Joey B and I were talking the other night about how the new Star Wars movies look great, but the stories have been kind of meh, which is the inverse of the originals. This gives us the best of both worlds, which is exactly what we got a glimpse of in one of the Star Wars standalone films. You never really understood the power and the violence and the rage of Darth Vader until that final scene in Rogue One where he makes it abundantly clear in just 90 seconds why he’s not to be fucked with.

#RushHourRap – Mac Miller – 2009

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It’s like I never felt alive before
Mhmm, I’d rather have me peace of mind than war
See me and you, we ain’t that different
I struck the fuck out and then I came back swingin’
Take my time to finish, mind my business
A life ain’t a life ’til you live it

It’s no secret that I’m a big Mac Miller fan and last week would have been his 29th birthday after passing away in 2018, which is crazy he wouldn’t have even been 30 yet. I think Mac was an artist that I related to because I was in college when he first started popping online and he was rapping about a lot of the same stuff I was doing. He was probably the most successful out of the white kid frat rap genre (Asher Roth, Sammy Adams, Chris Webby etc.) that was like a comet back in the late 2000s, but he was also the only one to really grow up and his music reflected that.

K.I.D.S. and Best Day Ever still immediately takes me back to drinking around campus and Blue Slide Park came out when I was living by myself in New York working my first real life job. (It was also the first time I owned a car with an actual CD player) Watching Movies With the Sound Off though is where Mac really started experimenting and you could see he was trying to break out of the party rapper mold, which eventually led to much more well rounded albums like GO:OD AM. He started branching out into other genres like funk and somehow successfully bending that to fit his own style like he did with The Divine Feminine before releasing arguably his best all around album Swimming, released just over a month before his death in 2018. His family and inner circle posthumously released his Circles album in 2020 as well.

But I think one of the most enduring examples of his work oddly enough was his NPR Tiny Desk Concert. I was feeling nostalgic the other day so I threw that up on YouTube and it just shows the growth Mac Miller had from his early days as he croons with a live band including one of my favorite songs of his, the melancholy ballad “2009.” There are much worse ways to spend 15 minutes of your day so I highly recommend checking it out.

Julian Edelman is NOT Retiring. Here’s the Top 3 Key Factors

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There has been rampant speculation the last week or so that Julian Edelman may be calling it a career after a rather innocuous tweet, but hey the Patriots aren’t playing in January for the first time in forever so people are bored and reading more into things than they normally would. Despite missing the last 10 games of the season due to knee surgery, Edelman came out today and squashed any rumors of him retiring just yet. If you’ve been paying attention over the last decade or so, it’s hard to imagine him going out on Injured Reserve. With that being said, that time is coming sooner than later, so let’s take a look at some of the key factors that led to his return.

1.) Edelman has 1 year left on his contract

Despite being beat to all hell over the years, the guy just loves to ball. So with at least one year left where a team wants him to play football for them, I can’t see Edelman saying no to that. Whether he probably should retire or not with his long term health in mind is a different question. I know he’s pretty far behind Stanley Morgan in terms of Touchdowns and Receiving Yards (and games played), but with his 3 Super Bowl rings, his reliability on the field, his Jerry Rice-esque playoff stats, and his laundry list of clutch plays, Edelman is already the greatest receiver in Patriots history if you ask me. He’s also only 52 receptions behind Wes Welker for the all-time Patriots record so that could factor into him playing another season or two.

2.) Does Edelman want to retire a Patriot or rejoin Tom Brady?

In what seems to be a popular move these days a lot of former Patriots are finding their way down to Tampa. Whether thats through a pseudo-retirement like Gronk, which still doesn’t sit well with me, or even guys who only had a cup of coffee, albeit a wildly successful cup, with the Pats like Antonio Brown. There’s also speculation that more could join him like impending free agent James White, who would be an oh so perfect fit in Tampa. So with Edelman announcing he’ll be back that would seem to confirm he’s not going to try and force his way out of town to rejoin Tom in Florida. Now if he’s healthy and Tom is still playing, he could link up with him after *next* season, but those are two big ifs. Mostly because Edelman’s health is never a certainty, but also because Brady only signed a 2-year contract so he could actually, finally, be retired at that point.

But I think this is missing the entire point.

While Julian Edelman clearly reveres Tom Brady, people seem to forget how much he genuinely loves playing for Bill Belichick. If you’ve seen Edelman’s documentary or read any of his life story then you know Edelman’s dad was a Hall of Fame hard ass who worked Jules’ to the bone growing up and helped mold him into the guy he is today. And I genuinely believe that is something that Edelman not only appreciates, but he craves it. Not to mention Belichick is the only guy that gave Edelman a shot coming out of college and again putting him in a position to succeed in the NFL.

Plus few people have embraced living in Boston more than Edelman has. The guy still lives in the Back Bay, rides his skateboard around town, and is known to pop into random spots like Hojoko in Fenway for a burger. So yes the Pats were a dumpster fire last year while the Bucs are still playing for a Super Bowl berth, but with everything I just rattled off I truly think Edelman wants to retire as a Patriot.

3.) Slot Receiver History

Edelman will be 35 before the start of training camp with 11 seasons already under his belt and a litany of injuries over the years, but I can’t imagine a guy with a self produced documentary called “100%” and a biography called “Relentless” wanting to go out this way. Keep in mind, statistically he had literally his best game EVER in Week 2 against Seattle going off for 8 catches and 179 yards before nagging injuries caught up to him and the wheels fell off the Cam Newton experiment. So as of just a few months ago he still had elite production. However he is already past the expiration date we see on just about every slot receiver, who all take an inhumane level of abuse throughout their careers. Wes Welker retired at the age of 34, but had his last 50+ reception season at 32. The Jets’ all-time slot guy Wayne Chrebet retired at the age of 32. Troy Brown is probably the best Edelman comparison at this point as he caught his last pass at the age of 35 when he had 43 receptions for 384 yards and 4 Touchdowns. Obviously the talent devoid Patriots will need more from a 35-year-old Edelman than 43/384/4 if they’re going to be successful, but thats the measuring stick for 35-year-old slot receivers. Clearly it’s not fair to expect 100 receptions from a guy going into his 12 season, but that just goes to show you the situation the Pats have put themselves in with poor personnel moves (trading a 2nd for Mohamed Sanu) and even worst drafting (1st round WR N’Keal Harry).

While I have no idea if Belichick will do what I hope he does and execute Order 66 this offseason to get the Patriots back to where they need to be, I am glad we get to watch at least one more year of Julian Edelman.

Bill Burr Dunks On Star Wars Nerds Complaining About His Boston Accent in The Mandalorian

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Bill Burr just effortlessly dunking on the nerds yet again. I guess this just speaks to living in one place for so long because to be honest I didn’t even notice his Boston accent in The Mandalorian. Burr has, what is in my experience, a pretty typical, understated yet distinct Boston accent despite living in LA for so many years.

Burr is right though, Star Wars nerds are fine with C-3PO sounding like he’s been knighted or even the fact that in a galaxy far far away the dominant language is the same exact one as yours, but as soon as Billy Red Face starts dropping his R’s we got a problem. It’s not like he was committing the cardinal sin of unironically playing up his accent, which is something akin to treason in Boston.

All jokes aside, Bill Burr is a sneaky really good actor. He’s done bits in the past about how he used to only get the goofy friend role in rom coms because nobody was casting a leading man with bright red hair. He crushed it on Chappelle’s Show back in the day and had some funny roles over the years (i.e. The Heat), but when he showed up in a serious role as Kuby in Breaking Bad I think a lot of people, myself included, took a step back and said oh shit Billy can act.

Now he’s got a recurring guest spot on one of the biggest shows around and I say this without an ounce of sarcasm, I would watch an entire spin off series starring Mayfeld just dicking around the galaxy. Make it happen, Favreau.

#RushHourRap – Ab-Soul ft. Kendrick Lamar – ILLuminate

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Racks on racks, I don’t rap on tracks
Without my A-game, so please don’t ask me about no pressure
Bitch, with the grip of my fingertip I can hold this coast together

Ab-Soul goes hard on “ILLuminate,” but Kendrick Lamar is so so good. K-Dot isn’t a voracious social media user though so I feel like he drifts in and out of people’s minds. He came out with what I said was the album of the year in 2017 with “DAMN.” He followed that up in 2018 with the surprisingly excellent movie soundtrack to Black Panther. Movie soundtracks are usually flimsy albums with one hit song like Wild Wild West, but Kendrick took the job serious as all hell and put out a legit full fledged album. He’s been relatively quiet in the two years since so we’re stepping into the way back machine for this 2012 Ab-Soul track “ILLuminate” featuring Kendrick doing the damn thing.

#RushHourRap – Chris Webby – Raising The Bar

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True story: Back in college I used to work at The Gap where I developed my bulletproof method of folding t-shirts and crisply stacked denim. But because I was absolutely broke I would work whatever shift I could get so sometimes that was the mid-afternoon shift working the register and folding reasonably priced sweaters. Other times it was the 4 AM shift unloading the truck and opening up all the new products. And since I was one of the only guys that worked there, this included taking the 100 pounds of cardboard through the back hallways of the mall, down the sketchy service elevator, and into the belly of the South Shore Plaza to crush it all up in the dumpster. Real great job for like $9 an hour. Anyways, I paint this picture so you can understand how any form of entertainment was greatly needed. Now the No. 1 perk of working these absurdly early morning shifts was the fact that the mall was obviously not open yet so we could listen to our own music in the store. Well being like 19-years-old provides a certain level of the chemical “fuck it” in your system so when the middle aged ladies would bring out the radio to play some Matty in the Morning, I would snatch the Aux cord and BLAST obscure rap like Chris Webby at 5 in the morning. Now just picture me, unpacking boxes before the sun was even up, playing rap at a deafening level inside a dimly lit Gap just to get through the morning.

Bill Belichick Sidesteps PR Disaster and Declines Medal of Freedom from President Trump

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Bill Belichick is a well known military historian after growing up in Annapolis where his veteran father was an assistant football coach at Navy for 30 years, who just turned down the nation’s highest civilian honor from the Commander in Chief. This is not a garden variety accolade, the Presidential Medal of Freedom is an award for “an especially meritorious contribution to the security or national interests of the United States, world peace, cultural or other significant public or private endeavors.” So for Belichick to decline the Medal of Freedom from the President of the United States is not something he took lightly.

After the shit show that was last week at the Capitol it would have been utterly impossible for Belichick to accept this award from the man who has become politically radioactive. Not to mention all the heat Bill has taken over the last few years for his friendship (and endorsement letter) with Donald Trump. After what we’ve seen in the last week along with the fierce opposition from NFL players who have publicly railed against the President the last four years, the blowback Belichick would have faced would have been immense.

Now you can argue that this is all bullshit and Belichick got bullied into declining the award, but it brings to mind something I always say to my own team: perception is reality. You can have the best of intentions (or not), you can think you’re in the right, but you need to be mindful of perception. The Patriots are coming off their worst season in 20 years, the United States Capitol was just stormed for the first time in 100+ years after the President whipped people into a frenzy, and the man that would be personally handing this award to Belichick just became the first President in the history of the United States to be impeached twice. Even the dumbest person in the room knows you don’t want to be associated with somebody accused of inciting an insurrection.

Yahoo’s Charles Robinson thinks the decision was more personal than business for Belichick.

“The league has been largely living inside its own bubble the past week where it concerns Trump, a bubble that was forged by past events and whose ideology is it’s better to ignore the things Trump says and does than to engage.

All of that makes what Belichick just did feel more personal. He could have accepted Trump’s honor as an outright show of support, or simply because Belichick doesn’t like to be told what he should be doing. Also because he could have simply said “no” without context. If anything, it’s more unprecedented for Belichick to explain himself. So the fact that he did so suggests he knows the gravity of the moment.

What Belichick said sounded personal to him, particularly his reminder that he is speaking as “an American citizen.” That sounds like someone who is making a clear prioritization. Yes, he wrote a letter to Trump in support of his presidential run in 2016. Yes, they previously had a long friendship that Trump likes to drop into conversations from time to time. But Belichick is complicated. He also has an appreciation of American history and a steeped family history in the military. And while he doesn’t engage politically very often in public, those who have known him for a long time suggest he’s as thoughtful about the foundational elements of democracy as he is about football.”

So maybe it was a come to Jesus moment for Belichick and he is now questioning his relationship with Trump or maybe it’s just an infamously shrewd strategic mind in Belichick reading the room and sidestepping what would have been an inevitable PR shit storm. Either way he deserves credit for putting the team before any personal accolades and not only declining the award, but going against his modus operandi and providing a detailed explanation as to why he made the decision.

Woman Clings to Hood of Speeding Car to Stop Couple From Stealing Puppy

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Click2Houston – A frightening scene on a Houston highway. A woman clung to the hood of a speeding car while trying to get back a stolen puppy. Police said they are now searching for one of two suspects they believe was involved after an arrest was made Tuesday…James said on Nov. 4, a couple came into her store to look at different breeds of dogs. They decided to buy a $10,000 exotic bully, according to James. Then as she went upstairs to grab paperwork for a nearby UPS driver, the couple left the store, the woman had the dog in her arms.

Surveillance cameras caught the couple leaving.

Then James bolted after them. She said her only concern was the 7-month-old bully, who just had surgery days earlier and needed special medication.

“My mind is focused on her health, I obviously didn’t care about my wellbeing,” James said.

She chased the couple to their car. James said she demanded they give the dog back, instead, they hit her with the car, then threatened to run her over.

“Next time I heard the gas go, he went very aggressively and it (the bumper) kind of like slapped me on top of the car,” James said.

She clung to the car as they sped throughout the area.

This young lady can drink from my canteen any day. You have to watch the video to understand how crazy this scene really was. This wasn’t even her dog! She just worked at the pet store that this scumbag couple decided to rob.

Everybody bitches about their job, complaining about the horrible working conditions AKA your apartment. Meanwhile this woman is narrowly escaping death in the middle of her shift and laughing it off with Channel 2 later that week. I imagine her as Dante in Clerks when all this shit goes down and she’s on the hood of the car bombing down the highway just thinking to herself how she got into this situation.

The crazy thing is, I think every dog owner can relate to this situation. You better believe I’m jumping on the hood of that car if it’s my pup someone tries to snatch. I’ll throw hands with a nun if she’s trying to take my dog. This woman essentially turned into the T-1000 from Terminator 2 when these two dognappers tried to make away with the pup.

You can run, you can fight, but you ain’t getting this dog without adding Assault With a Deadly Weapon to your rap sheet. So for that I tip my cap to this pet store employee. Hopefully the owner gives this girl a raise for laying her life on the line for a part-time job.

PS – Don’t spend $10,000 on a puppy. There are tons of dogs you can rescue and adopt for 1/20th of that cost while saving a dog’s life and at the same time not supporting puppy mills.

Ken Jennings Opened His First Jeopardy Episode as Host With a Tear Jerking Alex Trebek Tribute

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My tears weren’t even dry from the Alex Trebek tribute that Jeopardy ran on Friday following Trebek’s final episode before Ken Jennings came in and made my living room supremely dusty all over again.

Below is Friday’s tribute if you missed it.

Big Z is our in house game show expert so I won’t steal his thunder for a future blog on potential host options, but this is a reminder that technically Ken Jennings is guest hosting for the time being. With the thinking being that Jeopardy will try a few different hosts to see who would be the best fit long term. Obviously they would be wise to have a swift audition period because the No. 1 thing Jeopardy had going for it was consistency. People watched Jeopardy every night, not for the questions, but for Alex Trebek. I don’t know the numbers, but I would assume The Price is Right ratings took a hit after Bob Barker retired. Or even post-Regis Philbin on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Certain hosts are synonymous with the show they host so Jeopardy would be smart to find its guy quickly.

Jennings was a solid host in his first crack at the job and if nothing else you know he’s the smartest guy in the room and a Jeopardy fanatic; two of the qualities that made Trebek such a perfect fit. Nobody will ever match his charm, but thats an impossible task to conquer so Jeopardy will continue to search for the next best guy. Who knows, maybe Anderson Cooper is over politics after the last four years and after years of interest, Sony Pictures can finally lure the Silver Fox over to the game show!

In an impossible position, Jennings showed just how much Alex Trebek meant not just to fans across the country, but to himself personally. It was a touching tribute, one that perfectly read the room, and helped ease the transition to the next Jeopardy host.