Recap: CMC getting hurt helped no one, but we wish him a speedy recovery. Mooney had an interesting stat line, recording 4 catches for 20 yards and TD… ugh!
First Sunday Pick: Austin Ekeler O54.5 rushing yards at KC (-115)+104 with 20% DK profit boost
Fact #1: The Chiefs have allowed the fourth-most rushing yards to RBs through the first two weeks (260).
Fact #2: Ekeler has posted rushing totals of 57 and 54 yards, respectively this season.
Fact #3: Ekeler ran for over 90 yards in their first meeting last season.
Second Sunday Pick: Derrick Henry O102.5 rushing yards vs IND (-115)+104 with 20% DK profit boost
Fact #1: Henry’s last 3 rushing totals vs Indy: 149, 103 and 178.
Fact #2: Less you forge he ran for 182 on Seattle last week.
Third Sunday Pick: Davante Adams O86.5 receiving yards at SF (-115)
Fact #1: Adams went for 10-173-1 on this San Fran team last season.
Fact #2: Adams is also fresh off an 8-121-0 game on Monday vs Detroit.
I’m also going to sprinkle Adams anytime TD at -110 because he’s without one this season and that’s uncharacteristic as he hasn’t gone three straight games without a TD since November 2019.
Fifth and Sixth Sunday Pick: Matthew Stafford O26.5 completions vs Bucs (-120) +100 with 20% DK profit boost and Robert Woods O5.5 catches (-115)
Fact #1: These two teams clashed last season with Goff at the helm for the Rams and he went 39/51, 376 yds, 3 TD, 2 INT, so using the transitive property, Stafford should be able to do that or better since he’s an upgrade from Goff.
Fact #2: Darrell Henderson is out with a rib injury today and no team has successful rushing outings vs the Bucs anyway, so McVay will be calling passing plays early and often. Last season they attempted just 20 rushes.
Tom Brady is the only NFL player, and one of only 64 North American professional athletes, to win at leas six championships. There are no NFL players, and only 30 North American professional athletes, who have ever won more than six. Of those 30 athletes, only two never wore pinstripes, green and white, or bleu blanc et rouge. (Red Kelly won eight Stanley Cups in the ’50s and ’60s [four with Detroit and then four more with Toronto], and Robert Horry won seven titles while moving from dynasty to dynasty in the NBA in the ’90s and 2000s [Houston in 1994 and 1995, the Lakers in 2000, 2001 and 2002, and San Antonio in 2005 and 2007]. )
A win on Sunday would serve to strengthen the claim that the “Patriot Way” is/was really the “Brady Way.” A win on Sunday would cement Brady’s legacy as a one-man dynasty. With a win, he would pass Michael Jordan and tie Babe Ruth with seven championships. While 20 men could still claim more than seven rings, Bill Russell and Joe DiMaggio may be the only two who could credibly claim to be primarily responsible for more team championships than Brady. Brady is already on the Boston sports Mount Rushmore. He’s already on the NFL Mount Rushmore. If he’s not already on it now, a win on Sunday would solidify his spot on the North American sports Mount Rushmore.
Should Brady and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers lose on Sunday, that shouldn’t impact Brady’s legacy. I don’t want to hear the argument that 6-0 (Jordan) or 4-0 (Montana) is better than 6-4 in the championship. That gives Jordan more credit for losing to the Detroit Pistons in the Eastern Conference playoffs three years in a row. It gives Montana more credit for his four one-and-dones. Whether it’s 6-4 or 7-3, Brady should get more credit for likely taking some teams further than they had any business going.
I’ll admit it, I wasn’t driving the Brady/Gronk Bandwagon this season but I will be pulling for them on Sunday. It’s not that I was rooting against them this season. I’ve got no problem with a couple of guys who want to switch jobs or move to a different company. Their departures were no where near as acrimonious as the departures of Bill Parcells, Roger Clemens or Johnny Damon. It’s just not that easy as a fan to switch allegiances. I wish it were, though. No state income tax and seventy-degree days in January and February sound awfully nice. Can’t blame Brady and Gronk for seeking greener pastures.
Like Jerry Seinfeld said, at some level, we’re all just cheering for the clothes.
While Patrick Mahomes and the Kansas City Chiefs still have a long way to go to catch up with Brady and the Patriots, they do look like the type of team that could rip off three championships in a row, or four in five years. As a Patriots fan, I don’t want to see that happen. I’ve got no issue with Mahomes, Andy Reid, or the Chiefs, but I don’t want to see my team challenged like that. Not in the historical context, or even just next year in the AFC. As a fan, I like knowing that the Patriots were the last team to go back-to-back, and that nobody has ever won three in a row. So those are a few more reasons why I’ll be pulling for the Buccaneers on Sunday.
For Kansas City, after a trip to the AFC Championship Game two years ago and now back-to-back trips to the Super Bowl, this will be their 56th game in the last three seasons. That feels like a lot of football. The Patriots were actually in the exact same position three years ago in Minneapolis. After losing to Denver in the 2015 AFC Championship Game, they won Super Bowl LI over Atlanta a year later and got back to the big game the following year. Memorably, they couldn’t finish the job and fell to Philadelphia in Super Bowl LII.
Only a few years prior, Super Bowl SLIX was the 55th game in three seasons for the 2014 Seahawks who were also trying to defend a title against Brady. The Patriots scored 14 unanswered points in the fourth quarter, and made the best goal line stand of all time, to deny the Seahawks in their bid to repeat.
Brady doesn’t just start dynasties, he ends them too. Just ask Marshall Faulk and Pete Carroll. The Chiefs could be the next dynasty/near-dynasty to get derailed by Tom Brady.
In all of the Patriots Super Bowl losses in my lifetime, there seemed to be some drama or general weirdness leading up to the game in retrospect. Before Brady, Parcells had one foot out the door before the Patriots fell to Brett Favre and the Packers in 1997. The first Super Bowl against the Giants had the weight of a potential perfect season crash down on the Patriots, and they couldn’t shake that off in the rematch four years later. (The Giants and Tom Coughlin may just be Bill Belichick’s two bugaboos.) And who could forget the time Belichick lost a Super Bowl on purpose just to make a point when he benched former Super Bowl hero Maclolm Butler in Super Bowl LII?
Maybe things are just tamer this year with COVID precautions, but it doesn’t feel like this year’s Tampa Bay team is engulfed by any similar dramas or weirdness.
It feels like the Buccaneers have already played their toughest games this postseason, winning three straight road games to get back home. While it won’t be a home game in the traditional sense, how could it not be a huge advantage to play a COVID Super Bowl in your home city, getting to avoid the hassle of traveling in the time of COVID? It also feels like the Chiefs have played a lot of football over the last few seasons, and oftentimes teams in that situation can run out of gas.
I’m taking the Bucs -3 and betting the total goes over 56 points. I’m expecting a classic shootout, with the old man getting the last laugh.
“Dog Days” is a term generally used for summer and I believe (completely assumed with zero context or sources) is a reference to a dog’s preference to just kind of lie there when it gets unbearably hot in the summer; a practice humans enjoy taking on as well. However I feel like that sort of mood applies to the January/February time-frame as well. It’s cold out. You don’t really want to go anywhere. Sometimes there’s a global pandemic you want to avoid. You’re wearing comfy clothes and relaxing on your preferred comfortable chair/couch. It’s just a lazy time of year.
With that said the blog don’t sleep, so Joey B. can’t rest. There’s a number of things worthy of touching on in the sports world and beyond. So let’s do just that, perhaps over a cup of hot cocoa.
Conor McGregor Dominated By Dustin Poirier
There are six COMMON outcomes for an MMA fight. Not total, but common. Each fighter can win by decision, KO/TKO, or submission (3×2=6). Going into last Saturday’s main event I would have said “Poirier-KO/TKO” would have been the fifth most likely outcome, only edging out McGregor by sub. Boy howdy was I wrong. He threw hard calf kicks to McGregor’s lead leg and he threw them often. He was flowing with his boxing and beating McGregor up. The Irishman never looked comfortable and didn’t seem totally sure of himself. This all culminated in a finish in Rd2. A big question before the fight was what Conor McGregor’s next would move be if he lost? Now that we’ve arrived at that scenario the answer is all the more fleeting. Speculators like myself have long said the third Nate Diaz fight would always would be there. I guess it is, but after watching the unsure, rigid version of McGregor we saw last Saturday, it just doesn’t seem as exciting of a prospect. The man himself angled for a third fight with Poirier, and somewhere down the line that has to happen. McGregor dominated the first, Poirier dominated the second. But in the immediate future Poirier gets to call his shot, be it a “money” fight with Nate Diaz or a title fight, for Khabib Nurmagomedov’s presumably vacated belt, against Charles Oliveira. Re-matching a man he just soundly defeated and is 3-3 in his last six MMA fights and 1-1 at 155lbs in the UFC doesn’t make any sense. It is a tricky conundrum indeed at this time to determine a match up could keep McGregor at the top of a PPV card while not finding him the vast underdog.
Deshaun Watson Officially Wants Out
As reported by Adam Schefter today, Deshaun Watson has officially asked for the fuck out of Houston and the Realm of Littlefinger Jack Easterby. Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean his time in Houston is definitely over, but I can’t be the only one that feels like there is no turning back for the team or the player. This begs the question of what kind of package Houston wants for Watson. A lot of folks on twitter are saying it’s going to take an absolute haul of picks + talent from the trade partner + possibly some extra bodies for cap/contract reasons. That does indeed make sense. But what I don’t think can be overlooked is what Houston is losing here: their starting QB. What that makes me wonder is whether or not the Texans see some value in, or quite possibly were once enamored with pre-draft, a few of the young QBs that have fallen out of favor with their current team. There will be an unprecedented, to say the least, amount of starting/starting caliber QB movement this off-season. It’s not just Deshaun Watson seeking a new home. So rather than just looking at usual suspects when evaluating who may go after Watson, think of teams that may have both an interest in the Clemson product and a player to offer who could possibly take a shot at replacing him: Chicago (Mitch Trubisky), Denver (Drew Lock), New York-B (Sam Darnold), San Francisco (Jimmy Garoppolo), Philadephia (Carson Wentz). You get the idea.
Bradley Beal Becomes First Player To Lose Ten Straight 40-Point Games
What a brutal fucking stat and reality. I’m not the most gigantic hoops fanatic, but I’ve felt for awhile that Bradley Beal was a phenomenal player playing in the wasteland that is D.C. His talent is completey overshadowed by the ineptness of his franchise. Yesterday simply put an exclamation point on the end of that sentence. Ten straight games of scoring an absurd amount of points only to fucking lose. That just has to hurt. And we know it hurts, because it has become one of the internet’s favorite things to get a laugh out of poor Bradley Beal’s body language. Just head in his hands on the bench, thinking “what the fuck did I do to deserve to be here?” This has of course brought on heaps of trade speculation and knowing the Wizards he’ll probably get moved. Let’s hope the man can find some greener pastures. And some happiness.
Nerds On Reddit Defeated And Possibly Ended A Couple Of Hedge Funds In The Name Of GameStop
I don’t know nor care as much about this as I should but I’d be a dick if I didn’t mention it so here we are. Basically, a couple of large hedge funds (boutique investment firms that take big risks HEDGED (wink wink) by betting other money elsewhere in the investment world….or something like that) bet huge money that GameStop’s stock would tank. That makes sense because GameStop is failing and has lost money for something like 12 consecutive quarters. However betting that this will happen actually causes the stock to drop because, stock market. In comes Reddit and the whole crowdfunding thing and “investors” all over started betting ON GameStop, both to be dicks to the Wall Street dicks and also because if they could get the GameStop stock to go up so that THEY’D make money instead of the hedge funds. And Reddit won. One of the hedge funds might even have to close shop which is hilarious. Overall just a chaotic, wacky thing to have happen. Lots of nerds and woke people saying THIS IS WHY THE STOCK MARKET IS BAD. (Calm Down). It’s kind of like playing poker against someone who has no idea what they’re doing. You should be able to wipe them but with ignorance of the game comes their inability to know what a bluff is etc. and they kill you, much to you and your liver’s chagrin.
Drake Pushes Back Album Release Due To Torn ACL
I have no idea why I am so fascinated by this story. There will be no touring for the foreseeable future so it isn’t like Drizzy was smartly avoiding a loss of income. Was he going to celebrate the release of “Certified Lover Boy” on a trampoline? Has having a home gym + quarantine brain actually made him believe he’s a pro-athlete? I’m not sure. I just know that with the fluidity with which music is created and release these days it doesn’t make sense that Wheelchair Jimmy had to delay his album release for a bum knee.
Well, it’s the end of Week Eight in quarantine here in New Jersey. Like most of you, i’ve spent the better part of the last two months picking up and dropping an assortment of new hobbies. I got really into cooking for a week. I’ve spent an exuberant amount of time playing Animal Crossing. I bought a Peleton that broke less than a week into having it (what can I say, can’t exercise, my hands are tied). Overall, my mental health has completely deteriorated when it was borderline to begin with. So naturally, what’s the best quick-fix dopamine boost? Gambling.
One of the many benefits of living in the great state of New Jersey is the legal access to online gambling. At first, this hobby only reared it’s ugly head around noon on Sundays during the months of September through February. But since sports have subsequently been cancelled for the rest of eternity, my hand was forced and I switched over to online gaming. Yes, I could bet the few live sports available (the top bets on my sportsbook of choice are currently Korean Baseball, Belarus Soccer, and Russia Table Tennis). Unfortunately, I do not trust my judgement or knowledge on those selections to feel comfortable wagering any sort of real money.
So let me try to live blog this as it is happening. My go to table game in a real casino would be roulette. It’s as straightforward as they come. 36-1 odds on outright bets. They actually use live people to spin the wheel too which is an added bonus. Now I can share my misery with someone else. So here we go. Let’s spend a few bucks.
I started off with just 10 dollars. Can’t go crazy too soon. The girl spinning the wheel is an absolute riot. In the span of 30 seconds she complained she’s underpaid and that the chair she’s sitting in hurts her back. Somehow I actually managed to win on the first spin. A true quarantine miracle. I also fat fingered a 4 corner bet so not thrilled about that.
Next, I tried Blackjack. A true classic. However, this is played against the computer so I probably should have wised up immediately. Got completely smoked in a matter of 5 minutes. Cool. Moving on.
Digital slots. Another dumb move. Might as well just Venmo the casino and save everyone time. Embarrassing display, nothing to see here.
I’ve now returned to Roulette. Hoping for a second streak of luck. New girl working the wheel. She’s currently windexing the ball and the rim of the wheel. What a wild time to be alive.
Live Baccarat now. I’m not going to lie, I barely know how to play this and I only somewhat vaguely know because i’ve been reading a ton of James Bond books during quarantine. Small win here. Nevermind, completely gave it back.
One last attempt at slots. I never learn.
Moral of the story, quarantine needs to end immediately.
The season is over, the Chiefs are champs, and Andy Reid is eating the biggest cheeseburger you have ever seen. It might even be a double! With the 2019 season behind us, it’s now time to see who took home top honors in The 300s staff NFL Pick ‘Em Bracket. We’ll also take a look at who did the worst and a few other curious notes.
Winner: Big Z, 520 points
The only one to pick against the Pats takes home the cake.
What a weird year for football. It’s crazy that a guy who picked the Cowboys in the Super Bowl, the Steelers in the AFC Championship game, and the Colts in the playoffs not only won, but blew everyone out of the water. Well, congrats to Big Z!
I’m not going to repost everyone else’s brackets because, let’s be honest, that’s not something anyone needs to see again. However, here’s a quick overview of how everyone fared:
I found it odd that I was the only person other than Red to have the Chiefs in the AFC title game. That’s what turned out to be the difference in my second place finish. One thing I do want to highlight, though:
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!
Can we all just take a minute and marvel at how atrociously bad Joey’s bracket turned out to be? First, he picked the BENGALS to make the playoffs. You know, the team picking first in the draft next year? Then he had the Browns beating both the Texans AND the Chiefs. On top of that, he had the Jaguars winning a game. I have to give him a pass on the Patriots, Eagles, and Saints, since all teams underachieved this postseason. But man, that AFC is just terrible.
Lastly, here are a few things I found interesting in all of this:
-Dom was the only person to have the Ravens making the playoffs -Big Z was the only one to have the 49ers in the playoffs -Red was the only one with the Seahawks in the playoffs -Nobody had the Rams winning a playoff game -The Vikings continue to disappoint just about everyone
That’s it for this year of football picks. Baseball is up next, maybe we can do a little better at that…
Back before the season started, a handful of The 300s staff made bold predictions about how this NFL season was going to shakedown. With the first round of the playoffs coming up, it’s time to check in and see how everyone is doing.
As a refresher for how the scoring works, in this round you get: 10 points for each correct playoff team, 5 points for correct seed, and 5 points for correct division winner. A perfect score would get you 220 points.
Mattes:
The Chiefs should be in that empty spot…oops
Just like everyone else, Mattes placed a little too much stock in the Browns and Jaguars. Although not everyone saw the Panthers making the playoffs, I doubt anyone thought they’d be as bad as they turned out this season. Although the Patriots are looking like anything but Super Bowl favorites at the moment, they were in a similar position last year. As we all know, the Patriots aren’t out of it until the clock strikes 0:00. Green Bay was able to sneak in for a first round bye, so although Mattes isn’t off to a perfect start, he’s still in good shape.
Total points: 90
Big Z:
Cowboys in the Super Bowl? YUCK!
Big Z may be the only person to pick against the Pats, but his bracket is full of red. Steelers in the AFC title game, Colts and Browns in the playoffs, Dem Boyz in the SUPER BOWL?! Yuck! The only thing Big Z has going for him at this point is his Super Bowl winner. Hey, at least he picked the 49ers in the playoffs.
Total points: 95
Joey Ballgame:
The Bengals? Really?
Joey Ballgame wins worst pick of the challenge. The Bengals? In the playoffs? Now, everyone in the world had a hard time picking the AFC, but that doesn’t mean a team led by Andy Dalton was going anywhere. Most people were riding high on the Browns, and Joey fell into that trap as well. Surprisingly, Joey is in pretty good shape here, with both of his SB teams and 3/4 championship teams still in it. He also picked the seeding right on 4 teams, which is better than anyone else.
Total Points: 115
Dom:
You know you messed up when you’re NFC title prediction happens in the Wild Card Round.
Just because I invented this new way to gamble doesn’t mean I’m any good at it. Red and I were the only guys to pick the Ravens in the playoffs, albeit losing to a team that’s getting a top 10 pick at next years draft. Just like Joey, I’m riding high on a Brady-Brees matchup in the Super Bowl, but since the Pats need to go through KC to get to the AFC title game and the Vikings play the Saints in the Wild Card, I’m going to have a hard time accumulating points.
Total Points: 100
Red:
Red is in surprisingly good shape here.
Last but not least, we have Red. Which is ironic, because his bracket has the least red of all. Red not only had the Ravens in the playoffs, but also was the only one to have the Seahawks in there. Even though the Eagles take on the Seahawks this weekend, Red still has a chance to get 6/8 Divisional Round teams and all 4 championship teams. However, it seems highly unlikely that the Eagles and Texans make it past the second round.
Total Points: 110
As you can see, these brackets are a huge challenge, especially in the NFL. Nobody had the Ravens or 49ers getting past the first round of the playoffs. The Browns, Jaguars and Cowboys were all major disappointments, and all of us homers were riding a little too high on the Patriots. Over the course of a season, anything can happen. I’ll be checking back next week with another update. LFG PATRIOTS!
Can you believe we are already more than 1/4 of the way through the season? Pretty crazy considering it feels like yesterday it was June and we were DYING for football. I mean people, when we began this season McKayla Maroney wasn’t even back on IG! Crazy stuff.
Anyway, let’s get to how The 300s writers room did in fantasy football this week.
Joey B (0-5)
Another week and another loss. My team had it’s best squad yet and it just wasn’t enough. Squandered huge days from Thielen and Chark, to name a couple. We’ll try and get them next week.
Dom (2-3)
Another Rough Week for the Nerfherders. I went up against Watson, the Philly D and Thielen, so that makes me feel a little better, but my team did not show up and couldn’t even muster 100 points. I blame the Rams, as their defense has been nonexistent and Brandin Cooks got knocked the F out, but I need me a bounce back week ASAP.
Lippa (2-3)
I have always been a big Sammy Watkins stan, but you have to know there’s always going to be those weeks each year where he’s active and gets hurt on the first drive and gives you a bagel. Well, this was that week. That damn hammy is at it again. I’m at 2-3, but I have the least amount of points in the league which is quite worrisome. Tight End has been an absolute wasteland for me for the most part as I just can’t find anyone to get me good production from the spot.
Papa G (who refuses to ever send his record, 4-1)
Lost in my main league for the first time this weekend. Very lackluster performance from the troops. Lamar Jackson gave me his first dud performance as well. Oh well, at least Will Fuller 5 put up a massive 54 points for me in my other league. Insanity.
Red (Who also never sends me his record, 1-4)
I have scored more points each week for the last 4 weeks in a row and had my highest scoring week yet. Unfortunately I played the 3rd highest scoring team this week and lost by nearly 30 points. DJ Chark has been my best fantasy pickup in years and his 32 points along with Cooper Kupp’s 22 meant nothing since my opponent had 37 from Matt freaking Ryan, 37 from Michael Thomas, 27 from Josh Jacobs and 14 from his kicker. I’m about ready for The 300s Fantasy WNBA League to start back up…
Mattes (4-1)
I’m just waiting for the inevitable crash and burn, but I am FLYING HIGH right now. Besides last week’s heartbreaker, my team has continued to straight steamroll my competition. I’m currently sitting in first place at 4-1, I’m second in the league in the points overall, and goddamn it feels good. Dalvin and Thielen continue to be an unreal 1-2 RB/WR combo. I didn’t even start Dak this week either (went with Dalton against the Cards instead), and he’s set up with some real cupcake matchups in the coming weeks. Breida also had a monster game, and he’s locked in as one of the league’s best running offense’s key contributors. (Also, how bout that sneaky Auden Tate play as my second FLEX. ) Still got Kerryon, Robert Woods, Kelce, and a solid bench as well. Again, I still can’t help having this sinking feeling in my gut, and I’m going against the No. 1 team in the league this week. But for now, WEEEEEE!!!!
I feel like each week I’ve said something along the lines of “we now know what we have” in terms of our fantasy teams and players but doesn’t it feel like after Week 4 we know the same about overall, actual NFL football teams? Like at this point we know who is good or could be and who is ass. It’s an interesting place to be only 1/4 of the way through the year.
Still, weird things continue to happen. The Pats got more from the Bills than we thought they would and Mason Rudolph won a professional football game. Strange times indeed.
Anyway, let’s take a look under the fantasy football hood and see how we did.
Lippa (2-2)
Rough week for your boy as I got no touchdowns outside of my QB. Usually a recipe for disaster, especially when I was going up against Kyle’s first place team. We’ve got to take a serious look at this squad going forward as it’s full of underachievers. Although it’s only a matter of time until Sammy Watkins pops off again. That offense is too good. We’re going to have to back into the waiver bog full of Daltons and Cousins (ew!) for a QB again with Stafford on bye. Perhaps it’s Gardner Minshew SZN, we shall see.
FUCKING Red (more on that later) (1-3)
Ya boy finally got on the board with his first W of the year and it could not have come at a better time. 0-3 is a hole, 0-4 is a death sentence. So shout out to Davante Adams and his 27 points that came at the expense of a toe injury so this win might end up actually sinking my season in the long run to be honest. Also Austin Hooper continues to be one of the best TE’s in the league with another 17 points after doing nothing the first two weeks of the season. Roller coaster ride engaged.
Dom (2-2)
Woof. I had a rough week. I was projected to win all of my contests this week, and ended up losing all of them. The Scruffy Looking Nerfherders finally came down to earth. James Conner broke out, but with TY out, Mack getting hurt, Brady and the Rams defense not showing up at all, I couldn’t even muster 100 points. Here’s to a Week 5 rebound.
Joey B (0-4)
I had a hard enough time waking up to find out I was now 0-4, then I received Red’s correspondence where he declared my record a death sentence. Hey fuck you pal. A week ago we were brothers in sorrow, now you’re sitting pretty with one win, swirling your brandy, throwing coins on the ground and watching me chase after them as they scatter. The silver lining is that I won my weekly office pool despite Andy Dalton’s best efforts to lose me both the fantasy week and the pot.
Papa G (4-0)
I’ve somehow arrived at 4-0. Lamar Jackson has leveled off these past two weeks so it’s really a team effort we got going on. Ekeler had what will probably be his last massive performance for me, now that Gordon is coming back. Conner has been meh lately given the Steelers’ lackluster start. I have to tip my cap to Lippa for having an off week, because without it I don’t see how I win this week under normal circumstances. No complaints from me though!
Blogger’s Note: Sorry for the tardiness this week. Big time snooze button week for the boys at The 300s. Leave us alone.
Welcome back. Week 3 has come and gone already. So have the playoff hopes of many of your favorite teams. Sorry I’m not sorry. Anyway, it was an interesting week in fantasy football, particularly within this modest enterprise. Losers became winners. Winners became losers. Some things didn’t change. Let’s check it out.
Biz Z (2-1)
Week 3 was a good week for the Z Men. A very good week. We rolled up 191 points. A personal record, and the highest one-week total in the 12-year history of my league. My only regret was starting Allen Robinson over Brandin Cooks. That kept me from hitting two bills. (Side note – my league’s scoring system is a bit goofy. Even in a standard Yahoo league I would’ve posted 159.)
Dom (2-1)
The Scruffy Looking Nerfherders did it again. Led by a 43 point showing by Keenan Allen and rounded out by solid games by Brady, Zeke, TY Hilton, Marlon Mack, I hardly noticed the duds by Conner and Andrews. Conner is really starting to frustrate me, but luckily I have the depth to wait him out or try to make a 2 for 1 trade. I’m only 5 points back of the league lead in points, so I’m feeling great going into Week 4.
Joey B (0-3)
I would have finally gotten on the board had I started recently acquired Rex Burkhead. But I did not. Did I err in starting someone else? Nope, just simply forgot to sub him in. “Things fall apart, the center cannot hold.”
Red (0-3)
Another week, another painful fantasy loss for your boy. This one was especially tough to swallow because my opponent jumped into the way back machine to pull out the W. I lost by 4 points after Lesean fucking Mccoy went off for 21 points like it was 2013 again. It also did not help that Ezekiel Elliott’s own backup outscored him by 5 points with garbage time points. Goddamnit.
Mattes (3-0)
My entire team dominated this week, and I ended up being the third-highest scorer yet again. That’s now three-straight top-three finishes, and I cannot believe how great of a start it’s been. Even my flexes showed out this week, as I got unreal performances from both Sterling Shepard and Rex Burkhead. Dak, Dalvin, and Kelce continue to roll; Kerryon is at least getting volume and is due to explode soon; Thielen finally got a bit more involved on Sunday; and my bench is still stacked, with Scary Terry McLaurin set to get his first start this week as well. I’m waiting for the inevitable crash and burn, but I’ll take 3-0!!!
Lippa (2-1)
A solid 138 point week from my team to move to 2-1. Things were looking a little hazy when Mike Evans scored a bazillion points in the first half of his game, but Tyler Lockett and Alvin Kamara balled out in the second half of that Seahawks/Saints game to get me up to 2-1. Next week QB streaming continues, as Josh Allen goes to the waiver bog, and Matthew Stafford, your time is now, as you face a porous Chiefs secondary.
With the prospect of falling to 0-2 staring me dead in the face, I needed an extremely reasonable 8 points from Jamison Crowder to win my fantasy football matchup. For a guy that had 17 targets and 17 points in Week 1 that seemed pretty reasonable, except for the fact the guy that gave him all those targets was out with MONO. I’m not here to slut shame anyone, but you really put me in a shitty spot, Sam.
So with that being said I was tasked with watching the entire Jets game AND rooting for a backup QB to feed my guy. Naturally Crowder had a huge catch called back on a penalty and Trevor Siemian failed to impress all night. At least he was a guy with a few years in the league and 20+ starts under his belt though; that gave me hope for a touchdown pass. Welp, once he broke (probably) his ankle I was then forced to root for a 2nd year THIRD string QB in Luke Faulk who is apparently Chad Pennington reincarnated.
Meanwhile the “offensive guru” (Booger McFarland’s words not mine) Adam Gase just set football back about 50 years as he refused to call a play that didn’t involve Le’Veon Bell running the ball or Le’Veon Bell catching a screenpass at the line of scrimmage. The Jets apparently punted on the entire concept of the forward pass last night and were appropriately rewarded with a 3 point performance.
My guy Crowder? The guy I needed 8 points from? Yea he got 6.
HOW DO YOU PEOPLE LIVE THIS WAY??
PS – My other option was Kenyan Drake, the running back from the Dolphins that just got shutout 43-0 so no that wasn’t an option.
The 300s 