Category: General

A List of the Top Tom Brady Documentaries, Cameos, and Skits to Watch While Self Quarantining

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Tom Brady will soon be holding up the jersey of another team and I fully expect that sight to make me weep and/or vomit. So in the meantime while we’re all self quarantining anyways, lets break open the Disney Vault and go through all of the best Tom Brady documentaries, cameos, and skits from over the years.

The Brady 6
If you’ve never seen this NFL Films doc, it is pure Tom Brady porn so make sure you do it alone. It details all the bums drafted ahead of Brady and how all their careers played out. “He has four goats” is still the greatest ether these ears have ever heard.

The Great Brady Heist
A relatively recent addition to the Brady archives, I just caught this one on FOX Sports 1 last night and it was *electric.* If you’re a fan of true crime docs then this one is for you because it details how TB12 had his Super Bowl LI jersey stolen right out of his locker after completing the greatest comeback in sports history and how the authorities got it back.

Tom vs Time
This is a quick watch as most episodes are only 10-15 minutes long, but this Facebook Watch exclusive was a fascinating look behind the curtain into Tom Brady’s every day life. His family at home, his relationship with Alex Guerrero, post game phone calls with Josh McDaniels etc. It also offered a now prophetic glimpse into Brady’s future plans as the shine wore off with Belichick.

Three Games to Glory (Take your pick)
These were difficult to find on the interwebs aside from a few clips here and there as they are the DVDs produced and sold directly by the Patriots. So you may need to pony up to see them all, but it never hurts to build out the collection.

Peyton’s Places with Tom Brady
The full 30 minute episode is available only on ESPN+ so you might not be able to watch it for free, but this was a great piece of content. If you still blindly hate Peyton Manning and can’t get past that to watch these two legends chop it up, you’re missing out.

America’s Game: New England Patriots
These are the NFL Network documentaries of the Super Bowl champs they do every year. I’m sure you’ve seen some or all of these, but holy hell are there a lot of episodes on the Patriots! Take your pick: 2001, 2003, 2004, 2014, 2016, 2018. My personal favorite is the 2001 episode, solely because it features a *young* Tom Brady sharing what Drew Bledsoe told him on the sidelines during the game.

Do Your Job Bill Belichick and the 2014 New England Patriots
Another masterfully produced documentary from NFL Films, this one breaks down the 2014 Patriots season. It’s definitely more of a focus on Bill, but you get some great Tom Brady highlights in there.

A Football Life: Bill Belichick
Again this is another NFL Films doc that focuses primarily on Belichick, but you get some delicious interviews and mic’d up clips of Tom Brady. Released in 2011, you get never before seen footage, most notably after the 2009 beatdown from the Saints on MNF, Brady is shown venting to Bill how he “can’t get these guys to play the way I need them to play.” It’s actually two parts, both of which you can watch below.

Detail: Peyton Manning on Tom Brady
This is another ESPN+ exclusive and is one I haven’t checked out yet, but Detail is an excellent watch if you’re into the X’s and O’s.

Entourage – “Fore!”
One of the best cameos on a show that had multiple per episode so thats saying something. Brady dominates in all facets of life including on the links and even befriending dick head New Yorkers. Check this Season 6 episode out on HBO Go.

Ted 2
Two words. Golden. Balls.

Jimmy Kimmel Skit
Matt Damon just can’t catch a break.

Saturday Night Live
Tom Brady hosted SNL once and only once, back in 2005 and he absolutely killed. Probably because of the times we live in now and the #MeToo movement, but the laugh out loud funny Sexual Harassment PSA skit has all been scrubbed from the internet. But I still found it.

The Masters Has Been Postponed. We Officially Have Nothing to Watch Anymore

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The Roni strikes again. This now makes the NBA, NHL, MLB, MLS, XFL, Fast and the Furious, March Madness, the Boston Marathon, and now the biggest golf tournament in the world all postponed and/or cancelled. I literally prayed to the golf gods and the twitter gods yesterday when a commercial for The Masters came on…while I worked from home amid mass hysteria.

What the hell are we all going to watch now? Everybody better start enjoying books real quick because there’s not much else left. I’m not a doctor or a scientist so I’m not going to question the decision because there is obviously a massive health crisis happening in this country right now. It’s probably for the best to just punt on the spring and we’ll all regroup for the greatest summer of TV programming ever created. Imagine the NBA Finals, Stanley Cup Finals, The Masters, MLB, and NFL Training Camp all going on at the same exact time? It will make Sweeps Week look like public access television in comparison.

With that being said I am left here to twiddle my thumbs and scroll through twitter all day and night. Theres only so many World Star videos a man can watch and I’m already pretty over the Toilet Paper heist stories. My advice is to watch *everything* in your Netflix queue, even that shit you don’t actually care about, but tell yourself you do because you’re cultured. Like that documentary on yoga thats been sitting in my queue for months. I’ve done yoga once in my life so why did I save a documentary on yoga in my queue? Because I had zero intention of watching it unless oh ya know the entire country shut down and every sports league ceased to exist for the foreseeable future.

If you need somewhere to start, check out The 300s Top 30 TV Shows of The Decade.

So that and mass amounts of video games will be played. The big guns at EA, Sony, Activision, Microsoft, Nintendo, Rockstar etc. would be wise to offer some discounts on their titles because I am liable to buy half a dozen vidyagames right now.

This is like the reckoning for all of our short attention spans. We’ve all been constantly stimulated by TV, internet, sports, and our phones 24/7 for the past decade and now we’re all being forced to entertain ourselves for the first time. Godspeed boys.

Local Rant: Boston Taxi Industry

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This blog is in response to this headline. Not the story because I didn’t read it and don’t care. Just the headline. That’s it. That’s my intro.

Befuckinleave it or not, your pal Joey B is actually a college graduate. That’s right, got a diploma and everything. Sits in a drawer in my bedroom right next to my passport, a couple of ties, and an empty pack of Trojans that I leave there so I can do the old “::shrug::, looks like I’m all out.” What did I study? Economics.

Now when you take your first econ course, be it in high school or college, the first thing the teacher/professor will tell you is that economics has nothing to do with money. This is a hipster douchebag thing to say because really yes it fucking does. Economics nowadays focuses on how much money is being tossed around and for what. But if I’m not being a dick then yes, they’re right when all is said and done because currency in and of itself is a fairly modern invention and before we had it, and even after, we used concepts like the barter system to acquire goods and services.

The easiest way to define economics is: the study of what people want and need – and inversely can supply – and what we are willing to do/part with in order to get it, layered on top of the behaviors that come about from the levels of those wants and needs. Basically, what do we want, is it available and if so how much of it, what are we willing to do to get it, and how do any of those variables change when one of the other ones do. Think of a hoodie but with a billion strings, if you pull one what happens to the rest?

The economy, especially when it came to new vs. old products, was easier to study when we were just talking about round stones, then wheels, then pelts. But as more and more shit has been invented and technology has boomed, truly new ideas have become less and less a thing. So how do you make a new business/product? You “disrupt” a current market. Basically, you look at the way things have been done in a certain market for ages (going back to econ 101: what have people always wanted from that market and what have they done to get it) and figured out a way to do it a little better – whether that is providing it in a way that is easier for the consumer, cheaper etc. Think cell phones to landlines, AirBnB to hotels, and yes, rideshares to taxis.

People act like rideshares came out of the clouds because they are cheaper than taxis, which is usually but not always true. But for me personally it comes down mostly to one thing:

Boston taxi drivers are raging assholes.

Taxis are unreliable, considering I live equidistant between two bars that are PACKED on the weekends and down the street from a busy brewery and never see one ready to offer rides. Taxis are indeed usually more expensive, especially if, you know, you’re trying to go to or come from somewhere where one usually needs something like, I don’t know, a fucking taxi (airport, etc.). But most of all, taxi drivers are. Fucking. Assholes.

There’s no need to sternly demand cash (I also think it’s either not legal or against their protocol). There’s no need to be rude and seem so pissed off. There’s no need to yell at me that there’s traffic. I too don’t like traffic. I also did not cause said traffic. Did I know there was traffic? Why yes I did. However seeing as I don’t own a magical broom like Harry fucking Potter and also didn’t feel like using public transportation, I decided to employ your services as a TAXI DRIVER to get me to my destination. I am also paying you. Because it’s your job.

You know who drives people around but isn’t a little bitch about it? Uber and Lyft drivers. You know who doesn’t blame you for every bad turn their life has ever taken? Uber and Lyft drivers. Sure, they might talk too much sometimes, have bad taste in music on occasion, or have no logical sense of temperature, but at least they aren’t the single most curmudgeoned fucking person on the planet at that very moment. Taxi drivers are.

So that is why your industry is dying. That is why you’re on your knees, fellating lawmakers to save you. Because you’re an asshole. Because we found a market alternative to the unbearable notion that the person driving us hated our guts.

You did this to yourself.

Baseball Stadium in Georgia to Eliminate Ads in 2020

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Refreshing news out of Savannah, Georgia today where the Savannah Bananas of the Coastal Plain League announced that they’ll be taking down all ballpark advertisements for the 2020 season.

It’s not like the Bananas need a new gimmick to get attention or draw more fans. In 2019, they led the CPL in attendance and drew more than twice the number of fans as the next closest team. They were second in the nation in summer collegiate league attendance last year, trailing only the Madison Mallards of the Northwoods league, and have sold out 88 consecutive games overall. That’s what makes this news truly remarkable. This is not some small operation looking to make a social media splash. This is a very successful operation leaving real money on the table in order to forge a stronger bond with its fans.

I’ll be honest, ballpark advertising doesn’t cross my mind when deciding whether or not to drop a few bucks to see the local nine that evening. But compare these two pictures of Fenway Park, one from 1990 and one from 2016:

I counted ten ads between the foul poles (including one for charity) in 1990. I counted twelve on the Monster alone in 2016. I’ll take 1990 Fenway over 2016 Fenway seven days a week and twice on Sundays. [That includes the Monster Seats, for the record. You can have them. Give me the netting any day.]

In this age of limitless corporate sponsorships and ads on jerseys, how much is ever enough? Good for the Bananas for taking a principled stand. Hopefully more teams start doing this, even if just for turn-back-the-clock nights. Now please excuse me while I search for my own yellow tux.

Woman Gets a Year in Jail for Lying on Her Resume to Land $185,000 Job

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CNN – A woman who lied on her resume and faked “glowing” references to land a high-paying job with an Australian regional government has been sentenced to at least a year in prison.

Veronica Hilda Theriault, 46, was convicted Tuesday of deception, dishonesty, and abuse of public office, relating to her 2017 application for the chief information officer role, which came with an annual salary of 270,000 Australian dollars (US$185,000).

Theriault worked in the position with South Australia’s Department of the Premier and Cabinet for over a month and earned about 33,000 Australian dollars ($22,500) before being fired. She pleaded guilty to all charges and received a 25-month sentence with a non-parole period of a year.

The court heard that she submitted a fraudulent resume to the department with false information relating to her education and prior employment. After she was granted an interview, she also posed as a previous employer during a reference check, in which she “gave glowing feedback” about her own performance.

This is BULLSHIT. As someone who somehow stumbled into the position of hiring and firing actual adults, even I have to admit this is 100% on the company, not the woman. I don’t care if it was for a role as the Chief of Medicine at a hospital; it’s quite literally the company’s job to vett the candidate’s experience. If they sneak one past you to land a cushy six figure job, thats on you. Did they even bother sitting down with this woman to ya know, maybe ask her a few questions about the role?

I imagine her interview went something along the lines of Chuckie sitting in for Will Hunting.

RETAINERRRR

You wanna know why this is bullshit though? Because of things like this:

But the lies didn’t end there. In earlier submissions, the court heard that Theriault used a photo of supermodel Kate Upton as her LinkedIn profile photo, according to CNN affiliate 7 News.

And after starting the position in August, she was found to have hired her brother, despite him lacking the qualifications to perform the role.

So the hiring manager didn’t even bother to look at the LinkedIn profile of someone he was hiring? Well thats a bright, glowing, red flag right there. And then after hiring the woman they let her then hire her BROTHER without any qualifications?

If you think a little jail time is gonna scare some hustlers out of trying this again, you better think again. Pocketing $22k in a month like this woman did is more than worth the risk of going to the pokey for a lot of people.

Nice work, Australia.

 

Tesla’s New Truck Reveal Went About as Well as Homer Simpson’s Car Design

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TechCrunch – In what was one of the more surreal product launches I’ve seen, Tesla debuted its $39,900 Cybertruck pickup tonight. After running through some specs and hitting the truck’s door with a sledge hammer, Elon asked an on-stage companion (Tesla’s lead designer, Franz von Holzhausen) to demonstrate the strength of the Tesla “Armor Glass” by throwing a solid metal, baseball-sized ball at the driver side window…So they tried it again on the rear passenger window… and it cracked too. “Room for improvement,” Musk says with a shrug….”We’ll fix it in post,” he followed up with a laugh then moved on to talking about the car’s suspension. The video went private on Tesla’s YouTube channel about 30 seconds after the live stream was over.

“Oh my fucking god.” – Elon Musk

I literally laughed out loud at my desk watching this GIF. Sure this “truck” might be indestructible, it might have windows made of adamantium, but why even take that chance when you’re up on stage and streaming live to millions? The first version of everything is usually garbage. My first iPhone was an iPhone 4. I’m on the 6s now and the thing still got smashed.

Musk might be spending too much time with Joe Rogan if he thought his spaceship car could take a paper weight off the driver’s window.

The only time a new car presentation has gone worse was when Homer Simpson designed the piece of shit that put his brother out of business.

Godspeed Lynchie

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Boston.com – For someone so used to saying hello, it’s not easy saying goodbye.

Mike Lynch, the gracious and good-humored Channel 5 sports anchor known as “Lynchie’’ to just about anyone familiar with the Boston sports scene over the last thirty-something years, will anchor his final sportscast on the 11 p.m. news Thursday before transitioning into a correspondent role.

In case you haven’t read between the lines, which I don’t really blame you for, local sports media and your boy Joey B….don’t exactly see eye-to-eye. I don’t think they’re all that intelligent. They don’t have a ton to say. Mostly, I think they take it a bit too much to heart that their job is to troll enough to command ratings. Such palpable disengenuousness does absolutely nothing for me.

This relates mostly to sports radio, but local sports tv is not completely innocent. They are part of the wheel after all.

Mike Lynch is, and always has been, different. He’s been a fixture of my sports fandom for as long as I can remember. Literally the face I see when I think of who brought me highlights growing up in a house with no cable, so no Sports Center.

He comes into people’s home every night, with tonight being the last night, with a friendly, warm, charasmatic presence and brings them the latest in Boston sports. In recent days, he’s been jovial and exultant when we have another ring or parade either locked up or in sight. For my entire childhood, some dark times indeed for Boston sports, he was consoling and hopeful. Almost like a trusted Uncle, one of the ones who didn’t show up to Christmas shitfaced every year.

But time has passed. Maybe Mike Lynch sees twitter and the instant nature of news these days and realizes that sports fans don’t need him as much. I don’t think that is totally the case. I hope it’s just his time to move on to something else, while keeping that correspondent role on the side.

They’ll call him in from the pen if necessary.

-Joey B.

 

American Basketball Player in Europe Submits A Drug Test, Finds Out He’s Pregnant

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Yahoo – …..The former Ohio University standout never made it, however, and was instead handed a two-year suspension from FIBA for failing a drug test. But it wasn’t performance enhancing drugs, recreational drugs or any of the other usual suspects that thwarted Cooper.

His drug test, according to Eurohoops.net, revealed that he was pregnant.

The test on the urine that Cooper provided revealed the presence of human chorionic gonadotropin, or hCG, which is a hormone made by the placenta during pregnancy. That urine, per the report, actually belonged to his girlfriend — who likely didn’t know she was pregnant at the time.

I honestly don’t know what is worse here, failing the drug test in such comically disastrous fashion or finding out your going to be a father at the same time.

Add that to the fact that D.J Cooper then had to go back to said girlfriend and probably have a very awkward “soooo….” conversation, littered with vague questions about how she’s been feeling, if she’s been drinking, etc. She probably got annoyed by all his inquiries. Maybe even thought he was trying to coax an infidelity confession out of her and began berating him. He then maybe had to hop on his “baby chill” horse and explain that his questions were indeed brought on by a blessing. He had the ultimate trump card.

I will say this though and that is with the females I see socially I try and keep things sexy. Which means nottttt a ton of discussion regarding bodily functions. Hopefully fucking none if we’re being honest. So I couldn’t help but grimace a little at the thought of asking my main squeeze to piss in a cup for me. Like did he not have anyone else? I know it’s not the NBA but from what I know AC Monaco is a pretty solid club, do they not have Yes Men? Are lackies not a thing in Europe? Surely there had to be SOMEONE Cooper could have asked for a quantity of human urine before the object of his affection.

There have been promises made on this blog that I would never lie to or deceive you, the readers, nor intentionally keep anything from you. Therefore I must confess that the first thing I thought upon reading this harrowing tail was that maybe Thad Castle was right. Maybe the oil change is the only way to go.

-Joey B

‪Nike Just Unveiled the Official Home Whites of Side Chicks Everywhere

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I literally did a double take when I saw this on the Gram last night and had to check that it was actually from Nike and not some meme account. I don’t know why, but a hoodie that says FREAK on it is just laugh out loud funny to me. I fully expect this to become the home white kit for side chicks everywhere. I understand that Nike is referring to Giannis Antetokounmpo, but I’m sorry this is a hoodie for chicks proudly walking to the T at 7 am with disheveled hair and makeup running down their face. Might as well be a choker.

Good Humor Has Unofficially Put Me in Charge of Bringing Back Bubble Play

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There are few things I love more than America, Baseball, and Ice Cream. My family sure, but to be honest it’s kind of close. There’s nothing better than sitting at a game in the midst of summer, watching your favorite team take down a rival while you soak up the sun and snack on a delicious frozen treat. Years back, there existed something that encompassed all three of the key components I named above. I’m talking about Good Humor’s Bubble Play. 

I’ll pause to let you reflect as your taste buds take you back to a time of euphoric delights, a staple of the youth of every millennial child from sea to shining sea.

Bubble Play was the perfect summer treat, straight from the ice cream truck circling your neighborhood after you just got done running through the sprinkler. Unfortunately, it’s been years since it’s been available and the world was never the same. Some say the current political climate is due to the lack of Bubble Play, but that’s neither here nor there. 

But what if I told you, we had a chance to restore our summers to former greatness?

Good Humor has proposed to me that I come up with a plan to revive Bubble Play.

The only thing that millennials are better at than making great social media campaigns is reviving products of yesteryear. So I ask you, please use the hashtag #BringBackBubblePlay and show Good Humor just how much you love and miss Bubble Play, and maybe, just maybe, we can save the summers yet to come.

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