Category: NBA

LeBron James Snuck in the Most Absurd Quote of of the Year Just Before New Years Eve

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ESPN – “LeBron James will spend his 33rd birthday on Saturday playing on the road against the Utah Jazz — a place where his teams have lost their past six games. “I need a win here. I suck here,” James said before the Cleveland Cavaliers’ morning shootaround Saturday. “I personally don’t suck, but my team sucks when we come here. We cannot win a game. So hopefully we can change that.”

Sigh. I really want to like LeBron, I really do. He’s one of, if not the best player, of our generation and will probably finish his career behind only Michael Jordan in terms of GOAT status. But then he says just the most cringeworthy shit. Like even if you’re the biggest LeBron fan in the world, how do you defend a quote like that? Its just a microcosm of his entire career. The guy is completely and utterly tone deaf. Whether its The Decision or the blatant subtweeting or the Arthur memes or the constant throwing of teammates under the bus, he is just always saying things that make it impossible to like him. Which is a goddamn shame because aside from that he seems like a genuinely good guy. He donates to charity, he builds schools, he speaks out on issues he’s passionate about, he’s never been involved in ANY type of scandal or been arrested, and he is amazing to watch play. But then he drops a quote like that and I just feel like Sweet Dee.

Kind Of A Slow Day/Week, So Let’s Talk About a Semi Crashing Into Evan Turner’s Backyard

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ESPN – A semi-truck hauling a large trash bin crashed and plunged into the swimming pool of the home owned by Portland Trail Blazers guard Evan Turner….Authorities say the truck’s driver lost control on a hairpin curve and wound up down a hill and submerged in the pool.

There really is not a whole lot going on, especially if you’re Dave Dombrowski (got em’) so let’s just gloss over this really quickly while trying not to think about how one of your fellow bloggers said something positive about Harry whatshisface from that boy band.

You all remember Evan Turner right? The former Ohio State star and lottery pick who just plain doesn’t have the athleticism or ball-handling skills to be an elite player but has had a tough time coming to grips with that? Who more specifically is completely oblivious to the fact that he really isn’t on the Melo/Paul George/Kawhi level? Well apparently his house, and more specifically his backyard and the pool that lies therein, is nestled just below a fucking deadman’s curve kind of road. Anddd that’s where things get interesting.

The story goes that and as you can see from above there aren’t a lot of details out there so I could be a little off, a trucker lost control of his rig on this treacherous strip above Evan Turner’s abode and careened down the hill right into his pool. CANON BALL! AMIRITE?!

Anyway, really the only intriguing thing about this other than, you know, that fact that Evan Turner bought a house below a stretch of road the Toretto gang would have a hard time navigating, is picturing Evan Tuner’s reaction. He’s just such a fucking weirdo. I like to picture Evan Turner at home, having just woken up. He’s in a robe and putting on a pot of coffee when he hears quite the chaotic, motorized hullabaloo coming from his backyard. I like to think Evan Turner glided over to the glass sliding door that leads to said backyard to find a 16 wheeler jutting out of his pool, the driver nowhere to be seen. His face expressionless, he sips his coffee and stares for another moment. And then he turns back to his kitchen and continues on with his day.

LaVar Ball Starting His Own Basketball League to Compete With the NCAA

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ESPN – LaVar Ball said Wednesday that he’s launching a basketball league for nationally-ranked players who have graduated from high school but don’t want to go to college. Ball’s Junior Basketball Association, which he says is fully funded by his Big Baller Brand, plans to pay the lowest-ranked player a salary of $3,000 a month and the best player $10,000 a month, Ball said. Ball is looking for 80 players to fill 10 teams that will seek to play at NBA arenas in Los Angeles, Dallas, Brooklyn and Atlanta.“Getting these players is going to be easy,” Ball told ESPN. “This is giving guys a chance to get a jump start on their career, to be seen by pro scouts, and we’re going to pay them because someone has to pay these kids.”

The modern day Vince McMahon just continues to roll along with his idea du jour; an alternative basketball league to compete with the NCAA. It’s geared at top players who don’t want to go to college, or ya know shit holes like Lithuania. Ya think LaMelo and LiAngelo might prefer playing in this league rather than taking trains and ferrys to Baltic League games in Kiev?

I gotta admit, this guy is COCKY, and it is contagious. Because on its face, its not a bad idea. If the NBA is so stuck on its “One and Done” rule (which it may actually get rid of sooner than later) then whats the point of a guy going to Duke for 8 months and showing up to a handful of classes posing as a college student like he’s in Never Been Kissed?

The NCAA is more corrupt than a North Korean election so a little competition to maybe keep them on their toes can’t hurt. Having a league that follows pro-style rules makes a ton of sense too.

“Ball said the rules of his league will follow those of the NBA instead of college — 12-minute quarters and a pro 3-point line.”

Having wildly different rules for college and the pros has never made any sense to me. Especially when leagues like the NBA and the NFL use the NCAA as a de facto minor league system. Why make the 3 point line deeper after turning pro instead of just having players get used to it in college and judge them all accordingly? Why do college football players only need to get one foot down for a catch, but in the NFL you need two?

Quotes like this though don’t really help the perception that this is just all a marketing scheme to further LaVar’s own brand.

“Ball said since Big Baller Brand is promoting the league, all players must agree to wear only Big Baller Brand products, including BBB shoes on the court. “We’ll give it to them all,” Ball said. “They’ll be wearing our uniform, our shoes, our T-shirts and our hoodies.”

Don’t get me wrong, nobody thinks LaVar Ball is here to save the manatees. The honesty and transparency is refreshing when compared to the toxic hypocrisy that is the NCAA, but in order to succeed this will need to be more than the latest example of LaVar Ball hawking garbage at an exorbitant price.

So if you’re a high school grad that doesn’t wanna play overseas and risk going to Chinese prison for swiping some sweet shades, then the Big Baller Brand league is for you. Ya know until the NBA inevitably gets rid of the “One and Done” rule, then this league will collapse faster than an IKEA kitchen table.

Seattle Approves $660 Million Stadium in the HOPE an NHL Team Will Come

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SI – The Seattle City Council approved a plan Monday to renovate the aging Key Arena with the goal of attracting an NHL or NBA team. The $660 million project and any cost overruns will be covered entirely by the Los Angeles-based Oak View Group. The company claims it can reopen the arena by the fall of 2020. Seattle has tried numerous times to build a new arena for a potential pro sports franchise but previous efforts have been unsuccessful.

Holy shit, I know people on the west coast are a lot more optimistic than my brethren here in the Northeast, but even this is wild. I’m sure there have been some wink, wink agreements, but I ain’t putting a goddamn dollar down unless I have something in writing about a pro team coming to town. Otherwise you’re going to have the nicest facility in the country that Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran can play at once a year. Props to the city for getting a private equity group to cover the costs. As Miami will tell you, saddling a city with the bill for an entire arena is a goddamn disaster that residents end up paying off for 30 years. If the Boston Red Sox themselves threatened to leave town unless the city paid for a new stadium with the public’s tax dollars, I’d drive them to the airport myself.

The Supersonics leaving Seattle remains one of the all-time great screwjobs in sports history. Especially because they had JUST drafted Kevin Durant and you saw how great he was going to be.

Then they up and moved to OKC and formed the Thunder. I would be so goddamn bitter if that happened to me. Like if the Celtics just moved to Milwaukee, I’d probably never watch the NBA again. Which is probably why they’re shooting for an NHL franchise. If you get dumped you don’t go crawling back to your ex asking them to take you back. No, you find a chick thats twice as hot and flaunt that shit. AKA a shiny new stadium with a new NHL team for a ravenous fanbase.

I hope it works out for ya Seattle, I truly do, because there is nothing I want more than to eat sushi in the bleachers at Safeco Field. Combine that with a little Starbucks brewery tour and an NHL game? Now thats a pretty sweet little trip.

Jaylen Brown is a Damn Renaissance Man

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Jaylen Brown is a No. 3 overall pick, an NBA Players Union rep, in the midst of a breakout season out on an elite team, and he can play Dr. Dre jams on piano.

Not to mention he just turned 21. This kid is a damn renaissance man and I love it. Not to mention he’s a fashion icon with his pre-game fits.

I’d be pretty bummed I didn’t go to his meet and greet at the Cambridgeside Galleria last year if everyone hadn’t gotten maced by the cops. Now its time for the weekend, so hit that Dre and just ride to it.

Cleveland Cavaliers Blame Having to Travel for Why They’re Not Playing Well

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ESPN –  The Cleveland Cavaliers beat the Charlotte Hornets 115-107 to finish their four-game road trip at 3-1, and an adjustment to their travel itinerary may have aided in their success. While in years past it was customary for the Cavs to fly out to the next city on their schedule immediately following a road game, this season they are changing how they approach trips, choosing to stay over in the city where they played and flying out the next day after each leg. “The biggest thing for recovery is sleep,” Cavs head athletic trainer Steve Spiro told ESPN. “There isn’t anything better, and for these guys that are taxing their bodies through travel and through their workload on the court, and practice, and extra work or whatever, we can have all the technology in the world, but obviously a great night’s sleep plays a role into performance. There’s no doubt about it. So you have to have your finger on the pulse of it.”

Oh my god, what a bunch of fucking babies. Now the Cavs are blaming the fact that they have to travel, ya know like every other team in the NBA, on why they’re struggling?

“We’re old, man,” said James, who turns 33 next month. “Whenever we get a chance to stay over for the night this season, we have to do that.”

And then look at this line about Kevin Love.

“There are still some kinks to the system, however. Love, for instance, would have preferred if the Cavs had left Dallas a few hours earlier Sunday since they were losing an hour with the time-zone change from Central to Eastern on their flight to New York City. By the time they got to their hotel in New York, it was already past 7 p.m., and he felt as if the day was lost.“

Cream cheese soft. I actually can’t wait for this plan to backfire when the first player misses the team flight the next day because he went out and got bombed the night before instead of flying out like a normal team.

If there was ever one thing that signified the end of the Cavs reign in the East, its this. Not the fact they have the oldest roster in the league, not the fact that LeBron is subtweeting Arthur memes like a high school chick, nope none of that. They’re complaining if they don’t get a full 9-10 hours of sleep every night like a goddamn cat. Cavs are done. Make them slightly uncomfortable and they’ll crumble. Celtics will be in the NBA Finals this year, book it.

LeBron Rides the Subway Like an Asshole

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Celebrities, they’re just like us! This is like when some fashion company started selling ripped, beat up, paint splattered jeans for like $800 dollars and Mike Rowe called it a “blue collar costume for rich people.” Thats exactly what LeBron riding the subway is. Its his Halloween costume as he pretends to be a poor person like the rest of us. Laughing it up for the Gram and posting pics with all his buddies while everyone just wants to get to their miserable jobs and back without getting stuck on a broken down train or being harassed by a heroin addict.

Enter the normal guy with his headphones in just looking to get home without ending up on the wrong end of a World Star knockout video. LeBron is documenting his time on the subway and this guy is NOT having it.

The subway is no place for fun, which is why I’m surprised more pan handlers singing and dancing in the middle of subway cars don’t get absolutely mauled by some angry guy that just got shitcanned from his 9-5. Moral of the story? Keep your head down and your headphones on while riding public transport or risk taking your life into your own hands. Public transport is not for the faint of heart.

Danny Ainge Continues to Look Aces as Jayson Tatum Shines and Markelle Fultz is Now Shooting Lefty?

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Yahoo – It’s been a week since the Philadelphia 76ers announced they were shutting down rookie point guard Markelle Fultz indefinitely due to the right shoulder soreness and “scapular muscle imbalance” that had rendered the No. 1 overall pick in the 2017 NBA draft virtually unable (or perhaps unwilling) to shoot jumpers or free throws. Exactly what caused the issue and why Fultz and the Sixers (mis)handled it the way they did very much remain open questions, but while the situation sure doesn’t seem any more normal than it did a week ago, it had, at least, quieted down some. And then came Monday, when reporters at the Sixers’ practice laid eyes on Fultz back on the floor to get some work in … and doing it with a southpaw stance.

So Jayson Tatum scored 21 points against the Haws last night and is now averaging 14 pts and 6 rebounds a game and hit another ballsy 3 pointer last night.

Each night he looks more and more like a key cog for the Celtics…at 19 years old. All while No. 1 overall pick Markelle Fultz, who Danny Ainge passed on, continues to have issues that are seemingly being exacerbated by the 76ers. Remember when everyone freaked out that Danny traded the No. 1 overall pick? Then freaked out again when Danny said he would’ve picked Tatum at No. 1 either way?

Danny must just be laughing his balls off at the recent turn of events. First it was Fultz having a wonky free throw shot out of nowhere. How did no scouts bring this up during the last 12 months of the Fultz hype train? Well then his agent said it was because of a shoulder issue that he developed while altering his shot in the Summer League. Umm why the fuck is the No. 1 overall pick messing with his game before even stepping on an NBA court? Well the injury had gotten so bad that Fultz couldn’t get his arms over his head. Fultz’s agent blamed the team and the team fired back and the two sides couldn’t seem to agree on what treatment Fultz was actually getting. Putting fluid in? Taking fluid out? All of this resulted in a free throw shot that Hey, Arnold would belly laugh at.

Not to mention the guy who was jacking up five 3-pointers a game in college had taken ZERO 3-pointers in the NBA. So the team recently shut down Fultz to give him some time to rest his seemingly out of nowhere bum shoulder and get his head on straight.

Now news comes out that Fultz is taking shots in practice left handed. Huh? Of course players mess around with weird shots and practice different things because you never know, but reporters at the Sixers practice said Fultz was shooting almost exclusively with his off-hand. Ruh roh.

Sure maybe he’s just shooting lefty so he can practice with the team while his right shoulder heals. Or maybe its another situation of the Sixers bungling an injury diagnosis. Seriously this team has been stacking Top 5 picks for years and they are all littered with injuries. They had the No. 1 overall pick this year (Fultz) and last year (Ben Simmons), and the No. 3 overall pick both in 2015 (Jahlil Okafor) and 2014 (Joel Embiid). Embiid has clocked 39 career games, Ben Simmons has 9 under his belt, and now Fultz is missing time after just 4 games played. All while Jaylen Brown and Jayson Tatum continue to light it up for the C’s, not to mention that other lottery pick they used to snag Kyrie Irving. Maybe Danny does know what he’s doing after all. #TrustTheProcess indeed.

Kyrie Irving Just Triggered the Shit Out of LeBron James

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SUBTWEETING LEBRON IS BACK! Kyrie just went off for 35 points and carried the Celtics down the stretch for a tight win. He was hitting off balance shots, draining huge 3 pointers with no space, and iso-ing guys to kill the clock and ice the game. In other words he was doing what a franchise player does. I loved it. But you know who didn’t? LeBron James.

Bron Bron grammed that at 10:07 pm, which was about six minutes after the Celtics game ended. LeBron was straight up triggered watching “the kid” go off as Kyrie carries a franchise to a 9-game winning streak. All while LeBron’s Cavs are stumbling without Kyrie, sporting a 4-6 record and currently sitting at 12th place in the East. Haven’t seen LeBron this shook since the Celtics broke him in 2010 and forced him to run to Miami.

CUE THE KYRIE HIGHLIGHTS!

If Salt Bae Can Make It Into a Ciroc Commercial Then Theres Hope for Us All

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I feel like the internet drove right past this the other night and I need to make sure it gets the proper attention. The meme of the year, Salt Bae himself, was in a goddamn Ciroc commercial that aired during the Celtics Cavs game the other night. Ya know, the Turkish chef who became pseudo-famous for how he sprinkled salt on his goddamn meat? Yea that guy was living it up next to P. Diddy and all the other beautiful celebrities in a banging vodka commercial.

So if you’re stuck in a cube job like me, let this be a lesson to you. Don’t let anyone tell you what you can’t do. If Salt Bae can bootstrap himself from a no name chef to kicking it with P. Diddy then theres hope for us all.