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Bridgeport, Conn. Woman Loses Fingers After Lighting Dynamite She Thought Was Candle

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BRIDGEPORT, Conn. — A woman blew off several fingers when she accidentally lit a quarter stick of dynamite in her home Thursday night, officials said.

Assistant Fire Chief Michael Caldaroni, who was the battalion chief at the scene, said the woman lit what she thought was a candle during the power outage caused by the severe storm that hit the city Thursday night. Instead, police spokesman Av Harris said, she lit a quarter stick of dynamite.

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You really can’t make this stuff up.

Let me just start off by saying that this sounds absolutely horrific, and I sincerely feel for this woman. BUT SERIOUSLY WTF???!!!

Like HOW??!! I have so many questions.

First and foremost, where in the literal EFF do you even get a stick of dynamite? And if it’s in your house, HOW DO YOU NOT EVEN KNOW??

“Honey, have we checked our emergency items stash in a while? Let’s see…we got backup flashlights, batteries, blankets, gallons of water…OK, good…OH and OF COURSE a stick of fucking dynamite!”

Secondly, how long did it take her to realize it wasn’t a candle? In reality, it should’ve taken 0.5 seconds considering that I assume a quarter stick of dynamite does not look or feel anything like a candle aside from its shape and maybe the fact there’s typically a wick on top. But once that wick starts disappearing at a rapid rate and sizzling, that should’ve been a pretty solid tip off.

Apparently, after her children called 911, police and fire officials also found another item that appeared to be a “makeshift firework” somewhere in the house.

Knowing that little tidbit of info, here’s my hypothesis: One of her brilliant offspring was messing around with illegal explosives and left one of their little “inventions” lying around the house. This poor woman, who was just trying to shed some light for the family during a blackout, is now maimed because of it.

Way to go, junior!

At this point, I am so done feeling bad for people who mess around with fireworks and other things that go BOOM. Sure, I don’t mind checking out a sweet display of explosions and color on a nice July night from a safe distance, but seriously don’t bring one of those things near me. Leave it to the professionals, people; I don’t even mess with freakin’ sparklers.

So, let’s let this be a lesson for everyone, and cheers to a speedy recovery for this woman.

But, wow. Just wow. Happy Friday.

Power Wins BIG3 Basketball Championship; Big Baby Gets Another Ring

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A few weeks ago, I wrote a piece on my experience at the BIG3 Basketball Tournament, when the still infantile league made its way to TD Garden for a one-night showing on August 3, and the overall verdict was a “thumbs up.”

(Seriously, though, if you’re a long-time NBA fan be sure to click the link above for some highlights and a nice trip down memory lane.)

As I said in the article, it was an entertaining night of basketball for a cheap price, and there were some pretty impressive performances across the board – including ones from former Celtics like Nate Robinson and Glen “Big Baby” Davis.

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On Friday night, Big Baby’s season ended on an even more impressive note, as his team Power won the league championship by beating 3’s Company 51-43.

Former Clippers and Warriors star Corey Maggette led the way for Power, as he scored 27 of the team’s 51 points on the night to go along with six rebounds. (I’m actually not surprised at all. I was SUPER bummed when Maggette sat out the night in Boston on August 3, because he was honestly one of the players I was most excited about seeing. I guess he sure as hell made up for it in this one, though.)

The 8 Best Players in Los Angeles Clippers History

Real talk: Maggette was nasty in his prime.

Big Baby was the only other player on the team to score in double-digits on the night, finishing with 10 points, one board, one block, and one steal.

Andre Emmett, whom I selected as one of my “All-Mattes BIG3 Super Squad” starters a month ago, made my pick look completely justified by putting up 24 points, 10 rebounds, and two assists, and it was his string of buckets toward the end of the game which finally made it a close contest. That is, until “Cat” Mobley iced away the game for Power, nailing one of his signature silky-smooth, fade-away jumpers for the win.

Other former NBA players like Quentin Richardson, Drew Gooden, Dahntay Jones, and Jason Maxiell played in the game as well.

Will this be the first thing mentioned around the water cooler on Monday? Probably not. Does anyone else you’ll hear from today even know the BIG3 championship took place on Friday night? Again, doubt it.

But then again, maybe they do…

Per Deadline.com, the BIG3 championship finished with some pretty decent ratings on Friday night. FS1 has already been carrying the action all season long, and it will most likely expand even more upon its coverage in 2019. While it still certainly has a long way to go, perhaps with more and more former NBA stars signing on (COME ON, KOBE! PLEASEEEEEE) we could see the league’s popularity increase significantly in due time.

Also particularly noteworthy is the fact that Nancy Lieberman, who currently serves as the head coach for Power, became the first woman ever to win a title in a men’s professional basketball league. This is after she already became just the second woman ever to become an NBA head coach when she joined the Sacramento Kings – for whom she still serves an assistant – back in 2015. Hats off to her and her continued ascension up the ranks.

For those looking to join in on the fun, you’ll have to wait until next year when the BIG3 tips off for its third season early next summer. In the meantime, be sure to keep checking in with The 300s for all basketball-related news, BIG3 and NBA included.

J.K. Rowling Confirms Big Fan Theory; I Now Somehow Love Harry Potter Even More

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JK Rowling apologised for killing Dobby the house-elf

MSN.com – J.K. Rowling has come out and revealed what her favorite Harry Potter fan theory is, and it’s quite something.

It seems dark theories do not put JK Rowling off, who has finally not only revealed her favourite fan theory but suggested it could quite well be plausible.

When asked by a fan what was her favourite one, the novelist replied: ‘Dumbledore as death. It’s a beautiful theory and it fits.’

(Full theory explained in MSN.com link above.)

If there’s anything I love more than my sports teams, it’s Harry Potter. (And I’ll bet my Ravenclaw keychain that Papa Giorgio and Joey Ballgame are right there with me, too.)

And if there’s anything I love more than those two things, it’s allegories or subtle, hidden metaphors in text that make the reader surmise the true meaning of what’s going on, right or wrong, which only adds to the whole experience.

(Yeah, this one is for my fellow bookworms, guys.)

This is exactly where fan theories derive from. And, yes, fan theories can be exhausting. It’s almost impossible to keep up with all of them, and half the time they are absolute fucking garbage.

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But I LOVE this one. And it only further proves just how deep the whole story goes.

First and foremost, Dumbledore is one of the greatest characters ever written. I don’t think this is a very hot take, and I’d say virtually all HP fans would agree. Truthfully, I’d look at someone who doesn’t like Dumbledore the same way I’d look at someone who doesn’t like dogs. Just don’t see how it’s even humanly possible.

I’ve learned more life lessons from Dumbledore than I have from either of my parents or any teacher I’ve ever had. (That is not meant as any disrespect toward my incredible parents; Dumbledore just spits the absolute truth.) And his death in the sixth book was an extremely trying moment in my life.

But no, really though. When he reveals to Harry the whole reason Harry was placed in Gryffindor instead of Slytherin was simply because Harry asked to be placed in Gryffindor, ultimately proving that the whole “where you derive from seals your fate” adage is a bunch of bullshit and that only you can determine your fate: BOOM. Mind blown. It’s not that I didn’t believe in that philosophy before, but hearing it from Dumbledore just reinforced it with the fury of a thousand suns and made me feel like I wanted to run full speed up the side of Everest.

“Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.”

Oh! Talk dirty to me, Albus!

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The whole idea that he now represents Death is, as Rowling put it, truly beautiful. At first glance, associating Dumbledore with such a seemingly negative entity sounds a little off-putting. However, when you realize that Death is actually a very intelligent, gracious being that rewards those who are deserving of what they desire due to cunning and strong will, it TOTALLY makes sense.

To be clear, the theory does not state that Dumbledore IS the original Death in “The Tale of Three Brothers.” That wouldn’t make sense; the story was written way before Dumbledore was even born, and we already know he needed to obtain the Elder Wand from Grindelwald, proving that Dumbledore was not its creator.

I also love how Snape, Harry, and Voldemort fit so perfectly into the metaphor as well. The whole thing rings very similarly to the Tin Man, Lion, and Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz, which is yet another classic allegorical tale that can either be viewed as a history lesson or simply enjoyed as a great work of art and entertainment.

So, for all my fellow HP fans out there who continue to yearn for more, hopefully this bit of news added a little flair to your Hump Day.

What do you guys think? What are some of your other favorite fan theories? Let us know in the comments below!

Nordstrom Coming in Hot with a Bold, New Retail Strategy

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AP – Nordstrom is opening up a store that doesn’t have any inventory.

The luxury department store chain says its Nordstrom Local concept store will open in Los Angeles next month.

The Seattle-based company says the store will be staffed with personal stylists who can order merchandise for customers. Nordstrom says customers can also buy online inside the store or pick up online orders the same day.

A lot of struggling retailers have been closing brick-and-mortar locations (thanks millennials!) in order to hawk more merchandise online and better compete against Amazon, et al. Not Nordstrom, though.

Nordstrom is going in the opposite direction. Nordstrom is going to open up more brick-and-mortar locations. How are they doing it? These new locations won’t actually sell any merchandise.

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To better explain how utterly absurd this idea is, think of it this way : this would be like Sears replacing department stores with kiosks at the mall.

The kiosks wouldn’t actually have Craftsman power drills or 16 gallon wet/dry vacs, through. Just some guys in blue polos. The guys in blue polos would show you how to order those items online yourself, in case you haven’t used a computer since the Bill Clinton impeachment trial. You would then be able to grab a quick bite at Auntie Anne’s or Cinnabon, and then come back later in the day to pick up your items.

Who wouldn’t want that superb experience?

It reminds me of the We Sell Your Stuff on eBay store from The 40-Year-Old Virgin.

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The only brick-and-mortar store that should exist solely for internet shopping is Starbucks. At least you don’t have to leave Starbucks empty handed.

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Bryce Harper Continues to Give Middle Finger to the Old Baseball Guard

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There’s nothing I enjoy more as a sports fan than athletes who challenge the old guard. You can’t do this, don’t say that, that’s not how it’s done. Forget that noise. If Bryce Harper can hit 42 HR’s and win the MVP at 22 then he can flip as many bats as he wants. Not to mention this is the No. 1 complaint with baseball for years, it’s too slow and boring. Baseball needs guys like Harper and Jose Bautista. Joey Bats smashing that bomb in the playoffs last year and then chucking his bat was legitimately electric. If you want people to watch more baseball, then let the personalities come out.