Science Now Confirms Hand Dryers Are Disgusting

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Image result for bathroom hand dryer

FOX 2 now – Washing your grubby mitts is one of the best ways to cut your chances of getting sick and spreading harmful germs to others, but a new study may make you think twice before you use air hand dryers in public restrooms.

Researchers at the University of Connecticut School of Medicine found the dryers may suck in bacteria from flushing toilets and spread it onto your hands.

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This news doesn’t affect me – I’ve always been a paper towel guy. It’s just nice to know that science has finally come around to confirm my hunch that bathroom air blowers are disgusting, useless, time wasters. Maybe now we can discuss whether or not it is absolutely necessary to wash our hands after every. trip. to. the. bathroom.

I’m not asking to amend hand-washing guidelines for doctors or food service employees. I’m not saying that the rest of us should never wash our hands. I’m just asking that regular guys who work in office buildings not be shamed if they skip washing their hands every once in a while.

If a guy is in a regular office 9 – 5 every day, sucking down TB12 amounts of water at his desk, should he have to wash my hands after every trip to the men’s room? The correct answer is no. The less time in the men’s room the better. Especially now that we know all of the germs we wash off our hands are being replaced by other people’s piss. Literally. I’ll skip the sink and keep my own germs instead of trading germs, thanks.

George Carlin, right again.

Red Sox vs Yankees III: Porcello Nearly Throws No-Hitter in Another Boston Victory

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I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t watch a ton of this game since the Bruins started their Cup run at the same time last night. But here are the highlights in case you also decided to watch playoff hockey over April baseball for some reason.

Hanley got beaned in the goddamn wrist in the 1st inning.

Intentional? Hard to say. Does that make me less pissed? Of course not. Because there’s nothing I love seeing more than the Red Sox hottest hitter taking a fastball off the wrist. Worked out great for Nomar.

Not that I would necessarily trust medical reports from Hanley Ramirez, but he himself said late last night that he should be fine so thats a relief.

Frederick Alfred Porcello was DEALING as he carried a no-hitter into the 7th inning. I’m sure the 45 minute rain delay didn’t help his case, but we seem to be getting more Cy Young Rick and less MLB Leader in Losses Rick so thats great to see.

As compensation for shielding Joe Kelly from wild haymakers the night before (Sox third base coach Carlos Febles was not so lucky) Aaron Judge was the one to ruin Porcello’s no-no with a double in the 7th inning.

The Sox piled on Sonny Gray early and often, who hasn’t been able to replicate his early career success in the past 3 years. Going into the game Gray was 1-4 with a 4.93 ERA in six career starts vs. Boston, and 0-2 with a 6.75 ERA in three starts at Fenway Park. Sonny had a rough go last night too, getting slapped around for 6 earned runs in 3 innings. Very bad!

The bullpen nearly blew a 6-run lead, but Craig Kimbrel came in and slammed that door shut as the Sox took a 6-3 win. Boston improved to 10-2 and a 2-1 record against the Yankees in the first series of the season. With 16 more games to go it’s going to be awesome watching the bad blood boil over between these two sides as they’re grinding it out for the AL East crown all summer long.

ADDRESSING THE QUESTION ON EVERYONE’S MIND: Did Brad Marchand Lick Leo Komarov?

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Boston.com – Brad Marchand is never afraid to get under an opponent’s skin….The 29-year-old utilized what can best be described as an unorthodox method of trying to take Maple Leafs forward Leo Komarov out of his game. In the midst of some standard pushing and shoving, Marchand drew close to Komarov and even appeared to lick him.

Not since “Who shot J.R?” or “Is Tony Soprano dead?” has the world (Boston) been gripped by a question to this extent. Did Brad Marchand, aka Noseface Killah, the NHL’s greatest agitator, indeed lick an opponent in order to get in his head?

Now this is not only “unorthodox” but it is also extremely unsanitary. The last thing the B’s need is for Marchand to have to sit out with some sort of bacterial infection that stemmed from gland on gland contact. Lots of sweat in saliva in this equation folks and I’m sure there are alllll sorts of germs swimmin around in the sweat of a Toronto-livin, Russian hockey player.

To answer the question, there is only one alternative explanation which is that Marchand was shit-talking Komarov Green-Durant style and that the camera angle made him appear closer and much more licky. That’s really it. If I was Marchand’s Charlie Kelly and I had a background in opponent licking law, that would be my only out.

In reality however, let’s be honest, yes, 63 licked his opponent. And yes he did it to psych him the fuck the out. But he didn’t do it for himself. He didn’t do it for the team. He did it for us, the city of Boston, and for the chance to bring us home a 7th Stanley Cup. That is why our guy licked another grown man.

Playoff hockey man, there’s nothing like it.

Nazem Kadri Needs to Be Suspended for This Scumbag Hit in Game 1 of Bruins, Maple Leafs Series

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So last night Tommy Wingels was on the wrong end of a completely unnecessary cheap shot from Toronto’s Nazem Kadri. Wingels was chasing a puck and boxing out a Maple Leafs player before he lost his balance and ended up on his knees. Nazem Kadri apparently saw this as a ripe opportunity to tee off on Wingels’ cranium.

Thats not even the worst angle either. The video above makes it look like a cheapshot, which is bad enough. The full view though shows Kadri literally sprinting across the ice to really lay into this hit.

Unbelievable. Granted he received a 5 minute major and was ejected from the game, but come on man that hit goes beyond dangerous. Wingels looked like he was on another planet too once he actually picked himself up off the ice.

Well at least Kadri expressed a little remorse after the game right?

“I was committed to the hit and ended up falling,” Kadri said after the game.

Hey look, man, tell me you don’t like my firm, tell me you don’t like my idea, tell me you don’t like my fuckin neck tie, but don’t tell me you brained Tommy Wingels because you were “falling.”

Now he’s clearly going to get suspended, but this shouldn’t just be a one game slap on the wrist. If Marchand gets suspended 5 games for table topping a guy, Kadri needs to get at least that for targeting a defenseless player’s head while also charging across the ice and leaving his feet. Thats a trifecta of unnecessary.

NHL Player Safety‘s list of what’s taken into account when deciding on discipline (literally the first two) pretty accurately describe the hit on Wingels.

“… In deciding on Supplementary Discipline for On-Ice Conduct, the following factors will be taken into account:
(a) The type of conduct involved: conduct in violation of League Playing Rules, and whether the conduct is intentional or reckless, and involves the use of excessive and unnecessary force. Players are responsible for the consequences of their actions.
(b) Injury to the opposing Player(s) involved in the incident.”

Since I don’t really follow Toronto hockey all that closely outside of Auston Matthews goal totals, I’m not super familiar with Kadri’s suspension history. Turns out he’s a habitual line stepper.

  • On November 13, 2013, Kadri delivered an elbow to the head of Minnesota Wild goaltender Niklas Bäckström. As a result, the NHL’s Department of Player Safety handed Kadri a three-game suspension
  • He received four games for illegally checking Edmonton Oilers forward Matt Fraser in the head
  • On April 4, 2016, Kadri was again suspended by the NHL after he delivered a cross-check to the head of Detroit Red Wings centre Luke Glendening. Kadri received a four-game suspension for the incident, effectively ending his season, and as a repeat offender under the collective bargaining agreement he was also fined $200,000.

Throw the book at this dickhead.

Belichick Tells Cordarrelle Patterson “We Get the Job Done Here.” SO Cocky and I Love It.

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NESN – Bill Belichick apparently believes he can unlock Cordarrelle Patterson’s full potential. Patterson, who was traded from the Oakland Raiders to the New England Patriots last month, has been a special teams star during his five-year NFL career but only a sporadic offensive contributor, able to break long gains with his speed and athleticism but lacking consistent production as a receiver or ball-carrier. Belichick hopes to change that. During an appearance Wednesday on NFL Network’s “Good Morning Football,” Patterson recalled the first conversation he had with the Patriots coach after the trade was completed. “He was just telling me, ‘I don’t know what you’ve been through in the past, but we get the job done here,’ ” Patterson said. “‘We’re going to make you the player that you should be.’ ” …“I got a call from my agent, and he was like, ‘You’re getting traded to the Patriots,’ ” Patterson said on “Good Morning Football.” “I was like, ‘Stop lying.’ He was like, ‘No, I’m serious.’ So I was like, ‘OK, let’s go.’ I was excited. They make it to the Super Bowl almost every year … so it was an exciting feeling to me.”

I was having a chat with Joey B yesterday about the Patriots receiving corp for the 2018 season and he expressed some concern about the team’s lack of a deep threat after the trade of Brandin Cooks. Now we do in fact have Cordarrelle Patterson (4.4 second 40 time) and Philip Dorsett (4.3 second 40 time) on the roster so those are your de facto flag route guys.

But, I honestly don’t think the Pats need a pure deep threat and I think thats something they forgot last year as they tried to force balls to Cook down the field. Tom Brady was forced to stand in the pocket longer so those deep routes had time to develop, which resulted in Brady taking more than twice as many sacks (35) than he did the previous year (15). So thats more hits on Brady than you’d like to see your 40-year-old QB take. Plus with their longtime left tackle gone thats an issue you want to mitigate even further so TB12 isn’t susceptible to unnecessary shots. Plus the Patriots have never needed or relied on a prototypical deep threat as part of a Super Bowl winning offense. Its always been about the short routes, working the slot, timing, quick in and out routes, and Gronk when he’s been healthy.

With all of that being said, how can you not love Belichick? He knows all of this, but he’s so cocky in his ability to put players in a position to succeed he straight up tells the guy all your other coaches have been garbage, but we get the job done here. We tell you to Do Your Job and if you worry about that and only that you’ll have the opportunity to maximize your talents. Just look at guys he’s done this with in the past: Julian Edelman, Danny Woodhead, Troy Brown, Deion Lewis, Wes Welker, Chris Hogan etc. The hoodie knows how to take advantage of a player’s very particular set of skills:

Not to mention these guys are often the same guys that have fallen out of favor with their old teams, which is why their stock is so low to begin with. So its a great marriage of opportunity and timing.

Roll the tape!

The MLB Ballpark Quest Final Five

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The quest to see all 30 Major League Baseball ballparks is a pilgrimage for many baseball fans. On Tuesday, Papa Giorgi wrote about his quest to see all 30 Major League ballparks and and shared some thoughts from the first dozen he’s been to. He also mentioned the next three ballparks on his itinerary.

That got me thinking about my itinerary. I’ve already been to eight current (and three former) Major League ballparks, but what would my itinerary look like if I were to start the quest from scratch today? Fenway Park, Camden Yards, Wrigley Field and Petco Park would definitely be at the top of my list. After the first dozen or so ballparks, though, my list would lose focus. Ranking parks like Safeco Field, Chase Field and Busch Stadium on the list would be a total crapshoot.

Rather than arbitrarily rank the ballparks in the middle of my list, why not eliminate some ballparks off the bat? So after some thought, if I were to start my ballpark quest today, here are the ballparks that would be the last five stops of my odyssey:

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26. PROGRESSIVE FIELD Twenty years ago, there wasn’t a seat to be had at Jacobs Field. The Indians sold out a then-record 455 consecutive games from June 12, 1995 to April 2, 2001, but that was a different time. Jacobs Field was brand new, the economy was strong, the Browns were out of football for three seasons and LeBron was still in Akron.

This is not a comment on the park, which by all accounts is beautiful. After some lean years post-Manny, the team is once again a perennial contender under Terry Francona. I’d love to see Tito again, but I’m just not sure when I’ll be driving through Ohio on I-90 again.

27. COMERICA PARK Sorry, Detroit. While it is really cool that all four of Detroit’s pro sports teams play within a mile of each other, I just don’t see myself heading to Detroit anytime soon. Cleveland has the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Minneapolis (Bloomington, actually) has the Mall of America. I’m not sure what would ever bring me to Detroit.

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28. GUARANTEED RATE FIELD The last park built before Camden Yards and the retro ballpark movement, it’s hard to believe that new Comiskey Park Guaranteed Rate Field is just 27 years old. Maybe that’s because, despite its (relatively) young age, this ballpark has already undergone several rounds of extensive renovations.

I was in Chicago for a bachelor party a few years ago when the White Sox were at home and the Cubs were on the road. I drove 90 minutes north to the see the Brewers at Miller Park rather than head to the South Side. A boring team at a bland ballpark means it might be a while before I venture to the South Side.

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29. ROGERS CENTRE If I were a 19-year-old sophomore at Syracuse University I would make the trek to Rogers Centre in a heartbeat to enjoy some poutine and Labatt Blue. As a grown ass man, I don’t have the same desire to visit the original retractable roof.

While SkyDome was the first stadium to feature a retractable roof, it was the last stadium built to accommodate both baseball and football. This stadium looks like a concrete tomb on the outside, and feels more like a relic of the days of multi-purpose stadiums than the retractable roof trailblazer it was. Factor in how expensive international flights are, even to Canada, and it’s unlikely I ever visit this ballpark unless I’m invited to a wedding at Niagara Falls some summer.

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30. OAKLAND-ALAMEDA COUNTY COLISEUM Literally the biggest shit hole in the league. The A’s have been trying to get out of this place for more than a decade, so why would I visit willingly? The only thing the Coliseum has going for it is its proximity to AT&T Park. AT&T Park is a top ten park. The only way I see myself ever going to the Coliseum is if the A’s are at home the same weekend I go to see a Giants game.

Please realize that this is not a straight up ranking of the ballparks. If so, Tropicana Field would be in my bottom five. The five ballparks above are just the last five ballparks I plan to visit. If Tropicana Field were in Pittsburgh it would be on my list, but because Tampa in late March or April sounds delightful it is not.

If it seems like there is an East Coast or West Coast bias, it’s because of how many ballparks can be knocked out on one trip down I-95 or the Pacific Coast Highway. Money would no doubt be a factor on my quest and checking off more than one park per trip would be a borderline requirement. That’s what makes the AL Central such a challenge. If Minnesota still had the Metrodome, four of my last five trips would be to the AL Central.

If you’re reading this list in St. Louis obviously your feelings will be different. Seattle might be the moon to you. I did the best I could to put my coastal biases aside and just figure out which stops would be the hardest to make, and thus last. If you feel differently, let me know in the comments or hit me up on Twitter @The300sBigZ

Today In Local News: New Hampshire Dad Says Two Little League Coaches Conspired To Bean His Daughter

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Boston.com– A youth sports organization is investigating a man’s allegations that two baseball coaches talked about a plan to hurt his 11-year-old daughter, the only girl on her team, to force her to quit the program….He said two other coaches at the meeting who found the discussion inappropriate told him about the conversation, which they said took place during a draft meeting to assign players to team rosters last month.

With the risk of being a little offensive, I feel like the following statement is necessary to educate those not in the know and thus provide them with the appropriate context for both the story and this blog. You see kids it goes like this: New Hampshire and Maine aggregate to become what is basically the Florida of the Northeast. There, I said it. When you see a story as batshit as this you tend to eye it with some skepticism, but then see it originated from the 603 or the 207 and say, “Oop, that makes sense then.”

This one in particular has a little bit of everything. You got some bean ball, now considered plain dangerous by most but still considered an interesting bit of gamesmanship by yours truly. You have some sexism, directed at a juvenile in a public forum no less. You have a head of a little league who is choosing this fiasco as the hill he chooses to die on apparently as he seems to want to conduct an FBI-level investigation before ousting these assholes. When all is said and done, what we have here in the Live Free or Die State is a big ol’ “he said, they said” over whether or not a couple of little league coaches instructed their pitchers to headhunt an 11 year old girl in order to force her out of the league. With no sarcasm intended I say that nothing says “New England” (Connecticut you don’t count) like a completely misdirected, bloated competitive spirit mixed in with some bigotry.

Hope you get to keep your guns, sorry you have small dicks.

-Joey B.

Red Sox vs Yankees II: THE RIVALRY IS OFFICIALLY BACK

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It took yearrs, but the Red Sox Yankees rivalry is officially back after last night. That game had everything. A ton of hits, a few four baggers, wild momentum swings, oh and Joe Kelly inciting a legitimate benches clearing brawl after nailing that dickhead Tyler Austin. The benches cleared once earlier in the game after Austin spiked Brock Holt on a takeout slide at second. That was really more guys arguing than anything else.

But, Joe Kelly don’t play that shit. After nearly hitting Austin in the top of the 7th, Kelly went right back to it and nailed him two pitches later. Austin smashed his bat in his rage and after taking a few steps towards Kelly he charged the mound. But Kelly, this man goes into the GIF Hall of Fame with an all-time reaction.

Before we move on, I have to just touch on this guy Tyler Austin. A motherfucking star was born last night. Just look at this guy.

Incredibly hatable. This guy is destined to be the next great dickhead Yankee that we all love to hate. In the same roid rage filled vein as Jason Giambi and Gary Sheffield. The dude clearly and deliberately spikes Holt breaking up a double play and then flips out when Holt calls him out for it.

Then rather than taking his medicine like a man after getting beaned, he smashes his bat and charges the mound before getting body bagged by Joe Kelly. This kid may only be a career .239 hitter, but if he can stay in the lineup I will take great joy in booing him all year long.

Back to the actual game!

I gotta give the Sox credit for not only physically assaulting the Yankees, but for fighting back from an early 8-1 hole to make a game out of it.

Andddd David Price might be hurt. He got hammered for 4 runs in the first inning, getting slapped around like he was Fredo going against the family. After getting out of the inning he immediately walked down the tunnel and the Sox trainers raced after him. Still no idea what actually happened, but he left the game apparently after experiencing “sensation in his left hand.”

So what was supposed to be another pitching duel was yet again derailed in Game 2 of this series. After Price left the game the Sox trotted out basically everyone in the pen: Bobby Poyner, Heath Hembree, Matt Barnes, Joe Kelly (my man), Brian Johnson, and Carson Smith.

(This is what I wrote during the game BEFORE Kelly beaned Austin): For the first time in what seems like years there appears to be some genuine dislike between these two teams and that is awesome to see. It was bound to happen as both teams have been up and down, but now both are starting to get really good at the same time with a core of young players that came up in each team’s farm system. This is what this rivalry needs. Both teams being good helps, but both teams legitimately disliking each other is what will ultimately light the fuse.

After the Austin/Holt slide you could tell Pedroia was just itching to get out there and scrap it up as cameras caught him giving an absolute death stare to the entire Yankees bench since ya know his knee is still fucked after being on the receiving end of a very similar play last year.

El Gary was beating the Sox brains in all night with 2 dingers including a 2-run HR in the first and another 2-run HR in the 4th to put the Sox in an 8-1 hole, but luckily for us Masahiro Tanaka imploded in the 5th giving up 5 runs.

How about JD Just Dingers Martinez breaking out in a big way too? 24 hours after missing his first grand slam as a member of the Sox by the length of a hotdog, he crushed one to center field to claim what was rightfully his.

The Sox then proceeded to throw the ball around like a bunch of assholes though. Vazquez chucked a ball into CF on a steal attempt and then a pass ball that smoked the ump in the facemask trickled away, which gave the Yankees a free pass to third base twice. Those immediately came back to bite the Sox in the ass for 2 easy runs, and that 10-6 lead was ultimately what put the nail in their coffin.

I know its early, but if the first two games of this series are any indication this year of Red Sox vs Yankees is going to be a lot more fun than its been in a long time. And for that I am thankful.

Red Sox vs Yankees I: A Beatdown in Boston

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The first of 19 matchups between the Red Sox and the Yankees kicked off last night and it was a coming out party for the Boston offense. The Sox dropped two touchdowns on the Yanks in their first meeting. Thats 14 runs for those that don’t partake in American football. Going into the game it seemed like it would be a pitchers duel between two guys in Chris Sale and Luis Severino who had allowed 3 runs combined and a total of 29 K’s between the two to start the year. Chris Sale continued his excellent start to the year going 6 innings, giving up 1 run and striking out 8 while FINALLY getting his first win of the year. We all know its an arbitrary stat, but I’d love to see Sale get the 20+ wins he deserves, assuming the bullpen and the offense does their job this year.

Meanwhile Severino got curb stomped for 5 runs in 5 innings and that was before the Red Sox *really* broke it open later in the game. How the hell did Severino get hit so hard? Well the ESPN broadcast booth noticed that he might have actually been tipping his pitches, showing replays with his hands being closer to his belt or farther away depending on if he was throwing a fastball or an offspeed pitch. So while I would love to dance on Severino’s grave, I’m sure that’ll be the first thing the Yankees fix and he’ll be spinning zeroes next time he takes the mound.

Giancarlo Stanton continued his historic strikeout pace with another pair of Ks courtesy of Chris Sale. This guy looks lost out there. He looks like he’s trying to crush everything out of the park so he’s swinging out of his shoes. I’m no hitting coach, but even I noticed last night how he looks halfway out of the box before he’s even through his swing like he’s goddamn Ichiro.

I must admit this is immensely gratifying to watch as a Sox fan who was pretty bullshit the Yankees swooped in and stole another megastar home run masher in his prime when the Sox could have [and should have] had him (i.e. A-Rod).

To make it even more satisfying, our statistically similar, for a third of the price, power hitter JD Martinez broke out in a big way with a towering double that if it was hit literally 2 feet to the right would have been a grand slam. Either way it broke the game open as the Sox piled it on, including an actual grand slam later on from Mookie Betts, who was rewarded for his efforts with an awkward interview with his best friend!

Farrell has been decent in the booth, but I have to give him credit for not losing his shit on Steve Levy last night.

After getting crushed all day on the radio, specifically by Tony Mazz who went out of his way to say the guy sucked defensively, the Brock Star was flashing the leather rather impressively last night.

The Sox were firing on all cylinders though with 8 different players crossing the plate, Mookie went 4-for-4, JD had a huge double, Sale was lights out, Hanley was even stealing bases like it was 2006 for christ’s sake.

Red Sox vs Yankees II is tonight and this one might be the pitching duel we had hoped for last night as Masahiro Tanaka comes in with a 1-1 record to go along with a 2.92 ERA and 15 K’s. He’s taking on a seemingly rejuvenated David Price who has yet to allow a run this season to go along with his 10 K’s and he looks to have really built on the momentum from his dominant run as the most expensive relief pitcher in MLB history during the playoffs.